This is a pretty random mini story that popped into my head the other day. You know the song "For Good" from Wicked? This is loosely based off of that. This is from Shawn's point of view. The next chapter will be from Juliet's point of view. There may or may not be a third chapter where they get together. I haven't decided yet. Please review! Thanks!
WARNING: Spoilers from "Bounty Hunters" and "You Can't Handle This Episode" "Spelling Bee" and "Death is in the Air".
Disclaimer- I have no ownership over Psych whatsoever.
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Ever since I was a kid, I've tried my hardest to hide my emotions. It's always annoyed the heck out of Gus. He doesn't like it that, as my best friend, he can't tell what I'm feeling most of the time.
He actually asked me why I did that once. It was a couple of years ago. Right after my mom came home. Gus knows that my relationship with my parents is… complicated. I guess he must've figured that I'd be a little off with my mom coming back and seeing her with my dad. I felt vulnerable and I didn't like it. So I did what I always do: I pretended like nothing was going on.
"Shawn, are you okay?" He asked me out of the blue one day.
"No." I said, frustrated.
"What's wrong? You want to talk about it?"
"Dude, I used TiVo to record like, ten episodes of the mentalist and they're all gone." I swear there were lasers shooting out of his eyes.
"Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?" I asked innocently.
"You know what I'm talking about, Shawn. Any time I try to get you to talk to me about what's going on in your life you shut me out. Why do you do that?" I could tell that he was upset. I felt bad, really, I did. But what was I supposed to do? Tear down the walls that I had been working to build for basically my entire life? No. I wasn't about to do that.
"That's not true, Gus! Just the other day you asked me what I had for lunch. I told you! I didn't shut you out!" Gus just glared at me and stomped out of the room.
The truth is that there are thousands of reasons that I hide what I'm feeling. It saves you from looking stupid. It saves you from looking naïve. And most of all it saves you from getting hurt. This is where Juliet comes in.
Explaining how I feel about Juliet would be like trying to explain how Scottie Ferguson feels about Judy Barton, only without all the creepy stuff (no I don't miss the irony in that). The second I saw her sitting in that diner I just knew that there was something special about her
The way she talks, walks, smiles, even the way she breathes gives me butterflies. And that is definitely not something that I am used to experiencing. From the beginning up until now I had no idea how to approach the situation before me. Do I try and start something with her? Do I completely ignore her? Completely clueless as to what to do, I, being myself, would flirt with her. Not in a serious way, just a light kind of playful way. It was my way of showing how I felt. I do realize that that probably makes absolutely no sense. To be honest it makes no sense to me either. I pretty much told her how I felt, but in a silly way. It was how I protected myself. If she felt the same way, then I could tell her that I was serious. If she rejected me, I could claim that I wasn't.
Of course I had to go off and kill it. The 'close talking' incident left me with mixed emotions. On one side, I knew that Jules felt something for me, however small. Her eyes, body language and smile told me that. She wanted me to kiss her, but the professional part of her wouldn't let her. Which brings us to the downside.
"If you're doing what it looks like you're doing it's gonna be one of those things we were just talking about."
"What's that?"
"A mistake."
A mistake. Those words echo in my head anytime I think about the possibility of us getting together. Part of me knows that she's right. Our work situation would complicate things. The other part of me wants to screw it all.
Jules means more to me than any other girl I've ever been with. And I haven't even been with her. She's sweet and funny and understands a lot of my references. Even after all these years she still surprises me. Every day with her is an adventure. That's exactly what I need.
After sometime, though, I started to give up. I thought that nothing would ever happen between us because Juliet wouldn't let it. That is why I ended up calling Abigail that morning instead of Jules. I'd convinced myself that I needed to move on. Yes, I do realize that I'm an idiot.
When she asked me to dinner, I wanted to say yes. I wanted to say yes so badly it was painful. But what was I supposed to do? I couldn't leave Abigail again. That wouldn't be fair. Abigail is a great girl. Were the circumstances different we could've been great together. That didn't make watching Jules walk out the door any less painful.
For a time things between Juliet and I were awkward. We both knew how we felt about each other, but we couldn't do anything about it. It's not that I wasn't happy being with Abby. I was, really. But every now and then my mind would stray to Juliet. How could it not? Feelings like that don't just go away. Then Abigail had to go off and help the children of Uganda. I knew the relationship was falling apart because our communication skills basically suck. We were over and I knew it. But still had to wait for Abby to get back so I could end it.
When I thought that Juliet was going to die, my entire world began to collapse around me. I knew that I had to tell her how I felt. I needed her to know that our relationship meant more to me than just playful flirting.
Just the fact that I almost told her is proof that this girl does things to my mind. I wasn't that guy. I'm not that guy. I'm not the guy who tells girls how he feels. I don't open up to others. But it's different with Jules. She makes me different. She makes me better. I'm a better man because I met her.
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What do you think? Be honest. I was really questioning whether or not to post this. So please, if you liked it review! If I don't end up getting reviews I think that I'm going to just discontinue this. It's really iffy anyways. Thanks for reading!