Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin
A/N: The promised RivaMika / LeviMika side-fic to Losing Control is here. I'm sorry it took so long (like a year) and I'm sorry it might not be up to my usual standard. I wrote bits and pieces of it, but I'm currently overwhelmed with work, so I can't quite collate it as well as I would have liked. But I figured I may as well upload it because apparently according to tumblr it's RivaMika week(?)
This isn't going to make much sense to anyone who hasn't read Losing Control, which is a multi-chapter longass ErenMika fic. I'm sorry. I know most RivaMika shippers wouldn't want to bother reading that, so really this will only appeal to multishippers. And if you multiship, I'd recommend you read LC first because this is a basically a collection of moments from it, with a RivaMika twist, and some attempts at continuity in between. Or you can read this and try to enjoy it regardless?
LC has Levi and Mikasa related as Ackermans (though Mikasa doesn't know yet) but this side fic is steering clear of that topic altogether. It's up to you whether they're related or the last name thing is a coincidence.
Also, the ErenMika in this is one-sided from Eren's side (mentioned only) because I am trash for Mikasa having a harem of boys that suffer from unrequited love. Just assume she got over him at some point and all the ErenMika moments in LC never happened.
Again, I hope this isn't too jarring for most people who haven't read/forgot what happens in LC (my fault for the inexcusably long wait between updates)
Rated M for sMut(ish).
I put chapter numbers before the 'moments' in case you want to go back and compare to/read over LC, hope that's not too jarring to the overall structure for the rest of you. I just thought it'd be helpful if you knew where exactly in the LC timeline the incident was occurring.
:::
- Chapter 4 -
"We need to stop him before they get past the boundary of his village," Levi told Mikasa as they sped through the air.
The rest of the troops pulled back on Hanji's orders. They could see the forms of the Ape Titan and the Female Titan in the distance, about a hundred meters ahead of Eren's.
A stray Titan attacked Eren as he chased them. He disposed of the creature easily enough, but the few seconds it had taken served to increase the distance between him and the other two Titan shifters.
To Levi, who wanted the other two as far away as possible, this was an advantage.
"Faster," Levi urged before picking up the pace, Mikasa following suit.
They were just a few meters behind Eren now as he raced along the narrow streets of the village, carving a path of destruction in his wake.
"Oi, Eren!" Levi called. "We're retreating! Get your ass back here!"
Eren paid him no heed, simply continuing his pursuit of the shifters.
"Eren!" Mikasa tried. "Come on! We're falling back! Listen to me!"
It was no use.
"He probably can't hear us amidst all the roaring," Mikasa said. "Let me go to him."
"So he's deaf and stupid," Levi remarked. "Fine then. Go get him."
Mikasa nodded, putting on an extra burst of speed. She landed lightly on Eren's shoulder, pulling his long hair back.
Eren snorted, inclining his head slightly. He had finally taken notice of her.
Mikasa reached a hand out to touch his cheek.
"Eren-"
Levi didn't even see it coming. Mikasa was reaching towards him when Eren suddenly jerked his head in her direction, gnashing viciously at her with his teeth.
"Mikasa!" Levi shot forwards, catching her as she fell backwards through the air.
She seemed too shocked to maneuver herself at that moment, and Levi swerved sharply away as Eren's fist came sailing towards them. He sped along the rooftops, Eren pounding along behind them, roaring.
"Heichou…" Mikasa asked weakly.
"Wait," he said tightly, swinging them behind a large building.
They stood pressed against the wall on the rooftop. Levi covered Mikasa's mouth with his hand, preventing her from calling out as Eren rushed past them. The Titan shifter growled as two smaller Titans sprung at him from below like frogs.
Levi pulled his hand down then, turning to Mikasa and gripping her shoulders.
"Mikasa –" he began, and then froze, his entire body going cold.
Mikasa's face was drained of all color, and she was staring at her hand in shock, trembling violently, her eyes wide.
"Fuck," Levi swore.
A good chunk of Mikasa's hand had been bitten off: three of her fingers, and a part of her palm as well. All that was left was a mangled mess of flesh, soaked in crimson blood that flowed down her arm in rivulets, dripping to the ground.
It was even staining his white shirt, but for once, Levi didn't care about that.
He couldn't help but stare at what was left of her hand – a bleeding stump, an index finger and a thumb –
She was humanity's second strongest soldier. She was the only person who could match me…
"E-Eren – " Mikasa's voice was broken when she said his name, and tears leaked out of her eyes.
"Mikasa…"
Levi didn't know what to say then, but he ripped off his cravat and took what was left of her hand in own, binding it tightly with the cloth.
"That – that should stem the blood flow, at least," he said.
"Heichou," Mikasa whispered, her tortured eyes finally meeting his, "Eren – I only ever tried to protect him – "
She sounded so heartbroken, and Levi bit his lip.
There was no way she would be able to operate a 3DMG with one hand – it would ruin her balance, and it was far too dangerous.
"Mikasa. We need to get out of here. Now," Levi told her.
"But – but – Eren – "
Don't tell me she still wants to go to him?!
"Mikasa," Levi took a deep breath. "Before the mission, Hanji-san – she warned me this might happen."
"What – what do you mean?"
"I don't know the exact details myself," Levi said, "but there's no way we can deal with Eren in his current state. That's why I kept telling him not to transform. It's happened before, with Titan shifters. Every transformation takes a toll on the body; on the mind. It takes great willpower to control the Titan. And after a certain number of transformations, the human body's ability, and the human mind's ability to control the Titan… erodes…"
"What are you saying?"
Mikasa reeled forwards, faint from the blood loss, and Levi caught her in his arms, holding her securely against him. Her hair tickled his jaw, and he fixed his eyes on a spot on the wall across from them, continuing the explanation in a monotonous voice.
"Eventually the Titan takes over, completely. The human becomes so deeply entrenched within the flesh of the Titan. Beyond a certain point, the physical human body gets entirely absorbed into the Titan one. It can't transform back, because there's no body to transform back into." Levi took a deep breath, unable to meet Mikasa's eyes as he narrated what Hanji had told him.
"That's the point where you can't distinguish Titan shifters from what we call normal Titans – in fact – " Levi felt bile rise to the back of his throat, and he loathed to say the next words to her. "Hanji thinks that all Titans were once Titan shifters. Humans who were too weak to control their Titan forms. Over the years, they degenerated into what they are today. Human-eating monsters."
Mikasa pushed herself away from him with her good hand, her eyes wide.
"You're saying – you're saying – Eren's going to become like – like them?"
"I'm not saying that," Levi said quickly. "It may not necessarily happen. Eventually, he may regain control. But you can't abandon the possibility that right now, he's just as dangerous."
"Eventually," Mikasa said softly. "It's Eren. He wants to kill them. I know him. He won't give into it. He's strong. He'll fight. He'll fight to win."
Her voice was weak, and Levi had to strain to hear her words.
"Mikasa, we have no time. You've lost too much blood. We need to get you back."
"But – what about – Eren?" Mikasa asked, "You can't – mean to leave him – here by himself… the others are still – out there – they may kidnap him… "
"Mikasa, you're growing weak," Levi said, "You can't use 3DMG in this state. I'll carry you back."
"N-no!" she resisted. "Eren-"
"I'll come back for him," Levi locked his eyes with hers. "I promise, Mikasa. Once I get you back to Hanji and the other troops, I'll leave the very next minute. I'll find him, cut him out, and bring him back."
"It'll take too long," Mikasa shook her head. "By then – who knows –"
"Stop worrying about him for once in your fucking life and worry about yourself!" Levi snapped, losing his patience. "Look at the state you're in, Mikasa! Don't you care about your own life?!"
"Eren – Eren is my life…"
"Fine," he told her roughly. "You may not. But I do, and as your commanding officer –"
He didn't finish his sentence though, as a ten meter class Titan suddenly shot out towards them, leaping onto the roof.
Levi let go of Mikasa and sprang into the air, blades whirling. The Titan collapsed to the ground in a heap, but a moment later, another one came jogging towards him, its arms waving wildly.
"Fucking deviants," Levi cursed, finishing it off.
He heard a bloodcurdling roar behind him and spun around.
Eren had found them, and was bearing down upon Mikasa, green eyes gleaming wildly.
Levi raced towards them.
Eren slammed his fist towards Mikasa, but she managed to jump to the side. She swung into the air then, making a shaky arc. She was entirely off balance, able to fire only one of her pistons and grappling hooks. She stumbled onto Eren's head, clumsily.
"Mikasa!" Levi raced towards her.
"Eren!" Mikasa leaned down and pounded on his head with her good fist. "Eren, it's me, Mikasa. Eren, please –"
"Mikasa!" Levi shouted. Get away from him this instant! That's an order!"
"Eren, I'm your family," Mikasa pleaded him. "Why are you doing this to me?"
Eren swung at her again, and this time Mikasa was unable to dodge his fist.
Levi's heart nearly stopped as she smashed onto the roof, tumbling down.
She would have landed in the mouth of a waiting Titan then, if Levi hadn't swerved in her direction and pulled her out of harm's way at the last minute.
"For fuck's sake, Mikasa! Listen to my orders!"
Mikasa didn't respond, but there were tears running down her face.
"We're going," Levi began, but it seemed that Eren had other plans for them, as he charged at them again.
Levi grabbed Mikasa and leapt up, dodging both of Eren's fists.
Why the fuck is he so insistent on chasing us?!
Another Titan chose that moment to jump at them, and Levi had no choice but to shift his weight immediately to alter his flight path, narrowly avoiding its deadly jaws. To his dismay, Eren chose this moment to send a fist flying towards them. With Mikasa weighing him down, there was no way for him to dodge in time.
Levi twisted enough so that the blow wasn't lethal, but Eren was too fast, and his punch caught Levi's leg just as he swung away.
"Fuck!" Levi hissed in pain, the blood draining from his face, as he felt the bone crack.
He and Mikasa crashed heavily onto a nearby roof.
"Heichou!" Mikasa gasped, scrambling off of him and standing up.
"It's the same leg," he grunted, using the wall as support to stand up himself. "I never even gave it a chance to heal properly."
Excruciating pain shot up his leg and he had to lean heavily against the wall in order not to crash back down.
Fortunately, Eren seemed to have gotten bored of them, and was busy squashing a squealing five meter class under his foot.
"Let me try again once more," Mikasa begged. "Let me go to him one more time."
"Are you fucking senile, Mikasa?! Do you want your head bitten off this time?"
"But heichou - "
"It's suicide, Mikasa!"
"It - it's a risk I'm willing to take." Her dark eyes were shining with unshed tears, and she looked determined, though Levi could tell that she was pale from all the bloodloss.
He gripped her arms, fingers digging into her shirt. "That may be so, but it's not a risk I'm not willing to take."
"What do you mean?"
"I've lost enough - comrades already," Levi said carefully, gritting his teeth as his grip on her grew tighter. "I won't lose you too."
Mikasa's gaze softened. "Heichou, I - "
"You may not care about whether you live or die, Mikasa, but I do. Eren's life may mean more to you than your own, but for me…" Levi trailed off, biting his lip as another flare of pain shot up his leg.
Mikasa's eyes bore into his, searching. "For you?"
In the distance, Eren let out a pained roar - a Titan had latched itself to his neck. Mikasa's face immediately grew panicked and she began squirming in Levi's tight embrace. "He's hurt, let me go - "
"You're being irrational."
"But, heichou Eren is - "
Levi cut her off then, with a kiss. He didn't know what possessed him to do it - perhaps it was the most effective way to cut her off, to distract her, to calm her at that point, before she went and did something irreversibly stupid.
His lips slanted over hers, and it was a hard kiss, searing and hot. Mikasa felt her heart leap wildly and added with the blood loss, the sudden swoop of exhilaration was enough to make her faint - but Levi had a strong hold on her, his arms tight. For a few seconds, she just let him kiss her, too stunned to comprehend what was happening, too caught up in the sudden hardness that had enveloped her - the firmness of his chest, the hot wetness of his mouth.
And then he pulled away, just as suddenly, and Mikasa stared at him, at a loss of words, wondering why her heart was pounding in her chest so.
"Mikasa," Levi said breathlessly. "Fuck - I - "
He couldn't finish his sentence, because a Titan fist came flying in their direction.
Levi threw his arms around Mikasa, hurling them both out of the way. They tumbled down the rooftop, and Levi just managed to hold on to the edge so that they didn't fall down entirely.
They'd lost Eren - temporarily - but he could not afford to break more bones, or have a bad fall in this state.
Levi hauled himself up, relying on his arm strength, and Mikasa managed as well - with one hand and her legs.
"You need to get out of here," Levi hissed, letting go of her once they had managed to climb over. He could feel her stunned gaze on him, but couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes.
"Mikasa!"
Both soldiers looked up, and Levi was hit with a flood of relief.
Despite the circumstances, he had never been more happy in his life to see Jean Kirschtein.
Jean alighted on the roof, his eyes wide. "Mikasa?! What happened - her hand - "
Mikasa began struggling to stand up, and Levi gave a sigh of frustration.
This is only going to give her another reason to add to her list of why she wants me dead.
He didn't have a choice though, and yanking out his gas cannister, Levi whacked her hard on the head.
Jean's amber eyes grew eyes, his expression dumbfounded.
Mikasa hadn't expected it, wouldn't have expected it - and with her blood loss, she was already likely on the verge of fainting. It wasn't an especially hard hit (though Levi had still hesitated) and it had knocked her out cleanly.
Jean continued to gape at him, his mouth moving wordlessly.
"She would have chased after him and nothing you could have said or done would have stopped her," Levi finally said, his face tight. "This will give her a concussion, but it'll guarantee she doesn't get herself killed. Take her back and have her injuries looked at immediately. Go."
"Y-yes sir," Jean said, leaning down to scoop up Mikasa in his arms. Levi's eyes followed his actions, her limp figure, the blood that had soaked the makeshift bandages around her hand and had started to drip onto the roof.
"Hurry."
"Yes sir. But what about Eren? And your leg - "
"I said go."
"But how will you - "
"Now. It's an order."
- Chapter 6 -
Levi leaned on his crutches, hesitating. He was outside Mikasa's room and it was nearly midnight. She ought to be asleep by now, he reasoned, but that was his whole point of visiting so late. He wanted to see her - but he also wasn't quite ready to face her.
He had kissed her after all, suddenly, out of the blue. He reasoned that he had only been trying to distract her from Eren; it had worked temporarily, and what had she done after that? Gotten herself into the kind of catastrophe that he had so badly wanted to prevent. Shit. I think I may have hit on her a few times during the Shiganshina mission, Levi realized with horror, before dismissing it. Mikasa wouldn't care about that; they had more pressing unresolved issues between them.
Namely the kiss.
Levi wondered how he was going to talk his way out of that one. Telling the truth wasn't an option, since he wasn't quite sure what the truth was, wasn't quite sure about the exact nature of his emotions towards her.
I need to man up and grow a pair, he finally resolved, turning the handle to Mikasa's door.
She was asleep as he had expected, but not alone.
"Le-Levi heichou!" Jean looked rather embarrassed as he jumped up from his chair in the corner of the room where he was sitting.
"How long have you been there?"
"Just - just five minutes or so," Jean lied. "She - she just fell asleep. I was about to leave."
"It's far past your bedtime," Levi told him, making his way over to the chair. "If I find you slacking off at training tomorrow it will be a week of scrubbing the toilets for you."
Grumbling, a disgruntled Jean trudged off, leaving Levi alone with Mikasa.
He sat there, for a few minutes, simply watching her sleep. She looked so calm, so at ease, so delicate almost. Levi felt that strong sense of protectiveness well up in him yet again.
But he had failed her yet again, he realized sadly, his eyes lingering to the wrappings that covered the stump where her hand should have been.
I'm being as much of a creep as Jean, sitting here like this and looking at her.
Levi scooted his chair closer to her bed, still not daring to wake her. He wasn't ready to tell her, and he wasn't even sure how she would react.
After a few moments, Levi reached forwards, his fingers brushing her bangs out of her eyes, tracing the scar along her cheek.
Never again, he swore to himself. As long as I'm alive, I won't let you suffer even a single injury, ever again. Not you.
He realized, a lump growing in his throat, that over time, even against his will, Mikasa had somehow become precious to him. And he had already lost too many precious people.
Mikasa forced herself to keep her breathing even as her heart beat sporadically in her chest. Levi's fingers were rough, but his touch was gentle, so gentle, as he traced along her face. She wondered if she should open her eyes, say something - but then she heard the scrape of a chair. By the time she had opened her eyes, he was already at the door, his back to her. The door shut with a soft click, but Mikasa could still feel her heart racing.
What's happening to me? Why am I feeling like this? It's - Levi-heichou… I used to hate him. Even if that's changed now, he's my superior officer… I can't, I shouldn't, I'm not allowed to - and yet…
After Eren left, Levi wondered why he'd been so… nice to the boy.
It wasn't like him to listening to the angsting of some stupid teen. Especially when that teen clearly had some kind of unresolved romantic feelings for the girl Levi himself had just kissed.
Would you still look up to me so much, Eren, if you knew I kissed the girl you've liked for years? Would you still admire me? Or would I be the same as Jean to you?
It had been a mistake.
Levi had known all along, that Mikasa loved Eren. He had also deduced - even if neither Eren nor Mikasa had - that Eren had feelings for Mikasa, deep feelings, strong feelings, and most certainly non-platonic feelings.
The brat was just too stupid to admit or express them properly.
And yet, knowing that… why did I do it? Why did I come between them?
It had just been to distract her, Levi told himself. No other reason.
Why else would he be helping Eren with his stupid relationship issues? Was it because he felt guilty for his transgression, and was trying to subconsciously alleviate his guilt?
Sorry I kissed the girl you're after, but here's some advice about how you can get closer to her to make up for it.
Yes, that was the reason. He was clearly on Eren's side. He wasn't going to steal Mikasa away or anything. Besides, Mikasa wouldn't let herself get stolen.
But she hadn't pushed away. He had pulled away first.
Levi buried his head in his hands, his thumbs pressing at his scalp.
I can't think like this. She was too shocked, she was weak, she was suffering bloodloss, she didn't even have two hands to push me away with…
And yet…
It doesn't matter what she did. I did something I shouldn't have. Something I wouldn't have, had it not been the most effective way to shut her up and keep her away from Eren, at that moment.
There was no other reason. And it had worked. It had shut her up, and distracted her sufficiently. He hadn't planned it, and he certainly didn't have an ulterior motive.
If I felt anything in Shiganshina…
No. That wasn't a line of thought he was even going to entertain.
We're soldiers. We live to kill Titans. There's nothing more and there never will be. Not for me, not for her… and probably, not even for Eren.
It was probably a good thing that his leg was broken, because he would have trashed the room Erwin had confined him to otherwise.
Then again, had his leg not been broken, he wouldn't have been in the room in the first place.
He would have been outside - finding her - killing Titans.
Who the fuck does she think she is?! Stupid brat. Brainless, stupid, emotionally-driven brat.
She was still injured. Her ribs hadn't healed fully. She lacked a functional hand.
How dare she leave the castle premises without informing anyone, without even informing him.
Levi could guess that she had gone training… and yet, he found it strange that she would run off on her own.
He had trained her after all. Wasn't she supposed to come to him for advice? Ask him for a way? He had been thinking about it after all: if there was any way of modifying the 3DMG for one-handed use.
He hadn't been able to come up with anything, but he would have expected she would have at least asked him.
Once he had started training her personally, she trusted him fully when it came to fighting. She had always asked him about things like that, asked him to train her.
Then again, given the stunt I pulled with her last time… it's not surprising if she's avoiding me.
Levi's hand tightened around a chair, and eventually, giving in to his frustration, he hurled it out of the window.
The crash wasn't heard amidst the chaos outside and the mountain fear and feeling of nauseousness within him did not abate even slightly.
How the fuck is there even a Titan attack here? At this time?
It was the worse timing. Mikasa was injured. He was out of commission. And Levi derived little solace from the idea that Eren had been with her.
To put it frankly, he didn't trust Eren.
He trusted the kid's intentions, yes. Eren would certainly want to protect Mikasa.
But Levi didn't trust his skill with 3DMG, nor his ability to control his power. Especially after he had seen the disaster that had unfurled last time, right in front of his eyes.
And he hadn't been able to stop it either.
He wanted to trust in Eren. The kid was going through hell, and Levi couldn't imagine the guilt he was feeling, probably outweighing Levi's own.
Eren… if you… if something happens to her… I'll ruin you… and her… I'll -
Erwin was clearly touched in the head. Mikasa was the one who needed guards by her room, not him.
Frustrated, Levi paced along his room on his crutches - leg be damned.
Eren… Mikasa…
- Chapter 7 -
"Sorry to interrupt your hot date," Levi announced, limping into the room a few minutes later and dropping himself onto the chair next to Eren.
"What the heck – this isn't – " Eren began, spluttering incoherently as his face grew red.
"Heichou." Mikasa managed to keep her voice calm and her face straight, though her heart was hammering at his sudden appearance; she hadn't spoken to him since… since he had kissed her, actually. After all, she had been pretending to be asleep when he had visited her in the hospital room. "Is it just me, or have you grown shorter?"
Eren laughed, as Levi fixed Mikasa with a glower.
"And you're as much of an incorrigible brat as before. That's no way to talk to your superior."
Mikasa bowed her head slightly. "You're right. I was out of line. My apologies."
Levi was acting the same as before - commanding, snarky, slightly condescending. She should have been relieved. After all, it wasn't like she expected him to bring up what had happened before - the kiss - especially not in front of Eren.
Levi shot a still-sniggering Eren a dirty look, before turning back to Mikasa, his expression softening. "How are you holding up?"
"I'm fine," Mikasa said, unable to meet his eyes.
The feeling of his lips seemed to be permanently branded onto hers, and she had a sudden image of his eyes - intense, smouldering, a mix of anger and desperation - as he pulled her towards him right before kissing her.
"I know how frustrating it is, not being able to use it, you know," Levi murmured. "Not being able to fight. Of course, mine is only a temporary injury so I can't imagine how much it sucks for you."
Mikasa said nothing, her gaze falling to the floor.
"As for you," Levi turned to Eren. "Heard you discovered a fancy-ass new power, huh? You can control Titans?"
"I believe so, heichou."
He was treating her normally - he was acting like it had never happened, and was giving her a chance to do the same.
Mikasa should have been grateful. She didn't want to deal with these new unwanted, conflicted feelings after all.
And yet, the entire time he spoke to Eren, she couldn't help but wish that he'd just look at her - once more - with that same, burning glance. Or that he'd reach out once, and touch her, stroke her cheek again…
You're being stupid, Mikasa chastised herself. It's Levi-heichou, he would never…
The next time he bumped into her alone, one night, in one of the corridors, Levi's mood was a lot darker.
Mikasa seemed to sense the fury radiating from him, but didn't back away, though she also refused to meet his glower.
"Heichou?" she finally asked, after he had glared at her silently for a few seconds. "Is something wrong - "
"Is something wrong?" his voice was dangerously soft, as all his previous frustration came bursting forth. "I should be asking you that, after the stunt you pulled. Is something wrong with you? I recall Eren biting off your hand, not your fucking brain."
Mikasa winced at this and Levi regretted the words the moment they left his mouth - it was a low blow - but there was no taking them back, and he ploughed on relentless, pretending he didn't see the spasm of pain that made it's way across her face before she immediately covered it up.
"I didn't want to give you a tongue-lashing in front of your precious Eren, but you really do think you're too good to listen to orders, don't you? You always have to do things on your own, disregarding authorities, disregarding the curfews, disregarding your own physical limitations. I thought Eren was a moron but how idiotic do you have to be to sneak out like that - "
"Heichou."
She cut him off, and Levi's eyes narrowed. "If you're about to give me some shit excuse about how you didn't expect a Titan attack or you just wanted to train to become strong to save your beloved Eren, I don't want to - "
"I'm sorry."
He was taken aback. He had expected arguments, outright insolence. It was unlike her to be so meek.
"...what?"
"I'm sorry," Mikasa repeated again, uncharacteristically timid. "About sneaking out and… about disobeying you… before…"
Before.
Before as in, when she had run from him and Eren had bit her hand off, and she had tried to run again, and he had stopped her by kissing her.
"I - I didn't expect a Titan attack and I did want to become strong again. But - I realize that it was still foolish. Even before - I should have listened to you but I didn't and you were forced to - to resort to extreme measures and - I'm sorry."
Her eyes slid to the floor at the last bit, and Levi thought he saw a hint of color on her cheeks, but he couldn't be sure since the corridor wasn't particularly well-lit.
But still, it was a rather unexpected (and a bit twisted, admittedly) but favorable way of thinking.
He had been 'forced to resort to extreme measures'.
Yes, that's exactly the way that situation should be looked at.
If Mikasa blamed her idiotic actions for Levi's idiotic action (they were in fact, the catalyst) it was all well and good. If fear that he'd kiss her or do something worse kept her obedient… well, he wasn't sure how he felt about that, and he sure as hell wasn't about to agonize mentally thinking about it, and trying to figure out what exactly was going on in her head. Mikasa took his silence as a cue to continue speaking. "Ever since we fought the female Titan, I messed up, so many times. I disobeyed your orders, and each time - you - you've saved me, but in the process, you've injured yourself and - it's all my fault. I'm sorry. I won't disobey you ever again."
Levi was taken aback by the heartfelt apology.
It was true, in a way, what she had said. She really had been disobeying him since back then, and for some reason… he'd let it slide, each time.
He was glad that she had realized it, without him telling her, though another part of him said that he should have been more concerned with himself for having allowed such behavior to go unpunished this long.
He had a soft spot for her, and they both knew it.
"Well, as long as you've learned your lesson," Levi finally said.
"I have," Mikasa replied immediately.
"And you won't go running off on your own without telling anyone? There are enemies other than Titans out there and I can't promise I'll make it in time to protect you, at least for awhile until this fucking leg heals."
Mikasa bit her lip, but nodded, addressing the ground as she spoke. "I - I won't."
There was so much more he wanted to say to her then, to ask her: about her hand, about Eren, about the possibility of using 3DMG ever. But he didn't.
There was an awkward silence as the pair of them both seemed to be debating internally about what to say next, or if anything even needed saying at all.
Mikasa finally looked up, about to say something, but Levi beat her to it.
"It's late. Way past bedtime, actually. You shouldn't even be out of your room."
"Heichou, actually, I - "
"You, especially, have stricter curfew. Don't get yourself into more trouble."
Mikasa nodded, and Levi was about to turn away when she suddenly asked: "Aren't you supposed to report me for this?"
It was a stupid question. Technically, he was supposed to. But then he also was supposed to have reported her insubordination in the earlier mission as well, in Shiganshina, against the female Titan. But he hadn't.
She couldn't actually think I'd report her for being out of her room after curfew.
He had never once reported her. For one thing, it wouldn't have ever done much good. If she didn't listen to him, he highly doubted she would listen to Erwin or anyone else.
No, that wasn't it. She wasn't scared that he was going to report her for this one minor transgression when they both knew how many major ones he had overlooked.
She was just checking, just testing the waters… almost as if asking for reassurance, that even after everything, he still trusted her. Whether their equation was the same as before, whether she was still his favorite. Was that it?
"Were you sneaking off again?" he asked, crossing his arms.
"No… just going to the bathroom."
"I'll let it slide. Just this once."
Mikasa lips twitched at this, and Levi read her expression immediately. Levi supposed it should have bothered him that she knew that, despite everything, he would let her off - likely more than just this once - but he found that he didn't care.
She had outright said that she wouldn't disobey him. And he trusted her.
"You should still get back to bed before someone less understanding catches you," Levi warned her.
"If I get caught, I'll just tell them I needed to take a huge dump or something," she deadpanned, straight-faced.
Levi bit the inside of his cheek so that she wouldn't see him smile. Either he had rubbed off on her, or she was outright mocking him. He hoped for the former, but had a feeling it was the latter.
"That's gross," he said, scrunching up his nose, and injecting as much condescension as he could in his tone. She rolled her eyes.
"You're telling me?"
"Go to bed," he muttered.
"Goodnight!" she called back after him.
- Chapter 8 -
Things seemed to be back to normal between them after that, the kiss unspoken and seemingly forgotten. They fell back to their usual comfortable mix of banter and outward animosity. Living in the hut, faraway from civilization, was actually a lot more pleasant that Mikasa would have anticipated. The only downfall was that she was bored, inexplicably bored and restless.
Forced bedrest tended to have that effect on her.
"Rehabilitation training?" Levi raised an eyebrow amusedly. "I'm not quite sure you're ready to be rehabilitated yet."
"Please, heichou," Mikasa fairly begged. "My body is weakening, I can't take this anymore."
"You know Erwin explicitly forbade me to let you near 3DMG."
"It doesn't have to be 3DMG," Mikasa insisted. "Even hand-to-hand combat works fine…"
She felt her cheeks grow warm at the sudden sharpness in Levi's gaze, and she pulled her scarf up to hide the blush.
"Hand-to-hand, huh?" Levi asked silkily, taking a sip out of his teacup. "Somehow, I don't think Erwin would approve of that either."
"Maybe - maybe he doesn't need to know."
"Oh?" Levi set the teacup down, looking vaguely amused. "What about your precious Eren, then? He'll throw quite the tantrum if he finds out."
"Eren - Eren doesn't need to know either," Mikasa muttered.
"You'll keep it a secret from Eren?"
"I will if you do." Mikasa seemed determined.
Levi smirked. "You sure seem eager to get some more private one-on-one training from me, hm?"
"Will you do it or not?!" Mikasa snapped, and Levi noted, with great pleasure, that she was flushing.
"See you at midnight, then."
"You were much better before," Levi noted, as he held Mikasa to him, her back pressed against his chest, both her hands entrapped between them, and his arm encircling her like a vice.
"I - I'm still recovering," Mikasa protested, struggling to break free. Levi stepped on her foot - there was no way he would let her kick him again, bitch had fucking powerful kicks - and derision colored his voice. "So? Was I supposed to feel bad and go easy on you?"
He realized that, given the nature of her injuries, he probably should have gone easy on her, and it was commendable that she had held her own for this long - but there was no way in hell he would say that, and besides, his leg hadn't fully healed either.
"No," she replied. "I guess not. Could you - let me go now, please?"
He noticed the slight tremor in her voice - it would have been unnoticeable to most, but Levi was perceptive, and Mikasa had always spoken so calmly, so surely.
He leaned his head over slightly, his breath fanning her neck. "Free yourself."
"Heichou…"
She said his name so softly, so breathily, and Levi felt something hot and hungry awaken within him, something he hadn't felt for a long time. Mikasa was completely still in his arms.
"I said to free yourself," Levi murmured, as Mikasa made no attempt to move out of his grasp. "Mikasa?"
The girl was silent, save her heavy breathing. And unusually still.
"Usually you're a lot more violent," Levi commented. "You really are out of practice."
"It's not that!"
"It's not?"
"I…"
Levi made to release his hold on her, but her hand curled around his wrist, her grip tight, keeping his arm wrapped around her.
"What are you doing?" Levi's voice seemed ice cold all of a sudden; but she could feel his heartbeat against her back.
"Before… when Eren wasn't himself…" Mikasa trailed off. It was vague, and yet Levi understood perfectly.
"You're walking on a fine line there." His voice held a hint of warning… and something more.
"I know." Her grip on his wrist loosened, and she placed his hand on her waist, nudging slightly.
"I could report you for inappropriate conduct."
"But you won't…"
Levi desperately wished he could see her face as his fingers ran down her side to curl against her hipbones.
"Don't tempt me, Mikasa… you don't know what you're getting into."
"Actually, I think I do." She pressed back against him.
"What about your precious Eren?" Levi couldn't help but ask, inwardly cringing at his own words - he chose now of all times to bring up that brat? And yet, it wouldn't be right of him not to ask.
Mikasa responded readily enough.
"I - I don't want this from him the way I - want it from you." Her breath hitched but Levi was impressed by her boldness.
"By this, you mean…"
"Heichou…" she sighed breathily, as his bangs tangled with hers, their cheeks a hair's breath apart.
Levi took a tantalizingly long time - inwardly debating, trying to control himself, and then losing - before he finally decided to give her what she was clearly asking for, what he had longed for himself.
"You know," he murmured, taking extra care to ensure that his lips brushed against the soft skin of her neck when he spoke. "It doesn't have to be 3DMG or physical fighting."
"H - huh?"
"There are other things I can train you in, if you'd like." His lips travelled up her neck, and Mikasa more than willingly played along.
"Such as?"
He marveled at her ability to sound so calm and composed, even then. It thrilled him. Suddenly, he was awoken by an urge to break her calmness, to break that icy mask she always carried around.
"You don't always need strength to defeat a person, you know," Levi murmured, his grip around her loosening. He rested his hands on her hips, his hold ever so light, his thumbs tracing deliberate circles around her hipbones. "Sometimes… even one finger is all it takes to undo someone."
Mikasa's breathed heavily, but didn't say a word; only pressed closer.
"Would you like me to show you?" Levi asked huskily.
"Yes…"
Mikasa's eyes fluttered shut as he lifted one of his hands from her hip, the other still supporting her. A finger traced lightly down the side of her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, moving along her jawline and then her neck, flitting across her collarbone.
His touch was light, barely there almost - the pad of his finger warm against her skin, leaving burning wakes in its path. It was electrifying - Mikasa could practically feel the sparks of electricity - and he was barely touching her.
She wanted more.
"I still - don't quite seem to understand how this is supposed to have any effect," she bit out. Levi was impressed that she had managed such a biting tone when she was fairly trembling beneath him. He surmised that she had never been touched before, and he was slightly amused by her challenge, if not intensely turned on.
"Alright then," he murmured. "If that's what you want, I won't go easy on you."
"Please don't."
His finger slid down her neck, and he began undoing her buttons, one by one, with his index finger and thumb.
"You said - one finger - " Mikasa pointed out, sounding rather breathless.
In response, he ran his teeth lightly over her shoulder, nipping.
Mikasa felt her knees grow weak, heat pooling to her core, as Levi's finger slid through her cleavage, slowly, deliberately, before circling around her hardened nipples over the cloth of her bra. He touched one, just momentarily, a lazy flick of his finger - and she bit back a whimper.
She wanted more, she wanted so much more - but she couldn't possibly admit that to him.
Levi's finger traced over the contours of her abs before slipping into her pants, and this time, Mikasa actually did whimper. He paused. "Are you sure you want this?"
"Y - yes, sir."
So Levi slipped his hand into her pants, his finger creeping closer to the throbbing wetness she so badly wanted him to touch.
"Mikasa?"
"Heichou…"
And then he touched her there, his finger sliding between her wet folds. Mikasa gasped as Levi rubbed at her, before pushing his finger in deeper, making circular motions. It brushed against something, and she bucked her hips out, pushing herself against him as a wave of intense pleasure coursed through her.
"See," Levi murmured, sliding his finger in and out. "This is what I meant. You've completely surrendered to me, and I've only had to use one finger."
Mikasa reached back, her fingers tangling in his hair, and Levi's teeth sunk into her shoulder. "Do you want me to teach you more?" Levi asked, realizing the terrible mess they would be in if someone walked into them now - him holding Mikasa against him with his hand in her pants, fucking her with his finger while she gasped, her cheeks flushed.
It didn't scare him though. It only turned him on all the more.
"Yes," Mikasa replied almost immediately. "Teach me - everything."
She was dripping wet, wetter than Levi had expected, and her words were edged with an unmistakable desire. It was all he needed to here.
Quickly, he undid the button of her jeans for better access, sliding yet another finger inside of her.
"Ahh~"
"Like that?" Levi murmured as his other hand slipped under her bra, palming her breasts. He tweaked a nipple between his fingers, and Mikasa arched into his hand, bucking her hips forward at the same time.
"You're so wet," Levi bit out, squeezing. "You really want this, don't you?"
Mikasa didn't reply, and he flipped her around so that she was facing him. Her dark eyes were wide, her entire face flushed, and her lips were slightly parted, glistening. It was too much for him.
"You sure you want me to teach you everything?" he asked, his voice holding a bit of warning. "I won't hold back…"
"I - I don't want you to hold back," Mikasa shot back, and Levi smirked.
"As expected of my favorite student." He leaned ahead and bit on her bottom lip, and then moments later, they were kissing - it was a hungry kiss, rough, violent - their tongues clashing, and Mikasa's fingers tugging insistently at his hair. Levi undid her bra with one hand, tossing it to the side, and slid his hand out of her womanhood so that he could cup both of her breasts. She moaned at the loss of contact, and he rubbed at her nipples, appeasing her. Mikasa's hands were at his short - and eventually, they were both shirtless. Levi pushed her down onto the ground, pressing himself on top of her - their skin of their bare chests touching - and Mikasa's cool hands were running over his back, his pectorals, his abs, leaving trails of fire in their wake.
Adventurously, she reached down, sliding a hand between his legs. Levi hissed, breaking back from the kiss to glare at her.
"Don't push it, Ackerman."
Mikasa just gave him the most delicious smirk he had ever seen, before wrapping her hand around his cock, through his pants. "Can't handle it, Levi heichou?"
Oh, that sassy little bitch was going down.
"I'm going to have to punish you for that," Levi growled.
"Punish?" Mikasa raised an eyebrow, almost in challenge, though her expression rapidly changed to one of bliss as Levi ground against her.
"I'm going to make you scream," he hissed, licking the shell of her ear. "I'm going to fuck you so hard that you won't be able to get out of your bed tomorrow. That's what Erwin wants you to do anyways, bedrest, right?"
He slipped his fingers inside her again, revelling at the way her tight walls clenched around his hand. She was ready.
"Fucking's as good of a physical workout as you'll get, Mikasa."
"Try me."
He regretted it after. So much that it made his chest ache.
Not the actual sex - not really, no - that had been fantastic. Despite her injuries, Mikasa was ridiculously athletic, as was he, and that had worked very well.
But he didn't want her to think that he had just used her for sex. Levi wondered why he cared at all what she thought - he shouldn't, should he?
He wanted her, yes, but that wasn't it, was it? That couldn't be the reason why he had kissed her, the reason why he was willing to go to any length to protect her.
His own words echoed in his heads, words he had said to her on their mission to Shiganshina. We're soldiers. We live to kill fucking giants, not to fall in love. We're screwed up enough as it is. With our job, talking and thinking like that will only get you into more shit once one of you is killed.
And yet, here he was, going down that deadly path, yet again.
"I'm sorry," he murmured to her the next time they were alone. Mikasa looked at him, bemused.
"That time during practice. I wasn't trying to - take advantage of you."
"I wanted it as much as you did," Mikasa said coolly. "If anything, I'm the one who... instigated it."
"Perhaps, but as your senior I should have - "
"Besides," she cut in. "I wouldn't have let you take advantage of me."
There was a spark in her eye, and Levi was overcome by quite the urge to pin her down and take advantage of her right then and there. Naturally, he couldn't.
"Were you worried I really thought that of you?" Something in her tone indicated that she was laughing at him, and Levi scowled.
"I give a damn what you think," he grunted, secretly hoping that she saw through the lie.
The next training session had also ended in open-mouthed kisses, and bare bodies pressed together. He let her ride him this time, his grip tight on her undulating hips.
It became a routine of sorts after - stolen kisses and more, during training sessions - secret glances and smirks when the others were around. Levi noticed that Mikasa was seemed more and more attached to him, somehow, waiting for him when they got dinner, sitting next to him by the fireside.
If Eren noticed this behavior - which Levi surmised he had, judging from all the sulky glowers he was receiving, hastily rearranged once Eren realized that Levi was watching him too - the usually brash brunet remained silent.
Levi should have felt guilty, and perhaps he did. The kid was an idiot, but he clearly had feelings for Mikasa.
Too late, Levi thought, and it didn't matter later that night, as Mikasa snuck into his tent to curl up against him, her mouth warm and hungry and her skin soft like silk.
:::
A/N: Sorry, I had no good way to end this without spoiling more of the plot for LC (if I do ever get to updating that fic). You can also clearly see where I ran out of motivation to write oh well, something is better than nothing, I hope.