Sleep Now

It was dark, and the house was quiet, but Miro was not asleep.

How could be sleep? How could he do anything but lay there, numbly, mulling over his stupidity. His foolishness that had caused his family so much. Every time he closed his eyes he saw his mother's face, holding his hand with an expression so terrible that his heart broke just thinking of it.

And of Ouanda, stroking his hair, not like a lover would, but lightly, like a sister. Like the sister she was.

He wanted to lift his hand and violently wipe the tears off his face, but he couldn't. All he could manage was a small twitch around his elbow.

Then something soft touched his face, and brushed the tears away. He closed his eyes quickly, trying to regulate his breath, pretending he was asleep.

"Wake up, Miro," whispered a voice. "It's me."

He opened his eyes. Ela was sitting dimly on the seat next to his bed. "Can you speak yet?" she asked, and her speech was slow and clear. Miro wanted to say, Please don't.

Instead he just moved his eyes to look at the foot of his bed, where the monitor Olhado had rigged to help Miro to communicate was. Ela turned it on, and it began to cycle immediately, each letter of the alphabet flashing for just a second.

"I guess that's a no," said Ela, sitting down. "How are you feeling?"

He watched the monitor intently. F. "Mhm." I. "Mhm." N. "Mhm." E. "Mhm."

Ela laughed, but it turned into a sob halfway. "Miro," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

He wanted to say, Go back to bed. But that would take too long. He used what little muscle he could feel to squeeze her hand, then he looked at the monitor again.

I. T. S. O. K.

She shook her head. "No. It's not okay. It's never going to be okay again. None of us have ever been okay." She wiped her nose and eyes. "Nossa Senhora," she said. "I'm really losing it."

If things hadn't been as they were, and Miro had been able to reply, and Ela had been able to laugh within weeping, Miro would have said, "You lost it a long time ago" and they both would have laughed.

But things were not like that, and they might never be again. So he just laid there, limply, unable to comfort his sister in any way. Not like he had ever done much before.

"Quim's crying," she told Miro, her eyes puffy and rimmed with red. "I could hear him from my room." Miro heard the words she didn't say. But I came to you.

He looked her in the eye, then looked at his door. She shook her head. "I'm not going. Como eu poderia deixar você, quando eu apenas entendida como eu sinto saudades?"

Back at the monitor. I. M. N. O. T. D. E. A. D.

"I know you're not. But you can't move. You can't talk. You have to resort to rudimentary communication. I would understand if you wish you were."

Miro looked away, his throat closing up. He didn't want his sister to see him this way.

She touched his fingers, one by one, once on the knuckle, once on the nail. It was a babyish habit of hers that she had never really grown out of. "I can't ever remember saying I love you to you. Maybe it's some silly sibling rule, that you're not allowed to tell your brother that he matters to you, but you've thrown all the rules into the wind, haven't you? I think I'll do the same. I love you."

She kissed him on the brow. "Dorme agora, Miro."

And then she stood up. "I'm going to help Quim." The way I was too afraid to ever do for you.

She left the room. Miro laid there, and, if he strained his ears, he imagined he could hear Quim's quiet sobs, and Ela's gentle words. And then footsteps, and he knew Ela was helping their little brother back to bed.

Miro closed his eyes, and for the first time that night, he fell asleep.

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Of course, set a while after Miro tried climbing over the fence. Do you remember that time Ela told Ender about the night after Libo was killed? That she could hear Miro crying and throwing up in the bathroom, but she didn't go to him, because she was afraid? To me, that was one of the most striking stories of their family, and I know Ela was affected by it in so many ways, so I thought she might want to try to remedy it.

"Dorme agora" means "Sleep now" in Portuguese, so that's where the title comes from. I think I did all the Portuguese all right, but if you spot any mistakes, please point them out. Thanks for reading; constructive criticism, anyone?