Edmund was adopted by Carolyn. Elsa had told Barnabas that she is Sarah reborn, and that while she loves him, she must now be Elsa. In the meantime Dave Woodard's nephew is in town, and is asking questions. There is a reckoning to be made, and Barnabas knows it. The question is can he keep both the nephew and Julia in one piece? Also, Derek seems to be turning Buffy into his bookie. Tammy told Barnabas that she is his direct descendant from a slave he sexually used in the eighteenth century, and that she does not feel like family to him.

DAVE WOODARD

Chapter 1

It was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. He had to keep his voice lever, had to talk to Julia calmly and gently, without hysterics. Without just holding Julia in his arms, sobbing at the pain he had inflicted on her and which still ruled her.

But that was not the way. Instinctively he knew that. He could not lose control of himself. Julia had once lost control of the situation when she had been the therapist. Now the roles were reversed, but the problem was the same.

So he tried finding the right way to go about it.

"Did you know that Dave was gay?" It was not the best opening, but he had run out of good ones.

Julia just stared at him. Icily. He knew that look well.

"Surely you must have suspected something. Of course, he covered his tracks well. But still, a bachelor with his looks and charm, you must have wondered."

Julia went white and almost involuntarily spoke to him. "I was in love with him once. Seems I wasted my time with him, too."

A sad smile came over Barnabas "It wasn't that he didn't like women. He just wasn't turned on by them... And in those days it was not easy to come out of the closet. He wanted to have his degree and his practice, so he used you as a cover."

Julia shrugged "And I made him pay for that, didn't I? You and me, both."

"It isn't like that. Not at all."

"You are not trying to make me feel better by dragging him into the mud?"

Barnabas stiffened at that. "I am not telling you anything that he didn't tell me about himself. All I want you to do is to see him, Not with your guilt. Not with your need to hurt me. But him, just as he was, warts and all. The way he wants it."

"He seems to have talked to you a lot."

"He did. Julia, I don't know how to explain it... but he likes us."

"Likes...?"

"Well, actually he wants me to become George's lover." Barnabas' eyes twinkled. "He's not above a little pimping, specially if I am at the receiver end."

"George? You mean the sheriff?"

"Yes. He once was Dave's lover. He was underage by then. Dave was a bit careless with his math when it came to the legal age of his boys."

"And you call him by his firsts name?"

"He said that I could."

"Oh? He did?"

"He also told me what it is that you are doing. That you hurt yourself because you know that's the best way to get me."

"And what if I do?"

"Well, you shouldn't! If you want to punish me, do it. There are plenty of ways to get me without that! You know all of them. You know how to twist the knife in me, so do it!" Barnabas was getting angry now, more at his own helplessness that at Julia. "Get me, if that will make you happy! Just stop hurting yourself as you are doing!"

"Why not?"

"He knew that Julia was baiting him now. Waiting for the moment when he would finally scream and howl in pain."

"You know what gets you?" this time he knew that he might say too much. "That you got into your head that you are perfect! That you never make mistakes! Doctor Julia Hoffman never makes mistakes! In Wyncliffe you can get fired for suggesting it! You always know what to do! You are omniscient and omnipotent, and walk on water, to boot!"

She looked at him, silent again.

"All right, it was my fault! All right, I pushed you and broke you, and you have every right to hate me for it! But why can't you accept that you were weak, that you got into trouble you couldn't handle, and you got in deeper and deeper? Why can't you accept that in yourself?"

Buffy looked nervously at the traffic cop. If he were to suspect what she was doing for Derek...

The idea of Barnabas bailing her out of jail and then lecturing her was not one he relished... although if she believed Derek, there was nothing illegal to what they were doing. Yet.

But still, she did not like to see cops.

The patrolman's car passed her and she let out a sigh of relief.

She had yet to lose her fear of uniforms, in spite of all the advice she had got on the subject. She had learned to somehow trust George Brant and his men. But a strange cop was different. Part of her wanted to scream and run.

Tammy emptied another glass, alone at her table.

...The nerve of Joe... To say that she had been unnecessarily cruel with Barnabas, that she didn't have to talk to him about their relationship, but she if shed id, there were other ways...

Joe was a honky to his fingertips. Why had she become involved with him, anyway? Everybody knew that zebra couples weren't any good.

"I must have been crazy, to go to bed with him."

The trouble was that this town was so predominantly white that it was either an interracial affair or a vow of

chastity.

She pushed her drink away. It was no use.

From his own table, Frank Torrance studied her. So the place was getting to her, too.

"It just isn't fair." Barnabas complained under his breath.

"It almost never is. What is eating you this time?" George's manner was cheerfully truculent. Barnabas' constant complaining about everything sometimes got to him.

"Zeb King." Barnabas said.

"But I thought that the trouble with the VD clinic was over. You haven't gone after Jessica, have you?"

"No, of course not. She's from out of town... Did you know that Zeb is Dave's nephew?"

"What?"

"And Julia meets him socially. Zeb is actually remembering old times with her. What that is doing to Julia..."

"I...I see."

"I thought that I had finally put it behind me. But I was just kidding myself. As long as Julia's vulnerable I am still caught in it."

"And Julia's vulnerable, I take it."

"She can't even bring herself to speak of it. I have tried to discuss it with her but... but all I get is the silent treatment. She sits down and looks daggers at me. She suffers a lot, and lets me see how she suffers."

"That's bad enough... even..."

"Even if she doesn't get Zeb asking questions, eh?"

"Yes. Do you have any idea what might happen to her if that story came out?"

"With luck and a good lawyer..." George's voice lacked conviction.

"No lawyer is going to keep her license from being revoked, ant that's the same as killing her. And then there is Kenneth. He can be so...so unbending... if he knows that Julia was a party to murder, do you think that he would stand by her?"

"He would not."

"I thought of trying to talk to Zeb, of explaining it to him but... but he's young. He sees everything in black and white. She would not show compassion to Julia."

"Nor to you."

"No, Not to me." Barnabas began pacing the floor, as if by wearing out the carpet he might come upon the answer that had eluded him so long. "But that does not matter so much."

George looked at him ironically "Because you can take care of yourself?"

"I would not hurt Zeb. I could not. Turning myself over to him would be easier. But there is Maggie. You know what she did to me? Well, what about someone who digs up an old story that has her being sent to Wyncliffe? She does not want THAT to come out, ever. She would send Sabrina to him in a second."

George looked down, a bit ashamed, remembering Sabrina. "I hadn't thought about her."

"Well, I didn't, either. Dave pointed it out to me. And he said too that you too might be in danger from Zeb"

"Me? Why? I didn't kill him. He was my lover."

"Precisely. Zeb hates homosexuals. and he would never forgive you for letting you know that Dave was one of them."

"But how could he...?" Suddenly George understood. "The letters I wrote Dave... He must have kept them...and they are with his papers..."

They looked at each other, embarrassed "They...they were quite explicit, the letters." George admitted. "I was a dumb kid. He tried to make me be more cautious, but I would not listen."

They looked at each other again. Barnabas heard the wistful note in George's voice. He could not keep from asking the next question, knowing that it would lead to others.

"Was it bad when...when you lost him?"

"Yes. He was the most important person in the world to me. I think I told you want my family life was like. My home was not a happy one. My father was a petty tyrant..." he smiled predatorily "I enjoyed putting the fear of God on him when I got my badge..." he shrugged "In any case, Dave made me believe in myself... Then he was gone and the worst part was that I could not mourn him openly, could not let anyone know what he had meant to me."

Barnabas saw George as he had been then. A troubled youngster with sorrow etching his face. He could easily imagine his pain. He felt anger at whoever had hurt him so.. And then remembered who had done the hurting...

"And you can forgive me." he said with amazement. "even love me."

A sad, bitter smile crossed George's lips. "I couldn't believe it either when I found out. Not you. Anyone else but you. I cursed myself for wanting to know it. I wished I had never known you. I wished that I could find a way of hating you."

"I... I am sorry."

"Don't worry. I had plenty of opportunities to get rid of you and make it look like an accident. I passed them up."

"That was not the only thing you passed up. Dave told me how you passed up the chance to have me delivered to your bed."

"I have too much pride for that. You come to me willingly or not at all. I will not rape you." George squeezed Barnabas' arm. "Dave forgave you, and that's good enough for me. "All that remains is to patch up the mess left over. Which is no small task."