Chiaki: ::Zim-style voice:: I am BACK! And this time, with a widened vocabulary! XD
Dib: ::Sarcastically:: Well aren't you special?
Chiaki: ::Thwaps him:: Quiet, Dibby!
Zim: Yeah, Dib-stink, this is a fanfic about ZIIIIIIM!
Chiaki: Not entirely. It's a ZADR again, so you're both in it.
Zim and Dib: WHAT?! AGAIN!
Zim: How can you seriously write about me lusting after that... that... thing!
Dib: Hey! I'm not exactly jumping for joy about it either, you know!
Chiaki: Whatever. Let's get on with it. Oh yeah, note that it's a one-sided ZADR and that Zim is probably gonna be OOC. Anyhow, enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I never owned Invader ZIM, and I unfortunately never will.
----------------------------------------------------------
THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR...
Another Valentine's Day in Ms. Bitters' class- not a pretty sight.
Mirroring last year's events, the children were breaking out into a destructive frenzy, lobbing paper balls, pencils and even heavy objects around the classroom. Ms. Bitters, obviously more than a bit ticked off that the principal was again allowing them to celebrate this sickeningly pathetic holiday, watched her class reduce the classroom to what resembled a house that had been smashed into with a pickup truck before leafing through one of her books, 'A Teacher's Guide to DOOM'.
She wasn't the only one who didn't take pleasure in celebrating Valentine's Day. Dib, aka. the Dateless Wonder, was staring despondently out of the window. He was used to not having anyone to smooch with on 'special occasions' such as this one, so it wasn't really any different from any other year before this. Although he didn't admit it to anybody, Dib was happier not to have a girlfriend; despite the size of his head, which was stuffed full of immense knowledge of all things paranormal, let's just say that his knowledge of the romantic world was fairly limited to say the least.
Still, it would have been nice to recieve even one slab of meat this time; by the looks of it, even Gretchen had given up on him.
Getting back to reality, Dib scowled as a large paper ball hit him on the side of the head. But it was unusually hard for just a paper ball.
Bending down to retrieve it, Dib caught sight of Zim, who was grinning and waving at him from the other side of the classroom. Obviously clicking that Zim had thrown the paper ball at him, Dib raised an eyebrow suspiciously and started to unfold it- ah, he was right! Inside was a large rock. Rolling his eyes, Dib looked up and Zim, who stuck out his tongue and then pointed to the paper. Suspecting the worst, Dib hastily flattened out the paper against his desk and started to decipher Zim's squiggles which he so boldly called handwriting.
Hey DIB
Meet u in the hallway by the lockers recess ok?
c u l8er
-the amazing ZIM!
Dib groaned; Zim had discovered the twisted world of chatspeak. Scribbling down 'Okay, whatever' on the back, he tossed it back over to the alien, who read it and let out a triumphant cackle. Dib buried his face in his hands and sighed.
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Dib-human! Hey! Wait up, Dib-stink!"
Zim's voice echoed annoyingly down the corridors. Dib gave an involuntary shudder and turned to face his nemisis.
"Yeah, apparently I was supposed to meet you by the lockers, but since that seems to be out of the window why don't we just get this over with, hmm?" Dib asked angrily. Zim blinked; the Dib didn't often use such a cold tone, even with his enemy. Something must have been bothering him.
Pushing that discomforting thought out of his green head, Zim suddenly pulled out a Valentine's meat-slab out of... somewhere. Dib stared. Zim, aware that his cheeks were turning redder by the second, cleared his throat.
"Ahem! Dib-stink, I have read up on humans that don't have companions on this 'Valentine's Day', and most of their accounts end up living their lives eternally lonely, or commit horrible, bloody suicide. I have been evaluating your behaviour in the past few months and have seen that you show traits that would be associated with the lonely individuals I previously mentioned."
Dib rolled his eyes. Obviously Zim had been up all night practising this one.
"Zim, I don't have all day. Tell me what you're getting at here."
Dropping his facade as fast as he started using it, Zim broke out into another one of his famous rants.
"Foolish Dib! Can you not see how special you are to have been chosen by the great and amazing ZIIIIIIM?!"
"Chosen? Zim, get to the point already." Dib started tapping his foot impatiently, glancing at his watch. Zim squirmed, obviously uncomfortable.
"What I'm trying to say, Dib, is that I have deemed you as... suitable courtship material." he said, getting quieter as he reached the end of the sentence. He stared at Dib, who was staring back at him, emotions unreadable due to the blank expression on his face. After about three seconds, however, he burst into uncontrollable laughter. Zim didn't understand; this was how humans expressed feelings for one another, surely? Dib was still laughing.
"Oh man, that's a good one! You had me going there, Zim!" he choked out, holding back tears. "But really-" He stopped mid-sentence to let out a snigger, then burst out laughing again. The alien wasn't liking this at all. Not only had the Dib not taken his offer seriously, but he had actually taken it as a joke! This was not good.
"No, see, Dib, I think you misunderstood..." he stuttered, which was unusual for him. "I was serious." Dib paused, mid-guffaw.
"Okay... That makes it much less funny." He frowned as he looked at the meat Zim was now holding out to him. "Zim, seriously, it isn't really that funny anymore. You've had your laugh- or rather, I had mine- and now it's done. Bye." With that, he turned and started briskly walking towards the lockers. Zim trotted behind him.
"But... aren't you all lonely and stuff? Aren't your insides writhing from the results of being rejected by your fellow stinky humans on Valentine's Day?" he asked. Dib snorted.
"No. It's no different from any other day. Valentine's Day was made up by card companies years ago to make money, and now Deelishus Weenie and other companies are profiting from it, and hormone-crazed teenagers and children with visions of their future love-lives and marriages just lap it all up and end up wasting their hard-earned money. In my opinion it's not romantic at all," he finished, arriving at his locker. Zim looked downcast.
"So... you don't want to be my companion?" he asked, just to clarify it (Zim can be a bit slow, y'know). Dib surpressed a snigger and shook his head.
"So... what? You're like a homosexual alien now? Isn't that viewed as weird on your planet?" he asked, turning the combination lock. Zim blinked, confused.
"What is this hobo-sexual you speak of? I am no sexual hobo!" he yelled. A couple of students passing by gave him strange looks. Dib sighed.
"Never mind. Just... leave me alone, Zim. For the rest of the day. Please. I'd like to celebrate my... alone-ness in peace. And please don't ask me out again." Cringing, Dib quickly headed off somewhere else, leaving Zim and his piece of meat by his locker.
"Ask you out? We are inside, Dib-human!" Zim called after him. Pouting, he crossed his arms. "All that loneliness must be getting to his big head, making him spout INSANE babble. Oh well. There's always next year."
With that thought in mind, Zim promptly chucked the meat onto the floor and left the hallway, whistling happily to himself.
----------------------------------------------------------
Chiaki: Aww... I'm glad Zim took it well.
Dib: I feel sick.
Zim: Get in line. ::Produces THE BUCKET:
Chiaki: Oh yeah, sorry if anyone was offended by the blatent HATRED that Dib showed towards Valentine's Day. Most of it was what I personally think of it, so... yeah. XD
Anyway, review, my pretties!