I May Be Crazy
Summary::: Lily and James are constantly at odds. Sirius and Alice are flirty. Frank is jealous. Remus is exasperated with the entire thing. And what exactly is the Thumb of Devotion? Mainly Lily/James, with a tad of Alice/Frank thrown in there for fun. PG-you can have ONE swear in a PG, right? Rating may change.s
Disclaimer::: Everything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling bows down before her who is really really really awesome. I'm not Billy Joel, either. But you knew that already. I do have to take a moment, though, and say that I do own Professor Archemides!! He has absolutely no significance whatsoever, but I feel that I do have to mention this because I am PROUD of Professor Archemides!!! Although shifty glance this could be like the Mrs. Figg thing, where the character is mentioned but you don't find out until book five that she actually matters. Hm. I've been spending too much time on (It's a great site, by the way. Go there. And the Fan Sites mentioned there are really good as well.).
A/N::: I was going to make this a one-shot songfic to Billy Joel's "You May Be Right," but it got really huge and I couldn't see where exactly the song was going to fit in with it, so now it's a chapter story with a plot that has almost zip to do with the song. I've got chapter two (which has Remus's and James's points of views) and chapter three in the works, and they should be up within a reasonable amount of time. I'd advise listening to the song, though, because it's a great song, plus it inspired me to write this and it kind of sets the mood. But mostly because it's a great song.
Friday night I crashed your party
Saturday I said I'm sorry
Sunday came and trashed me out again
I was only having fun
Wasn't hurting anyone
And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change
-"You May Be Right," Billy Joel
One:::The Persistence of Potter and a Resounding "Argh"
Friday November 12th, 1986
The Diary of Lily Evans
8:3i AM
Potions
Won't Professor Archemides EVER shut up? I hate double Potions. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT! I mean, honestly-there's only so much you can say about pachyderms in potion making. It's been the subject of Archemides's lectures for three days now. It's boringer than listening to Binns. Yes, I know perfectly well that boringer is not a word but I'm so bored I'd rather argue with myself about it than just use proper English and say, "more boring." I always finish the potion the fastest out of the entire class, so I'm left with nothing to do but listen to Archemides and write in this diary. I'd much rather just leave, honestly, but noooooo, we've got to listen to him drone on and on and pretend to be taking notes. Merlin take pity on us.
That Potter boy keeps turning around and winking at me. That idiot. I hate James Potter. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM! He's the most stuck-up, selfish wart in the history of Hogwarts. Honestly. Now he's talking to Remus-oh, thank Heavens one of those boys is a decent person-I can't hear what they're saying, but Remus keeps rolling his eyes. Poor Remus. Having to
Elephant tusk in potion making:
-If the tusk is used by the person who killed the elephant, the user will be able to transform into an elephant at will for a period of time.
-Used in strengthening potions
-Unlike tusks of other pachyderms (James Potter IS a pachyderm), elephant have magical properties that make them too hard to be dissolved in even the most powerful potions, and so are often used for stirring sticks and phials.
Sorry, Archemides actually said something he didn't say five times already-as I was saying, having to put up with Potter all day! Who could stand it? Argh-Potter keeps whispering at me. I suppose I'd better see what he wants. Although I already know he's just going to ask me out again. I'll tell how it goes during Binn's class.
Later...
I lied. Binns is by far boringer than Archemides. And I apologize to the pachyderms for likening James Potter with them. Argh. I do not believe this. James Potter is an absolute PRAT. I do not have words to describe how much I hate him. He just makes me so MAD!!! So, here's what happened after Potions, before Transfiguration.
"Go out with me, Evans?" Oh, for God's sake. He could at least try and prove me wrong about him for once.
"Absolutely not."
"Why won't you?"
"Why would I?"
"I'm handsome, muscular, captain of the Quidditch team, and every sixth-year girl fantasizes about me-what else could you ask for?" Argh. That statement gives you an idea of what James Potter is like. Argh. I HATE HIM.
"I'd rather date Snivellus than you, Potter."
He looked rather abashed. "What have you got against me, Evans?"
"Well, you're an ego-obsessed, arrogant little berk whose head is larger than an elephant's rear end, for starters."
"And you're a bossy little know-it-all bookworm!"
"Don't make me hex you, Potter!"
"You couldn't if you tried!"
Fortunately for me, the bell chose that precise moment to ring, and, in the bustle to get out of the room, I was able to hit him with a nice Bat-Bogey, right in the face. Archemides never knew who did it, either, so he couldn't give me detention. SO THERE, James Potter.
Alice and I were walking to Transfiguration together, like we always do, when suddenly my feet started doing some sort of jig! Completely of their own accord! I dropped my bags on the floor-I couldn't stop dancing. The entire class was laughing at me! Oh, Potter. It's always Potter. Oh-oh-I'm really going to get him back for that! He has really gone too far! I was so mad I cried! I was so frustrated I couldn't even think of the spell to stop it, and Alice had run for McGonnagall already and I couldn't stop dancing! Suddenly Remus appeared out of nowhere, pointed his wand at my feet and said "Finite Incantatem." Duh. I knew that. I stopped jigging. When Alice and McGonnagall arrived Remus convinced them I needed the hospital wing. Right. It'll take more than James Potter's idiot hexes to put Lily Evans in the infirmary.
But thank God for Remus. He insisted on coming with me, and it's a good thing, too, because my legs were still so shaky I could barely stand by myself.
"That was Potter, wasn't it?" I said. Remus nodded. "Argh... damn him. Honestly. He could drive a person to insanity."
Remus stared at me. "Did you just swear?" I nodded. "Lily Evans... swore..." he seemed in awe of me. "He's not really that bad," he said. Hah. Right. I must've had a huge smirk on my face. Remus seemed determined to convince me of it, though. "I'm not kidding! He's a good person, underneath! He's just got to... deflate his head a bit... well, we all do, really..."
"He keeps asking me out, though, and I can't understand why, I mean, he hates me! He's absolutely horrible to me! He doesn't even ask, really, just-'Go out with me, Evans.' That's all. He could at least be polite about it, for Heaven's sake!"
Remus laughed. "Why don't you just humor him? Go out with him a couple times. You might get to see you like him, after all."
"Never."
His expression suddenly looked serious, and the dark circles under his eyes were even more apparent than they usually were. "Please, Lily," he said, "Give James a chance. He's just trying to impress you. And-" he hesitated, then continued, looking as if he was about to break into hysterical laughter, "-he-he won't shut up about you. Every morning when he wakes up he looks all sullen for a moment and then he jumps up and says, 'Today's the day! Today's the day she'll say yes! I can just feel it, Remus!' And then when you refuse him, all day after that, it's 'Damn, Lily's Bat-Bogey hex is a killer' and 'What is Lily's bloody problem with me, anyway?' Lily this, Lily that, every waking hour!" He looked rather exasperated with the entire thing. "You're a wonderful person, Lily, and I love talking to you and everything, but really! You have to admit that being woken up at three in the morning by James practicing that tarantallegra curse that he just used on you while muttering about you under his breath is just a little over the top."
I rolled my eyes. "He's trying to impress me, is he? Well why on earth is he going about it like this, then?" I gestured at my left foot, which was twitching on every alternate step. "He's absolutely crazy."
Remus thought about that for a while. I stopped walking when we reached a staircase. "I don't need the hospital wing," I said.
"I know." We turned around to go back to Transfiguration. "I just wanted to talk to you about James." Neither of us spoke until we got back to the classroom. Just before he walked in the door, Remus stopped me. "You're so uptight, Lily. Y'know . . . maybe you should just give him a chance. Yeah, so he's a bit off sometimes," he shrugged off my look of disbelief, a grin creeping up his face, "but he may be just exactly what you need," he finished, giving me a roguish wink that I didn't think he was capable of.
And with that, he walked through the door. I couldn't take it anymore. Those boys are driving ME crazy. The second the door closed behind him, I kicked the wall as hard as I could and yelled.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!"
A/N::: Like it? Hate it? Think it should be ripped into pieces and thrown into a very, very, deep pit with alligators in the bottom? Think the alligators would refuse to eat it because it's so bad? Tell me! Flames are raspberry-ed at, used to toast marshmallows on, and then extinguished, constructive criticism is appreciated, and whatever you think about it, I want to hear about it, so click the little button and REVIEW, for goodness sake!