Disclaimer: Nisekoi is property of Naoshi Komi. I own nothing.
Author's Note: Honestly, I don't know exactly how this came to me, since it is too angsty but whatever. I've had this plot bunny for a long while now, and I just decided to post it given the current events in the manga. It is sad, I'm not going to lie. It's not really RakuxKosaki but it's not RakuxChitoge either, so don't expect it to be too romantic, and I'm sorry if this offends anyone.
With that being said, I hope you enjoy it even though it's sad.
See you later!
Warning: Spoilers for current manga chapters.
Elephant In The Room
If Kosaki were asked when her relationship with her boyfriend started going down the drain, she would say that it was during a summer afternoon almost a year after getting together with Raku. Prior to this point, there was nothing she found amiss about them. In her mind, nothing was wrong.
However, as much as she tried to deny it, even before that, everything was wrong.
Onodera Kosaki had thought that college would be easier than high school had been. There were no exchange students, keys, and ruined confessions. Life at Bonyari was peaceful once again, the way it had been in junior high school. The only main difference was that she didn't go to the same college as her friends. Maiko-kun and Ruri-chan attended the same university, and Raku, her boyfriend, went to a different university as well. However, they all made a promise to hang out in group at least once a month. But besides this, everything went normally, or so Kosaki had thought. She didn't take into account the amount of work she would have to do, nor how much content she'd need to study to ace her exams. It wasn't academically easier than high school, but her mind was at ease, and she could concentrate better.
When summer vacations came by, Kosaki was more than happy to relax even a little. Yet, working so hard for several months on a row made her forget how to relax without having to do anything. Not knowing what to do, she decided to browse Facebook, just to be doing something. She saw some pictures Shuu had uploaded, and laughed at the memes her sister had shared. All was well and uneventful. She kept browsing.
"Yo, Kosaki." Raku suddenly entered her room.
Kosaki blushed at the sound of his voice. She still hadn't gotten used to him calling her by her first name. "Ichi… I mean, Raku-kun, what a surprise to see you. What are you doing here?"
"What? Can't I visit my girlfriend anymore?" He said, trying to joke with her, but of course Kosaki took it literally.
"I'm so sorry, Raku-kun. Of course you can visit me!" She exclaimed, mortified.
Raku merely chuckled. "I was just kidding. So, what are you doing?" He asked, sitting on her bed.
"Just browsing my Facebook." She simply answered.
"Anything interesting?"
"Not yet. Let's see."
Then Kosaki took a decision that would alter the course of her life.
She scanned her Facebook newsfeed until a particular post caught her attention. It featured Chitoge-chan, her friend who left to America about a year ago, posing with a guy, as blond as she was. Kosaki hadn't heard anything from Chitoge since they parted ways in Tenku Park. Although Chitoge had denied anything was amiss, and that she had left to pursue her dreams, Kosaki had never truly believed her. She knew she was the reason her friend had left, but she couldn't do anything about it back then. Chitoge had said she'd keep in contact with all of them, that hadn't happened though. This was the first news she had had of Chitoge since then.
The picture featured Chitoge sitting at a bench in a park, wearing a pretty white dress, and doing the peace sign while smiling at the camera. A guy, with pale skin and green eyes, wearing a blue shirt, was holding her. He was pretty handsome, he looked like a model. In fact both did. The caption was in English, but Kosaki understood most of it. It said that the guy, who was tagged as Adam, was Chitoge's boyfriend. She was happy for her.
"Look, Raku-kun, it's Chitoge-chan!" She called her own boyfriend, thinking he'd be glad to know she was fine.
Raku instantly looked at the screen, however the smile on his face was replaced with a frown when he saw the guy with Chitoge.
"It seems Chitoge-chan has a boyfriend." Kosaki, who had remained oblivious, told him.
Raku didn't answer. He merely grimaced. "Good for her." He whispered, and then left the room.
Kosaki watched him go, wondering what was wrong with him. Then the answer hit her so hard she forgot how to breathe for a full second.
It seemed Chitoge-chan's feelings weren't so unrequited after all.
Kosaki ignored that first instance, believing Raku felt nostalgia. Their goodbye had been bittersweet, after all. Chitoge's explanation to why she didn't want to stay in Bonyari had been unbelievable, but they had accepted it if only for her sake. She had promised to visit them one day too. Deep down, Kosaki knew that that was a lie as well. She was bummed for about two months until Raku finally asked her out. Raku seemed happy as well. She guessed that the post had reminded him that Chitoge, his best friend, had ignored them for a whole year then. However, she didn't fully start doubting her reasoning until a day some months later.
They had been walking around the mall. It was supposed to be a date, but they didn't really know what to do, so they were walking aimlessly around, just enjoying each other's company. Kosaki had done some shopping, since it'd be her father's birthday soon. Raku had helped her in her errand, and offered to carry the bag even though it wasn't heavy. Then, they had eaten pizza and were now enjoying ice cream cones.
Kosaki was having the time of her life, just being able to talk and spend time with her boyfriend. Lately, they hadn't been able to meet as often as usual due to college work. Sometimes, she regretted going to college simply because of all the hassle it was. However, she hung in there just to achieve her dreams. As Haru often said, goals come first.
Raku seemed relax as well. He had had ups and downs recently, including almost failing an exam, but today he was doing fine. Kosaki was glad, she liked it best when he was happy.
"Where do you want to go next?" Raku had asked her after they had finished their ice cream.
"Hmmm." Kosaki scanned the mall until her eyes settled on a photo booth. She remembered that Ruri had told her those photo booths for couples took pictures of people in intimate poses. Though she blushed just by thinking about it, she decided to ask Raku to try it. "There! I want us to use to the photo booth." She exclaimed, but Raku never answered.
When Kosaki looked at her boyfriend, she realized he was clenching his jaw. The way his eyes looked at the booth showed a lot of pain. "Raku-kun?" She called him timidly, but got no response. She started wondering what it was that made him feel so bad.
Wordlessly, Raku took her hand and pulled her away from there. Smiling, he told her that he had just remembered there was something he wanted to buy, and he asked her to go with him. Kosaki didn't question him, she just let him lead her to wherever he wanted to go. Her boyfriend hadn't even acknowledged the fact that he had acted weird. Kosaki didn't question that either.
Later that day, when she was finally home, Kosaki wondered what had made Raku act that way. However, she couldn't come up with an answer. It wasn't until about a month later, when she saw pictures of him with Chitoge, obviously taken in a photo booth, hidden in his drawers that she understood.
It is easy to ignore problems when you're trying to make the best out of a situation. It is easy to be blinded by love, by desire. For Kosaki, it was easy to pretend she wasn't having problems with Raku. Every relationship had problems once in a while, and that didn't mean there was no love anymore, or that it was slowly falling apart. Why should she need to worry, anyway? She was Raku's promised girl, his first love. He had been in love with her since junior high school. He had confessed his love for her, and had asked her out. Kosaki was his first true girlfriend, his first kiss, his first time. Raku had promised to marry her one day. Fate had brought them together. Theirs was more than just love. What else could compete with destiny?
Maybe Raku had once felt something akin to love for Chitoge, but that was in the past. It had been more than two years since she had gone. By leaving, Chitoge had effectively destroyed whatever could have been between them. For all that they knew, Chitoge could have been going steady with her own boyfriend, who most likely was her first true boyfriend, her first kiss, and her first time. Their friend hadn't bothered to keep in touch with them, not even once. There was no way Raku still had feelings for her.
However, since the photo booth incident, Kosaki had started noticing things that had never been there before. Things she had never seen. Like the way Raku avoided ribbons like the plague, especially if they were red. Or how he suddenly hated enka music. The way he would frown when he saw gorillas at T.V. or at the zoo. She wondered when yellow had become his favorite color. Raku also thought blue eyes where the most beautiful. These things had one name written all over them.
Kosaki wanted to cry and scream and curse. She had often felt guilty, blaming herself for Chitoge's decision of leaving. Her friend had left, so she could have a chance with Raku, giving up her own happiness for her friend's. But having to live with everything Chitoge had left behind was the worst punishment she could have received.
"What would you do if Maiko-kun was in love with someone else?" She had asked Ruri once.
The girl had just raised an eyebrow. "Before being together or right now?"
"Right now."
She could see the gears inside Ruri-chan's head turning and turning, no doubt already knowing what was going on. "I suppose I'd confront him after giving him the whooping of his lifetime for emotionally cheating on me. But I don't think I'd stay with him. It'd be unfair to both of us."
Kosaki nodded numbly.
"Why do you ask?"
"I saw it in a movie and got curious, that's all." She said. The girl was being so painfully awkward she was sure her best friend had figured everything out.
"Is this about Ichijo-kun?"
There was no point in denying anything when Ruri was giving her that look.
"Ruri-chan!" She cried and flung on the other girl, crying her heart out. "I think he's still in love with Chitoge-chan!"
Ruri patted her back gently. "Are you sure he used to like her?"
"No, but it just makes sense. He always avoids talking about her, or doing or saying anything that relates to her."
Ruri, ever the rational one, mulled over the information she had received for a while. "But what if he just misses her, and feels betrayed? They were rather close."
Kosaki then looked at her dead-serious. "They were close enough to fall in love."
She, then, proceeded to explain to Ruri something she had kept a secret for years. How Chitoge-chan had accidentally heard her as she confessed her feelings for Raku. How she had left but a few days after that. How she had realized it was Raku whom Chitoge liked. How she had confessed her feelings for Raku in New York to her, only for the blonde girl to run once more. How Chitoge had denied her feelings for Raku again in Tenku Park, but had never met her eyes. Lastly, how Raku had acted when Chitoge decided to go back to America. How Marika had told Yui-san Chitoge had made the biggest mistake of her life. And how Raku, now, avoided everything related to her.
Ruri listened to her intently, patting her back and rubbing it soothingly. Once Kosaki finished, she turned to look at her and ask, "The question Kosaki, then, is what will you do if Ichijo-kun does love Chitoge-chan?"
Her voice and her mind screamed two different things at the same time.
After a while, things had gone back to normal. In fact, they were better. There was no mention of Chitoge whatsoever, and Raku was more gentle and tender than ever. Kosaki believed that had just gone through a rough time, but they came out of it stronger than ever. Kosaki knew that she wanted to form a family with Raku someday, and she was sure he felt the same.
It had been close to graduation when Raku had asked her to come to his apartment. They were supposed to just have dinner, but of course things had escalated from then. College life was tiresome, especially during the last few months, so they needed an outlet.
It had started normally, both talking about their lives, and laughing when one would tell a funny story. Things got heated when Raku suddenly grabbed his girlfriend by the hips, and kissed her softly but passionately. Kosaki ran her fingers across his hair, and he deepened the kiss. Soon, he led her to his room, taking her shirt along the way. His soon followed. They both collapsed on the bed, laughing all the way.
Things became more passionate as they continued kissing and caressing each other. Kosaki was in bliss. There was nothing better than being together with the man she loved, the man she would always love. It was in moments like this that, despite her shyness, she had the urge to utter those little words that meant everything to her.
"I love you." She whispered between kisses. She then kissed and sucked on that spot in Raku's neck that drove him insane.
"Hmmm. Chitoge." He groaned, completely unaware of what he had just said.
Kosaki froze. Her mind came to a sudden halt, and she felt her heart breaking. "What?" She whispered, tears already falling down her face.
"What? What happened? What are you crying?" Raku asked, looking sincerely concerned.
She didn't believe him.
Kosaki bolted from the bed, continuing to cry. She went out of the room, searching for her discarded shirt, all the while ignoring Raku's calling. Once she was fully dress, she walked towards the door, her purse already in hand, and her feet in her shoes.
"Why are you going?!" Her boyfriend exclaimed.
The girl turned to look at him, suddenly realizing something that should have always been clear. Where there were brown locks, he only saw long and golden hair. Where they were brown eyes, Raku saw sky-blue eyes. Where one girl stood, his mind and heart only saw a girl who had long since gone away.
"You said the wrong name."
He just watched her go. She almost hated him right then and there.
Kosaki had been avoiding Raku for a week. She had spent that week moping as well. Her heart was broken, yes, but she also felt incredibly foolish for having believed lies for three years on a row. When Ruri found out, she had threatened to kill Raku for lying and hurting her friend. Kosaki stopped her, though. She had been the one to know the truth all along, but decided to ignore it.
After more than a week had gone by, she finally decided to talk to Raku. He had been so hopeful when he looked at her, that Kosaki almost felt bad for what she was about to do. Almost.
"Raku-kun."
"Yeah?"
"Let's break up."
Though she had known it from the start, Kosaki was still hurt when Raku didn't try to defend himself. He didn't even try to stop her from going. He just accepted what was happening. He apologized as well. He didn't say he loved her. He didn't beg her to stay with him. Nothing.
Before leaving, Kosaki dared to look at him one last time. There were tears in her eyes, but she willed herself not to cry. "You know, if you had asked me to, I would've had stayed."
He didn't answer to that.
She didn't wait for him to say anything.
The elephant remained in the room.
