This is a parody. Please read it as such. My sincerest apologies to Marius fans. Bahorel was not in a good mood when he wrote this.

Much love,

Unicadia

Monsieur Alain Boubil,

I will dispense with all other formalities as I find them dull and useless and also because I feel this is a matter much too important to be ignored.

I find your musical to be quite charming, but I could not help noticing that a crucial component is missing. It is a dreadful mistake, one I am aghast at since it is such a large, glaring hole you must been either temporarily blind or (begging your pardon) completely stupid when you wrote the musical.

This mistake comes in the form of entirely leaving out a character from your production. This character happens to be yours truly. I understand this is most certainly a careless error on your part, however, in the event that this is the result of your idiocy (begging your pardon), I wish to set forth further evidence for my right for being in the musical (aside from being a canon character in the book, which I think is reason enough).

First of all, I am mentioned in the book about as many times as all my fellow revolutionaries. I will even go so far as to say that I appear more often than that fan-maker, Feuilly. If you based your decision to cut me from the production on the frequency the esteemed Victor Hugo mentioned us, I am far superior to Feuilly, perhaps even to Courfeyrac. My paragraph of description is much larger than his.

Secondly, I am quite sure I am the instigator of the infamous Marius' mad charge up the barricade with the powder keg. If he had not seen me, me, one of his comrades (this especially in the musical) fall, he would not have felt so compelled to be so stupid. If he had not done that, Éponine would not have dashed in front of him, and then she would not have died, and we would not have the iconic song "A Little Fall of Rain." Instead, in your interpretation, Marius appears even stupider and duller than he usually is as he apparently bumbles up the barricade for no apparent reason, thus making poor Éponine's death essentially meaningless.

Third, I have a much stronger, much more interesting personality than most, if not all, of my colleagues. With all due respect to Feuilly, you must admit he is extremely boring. Joly is simply bizarre and Bossuet strange. Combeferre is also tiresome, and Monsieur Hugo's descriptions of Courfeyrac are quite vague. Prouvaire, I suppose, is interesting, but I think it's a case of either loving or hating. Grantaire is plain disgusting. That leaves Enjolras, and I guess I can't criticize our beloved leader. I, on the other hand, am quite fascinating. Wild, brash, sarcastic with a dash of devilish debonair – without a doubt much more interesting than flower pots and fans.

In conclusion, I would like to add that this rumor I've heard about Marius' greater involvement with Les Amis de l'ABC replacing me to be quite atrocious. I assure you I would never regard you to be so low as to do such a horrible, inconceivable thing. You're welcome.

I have full faith in you that this was a simple careless error, but if not, I pray you will examine my reasoning, see a good head doctor to aid you in overcoming your stupidity (begging your pardon), and make a swift adjustment to your musical. I am, after all, extremely deserving of a place in your musical, perhaps even more so than Marius.

Sincerely,

Alexandre René Bahorel