My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm 17 years old. I was in the Hunger Games; twice. I survived; twice. I killed President Coin. I was the Mockingjay.
I was the Girl on Fire and everything- everyone- I touch burns.
Rue was the first to get to close to the flames. The little bird, who flew through the trees like she had wings. The bird that reminded me so much of Prim and who died because I couldn't get there in time to help her. The girl I sang to sleep and covered in flowers. I didn't kill Rue – the Capitol did that – but I could have prevented her death, if I had been faster.
Cinna's skill with fabrics had no comparison. And with them; he made me the person I am. He made me the dress that defied the Capitol; that fought back. Cinna was brave and loyal and everything I wasn't. He was kind to me at a time when friends were scarce. Cinna fought my corner for me, made me memorable, and for that I am eternally grateful. Cinna made me the Mockingjay and for that; he died.
Finnick became the closest thing I had to a friend in District 13. Oh Finnick! What did I do to you? I let the Mutts get you. I should have made sure you were with us; that you were safe. The pain of knowing that I could have done more; that I could have helped you; increases when I realise you will never go home to District 4. It was like being struck by lightning the day that the photo of your son arrived; the son you will never meet.
Gale, my best friend and hunting partner. I hurt him more than anyone. I cannot express what I feel about Gale, and what I did to him, without the pain of memory threatening to fill my thoughts.
My little duck; Prim. The one person I always knew I loved. Innocent little Primrose; as sweet and beautiful as the flower for which she was named. Another child killed because of the Capitol and another innocent dead because I wasn't quick enough; because I failed to protect them.
I hated myself for so long. I hated what I did to them. I hurt Gale. It's my fault Rue died. My actions caused the death of Finnick. Cinna died for the spark of rebellion that I helped ignite. I brought my family into danger when I produced those berries in my first games; I allowed Prim to get hurt.
And then there's Peeta.
Peeta, who knew he loved me from the moment he heard me sing. He calmed my fears and made the nightmares go away. Peeta Mellark made me a better person and in return; I hurt him. I hurt him over and over again.
For a time when he was in the Capitol, my nightmares weren't about Prim, or the Mutts, or the Hunger Games. They were about Peeta, in the Capitol, in love with another girl. Those nightmares were my fault. The Capitol took him and hurt him because I let go of his hand. They hurt him because of me. He went away because I left him, I let go of his hand.
But Peeta came back. Even after all I did; Peeta came back. He reminded me of things, that everything wasn't my fault. I didn't kill Rue. Cinna chose to make me the Mockingjay. Finnick could have stayed behind with Annie. Gale hurt me too. I told Peeta how sorry I was that I hurt him and that if he had never met me; he would have been safe. He replied that, if he had never met me, he would not have someone to love, to fight for, to live for. I was his reason for being. And he was mine. Peeta made me strong again.
Each person I hurt is a wound upon my heart and when Peeta came back, he helped me heal. Slowly, we helped each other recover and with his words, some of my wounds healed. I am still broken, not yet repaired.
But some wounds never heal.