Don't Let Me Go

A/N- Thanks for all your lovely reviews and well wishes. I'm pleased to say the house move went smoothly but we're surrounded by boxes and DIY tasks which I'm choosing to ignore in order to do some stories hee hee! The net is up and running too so all is pretty good in my little world right now :o)

This is set in season five just before/ instead of the Thanksgiving episode. It's a little two-parter with a fair bit of angst thrown into the mix...

"Speed dating?" Monica asked incredulous.

"Yeah!" Rachel exclaimed excitedly, "My friend from work was telling me all about it. It sounds really fun."

Monica's worried eyes met Chandler's equally worried eyes from across the room.

"It sounds really desperate," she argued nervously.

"Desperate? Please, when did you last go on a date?"

"Um," Monica's eyes again shot to Chandler, remembering their wonderful date the other weekend. He'd taken her for dinner in a cute little diner out of the village. It was a quirky place, somewhere where they knew none of their gang would ever venture. They'd selected a small secluded booth and had gotten the chance to kiss a little, flirt a lot and take full advantage of the rare opportunity to enjoy being a couple.

His blue eyes had been so playful and bright throughout the evening and he'd never looked more gorgeous in his all black suit and he'd seemed to appreciate her new clingy dress. Barely able to keep their hands off each other throughout the meal, neither were surprised that they hadn't been able to wait until they got home for dessert, instead having to take a detour to a very secluded part of the park.

Now that had been a fun.

"Exactly!" Rachel protested, misinterpreting her silence. "It will be fun; it's a great chance to meet men, lots of men and to move on. I wanna go and you're coming with me. Phoebe, you wanna join us?"

"Hell yeah!" Phoebe agreed eagerly, "10 dates in like 10 minutes. I'm there!"

"It's 15," Rachel informed her with a smirk.

"15 potential hotties?" Phoebe's obvious excitement increased, "Sign me up!"

Monica bit her lip, wincing, very aware of Chandler's eyes on her, begging her to find a way out of this.

"Then you can go with Phoebe," she tried, "you don't need me there."

"Monica, you need to get out more and this is the perfect chance to meet some new guys."

She didn't want to meet any new guys; if only she could tell them that. She hugged herself slightly as her eyes automatically sought out the only guy she wanted. Needed. He looked as apprehensive as she felt.

"And," Phoebe continued for Rachel, "if you don't like them you've only wasted like 3 minutes of your life instead of a whole evening. 3 minutes- they can't even bore you in that time." She clapped her hands together in glee, "Oh, I can't wait!"

Monica needed an excuse. Fast.

"Actually, you know what, I think I'm working," she breathed a sigh of relief, proud of herself for her quick thinking. She was somewhat confused though as Chandler winced, shaking his head as he returned to pretending to read his paper. She frowned; what was his problem?

"You've got next weekend off work," Rachel was also frowning.

Crap. She'd forgotten that.

"Oh, um, right, I meant I, uh-"

"Monica, just come with us," Phoebe argued. "We've not done anything fun, just us girls since I've had the babies. I could do with a good girls' night out to cheer me up and this is perfect. Please? Come on, I really need this."

Phoebe did those damn puppy dog eyes and Monica screwed her face up in response. How could she say 'no' when she played the post baby-card? It wasn't fair. Phoebe had been down lately, not quite herself since giving away the triplets, maybe this was what she needed? She bit her lip again in indecision, hugging herself even tighter; she knew both the girls were now looking at her so, she couldn't risk another glance at Chandler.

"Um…" she racked her mind for any final excuses, praying that Chandler would jump in with something.

Anything.

He didn't.

She was out of ideas.

"Ok…I guess."

As the girls 'whooped' she shot an apologetic look to Chandler. He swallowed heavily and nodded, looking away from her and back to his paper. She frowned again at his reaction; he'd seen she'd tried to get out of it, that she'd made it clear she didn't want to go. Monica desperately wished she could talk to him to see what was going on inside that complex brain of his but with both girls here and Ross currently crashing on the boys' couch she didn't know when she'd get a chance. It was extremely hard to find much alone time with him at the moment and it was extremely frustrating for both of them.

To make matters worse Thanksgiving was just around the corner and she knew it was his least favorite time of the year; he was already getting a touch cranky and irritable. As it was their first holiday together as a couple, even unofficially, she'd wanted to try and do something to help him overcome his hatred of the holiday, maybe even enjoy it just a tad as he realized he had lots to be thankful for.

But she had hardly gotten to see him this last week, apart from a few stolen moments here and there; it wasn't nearly enough. Their date the other weekend had been the only time they'd managed to really get out and be together, just the two of them. It had been great, amazing, wonderful…but it had only been for a few short hours. It had been too short and time had flown by way too quickly.

Even their sacred midnight trysts were difficult at the moment because of her stupid light-sleeper brother.

God, she really missed spending time with Chandler and she knew he was feeling just as frustrated as she was. She was tempted to say to hell with the secrecy thing and just announce their relationship to the world. Sure they'd be scrutinized, gossiped about and placed under constant surveillance from their friends no doubt, but at least they'd get to spend some time together, actually have a relationship to be kept secret.

It had to be better than their current situation.

"Hello?"

"Hey gorgeous," came the familiar warm voice over the phone line, bringing an instant smile to her face, "you ok to talk?"

"Yeah," she grinned, sitting on the couch and tucking her feet up under her, "Rachel's at work and Ross has gone for a walk to clear his head. How's your morning? As bad as you thought?"

"Meh," she could hear him shrug over the phone, "horrible actually, I wish I was off spending the day with you."

"Me too," she agreed, her smile entering her voice, "but that would look a little suspicious, plus it's your busy time remember?" she teased, wondering how he'd even managed to fit in a phone call to her.

"It is busy," she heard him sigh, "and I will have to go back soon before they notice I sneaked out of the meeting room. Say uh, have you managed to get out of Friday night yet?" he asked hopefully.

She screwed up her face in surprise, "No," she shook her head, although he couldn't see her, "they are really looking forward to a girls' night out and I can't let them down. Besides, it'll be nice to get to hang out with them."

"You hang out with them every day," he tried to keep his tone light.

"This is different!" she chuckled, not picking up on his mood.

"Yeah, different because you'll also be hanging out with 20 horny guys."

Her brow creased, only now hearing the edge entering his voice.

"It's 15 guys," she tried to tease lightly, but she was met with silence. "Honey, I'm going so I can have a fun evening with the girls and make Phoebe feel better. That's all it's gonna be, I'm not going to see anyone or get any dates or phone numbers," she promised.

"But it's a room full of 20 horny guys who'll all think you're available and looking for sex," he protested, "it's like my worst nightmare."

"It's 15 guys," she automatically corrected, "and I thought your worst nightmare was waking up naked and finding Martha Stewart and your mother in your bedroom discussing twinkie recipes."

"Reducing the number by 5 doesn't help, believe me," he muttered, ignoring her attempt at humor, "I'm serious, please try and get out of it."

"Chandler," she protested, "you know it's you I wanna be with and you know I'm not available. I know I'm not available. Let them think what they like, it's you I'm dating, you who I'm in a relationship with, you who I'm crazy about. You've got no reason to be worried ok? I promise, it's not a big deal. It's just a few hours with the girls."

"I-"

"Do you trust me?" she asked pointedly.

"With my life, you know that," he promised without hesitation, "it's the 20 horny guys I don't trust."

"Chandler," she warned.

"Fine, 15 guys, whatever. Please just try and get out of it," he begged softly. "I'll take you out somewhere nice instead. Just the two of us, anywhere you wanna go, whatever you wanna do."

She grinned slightly, that did sound appealing. Very appealing. "I don't think I'll be able to, sweetie," she sighed regretfully, "Phoebe hasn't had a decent night out since the babies. She's so excited about it and Rachel's already paid and booked our places."

"Mon…"

"It's just one evening," she pointed out again, "just a few hours. We can sneak out somewhere Saturday night."

She heard him sigh again and then a distant shout reached her ears.

"Damn," she heard him mutter, "They've noticed I've gone AWOL. I better go back…I'll see you later."

"Chandler, you've got nothing to worry about."

There was silence but she knew he was still connected so waited.

"If you say so," he said quietly, "bye Mon."

She heard the phone click off.

"Bye," she whispered.

She knew he trusted her and it was just part of his insecure relationship baggage he carried around. Having been cheated on by both Kathy and Janice she could understand it but he knew she wouldn't ever do that to him. She wasn't going to cancel just because of it. She was actually looking forward to the evening and not for the men; she was going for the girly side of it. She hated not being able to share details of their relationship with her friends. At least Friday night she'd be able to gossip with them, giggle over a cocktail or two and discuss men in general- that would help her. She missed talking to them about guys.

Originally, she was even going to suggest to Chandler that she could tell the girls she was going on a date with one of the men there and use that as a cover story for the two of them for a couple of weeks. Now, she didn't think he'd like the idea so much.

She sighed as Ross entered the apartment, the sad look back on his face. She tried to clear her head of Chandler and focus on her brother's problems but it was hard. Why did Chandler have to make such a big deal over one evening?

It didn't mean anything.

"Hey," a tired and ruffled Chandler greeted as he entered apartment 20, his eyes automatically seeking out his girlfriend's, sharing a quick private smile. It was pretty much all they'd been able to share these last few days.

"Are you just getting home?" Joey frowned glancing at the flashing clock on the girls' VCR. It was already past 9pm.

"Yep," he sighed heavily, dumping his briefcase on the floor and collapsing onto the couch.

"Tough day at the office?" Monica asked as she came to stand behind the couch, her hands resting friend-like on his shoulders.

"Awful," he muttered, closing his eyes. "It's a busy enough time for us anyhow, plus you've got everything coming in early because of thanksgiving," he said the word as if it left a nasty taste in his mouth. "Then one of my team did a major screw up which we had to stay and correct before the system reset scheduled at midnight tonight and the stupid IT team refused to delay it until tomorrow night…," he sighed, realizing any further detail would probably bore them; opening his eyes and glancing at their faces proved they were very much bored already. Great. "Let's just say I can't wait for this crappy week from hell to be over."

"Well tomorrow's Friday," Ross tried to cheer him up, "and then it's the weekend!"

"Yeah and we get to go speed dating!" Phoebe practically cheered. "Speed dating!"

"Oh right," he muttered sarcastically, "I'd forgotten all about that." Monica felt his shoulders tense under her hands and she tried to subtly reassure him with a gentle rub.

"Well, I haven't," Rachel informed him happily, "I can't wait! And, to make it more interesting we've come up with a pact."

"What kind of pact?" Ross asked curious as Monica cringed.

"That we all have to favorite at least 2 guys; that way we have a better chance of progressing to the next stage!" Rachel said proudly.

"What?" Chandler asked surprised, pulling himself out of Monica's reach as he stood up, facing her, "You agreed to this?" Monica shot him a look which pointedly said now was not the time or place. "W-what if you don't like two guys?" he asked, turning to aim his question at one of the other girls, hoping to make it less suspicious, although his mind was already in over-drive. Next round?

"You still have to put them down," Phoebe explained. "Hopefully there'll be loads more but 2 is the minimum."

"The minimum?" he swallowed, "Well, aren't you 3 in for a good time?" He tried to keep the bitterness from his voice but knew he was failing. "Right, on that revelation I'm gonna go grab a shower and head to bed. I've got to be in work early tomorrow and it's gonna be another day of hell…I can feel it."

They all bid their sympathetic goodnights as he left, resisting the urge to slam the door behind him. Life was hectic and busy enough without this on his mind. Two guys? He'd barely shut his apartment door when he heard it open and close again. He turned around, not surprised to find her standing there.

"Look, Mon," he sighed, "now really isn't a good time. I'm tired and-"

"I know," she said, "I just wanted to check you were ok?"

"Never better," he muttered and it was her turn to sigh. "When were you gonna tell me about the 2 guy rule?" he asked, trying not to sound irritated but her expression told him he'd failed.

"How about never?" she replied. "What does it matter? It doesn't mean anything, Chandler, I've already told you that. I'm not going to go on any actual dates with anyone! It's just a night out with the girls, we've had this conversation. Can we please just forget it? It's not a big deal."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn't feel like doing this right now and knew himself well enough to know he certainly wouldn't be able to forget it.

"Great, well," he shook his head trying to clear it, "I'm gonna go have that shower and go to bed."

"Is that an invitation?" she quipped, knowing with the others just across the hall it wouldn't be possible anyhow.

"No," he said softly and she frowned at his tone.

"It was just a joke," she insisted.

"I'm not in a…jokey place right now," he sighed, taking a step away from her. "Look, I'm sorry, I've had a horrible day and you can probably tell I'm not in the best of moods and I'm not really up for company."

She looked him over and pushed down the hurt feelings starting to bubble in her stomach. She didn't like it if he was upset, she didn't like it if there was any kind of tension between the two of them. It didn't sit right.

"Chandler," she said softly, stepping forwards to place a hand on his chest but he shrugged her away.

"I'm sorry, just-" he sighed trying to explain, "just let me sleep this off, ok? I'll see you tomorrow."

With that he walked into the bathroom and closed the door. Monica sighed, closing her eyes for a few moments as she composed herself, getting ready to go back and be the happy host next door. He was just having a bad week. That's all it was. He pushed people away when he was like this and always had. Just because they were dating didn't mean he was going to change his coping mechanisms overnight.

Let him have tonight. Hopefully she could reassure him and nip this in the bud at breakfast.

She heard the shower start to run and took that as her cue to leave. She'd thought that if she'd come over here she could reassure him, have a few sneaky kisses and make them both feel better.

She'd failed miserably.

Chandler entered the girls' apartment after work. It was late, again, but thankfully not as late as last night. He could hear Phoebe's and Rachel's excited voices coming from Rachel's bedroom as they got ready for their big night. He thankfully couldn't hear Monica's voice and her light was on in her room, so he hoped that meant she was there; he needed to talk to her. He hadn't seen her since yesterday evening's less than happy conversation. He hadn't bothered going over for breakfast, his mood hadn't improved and he'd wanted to get to work stupidly early to get a head start.

He gently tapped on her bedroom door and pushed it open a crack. She was sat on her bed with just a towel wrapped around her as she did something girly to her hair.

"Hey," he greeted, his eyes involuntarily running over her. She was beautiful.

"Hey," she said just as softly but there was still tension, he winced.

"Did you manage to get out of tonight?" Chandler asked, "Because Joey and Ross are going out to some bar, so we could have two apartments all to ourselves…" God, he hoped she'd agree. He needed her, wanted her so badly; to be close to her, to have just a few hours with her would make all the difference to him right now. He could forget all about this crappy week, this crappy holiday and just enjoy being in her arms. Recharge and recover in a way that only Monica could help him with.

"No, sorry Chandler, but I told you I was going to this," she looked carefully in the mirror, critically examining a curl she'd done in her hair. Why was she putting so much effort into this, he vaguely wondered.

"You won't change your mind?"

"I can't, we're leaving in less than 20 minutes."

"You could pretend to not feel well? Pull a sickie and-"

"Would you stop?" she asked, her eyes pleading, "It's just a girly night out. It shouldn't be an issue. I'm allowed to go out with whoever I want. Since when were you a possessive jealous boyfriend? It doesn't suit you."

He blinked. That's what she thought this was?

"I'm not being a possessive jealous boyfriend," he shot back, trying to keep his voice quiet. "I have the right though, to feel a little worried that my girlfriend is going on like 20 dates tonight."

He trusted her. He did. But what if she met someone tonight by accident? She was going on multiple dates with every guy playing their A game, trying their best to be charming and datable. What if there was a surprise spark she hadn't expected? He knew she was out of his league; what if she met someone very much in her league?

He couldn't help his insecurities.

"I'm spending time with the girls," she protested as calmly as she could, placing down her heating tongs, "That's all I'm going for. I don't care about any guys there. I just want some cocktails and girly gossiping."

"You're drinking?" for some reason he hadn't expected that; didn't want that. Alcohol lowered inhibitions and made it easier to give into temptation.

"Just because I have something to drink doesn't mean I'm going to fall into bed with someone," she grated, trying to keep her emotions in check. She knew it was just a rough time for him and wished this whole speed dating thing had come after thanksgiving but she couldn't help that. She just needed him to trust her and it hurt that he apparently didn't.

"Right," he scoffed quietly, "just how did we get together again?"

She narrowed her eyes at the low blow. She hadn't expected that.

"That was different," she ground out, "and you know it. Why are you dragging London into this? It's got nothing to do with it."

Annoyed she stood up, turning her back to him as she removed the towel and stepped into her dress.

"Zip me up?" she asked, trying to calm down.

"You're wearing that?" he asked and she bit down her frustration and waited for him to help her with the zipper. Annoyed at how her body automatically responded to him being so close, to his fingertips lightly brushing her skin, causing goosebumps to appear in their wake.

"Yes, I'm wearing this," she confirmed, turning to face him, "is there some sort of problem with my outfit?"

Irritated that she was getting caught up in this stupid argument, even though she'd told herself she wouldn't, Monica left him standing in the middle of the room as she went over to her dresser. She quickly located the earrings she wanted and started putting them on.

He was just in a freaked-out stubborn 'Chandler' place and she shouldn't join him. Wouldn't. She could and would rise above it.

"If I say 'yes' are you going to accuse me of being a possessive jealous boyfriend again?" he said quietly but there was still a hard edge to his voice which she didn't like.

"What's wrong with me wearing this?" she tried cutting to the chase whilst fixing her necklace in place.

"You look hot," he told her and on any other occasion she'd thank him but right now it seemed anything but a compliment.

"And?"

"Do you really need to wear something so…sexy?" he asked, starting to pace, his hand scrubbing across his face, through his hair.

"What do you want me to wear? A paper bag?" she sniped; she wouldn't rise to the bait, she wouldn't.

"What's wrong with jeans?" he asked and she shook her head wondering if he was being serious or trying to deliberately irk her.

"Tell me you're joking?"

"I'm not joking," he protested, "why do you have to put in so much effort if you're just going to have a night with the girls? Why do you have to wear something so clingy and -"

"My God, Chandler," she finally snapped hissing, aware of the girls just in the next room. "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you actually listening to yourself? I'm putting in some effort because it's nice to sometimes. Is that so wrong? Plus don't you think the girls will get a little suspicious if I don't spend a bit of time on my appearance. I've already told you a zillion times by now that I'm not interested in picking up any random guys. Let as many of them as they like put my number down, I'm not going to do anything. So, please please, stop with this weird insecure boyfriend thing ok? I know I'm taken and you know I'm taken; isn't that enough? I mean, do you really need me to put a sign around my neck telling guys to back off? Or tell the girls that you're going to come sit next to me and hold my hand? Or hell, you could just pee on me and mark your territory."

"Fine," he snapped back, arms in the air, "yeah that's exactly what I said, maybe I should make this real easy for you and just stop being your boyfriend tonight."

He went towards the door and she narrowed her eyes, "Chandler," she warned.

He turned and looked at her, both of them stared at each other. Their chests were rising and falling a little faster than normal, their eyes a mixture of anger, pain and hurt.

"I-"

The moment was interrupted by the bedroom door opening, almost hitting Chandler.

"Chandler?" Phoebe frowned, "what are you doing here?"

He swallowed, breaking eye contact and looking over to his blonde friend as he tried to get his head off the fight and focus on her question.

"I was, uh, just," he swallowed, "just saying good bye to Monica. You girls have fun tonight, I hope it's worth it."

With that he walked out of the room, head down and left the apartment fast, annoyed at himself and at her. Frustrated, he forcefully pushed open his apartment door, slamming it behind him, causing Ross to jerk in surprise.

"You ok?" Ross frowned.

"Nope," he bit out, marching towards his room, "you guys still going out tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm just waiting for Joey to-"

"Great," he cut him off, "wait for me too. I'm coming with you."

With that he slammed his bedroom door leaving a perplexed Ross in the living room.

TBC...

A/N - I hope I haven't bummed you out too much on a Saturday night!

It was really hard to get these two to fight. With every edit (and there was lots) I'd tweak something only to reread it and suddenly one of them seemed too harsh. Hopefully you could see both their view points in this chapter? I'd love feedback on if it worked on any level...

Anyhow, the next part should be up in the next day or so...I can't leave a negative vibe between them for too long- doesn't feel right!