Poor Paul, the volatile werewolf. He's the one who needs the most love and gets the least. I just wanted to make him smile a little. Enjoy, I know I have.
Advice of the week:
Independence is a beautiful thing. It is always a great back-up plan for those socially minded.
Paul
"I'm, ah, I'm not sure exactly what to say. I'm a hard worker, I keep a close group of friends, and I know how to work in a pack- I mean team. Oh and I am very loyal. I love animals; I get along really well with them. " My palms were sweating and my voice sounded unusually high. I could face a gang of bloodthirsty, super fast, evil vampires. But job interviews freaked me out.
"Ok." He was writing this all down and I waited awkwardly for him to finish. "What kind of experience do you have with animals?"
"Oh plenty." Shit, that sounded cocky. I could feel a blush at my awkward statement. I explained all my previous farm work. I had worked on the family farm since I was old enough to say 'Mommy needs you in the kitchen.' I loved horses. I realized that it made sense connecting with other large animals. Especially, being a large animal myself.
"What would you say are your weaknesses?" Bored, balding, Mr. Martin asked with drooping eyelids. We both knew I was going to be great at this; working hard was good for me.
"I have some anger issues." I hoped that wasn't a deal breaker. I had been trying to get it together. Ever since the Cullen's left it was easier to keep from phasing. I had been doing my best and the pack was always helpful. "It's not important. I get out my anger by doing manual labor. This should work out fine."
"I see you have some recent fines." He raised an overgrown grey eyebrow at me. Shit.
"Cliff diving is a, well, a passion of mine. I-It's fun." I swallowed hard and made a little gulping noise. "I promise not to do it again."
"Oh really?" he seemed to wake up a little. Not a good sign. I was probably lying through my teeth, but I really wanted this job. "Well, son I suppose that you would be too tired after work to get yourself into much trouble as it is."
"So, do I have the job?" I sat up straighter in my chair. Please say yes, please say yes. I could feel my heartbeat quicken. Mr. Martin walked over to the window and opened it. Even though it was raining hard the glass was all fogged up. I couldn't help my unusual heat.
"Boy, do you have a fever or something?" he was eyeing me suspiciously. No, I do not have a fever. You might call it a genetic condition; you might call it 'monster issues'; you might call it freaky. It was definitely not a fever.
"Nope, just one healthy, hardy, and handy young man." I'd thought of that one while waiting in the outdated waiting room. I wanted to try to use it at some point as a way of marketing myself. This job would be good, great even. It paid 12 an hour and it was guaranteed 40 hours a week. That kind of money was hard to come by in La Push. All I would have to do would be shovel horse shit, take care of the animals, wrangle cattle, and basically work a farm.
"Yeah, I guess." Mr. Martin sized me up one last time; he took my giant hand and shook it. The cranky old man seemed to brighten if only for a moment. He seemed pleased with my size; I was built for this kind of work. I could lose myself in this kind of work. It was perfect.
"Congratulations!" Emily hugged me and Sam patted me on the back. They were all excited that I'd scored the Langdon Farms job. I could feel a red hot blush spread to my cheeks and I kept my eyes glued to the floor. Everyone knew me as the screw-up angry and unstable one of the pack. It had been hard on Sam and me; Sam especially. Leah, Seth, Collin, Jared, Quil, Embry, and Jacob were lucky. Sam and I knew what they were going through when the werewolf genes kicked in. Sam and I had no idea what was happening to us. Sam was able to figure almost everything out about the time I started to change. It had been rough though. Sam was able to handle things better mostly because of Emily. I wasn't that lucky; I still hadn't imprinted. It was almost embarrassing that Jared and Quil had imprinted before me. I couldn't help my jealously. I was also worried that if I did imprint that I might hurt the poor soul like Emily. I shuddered at the thought.
"You wouldn't." Sam said quietly from across the room. I turned red all over again. Everyone was quiet, feeling my emotions and pain in their own way. All except Emily and Kim, they had no idea. I figured that to some extent they knew; they were just as much a part of the pack as everyone else. It could be so suffocating having them all in my head. Before the pack formed I had been a relatively shy person. I liked to keep to myself.
"You don't know that Sam!" I could feel my emotion and anger welling up. I stood up waiting to phase and run off. I was taking off my shoes in preparation.
"Yes I do." He was staring me down. The other members were staying quiet. I was sick of them being in my head all the time. I needed space and air. I could feel myself ripping apart; I wanted so badly to give in. Fighting that impulse was like fighting the purest part of yourself. "Of all people I would know. Put your shoes on, you aren't going anywhere."
"No, you don't know" I growled. Keep it together, keep it together. "You have no idea what it's like. It's hell Sam. I'm angry. I'm bitter. I'm alone. Now let me be." I phased and ran into the forest. I had managed to keep most of my clothes intact. I ran to the beach it helped to calm me. Somehow watching the tumultuous green/blue waves crash helped quell the anger. I phased back to human for and threw on the pants I'd tied around my leg. I could sense the storm front before I saw it on the horizon. It was going to be a bad one. I felt my hairs stand of end and I felt uneasy; probably some thunder and lightening. I never needed the weather forecast anymore. That was certainly one advantage to the whole werewolf thing. I was alone and I was the reason for being alone. I guess I wasn't completely alone considering the fact that I always had pack and the tribe. Being a wolf wasn't easy, and it certainly wasn't easy. I couldn't help but be bitter; I hadn't been given a choice to be this way. No one asked me, 'Hey Paul. You know what would be cool?' The stupid bloodsuckers at least had a choice; granted sometimes that choice was made for them. My choice was given in my DNA; what genes were to be expressed or not. That was purely fate, magic, and/or history. I tried to be positive and remind myself that tomorrow would be a new day. I sat down of a weathered piece of wood and took count of the things in my life. I would do this on life changing events. I did this after high school graduation. I even did this while grieving Harry's death. Now I was going to start a new job so it was time. Health- Check. If anything I was too healthy. Wealth- Getting there. This new job would help. Friends- Yes, the better than any human friends. Family- The tribe was the best family you could ever hope for. Happiness- Mostly, but it was hard. I was bitter and angry all the time. It was hard to be happy. Love- Nope. Nothing.
Lila
"Well, what do you think?" my aunt Kris was so enthusiastic I hoped that I would able match her energy level. Flying to the opposite coast wasn't exactly what I had planned for the summer. Life in the fast lane… I needed to get away. I'd lived most of my life in rural Tennessee. My whole family was in the horse business. Or at least that's what I liked to call it. We raised and sold quality horses for a living. My parents had a particular knack for horses; it had passed to me. I had a special way with animals, as cliché as that might sound. I had always just assumed that it was hereditary.
"It's great, aunt Kris." And it was. The farm was beautiful; I had to admit that the Pacific Northwest was beautiful. It was maybe a little colder than I would have liked, but still beautiful. She was currently breeding paint horses, a personal favorite of mine. I watched their beautiful muscular bodies gallop through the pasture. If I squinted hard enough and looked out to the west I could see a sliver of ocean. It was beautiful and so remote. I'd never lived so far from a mall before. It was so quiet and peaceful being in this remote town. It was also strange seeing such tall trees. Back home there were trees, plenty of them but never this huge. Washington was beautiful.
"Is it how you remember?" she seemed hopeful. It had been three years, a long, life altering three years. I had grown a lot and changed in so many ways. The farm really hadn't changed at all.
"Almost exactly as I remember." I smiled at her and she hugged me. It felt so good to be back and smell the salty air of the Pacific Ocean. Everything was greener and cleaner in Northwest.
"I'm so glad to hear that. Now we've made some changes since you were last here. I'll show you." She grabbed my hand, and we were off on a whirlwind adventure to see everything. She explained that they had been expanding and had hired a new ranch hand. The farm had always been like one big family. We walked over to the stables. They had a few new colts and I was about to stroke the nose of one.
"Get your hand out of there!" I jumped about a foot and turned around.
"Mr. Martin! You gave me a real fright!" I walked over to the old man. He was just as cranky as I remembered. "How have you been?"
"Tired. I'm old." He had such a tough exterior but I could see the real humor behind his tired eyes.
"My aunt works you too hard Mr. Martin. You are wasting away!" I patted him on the back and saw a wry smile cross over his ancient face. He had been a ranch hand all his life and that kind of work had hardened him, but just like with animals I just had a way.
"You've been good?" he asked in a gruff voice, trying to hide his excitement at seeing me.
"Never better thank you." Mr. Martin showed me around the farm until it was close to dinner time. I still hadn't seen my favorite person yet.
"Oh Miss. Lila I'm so glad you're here." I looked into the old face I hadn't seen for years. It was Miss. Maria my old nanny she had cared for me over the summers when I stayed with my aunt. I hugged her and she led me to the kitchen. She smelled like cedar wood chips and cinnamon. It was an old familiar smell, the kind that that eases you into reminiscing about the past.
"Miss. Maria! How have you been? How are the boys? Pedro? José? Poco?" she brightened at my mentioning her three sons. Pedro was five years older than myself, José was my age and Poco was about five year younger.
"Poco isn't so small anymore. He prefers his real name: Jon. They are all doing fine." We got caught up on matters of the farm and local news. She explained about the strange bear attacks and sightings. She also warned me about the local boys. "Oh Miss. Lila, they are so big. The youngest is around Poco's age, but he is the size of Pedro! I can't believe it!"
"It all sounds rather off if you ask me." I tried not to let my southern drawl linger. It was almost like I belonged in two worlds. Another civil war of culture: On one side I wanted to be a prim and proper southern lady, and on the other I wanted to be a regular ranch hand of Langdon Farms up north. So much about myself changed within Miss. Maria's company. My language shifted, my clothes were different, even the way I carried myself was more relaxed. If my mother were to see me now; she'd turn rather blue in the face.
"Dinner should be ready soon. Your room is just how you left it, if you want to go see." She pointed upstairs. I felt a burst of happiness. It was so good to be here.
"Oh Miss. Maria! You are a regular Chief Cook and Bottle Washer!" I hugged her again and see looked at me strangely.
"Chief cook… and what?" she was smirking at me. Maria loved the little difference between the north and south.
"What? Y'all don't say that? It means that you can do anything and everything." I smiled back at her before running up the stairs. I found the door that I hadn't walked through in a three years. My life and summers had been so busy at the end of my high school years, I wasn't able to visit. Now, with one year of college under my belt I was ready to revisit my old watering hole. I took a deep breath and opened the door. The room was beautiful, still. The walls were a cheery yellow with a clean white trim. There was lace an almost everything from my curtains to my bedspread. It was like a little slice of the south up north. I went and sat on the box seat at the window and looked out over the pasture. I sighed and looked down. There was a tall and lean dark haired man shoveling hay. I smiled at him. He looked up and I waved but he just stood there, watching me. I couldn't make out his features very well but I was fairly sure he was watching me. I had to remind myself that I was no longer in the comforts of a society I knew well. I couldn't just wave at people I didn't know and expect a kind gesture back. Two worlds apart. I heard Miss. Maria call my name and I ran down stairs. Everyone was there: aunt Kris, Mr. Maritn, Miss. Maria, and the three boys.
"Pedro, José, Poco- I mean Jon. It's so good to see you!" They were all grown up. Pedro was like my older brother, he liked to boss me around just like his brothers. I had always had a little crush on José, now it was almost embarrassing to see him. He had long shoulder length black hair. His eyes were always honest and clear. Poco was the funniest of all. He was painfully tall and painfully thin; his long arms and legs were truly comical.
"Hola chica!" Poco was the first to recognize me he ran up and gave me a hug. Poco had always had a little bit of a schoolboy's crush on me; now he was a little man.
"Hey Poco!" he gave me a classic teenager look. "What? You will always be Poco to me." I laughed at his obvious dissatisfaction. I looked over at the older two. Pedro walked over and gave me a brotherly hug.
"It's good to see you chica." He smiled warmly at me. Pedro was an interesting guy; he was running the business aspect of the farm. Pedro had an excellent way with numbers and management.
"You too." I finally turned to my childhood sweetheart. José was looking at his shoes and seemed a little distressed. He had always been shy, until you got to really know him. Then he wouldn't shut up. I walked over and stood in front of him until his eyes met mine. I couldn't help laughing at his general demeanor.
"Hey Jo." It was an old nickname, José hated his name when we were fifteen and I had called him Jo ever since. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a friendly hug. My head filled with a familiar scent of cinnamon and grass. Jo liked to cook with his mom while still helping with the farm. It was so good to be back.
"Are all y'all ready to fill your breadbasket?" I asked forgetting my northern façade.
"What's a breadbasket?" Poco asked with curious eyes.
"Y'all don't say breadbasket?" Everyone had a good laugh at my expense. "It means stomach."
"Oh. Where's that new guy? Is he gonna eat with us?" Poco asked Mr. Martin; he was so good natured.
"I could care less." Mr. Martin grumbled. I smiled in his direction and the old man warmed a little. Sometimes I wondered if my aunt asked me here just to make Mr. Martin a little easier to get along with.
"Who is going to eat with us?" I asked Mr. Martin specifically but Poco answered. He was eager to impress.
"The new guy." He replied with a big smile.
"Does the new guy have a name?" I asked with patience.
"Paul." Pedro replied instead. He was in control of paychecks so I assumed that he not only knew Paul's full name but his social security number and address. Paul; good name, he sounded solid. Probably a little stiff, boring, and dumb; a perfect farmhand.