Everyone Needs A Hero
Even A Champion Needs A Hero
Part 1
There was something about this entire situation that was setting me on edge. I could see Anders' worried glances directed at me every so often and the looks him and Varric would exchange on my behalf. If I wasn't so focused on finding Mother it would have bothered me. I didn't need anyone to worry about me. I was very capable of taking care of myself.
But when I saw her…pieced together like some sort of rag doll…I wanted to retch and scream and cry all at the same time.
'My little boy has become so strong…'
But I haven't. If I was strong I would have been able to save her. I failed her. Just like I failed Bethany and Carver… This family fell apart and I did nothing to stop it.
"I should have tried harder!" I picked up the chair I had been sitting in and hurled it across the room, hearing it splinter against the wall opposite me.
"Garrett…" Anders' voice came from the doorway. "There was nothing you could have done…"
"Bullshit!" I turned sharply to face him. "Just like Mother and Carver said- I could have saved Bethany! 'How could you let her charge off like that?' she said; Carver he…he said since I was 'head of the family' it was my job to keep her alive! And I failed! And now Mother…If only I had gotten there faster…warned her about the lilies…something…." I fell to my knees, squeezing my eyes shut and tearing at my hair that had fallen loose from its ponytail.
I had never felt so infuriated in my entire life. I had never felt so much hatred for anyone, especially myself. And I had never felt the sting of tears that forced itself so roughly past my lids. It broke from my chest like a dam.
I didn't want Anders to see me this way. Broken. Like a small child. I didn't need taking care of.
I felt his arms wrap around me and he didn't say a word; just simply stroked my back until my sobs died down.
"Please Garrett… Don't blame yourself for this…it isn't what she would want. She would want you to know you did everything you could-for everyone, not just her. And your brother may be an ass but he most certainly isn't going to blame this on you. With any luck the Templars have shown him how to grow up." His lip quirked up in an attempt to help me relax.
"Please, love…" He stroked my bearded cheek with a rough and calloused thumb. "Believe me." His eyes were locked on mine. Warm and gentle golden brown; the light from the fire giving them a molten look. While mine most likely looked like two bright blue ice burgs in a sea of red-thanks to overactive tear ducts.
"It's a shame…" he began and glanced over to the wall. "That you broke the chair. You always looked so sexy sitting in it- staring into the fire in deep thought," he said, giving me a little smirk.
"I can get another chair." I smiled a little.
"Oh thank the Maker! I wasn't going to be able to sleep tonight!"
I chuckled and he smiled, knowing his plan had worked.
He took my and simply held it. "If you're angry, take it out on me, not yourself."
I kissed him. "Thank you Anders."
He smiled gently. "Sometimes even Hawke needs a hero."