Here is the fic, as requested by dark-roast. :D
"Loki! Son of Laufey!" Odin's commanding voice rang through the lofty ceiling. At this, Loki turned his eyes on his adoptive father in anger. "You bring disgrace to the House of Odin! You shall be punished for your acts of horseplay!"
Thor, standing off to the side, stifled a slight giggle for his father's lack of a better term. At this, Loki whipped his head towards him at first angrily, but then morphing into a plea. "Brother," he whispered, bringing his eyes to meet Thor's. Thor just shook his head, to which Loki faced Odin with fury, wrestling futilely with the guards. "You have no right!" he spat. "I am the member with which this unit thrives!"
Odin's eyes flashed, and his booming voice commanded, "Once you have granted other's wishes, you may finally learn some humility." He turned with disgust and a dismissive wave. Loki felt darkness close all around him, and he was helpless against it.
On Earth, Steve carried his shield defensively down to his room. He tensed when he approached Tony, who had been acting somewhat strangely recently. Tony licked his lips in anticipation. What can I do to Cap now? He thought, before impulsively reaching around and giving Steve's ass a nice firm pat, to which he responded beautifully.
"Oh!" he cried out in surprise, his hand flying back to his sculpted cheek, his face quickly flooding with embarrassment.
Tony giggled appropriately.
After the proceedings, Loki's bottle was kept on a pedestal to be dealt with later. Asgardians filed out quickly until Thor stood alone in the room. He yanked the bottle from the pedestal and secreted it away before retiring to the shadows.
Steve sat in his bed, clutching his shield, mortified. He continually mulled over Tony's rump strike. "Why?" he repeated, in shock.
Thor shot down to S.H.I.E.L.D. He began to walk confidently forward when Loki gave a push and the bottle clattered to the floor. By the time it rang out, Thor was already out of earshot.
The bottle lay on the floor, Loki having exhausted his energy on a single push.
Tony rounded the corner and promptly tripped over a golden object.
"Ooh, shiny," he said to himself, stooping and picking it up. He examined it for a second before strutting away to the lab.
Thor was in his quarters before he felt a lack of Loki on his person. He turned around before even considering what would happen if just anybody got ahold of him.
Tony arrived in the lab to find Bruce huddled over an experiment. "Hey, there, Green Machine," he greeted, to which Bruce just smiled.
In the harsh lighting of the lab, it was easier to see his newfound mystery object. It appeared to be a bottle of some variety. Possibly liquor. There was a smudge from hitting the floor. Tony gave his pinky finger a quick lick before attempting to remove the imperfection.
At this, the bottle began to violently shake and the top opened, pouring out sand that defied the laws of physics and reached above his head and finally formed Loki, who did not look amused.
"What is it you wish, insignificant being?" he asked, dislodging some sand from underneath his fingernail. Tony's eyes widened before his face broke into pure joy. Bruce just stared, mouth agape.
"Make Steve love me," Tony heard himself saying. He hadn't even realized that was what he wanted, but as it emerged from his mouth, he couldn't deny it.
Bruce just smiled. He knew the day would come eventually.
Loki snapped his fingers distractedly. "It is done." He rolled his eyes. "Do you wish anything else?"
Tony swallowed, realizing he was shaking. It would probably be good if he stopped there. "N-No." It didn't take him long to regain his composure. "Why would I need anything? I've got everything money can buy."
Loki just smirked. "You shall return." He began to melt back into sand, flowing back into the bottle.
Steve was lying in his bed, trying to focus on his novel, but his thoughts kept creeping back to Tony's hand reaching for his bottom. He could feel the warm press of his hand where the slap had hit home. As he recalled the light spank it became more and more sexual and brought red to his cheeks. He came to the realization that he wanted Tony to go further. He buried his face in his hands and the book flopped to his chest.
Thor located the spot where he arrived after retracing his steps. He had found nothing in his search for his brother. Feeling anger seep through his veins, he daren't think of what further destruction his brother could cause. He had to find Loki before it was too late.
Tony brought the bottle around to Steve's quarters, holding it more out of defense than actual purpose. "Cap? You home?" He needed to know if his wish had truly been granted. I-If not, that was fine, he didn't really mean it. Hell, of course he meant it. Did he? He began to doubt even coming around when the door opened slightly. Steve peered out.
"Yes?"
"Could I come in?" Tony coolly intoned, turning over the bottle in his hands, feeling its warmth.
At this, Steve's cheeks flushed a bright red. "Sure." The door opened to reveal his tidy living quarters.
"Not much," Tony commented, but before he had a chance to say much more, he felt a mouth pressed against his, muffling his speech. It took him by surprise at first, but he relaxed into it, placing the bottle on a nearby dresser so he could put his hands to better use.
Steve had no idea what in Hell he was doing. It just felt so right, he had moved impulsively. And he didn't regret it. His tongue moved clumsily along the roof of Tony's mouth, and every second was slowed down so every tingle, every heartbeat, every fragile touch felt like a snapshot of eternity. But it passed too briefly.
(And then sex was had. I'm fairly certain you can imagine it yourself.)
Thor stormed into the lab, whirling around. "Vessel of anger," he announced, spotting Bruce, who smirked in reply. "Loki. You have seen him?"
"Uh, yeah, actually. He was in some sort of bottle? Tony left with him." Bruce scratched the back of his head.
Thor cocked his head.
"The one with the fancy suit," Bruce prodded.
"Ah. The arrogant Midgardian," Thor expressed his understanding before leaving.
Thor went to Tony's quarters to no avail.
Images of Steve flashed through his mind at a boggling speed, until he sat up with a start, drenched in nervous sweat, yanked from his sleep. He glanced down and sighed with relief when he saw Steve lying beside him, sleeping serenely with a smile on his face. Tony slipped out of the bed, gathered up his clothes, and stole away into the darkness.
Loki lay in wait on the dresser.
Steve awoke upon hearing his quarters' door close gently. He blinked away sleep and groped the darkness for Tony. Stumbling to the light switch, he pulled up his pyjama trousers as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights. Empty. The clock read 3:12 AM.
Usually, his quarters were spotless, save when he and Tony had…well…he found himself blushing. But there was a strange new object in the room, a sort of lamp thing.
Approaching it warily, Steve picked it up, running his finger over the engraving on the front. It sure looked old. Tony must have left it behind.
The lamp began to tremble, causing him to drop it to the floor in surprise. "Waugh!" He grabbed his shield. Sand poured from the top, swishing around to form a tired Loki.
"What is it you wish?" he asked, with forced politeness and a stifled yawn.
Steve's eyes grew big. "Wish?"
Loki closed his eyes and nodded.
Steve had always wanted children, for as long as he could remember. Or maybe a pet rhinoceros named Leon. He also had a hankering for tomatoes. He kept his face stern and decisive, weighing his chances of surviving parenthood versus cleaning up rhinoceros droppings. Aaand parenthood it is.
"Well, Tony and I—can I have a kid? Our kid? A baby?" he asked nervously.
Loki smiled tiredly. "A baby." He snapped his fingers. "Done."
Steve looked around for evidence, and Loki pointed to the bed, where a baby boy lie sleeping peacefully. He gasped in incredulity and gazed at his new son.
"Ahem." He turned back to Loki, who motioned to the clock, indicating the early hour. "Anything else?"
Steve turned back to his son. "No," he said fondly, thinking of Tony. "I've got everything anyone would ever want."
Tony turned the corridor corner quietly. He looked down for briefly before running into Thor.
"Man of Iron and Beard! You have arrived at last at your abode!" Thor boomed. "My brother, you have him?"
"…Oh. I…left him at…Can it wait? Thanks." He attempted to step past the god, but Thor held out a halting hand.
"No."
"There are two types of people in this world: Those who are Iron Man, and those who are not. Don't say 'no' to Iron Man." During this he slipped under Thor's arm and closed the door in the god's face.
Morning settled uncomfortably over the inhabitants of S.H.I.E.L.D. Thor had marched back to his own quarters in frustration, Bruce had worked through the night, Loki had made himself as comfortable as possible in his cramped dwelling, and Tony and Steve had a good night's sleep.
Steve awoke to the alarm of his new son at 7:35. He glanced around in a panic, looking for baby food…What did babies eat anyway?
He didn't see anything he supposed a baby would eat. As he grabbed Peter (he had always wanted a son named Peter) and his wallet he headed out the door.
He walked down the hallway until he came to Clint and Natasha's quarters. Maybe they could help. He knocked, and a moment later, Natasha appeared in her night clothes.
Steve blushed and looked away. "I'm sorry, but—"
Natasha's eyes fixed on Peter. "Who's this?"
"This is Peter. I was wondering if you'd mind watching over him for a bit. I just need to—"
"Sure." Natasha took the baby from Steve and bounced him up and down gently. "Whose is he?"
"Mine and Tony's." Steve looked away, but she didn't say anything. "I'll be back around—oh."
"What?"
"I forgot his blanket."
"You won't mind if I go?"
Steve shook his head and handed her his quarters' key, but hesitated before leaving. "He'll be fine," Natasha said firmly, and turned away, holding his key.
Steve left to get baby supplies.
Tony ran into Thor in the hallway. "My brother," Thor prompted, replied to with a sigh.
They made their way to Cap's quarters, but they were locked. "He's not here," Tony explained, and Thor huffed away. Where would he be? Tony worried. Not worried, he told himself, concerned.
He went to go take his mind off it with science.
Clint and Natasha laughed as they unlocked Steve's quarters, baby in hand. "This is exactly like Budapest," Clint observed.
"Were you drunk during Budapest?" Natasha wondered aloud. "Because that would explain you, Simon Pegg, and Tom Cruise staying in a hotel together."
"Shut up, that's nothing like you dressing up like Batman and managing to cram fifteen tomatoes in your—"
"Shh, the baby." Both of them turned and looked at Peter, peacefully dozing. Their expressions softened.
Clint put his arm around his wife. "I want one."
She took his hand. "Me too."
Loki rubbed his hands together. He was 2/3 of the way to freedom. And fairly quickly as well. Foolish Midgardians. They chose such emotional things. And the perfect opportunity had shown itself right before him. He was to be free soon. He began to slightly push them to notice his bottle, using his powers of suggestion.
Clint focused past Natasha for a second. "What's this?" He walked forward and picked it up. It felt warm.
Natasha rolled her eyes. Way to ruin a moment. "What is it?" She turned.
Clint gave it a small rub to carefully inspect it when it began shaking and pouring sand. He held it as it poured. Natasha stood, mouth agape, before moving to protect Peter.
The sand swirled and formed the malicious figure of Loki. "What is it you wish?" He smiled and Natasha could see past his admittedly adorable grin to the rancid vegetable underneath.
"What do you want?" she replied, making sure he couldn't see Peter.
Loki pretended to ignore this fact. "I wish nothing but to grant your wish." His smile oozed syrup.
"What's in it for you?" Clint asked, pulling his bow seemingly from nowhere.
"Nothing. I wish to serve. Your weapons are useless against me." It sounded like a threat.
"Hold on. Family meeting." Clint joined Natasha around Peter. "What should we do?" Natasha asked.
Clint hesitated before saying, "Maybe we should have our wish granted."
"Are you insane‽"
"No. I feel like he's waiting for something. It's safe."
"You think?" Clint nodded, and she looked thoughtful. "What would we wish for?" She glanced at Peter hintingly.
"No," Clint dismissed. "I want to do that the old-fashioned way." He received a punch.
After some further thinking, Natasha suggested, "Maybe we should…play a joke on Tony and Steve."
Clint smiled. "What kind of joke?"
She grinned back. "A big one."
Steve came back to S.H.I.E.L.D. with armfuls of groceries and baby supplies. He decided it was time to tell Tony. He worried about his reaction.
The door opened and he smiled. "I've got a surprise for you."
They arrived at Clint and Natasha's quarters. The door was opened immediately, with Clint and Natasha grinning like fools. "We've got a surprise for you."
Tony held the vacated lamp nervously. He took a deep breath before approaching Thor. "I've got a surprise for you."
~End~
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