Bobby's house was quiet. Silent in fact. Dean and Bobby had gone out to some place that they had probably told Sam about, but he wasn't exactly for listening very much recently. They had been loath to leave Sam on his own but quite frankly that was exactly what Sam wanted. He didn't know how long they'd been gone or whether they'd said what time they would be back. Sam had moved down to the panic room pretty much as soon as the door closed behind them. Bobby's panic room was his grounding point, his safe place despite the massive back catalogue of bad memories he could associate with it. It was unique in the entire world; possibly even the universe and Sam knew that. It was a singular point in space and time that he clung to, trying to use it to once again ascertain his reality as he sat on the edge of the bed in it, eyes screwed shut and face buried in his hands.
But once again, Lucifer chuckled, "Can you really be sure of what you think you're remembering Sam?"
Sam took a deep shaky breath and ran his hands up through his hair before cautiously lifting his gaze. The Devil was still sitting in the same place he had been for a while now, straddling a backwards facing chair so that he could drape his arms casually over the back of it. He was regarding Sam with an almost pitying look. It took all his will to even meet Lucifer's gaze let alone hold it for more than a couple of seconds and it wasn't long before Sam was looking to the floor once again. It used to be that he could stare right into Satan's eyes and argue his reality with fierce conviction, but that willpower had been draining fast.
"Tut tut Sam," Lucifer lifted an arm so that he could lean his temple against his fist, "I wouldn't delve too deep into those thoughts, especially with the quite respectable arsenal your friend keeps out there," he nodded towards the open door of the safe house, as though showing Sam exactly where he could find it.
Not that Sam needed to be directed. He knew the whereabouts of almost every weapon in this house. In fact, when he raised his head to gaze out into the cellar he could see two shotguns propped up against a wall. They looked pretty damn inviting and Sam hated himself for it. If he quit now then what would have been the point of even trying.
"But what if you never 'tried'?" Lucifer interrupted his thoughts with that familiar soothing tone to his voice, "What if you never escaped? Ready to believe that yet? It makes sense doesn't it?"
"Shut the hell up," Sam growled, tearing his eyes away from the guns back to the floor, dispelling the notion with a shake of the head as he knotted his fingers in his hair and tugged, angrily.
"So there's still some fight left in you yet."
Sam blinked. That wasn't Lucifer who was taunting him. It wasn't even a taunt. The new voice was encouraging, almost proud but that didn't even matter to Sam. The voice was familiar. A frown creased his forehead. He hadn't heard it in so long he had lost hope of ever hearing it again. No matter how much he had longed for it.
"I thought I'd come too late," the speaker continued as Sam built the courage to look.
Slowly, he lifted his head. Perched on the edge of the desk, close to where Lucifer had taken up position was Gabriel. Archangel Gabriel. The not-so-recently-deceased Archangel Gabriel. The Devil glanced at his brother momentarily then returned his attention to Sam, expression unreadable. Sam's mouth fell open a little as he looked quickly between the two Archangels before closing his eyes and shaking his head.
"No, not this, don't go there," Sam pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes as though trying to clear the vision from his mind, "Don't."
"Jeez what kind of a welcome is that?" Gabriel chuckled that same heart-warming chuckle that used to bring brightness and warmth to Sam's heart. All it did now was throw salt onto the open wound.
Lucifer just smirked in response, "Awful convenient t isn't it? Your little guardian angel showing up out of the blue. Isn't he dead?" it was a question that didn't need an answer. The Devil just shrugged as though it was just one of life's little mysteries, "Very convenient indeed."
When Sam risked another look his cheeks glistened but the image of Gabriel was still there, watching him stoically. After a second Gabriel glanced to the chair that Lucifer was sat in and released a soft sigh.
"Don't listen to him Sammy," the Archangel gave a quick reassuring smile, "I know what's happening. Cas told me everything."
Sam scoffed and swallowed, "Don't even try. I can't..." he paused and gave a breathy, defeated chuckle that died almost as soon as it began. He stared at the shotguns for a while silently before whispering, "I never got out."
This was it. The proof he needed. The only way he could be seeing Gabriel, his Gabriel, was if Lucifer was right all along. This was the cage. This was an illusion. This was his eternity. Until now there had always been a little light to be seen. Little things that he could convince himself that Lucifer had never known or would never be able to recreate. Like the way Dean brushed his teeth. Or the number of pages in one of Bobby's books. But this? No, Gabriel had died. Lucifer was using it to taunt him and finally give him that final nudge over the edge.
"Sam, look at me," Gabriel demanded and reluctantly Sam lifted his gaze, but it was hard to see properly through the tears that huddled in the corners of his eyes, "I came to help you and by God I swear I'm not leaving here until I have."
Lucifer chuckled, drawing Sam's attention, "Well isn't he a loyal dog?" he turned to regard Gabriel who was glancing anxiously between Sam and the chair at which Sam was staring, "Though he always was. Back in the day, he was my loyal dog," he gave Sam a triumphant smile, "He was always my loyal dog in the end."
Hurt melted onto Sam's features and his eyebrows knitted together, "No," he muttered, a weak attempt at defiance, "That's not true. He...he..." Sam couldn't finish his sentence, just clenched his jaw shut and ground his teeth, searching the floor for some kind of answer.
"All the times you met him, he was under my orders," Lucifer continued, his smirk growing, "Think about it. There were so many times he could have done something. He could have moved against me. Against Michael. But did he?" he raised his eyebrows and wrinkled his nose.
Sam swallowed and his jaw worked to try to speak but no words came forward. They were lost. There was nothing. What Lucifer was saying made sense. Gabriel may not have been as powerful as his brothers but there was still so many missed opportunities. So many times they asked for help that was never given.
"Sam," Gabriel said sharply, leaning forward in his seat and dragging the kid out of his thoughts, "Don't you dare listen to him. He's questioning my loyalty isn't he? You better not be letting him get to you, kid. Sure I loved my brother, but some things are more important to me. He isn't real."
Sam gave him a flat, expressionless look, "How would you know what he was saying if this wasn't all a sick twisted fantasy that he's created?"
Gabriel eyes smiled, "Because I know you better than most. The Lucifer you're seeing is barely a shadow of the real one, trust me I know the guy. All those niggling doubts you think he's planting in your melon were already there to start with. They're just being dressed up in a Scream mask and fed back to you."
A flicker of conflict passed over Sam's face and he tilted his head, "But...but I never doubted your-"
The end of the sentence was cut off as Gabriel wafted a hand, "Don't lie to me kiddo, not now."
Sam looked away guiltily.
"Seems a bit harsh," Lucifer wrinkled his nose at Gabriel, "Calling you a liar. The doubt thing was good though, you think? Makes you doubt yourself just that little bit more."
The confusion that was evident on Sam's face only increased at Lucifer's words. What Gabriel said seemed to make sense but the weight of the fact that Gabriel was dead just emptied the words of all their meaning.
"I'm real Sam," Gabriel said sharply, pulling Sam out of his tumultuous thoughts, "And unfortunately for everyone right now, this world is real. I know my brother, this isn't the world he would create for you. Remember mystery spot? That is where he would take you, for longer, more of your loved ones, more pain, more suffering. This world? This world is too complicated, too out of the box. That was always my area," Gabriel's voice cut through right through Sam's mind dragging him back from the brink of despair with that self-satisfied half smile of his. For a second it didn't matter if it was real or not. Just to listen to Gabriel's voice again, to know he was close, that he was alive was enough to let Sam believe just for a second that he didn't care which reality was true.
But that wasn't what mattered. If Sam lost himself to the illusion, Lucifer would just tear his happiness away from him a second later.
A second passed as Sam licked his lips, "Gabriel died," he whispered almost silently as fresh tears burned at the corners of his eyes, all the grief that had been pushed to one side was suddenly back in the spotlight as he finally said the words out loud, "He died at Elysian Fields, and we were alone. I was alone. Again," he bit his bottom lip and sniffed to compose himself as he looked up at Gabriel who didn't return the gaze, "I know he died because I know how my heart shattered and I know I never found a way to fix it," he paused again to let a weak laugh pass through his lips. There was no malice on his words, just a deep seated pain, "That's how I know this isn't real. Because, my heart still aches for you and it will never stop."
There was a long silence Sam's eyes drifted away from Gabriel to the open door of the panic room again. Lucifer was smiling victoriously, but Sam paid him no heed. Instead, he swallowed and set his features with a subtle nod of the head. Using the edge of the bed as a support, Sam pushed himself to his feet, taking a moment to steady himself as he fixed Gabriel with blood-shot, red-rimmed eyes.
"I don't want to believe this is real," Sam said sadly, "Because I don't want to risk losing you all over again," with that he stepped towards the door.
"Sam stop."
He complied but his bottom lip quivered ever so slightly, "Please just stop this now. I already made my decision, what the hell do you want from me?" Sam looked desperately at Lucifer who just tilted his head.
"I didn't die at Elysian Fields," Gabriel continued, speaking unhurriedly as he hopped down from the table and moved so that the two of them were face to face, locking his golden eyes on Sam's, "Damn close though. Luci let me go but made me swear I wouldn't go anywhere near you. He threatened things I don't want to repeat... you probably went through ten times worse because I didn't step up again. But back then I had no idea what kind of crazy ideas were cooking up in that head of yours," he took a deep breath, "The only thing I could do was leave that message. I'm not asking you to forgive me because I don't deserve it, but I'm telling you to believe me," Gabriel reached out and gently took hold of Sam's hand, not breaking eye contact.
The contact made him flinch but Sam didn't pull away, he just shook his head as he fought back a sob and his features contorted with pain, "Let me go, I'm begging you. I can't take it anymore."
"Just let me try one more thing, ok?"
A new questioning edge flickered onto Sam's gaze.
Seeing it, Gabriel smiled, "Lucifer knows me better than anyone, no offence but he's had a few thousand years to get to know me better. But there are a couple of things that he would never be able to recreate if I was just an illusion of me."
A frown flickered between Sam's eyebrows but it was momentary. There was no time for it to become anything more before Gabriel rolled up onto his tiptoes and pressed his lips to Sam's. It was so unexpected that it took a second or so for Sam to register what was happening but the sensation of Gabriel being so close quickly over whelmed him and his eyes closed. It felt like years passed. Gabriel's smell of home baking, the inexplicably comforting warmth of his body flush against Sam's, the soft feel of his lips and the glorious taste of toffee that came with them engulfed him a flood of memories he hadn't dared look at in a long time. Everything was just as perfect as he remembered it. And just like he remembered it, there was the feeling that it never lasted long enough as Gabriel pulled away to inspect Sam's expression, a knowing smirk on his face.
"What does my brother say to that cookie?" he raised an eyebrow.
Sam blinked, still recovering from the sudden shock of what had just happened. Almost not wanting to spoil the moment, Sam turned his gaze to the chair. It was empty. Suddenly, it felt like a fog had lifted. The world was real. He had escaped the cage. He was on Earth. Lucifer was a figment of his imagination. An unbidden smile found its way onto his face and he laughed. For the first time in a long while he laughed and he meant it.
"Believe me now?"
Sam turned back to Gabriel. Archangel Gabriel. The not-so-recently-deceased, more-recently-found-to-be-alive Gabriel. Sam's Gabriel. He was standing before him in the flesh, alive and well. All those feelings he'd forced himself to bury, the memories he had fought to hide from, the bright hopes for the future he had never dared to dream about all came rushing forward and out of the blue his eyes glistened once more. Sam laughed again, unable to find the right words.
"Thank you, Gabriel," Sam breathed after a long moment.
Gabriel shrugged, "No need, Sammy-boy. I couldn't watch you kill yourself."
They stood staring at each other for a while, bathing in each other's presence before Sam stepped forward and wrapped the Archangel in his arms, taking slow deep breaths of that beautiful smell, relishing the feeling of Gabriel burying his face into Sam's neck like he always use to.
"Don't leave me again," Sam muttered softly.
Gabriel smiled against Sam's neck, "That's not going to happen. Look at the messes you get yourself into while I'm not around."
Sam gave sigh as though the promise settled some deep seated fear. They held each other for a long time before Sam finally stepped back shoving the Archangel playfully, "Where the hell have you been anyway?"
Gabriel wafted a hand, "Oh here and there," he grinned at Sam's insistent face as he headed for the stairs up to the rest of the house, "Come on, I'll regale you with my travels as I fix us some food and you can clean that running mascara from under your eyes. Jeez, I've never seen a guy cry like you do."
Sam scowled good-naturedly as he followed after the Archangel, "I don't wear mascara!" he called after him, pausing at the bottom of the stairs to look around at the dark cellar for any signs of Lucifer. There was nothing. The only reminder was the pair of shotguns that were still leaning against the wall. Sam just smirked triumphantly and jogged up the stairs, following his guardian angel out of the dark cellar and into the light.