Chapter 1: Of Alpaca Hair And Ginny's Song

A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or the other characters!!!!! Please don't sue!! I'll give you a balloon!!! A green one!!!!!

The big banana, the only one that had arms, legs, a face and could talk was in front of Fred.
"I...WANT...TO...EAT...BANANAS!!!!!!" Fred screamed in frustration. The boy would be labelled as psychotic. But don't label people. It's bad. Anyway, he ran towards the pile of normal bananananananas (sorry about that), well a pile of normal bananas (YEAH! I got it right! Sorry. Anyway...)
"Not YET!" The banana screamed.
"Couldn't I just have one?" Fred tried puppy dog eyes. It failed. Or he failed. Either way.
Banana: "NO!"
Fred: "FINE!"
Fred: "Please?"
Banana: "NO!"
Fred: "NGGH! YIN GULFU CHEH! FESTOE!" He pushed the banana off the edge of the earth. There is an edge of the earth. You know it.
Fred was consuming that big pile of bananas I mentioned earlier when George flew, as in with large, white feathery wings, over to see Fred.
George: "'Allo, Fred!"
Fred: "George! You grew wings?"
George: "That in fact involves great over-consumption of Red Bull...Can I have a banana?"
Fred: "NO!" Gasp " YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THIS RICH NONCHALANT FRUIT!!!"
George: "Nonchalant?"
Fred: "Straying off topic!"
George: "Right. And why may I not eat one of these bananas?"
Fred: Gasp Fred acted as if George had uttered something hideously profane. "YOU SHOULD RESPECT YOUR EFFING ELDERS SOMETIME SOON INSTEAD OF CALLOTTING AROUND WITH YOUR STUPID RED BULL!!!! RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!"
George: "Fred if you mean for me to respect the likes of you, you aren't really my elder considering your only older than me by like, 55 seconds."
Fred: "Yeah...Well...Shut up!"

"FRED! GEORGE! WAKE UP YOU SON OF A I-BETTER-NOT-COMPLETE-THIS-SENTENCES! WE'RE GOING SHOPPING FOR BILL AND FLEUR'S WEDDING TODAY, AND MOM SAYS IF YOU DON'T GET UP SOON YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY!!!" a voice screamed from the door. It was Ginny. When neither of the twins moved she waltzed over to Fred's bed and started jumping on the bottom around his feet in circles singing a strange song the two boys had never heard before.

"THERE ONCE WAS A STRANGE HIPPOPOTOMUS NAMED MOORE,
THAT STUPID BLASTED BEAST DRESSED TOO MUCH LIKE A WHORE!
ONE DAY SHE GOT DRUNK
AND THE ONLY THING SHE HEARD WAS, uh, KABADALAFUNK
IN TURKEY WRAPPERS ON THE FLOOR.

OL' MRS. MOORE,
WELL SHE JUST NEVER GOT ENOUGH,
OF THAT FANCY GARBAGE AND JEWELS AND HIDEOUS CIELING WAX STUFF,
ONE NIGHT WE TOOK HER TO THE PEOPLE IN WHITE COATS,
AND SHE SAID "NOT A SNOWBALL'S CHANCE IN HELL, FOLKS!"

AND THEN SHE SWAM THE CANDY BAR CHOCOLATE RIVER
A FINE DAY IT WAS
SHE CAME OUT COVERED IN CHOCOLATE
IT WAS PRETTY NASTY,
SO WE RAN AWAY IN A SNOWMOBILE THAT WE NAMED PATSY

...BECAUSE OF A TURKEY
ON A PIE
SURFING IN TOKYO
AND A JAR OF CHEESE WHIZ
IN ANCHOVIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Did you make that up off the top of your head?" Fred asked, mildly interested.
"Yes. Unfortunately." She gasped.
"Isn't she TALENTED?!?!" George gaped, ironically.
"It's her way of announcing Harry got here last night." Fred predicted.
"Guys just get up or I'll set fire to your eyelashes again!" Ginny said, yanking on George's arm. She fell over.
"Okay! I'll get up to harass you all today! One second!" Fred said.
"That means you have to get up too George!"
"Why are you getting up, Fred?" George asked as Fred picked up random clothing articles off the cluttered floor.
"Because I want to feed Harry those new peach dream faint pills as a trial run. I'll just slip one into his drink and it'll dissolve and he'll never trust us again!" He smiled. Today was going to be a good day.
"FRED!" Ginny shrieked.
"Oh, shut up, Ginny! You're only saying that because you fancy him!" George argued.
"Well at least I don't harass the poor boy to hell! He won't even trust you with his drink in the first place! You can't really expect him too! He's a good deal smarter than that!" She defended.
"What, so now if you trust Fred and George Weasley, clearly you've either gone mad or you are an idiot?" George questioned, slightly offended.
Ginny thought about it for a second..."Yes." she came up with. George was still groaning about in bed.
"Ginny?" he moaned.
"Yes?"
"If you wake us up tomorrow, I swear on my wand you'll go to hell."
"Oh, well, I'll meet you there!" She chirped, and skipped out the door.
"I'm going to feel so incredibly bad for Harry when they get married..." George grumbled.
In the middle of breakfast, consisting of eggs, sausage, and toast, (wish my mother would make me these meals) Ron came down in only boxers and extremely messy hair.

The room fell suddenly and deafeningly silent.

Ginny muttered something about his hair looking like a porcupine giving birth to alpacas. Harry was the only one who heard this and choked on some toast. Fred thumped him on the back.

The room once again fell silent.

"I just noticed something," Harry started, "Where's Hermione?"

Everyone looked around.

Hermione was indeed missing.

Great.

Ron scurried out of the room, his face completely camouflaging with his red hair.

The twins started up with "Weasley is Our King" except changing the lyrics, retitling the song: "Weasley's not a virgin".

"I did NOT hear that!" Mr Weasley stated.

"Of course not!" Fred grinned.

Ginny ran upstairs screaming after Ron "ALPACA-HAIR! YOU BETTER BE USING CONDOMS!!!"

Harry was trying to hide his Harry-like grin but everyone knew that he was laughing in his mind.

That's right, Harry Potter, laugh while you still can.

Whoa!!!!

A/N: Woah. I'm sorry, this was weird. This chapter was very short. Tell me if I should make them longer!!! Please review! I love reviewers!!! I might kill Harry off later though... But nothing is going to be released to the general public just yet!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

crickets

Hmmph.

Tough crowd.