Christmas Party!

Rating: PG-13/T

Genre: Humor/Humor

Summary: CHRISTMAS PARTY IN KONOHA! Meaning people getting drunk, snowball attacks, mistletoe, and pairings galore! NaruSaku, SasuKabu, KakaAnko, ZabuHaku, ShikaIno, HinaKiba, etcetera, etcetera…

Author's Note: Did it on a whim- we got our first snow today (12/8), and I just wanted to… I'll probably post this on Christmas Eve or Day. Whenever I finish it and motivate myself to post it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

It was the night before Christmas, and all through Konoha, many a ninja were stirring- they were at a Christmas party, and they were… During… Purring… Blurring… Ah, screw it, you get the idea.

"WHOOOOOOO! PAAAAAAAARTAAAAAAAAY!" Kiba howled, splashing a cup of punch he had in his hand on the heads of many unsuspecting Genin. Kurenai saw this and sighed, but made no move to stop him- maybe if he wore himself out tonight, he'd be less of a pain tomorrow…

Yeah. Right. Wishful thinking.

The Christmas party was being held in the arena that the preliminaries of the Chunin exams were held, only now the giant room had tables of food and drinks (Some of which were alcoholic, presumably from Naruto and Kiba) and a stereo system that pumped out violently loud music, courtesy of the Sound-Nin (AKA, Mix-Master-Zaku).

Many a thing was going on- Kiba was jumping around, splashing everyone with punch and trying to get a blushing Hinata to dance with him. Dosu, who seemed to be mildly drunk, was spinning Kin around so hard she was starting to see stars. Jiraya was being his normal, perverted self- a loud, violent slap resonated through the room when he groped Tsunade, and she flipped.

Kakashi was flirting shamelessly with Anko, and it was questioned if he, too, had had a little too much to drink. The kunoichi seemed pleased with the attention, however, and it was definitely a suitable distraction from her former sensei, who also happened to be at the party.

Orochimaru was inspecting the drinks carefully, wondering if they had been spiked; and if they weren't, maybe he could spike one and give it to Sasuke… Get him into a closet… Get a better look at that gorgeous body… "Hey! Snake face! Move it!" Konohamaru snapped. "You're blocking the punch!" Orochimaru had spaced out, and was drooling slightly.

Haku was having fun just sitting in a chair next to Zabuza, as the older Mist-nin glanced around sharply; He was in a room full of enemies, after all. "Would you like some punch, Zabuza-san?" Haku asked sweetly.

"No." Zabuza said flatly. Haku nodded agreeably and sat back. Just then, an inebriated ninja came stumbling over, grinning.

"H-Hey," He stuttered, stopping before Haku. "Ya- Ya wanna dance? I-I-I got ssssssome gooood moves, girl…" Haku blushed deeply, and Zabuza snorted.

"You wanna tell him, or should I?" The Demon of the Mist asked. Haku giggled. In his red, black and white yukata, he was both festive… And feminine.

"Eh?" The ninja said stupidly.

"Buddy, that's a guy you're hitting on." There was a long, drawn out pause.

"Eh?" Zabuza sighed and shook his head.

"Just go, hot-shot." The ninja turned and staggered away. Zabuza turned to Haku, and cocked his head. "Hey, what's wrong?" Haku's head was bent, and he looked upset. The young Mist Ninja squirmed uneasily.

"Do I really look that feminine?" He whispered. His master blinked.

"Yes." Zabuza regretted this as soon as he said it, for Haku's head tilted farther down, and he made a little whimpering type noise. "Ah… Sorry kid… Come here…" He slung an arm around Haku's shoulder and pulled him so that he was leaning against the older man's shoulder.

On the outside, Haku sniffled. On the inside, however, he cackled gleefully. Ahahahaha! The sad puppy-dog eyes get 'em every time! Another point for the cute and cuddly bishonen! Well, you know- all bishies gotta have some mad genius skill.

Speaking of skill, our favorite yellow-haired ninja was employing some of his own- if he didn't, he would not walk out of the building alive that night. Naruto loved Christmas- the smell of pine trees, the gifts, the eggnog… and the mistletoe; Otherwise known as the perfect way to kiss someone for no apparent reason, other than standing under a puny green plant.

The energetic young ninja had attached a piece of the aforementioned plant to a fishing rod, at Jiraya's suggestion, and held it not so inconspicuously behind his back. Naruto's target? Sakura, of course! The pink-haired kunoichi was currently ignorant to her teammate's plot, and was busying herself with watching Kin beat Dosu over the head for spinning her too hard while dancing.

Quietly, Naruto crept forward, his excitement growing every moment. He was finally going to kiss Sakura! Mind you, she'd probably end up beating him within an inch of his life for doing so, but he'd be damned if it wasn't worth it! Closer. Closer… Closer… Closer still…

Finally, he was right behind her. Heart pounding, he pulled out the fishing rod, positioned it just right, and grinned. "Hey, Sakura-chan!" Sakura turned, and Naruto dove in for the kill.

And that's when things went to hell.

"Hey Naruto! Hey Saku-" Who stepped in the way but Lee, an innocent bystander now caught in the crossfire. What happened next- well, thankfully, no one else saw, but let's just say it was a repeat of that day that Naruto and Sasuke never spoke about. No one else brought it up either, for fear of what the two genin would do.

Sakura was beginning to question Naruto's sexual preferences- AKA, which way he was currently swinging. He professed interest in her, but then he went and kissed Sasuke (an accident, mind you, but a kiss nevertheless), and now he did the same to Lee… Honestly, it didn't take a detective to guess what Naruto had been scheming- Sakura was just sad that Lee got caught in the middle.

Naruto started to swear profusely, pulling back and spitting up. Lee was shocked for a moment. "Naruto… I consider you my friend and comrade… But I just don't swing that way…"

"I WASN'T TRYING TO GET YOU, DUMBARSE!" The twelve-year-old howled. Without warning, he was egged in the side of the head with a snowball- hard. "What the hell-?"

Several feet off, a certain Shukaku-possessed Sand-nin stared at the ceiling innocently, hiding another wad of snow behind his back. But inwardly, Gaara of the Sand howled with laughter. Screw sand! Snow gets a better shock reaction! The Shukaku, however, was not pleased with this statement.

Just you wait, brat, He snarled. Next time you doze off, I'm screwing your sister. Gaara ignored the Shukaku and looked around for another unsuspecting target.

Nearby, Ino was trying to drag Shikamaru into dancing with her. "Come oooooon…" She whined. "I've never danced with you before!"

"Pretty much every woman on this continent can make the same claim, Ino." Tenten said coolly, taking a sip of her punch. Ino nodded.

"This is true. But come on, Shikamaru!" Shikamaru glared at her and crossed his arms.

"Hell no. Why don't you go bother Uchiha?" Ino shrugged.

"I don't know where he is. He went off with that Kabuto guy a little while ago." Ino stuck her lower lip out a little and let her eyes water. "Please, Shikamaru-kun?" She whimpered a little for effect. Shikamaru twitched uneasily. Hardened and aloof though he was, Ino's puppy-dog eyes were pretty damn hard to resist.

Ino got behind him and put her arms around his neck, resting her chin on his shoulder. Damn… "Eh… All right… Just quit it with the eyes!" He growled, putting an arm around her waist. Ino cheered triumphantly and guided her forced partner onto the dance floor. Tenten took this opportunity to sidle up next to Neji and bat her eyes at him.

"So, Neji-kun, would you like to dance?" She asked sweetly. The pale-eyed ninja coughed nervously. A historic day- one of the most confident genin in Konoha was at a total loss for words.
"Uh… I…"

WHAM.

"OW! HEY! WHO THREW THAT SNOWBALL?" Tenten screamed. Nearby, Gaara quietly shuffled to the refreshment table under the guise of getting a cracker. Temari sighed.

"You know, eventually someone's going to see you." She said to her baby brother. Gaara shrugged.

"So? What are they going to do about it?" The Sand-nin said nonchalantly. Kankuro nodded.

"He's got a point." He mumbled, taking a sip of his punch. A second later, his eyes widened comically. "Whoa! There's booze in this!" Gaara's eyes lit up too.

"There is?"

"Don't even think about it," Temari hissed. "I don't give a damn about that sand of yours. I'll find a way around it and beat you within an inch of your life if you get drunk." Gaara sulked.

"You're no fun." He grumbled. Meanwhile, Naruto and Lee were trying to find Sasuke. He seemed to have left the room, as they couldn't find him anywhere, so they began to wander some of the halls in the building. They pointedly ignored Kakashi and Anko, who were making out in one hall.

They accidentally walked in on Haku and Zabuza making out as well, nearly getting their heads cut off in the process (Hey- there's a reason why Zabuza's sword is sometimes called "Guillotine Sword").Apparently, Haku's fake hurt at being confused with a girl had provoked Zabuza into taking him to a side room and initiating a make-out session with the younger boy.

"Sheesh, I'm afraid to open another door," Lee mumbled. "Heaven and Hell knowing it'll probably be Orochimaru with a drugged Sasuke…" Suddenly, the two boys' eyes widened.

"Oh hell, we have to find him." Naruto whispered.

"Ow! That hurt! Be careful!" Someone hissed from a nearby closet. Lee blinked.

"Was that…?" They exchanged brief looks, and Naruto seized the handle of the door.

"Brace yourself- it might be ugly." He pulled open the door to see… Something very creepy indeed…

"Do you mind?" Kabuto snapped from where he had Sasuke pinned to the floor of the closet. "We're kind of busy here!" Naruto and Lee's eyes were the size of saucers. Since Naruto's hand had fallen limply to his side (He appeared to be in an upright comatose state), Lee took it upon himself to close the door. "Thanks," Came Kabuto's muffled response. "Now, where were we?"

Lee's face contorted into a mask of disgust, and he quickly grabbed Naruto's hand to tug him away so they wouldn't hear any of the… graphic… sound effects that followed. Among these sounds were the howling of furious Sasuke-fangirls, ready to decapitate the soon to be dead btch who made Sasuke gay…Once they returned to the main room, Naruto seemed to snap out of his daze a little (but only after Lee slapped him a couple dozen times).

The blonde boy paused, and then rubbed his head. "No amount of therapy will ever make that memory seem less scary to me…" He said hoarsely. There was a pause, and then he grinned evilly, turning to a certain Snake Sannin by the stereo system. "Orochimaru… I want to show you something…"

"Ewwwwwww! Who put bugs in the casserole? SHINO!" Kurenai yelled.

"Don't look at me," The dark-haired boy muttered.

"NARUTO!"

"I didn't do it!"

"Kiba?"

"Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiinety-nine cups o' macarenas on the chickens!" Kiba sang, hopelessly hammered, sitting back in a chair with an arm around Hinata. Kurenai deadpanned.

"You know what? Never mind."

Now, Mix-Master-Zaku was introducing the live entertainment. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you…" He glanced at the card he was holding. "The Amigos!" There was a pause. Zaku cleared his throat. "Hem, I said, 'The Amigos'!" There was another pause. "Hey, where are-"

"Coming, amigo! We coming! RINALDO! HAUL YOUR FEATHERY BUTT!" Came a loud, Spanish-accented voice. The crowd parted, and five little Adelie penguins, plus one tall Emperor penguin, came waddling through, carrying a guitar, trumpet and a few rattles. Everyone stared.

Just then, Kabuto, Sasuke, Haku, Zabuza, Kakashi and Anko re-entered, every one of them looking quite disheveled, and noticeably walking a little funny. "What'd we miss?" Zabuza asked.

"Apparently, Zaku got a group of penguins for live entertainment…" Iruka mumbled, staring at the penguins. "Damn, this is going to be interesting…"

"Eh, escuse(1) me, tall boy." The head penguin, a little one with a patch of red-yellow fuzz on his head (Named Ramon), tugged on Zaku's pant leg. "You got a microphone stand? We had our own, but that idiota went and dropped it offa bridge."

"'Ey, I said I was sorry!" Another penguin, named Raul, snapped. Zaku stared for a moment, and then pointed to a tall, nearby microphone stand.

"Gracias, amigo. Eh, Tall Boy! Set up the microphones!" The Emperor penguin waddled forward and pulled some microphones out of a bag, clipping them onto the stand. Zaku took this as a cue to duck off-stage, and jump next to Kin, who was holding up a still-drunk Dosu. The kunoichi looked amused.

"You hired a group of Spanish penguins to sing at a Christmas party?" She asked, chuckling. Zaku flushed.

"I didn't know they were penguins," He hissed. "The leader over there didn't specify his species over the phone."

"N-Now guys," Dosu drawled. "We mussst be tolerant of their… Penguin-ness…" Kin nodded.

"That's right. Now go back to sleep, Dosu-kun."

"Yes'm." His head slumped forward, and soon he was snoring. Kin sighed. Once the microphones were set up, the Emperor penguin (Named Mumble) took his place to the right of the Adelies. Each tiny penguin grabbed an instrument, except for Ramon, and stood before the microphone stand. One by one, they all hopped up onto each other's shoulders, until Ramon was on top, gripping the top mic.

They now understood why the microphones had been placed at intervals on the stand- the penguins each had one at their level so they could sing. Ramon looked out at the crowd of bewildered ninja, most of which had assumed that penguins could not talk before this occasion. "Ladies and Gentlemen, chicas and chicos, we give you the Amigos!"

There was vague, scattered clapping, many people still astonished that the tiny penguin was talking. "Hit it, Happy Feet!" Mumble paused, and then tapped his feet against the ground rhythmically, eventually scuffing his feet across the floor. Just then, the other five penguins struck up a tune with their instruments.

The penguin on the bottom (Raul) strummed his guitar. The two penguins above him (Rinaldo and Lombardo) had rattles, and shook them in time with Mumble's tapping. Nestor, who was second from the top, blew his trumpet in a snappy tune- they sounded very much like a mariachi band. Then, adorable little Ramon began to croon into the microphone in Spanish.

"Hey," Chouji muttered, nudging Shikamaru and Ino. "Either of you speak Spanish?"

"Not a word." Shikamaru said calmly.

"Likewise." Ino added.

Suddenly-

"LEE! WAIT! DON'T DRINK THE PUNCH!"

CRASH!

KA-BOOM!

WHAM!

Lee had been ignorant to the alcohol in the punch (Tenten's warning came too late), and drank some. He immediately seized up, and blew over the refreshment table and sent everything crashing to the floor. Neji, who knew from past experience when Lee ingested alcohol to nip the problem in the bud, smacked his teammate over the head with one of the chairs.

Lee fell to the ground, unconscious. There was a pause. The ninja and penguins (All six with their little beaks hanging open) all stared. Neji glared sharply at them all. "You saw nothing!" He snapped, putting the chair down and dragging Lee's dead-to-the-world body out of the room. There was a pause. A second later, a snowball smacked Ramon in the chest and sent him flying off the top of the penguin pile.

At the back of the crowd, Gaara cackled.

-Fin

(1): Any grammatical errors when the adelies are talking are on purpose. I'm trying to fit with their accents.

Spanish terms:
Amigo- Friend

Idiota- If you can't guess what that means, I bow to your cluelessness.

Gracias- Thank you

Chica- Girl

Chico- Boy