A/N: this ship has rejuvenated some of my writing muses, so have this as well.

Also, check out opbigbang on tumblr and livejournal, please, it's going to be AMAZING.

thousand pricks

before

t h e

r o s e

Nami sucked on a lollipop thoughtfully as she started the engine. "So, how bad was this one? You sounded peculiarly distressed over the phone, Tora-o."

Law pursed his lips as he gave a visible shudder, hands busy buckling his seat belt as fast as possible. Nami was, he knew from experience, crazy behind the wheel. How she hadn't gotten arrested yet was beyond him - oh, right, her natural assets and cunning.

"She was... well..." Law wasn't entirely sure which words would describe the ordeal the best. "She didn't seem to appreciate anything what I was doing. I opened the door to the restaurant for her - she retorts that she can do that herself. And when I don't pull the chair out for her, she starts calling me names again." He exhaled, the headache throbbing strongly.

Nami, for all it was worth, made a sound of sympathy, but then grinned teasingly. "You just don't understand what ladies want, Tora-o. You'll never get a girlfriend like that, you know."

"Well, if all of you change your mind as fast and often as that, I'm not sure I want to bother."

She had the gall to laugh. "Did you at least pay the bill?"

"Of course. And she threw a fit over that, too." Law sighed, but his breath hitched as Nami's foot pressed the pedal and the car sped up. "Nami-yaaaaa, remember that I have patients to care for and I can't do that if I get injured myself!"

"Don't be such a sissy," Nami merely laughed, her voice echoing over the music she had just turned on, and Law resigned himself to his fate.

"Which level of disaster was this?" Law asked as she made her way to him, her eyes full of fire and her lips twitching agitatedly as she wrapped her jacket around herself tighter.

"Luffy-level."

Law shuddered. "I find it saddening both of us got hooked up with him at one point of time," he told her, not for the first time, and she managed a tired snort. "Who was it this time, though?"

"Paulie. Y'know, the guy who clearly liked what he saw, but he ended up being an ass." She tugged at her miniskirt. "Told me to wear something 'decent' and 'stop being so'... you know."

Law sighed, glancing at her heels. "You kicked him in the balls, didn't you?" He grimaced. "You wore the especially sharp ones, too."

Nami shrugged as he climbed into his car without waiting for an invitation from him. "A girl's gotta do what she's gotta do when her wardrobe is mocked."

Law's lips quirked into an amused smirk, though he felt the ache of sympathy in his groin. God, never let him be the victim of those killer heels; despite his luck with women, he still wanted to reproduce eventually.

"I'm starting to believe Straw Hat-ya does this on purpose," Law complained as he sulked on the backseat of her car, lying on the leather of the seats because fuck. "She didn't even know it was a date!"

"Yeah, and Vivi's already got a boyfriend," Nami added very unhelpfully. "Just be glad she thought it as a friendly outing. Kohza might have wanted to change a few words with you otherwise."

"Straw Hat-ya is doing this on purpose," Law groaned, voice muffled by the seat. He didn't care about the fact the car was swaying dangerously as Nami drove way over the speedlimit again. "Doe he get some sick satisfaction from all this? Are he and Smoker-ya somewhere laughing at my expense right now?"

"Tora-o, no offense, everyone is laughing at your expense."

Law raised a middle finger at the back of her seat, but didn't bother to do anything else.

Fuck life, and fuck dates even harder.

"My advice? Just take Nami out on a date already." Roronoa Zoro didn't seem too interested in the mess that was Law's romantic life - and for that, Law felt thankful.

And that was why this piece of advice was so unexpected that it threw Law off for a long moment.

"...you can't be serious."

Zoro glanced at him, brows raised.

"Look, Nami-ya and I are just-"

"Friends. Yeah. That's kinda where the whole fucking thing starts for some."

"Just because it worked for you doesn't meant it'll-"

"Shut up and go to another disaster date, then, I don't care," Zoro huffed as he leaned over and took a beer from the mini fridge, offering one for Law as well while he was at it. "Luffy can't wait to set you up, you know."

Who needs enemies when he has Straw Hat-ya as a friend?

"Look, we don't have to-"

Nami shrugged off her jacket, letting it fall into his arms. "Luffy and others would just keep doing their terrible set-ups if this didn't happen," she reminded him. "Besides, I think he already got those seven available just in case."

Law's jaw clenched. "Doflamingo, too?"

"He seemed most content to.. offer his company," Nami stated after a moment, checking his reaction with some wariness. "At least that's what I heard." She grinned. "Robin's not mean enough to keep that from me."

He halted to put her jacket on the coat rack, along with his hat. "He's an even bigger asshole than Doflamingo."

"You can whine about it over dinner," Nami rolled her eyes at him as she latched onto his arm flirtatiously. She at leat seemed at ease with the situation, wheras Law just wanted to get away. "Now, stop being a baby, Tora-o," she whispered into his ear before blowing some air, which tickled at the shell of his ear.

His lips twitched into a smile unwilling and unwittingly, as they often did around this woman.

"Luffy, I am going to murder you."

"Aww, c'mon, Sanji, it's not like this could go any worse than your and the glasses' date!"

"Besides, it was Robin and Usopp who suggested this!"

"They do make a handsome pair, don't they, cook-san?"

"Hieee, Sanji, that hurts! I think you broke my nose!"

"Look, he kissed her!"

"NAMI-SWAN, GET AWAY FROM THOSE EEL-SHAPED LIPS THIS INSTANT."

Zoro looked up at the sky and once more he wondered - which unlucky star was I born under?