Title: Here Without You
Rating: T
Description: Through out the show of NCIS there have been several character deaths, the most memorable being Kate's. In the following two episodes we see the other agents' thoughts at her murder and her absence. But what about the others? This is the characters thoughts about their other fallen comrades.
Author's Note: My first NCIS fic. I intend to do the rest of the characters (Tony, McGee, Ducky, Abby and later Ziva) but I want to know if this is a good idea first. As for the chapter titles, it goes Character Being Thought About – Character Doing the Thinking lol. Kiddy talk but the best way to describe it.
Chapter One: Pacci -- Kate
When I was an agent of the Secret Service I was always on edge. I was part of the president's security detail. We had our fair share of problems, though that was to be expected. We always managed to work it out together, my fellow agents and I. I can still hear my former boss saying to me "Expect problems Agent Todd, and with any luck, you'll never lose a president." He never did mention anything about losing each other.
That was all my fellow agents and I were really worried about though; the president. Sure, we were close friends outside of work but on the job we knew that one day we would have to lay down our lives to protect the president. It was a fact we had all grown use to.
I though that had changed when I joined NCIS, but I should have known better. We're a closer knit group that the Secret Service, probably due to the lack of constant stress. The atmosphere was different too as were the types of jobs we took on. I knew this job could and would be more dangerous than my previous one, but I began to relax. I knew that someday we would probably lose someone, but I never thought it would be like this.
If I close my eyes I can still see Pacci's still, blood covered body lying disemboweled in the elevator. I had been with NCIS for less than a year and I had already seen some pretty disturbing sights, but this one definitely took the cake. It was made all the worse by the fact that the man lying dead on the elevator floor was a friend.
We had solved the case, caught Pacci's murderer (a pre-op transsexual that Tony tongued. I'll never let him live that one down.), and brought justice to Pacci's family. It wouldn't bring him back from the dead though. As I sat at my kitchen table, staring at my untouched plate, I couldn't help but wonder what else I could have done. Surely I could have made a difference if I had acted sooner. A day or two before that gruesome incident he had asked for our help on something, a cold case I believe he had said. There was no doubt in my mind that the case he was working then was the same one that had led to his death. Would I have been able to change anything if I had taken the time to help him on the case?
I stood, picked up my plate, brought it to the counter where I wrapped it in plastic wrap and placed it in the fridge. Reminiscing about Pacci had robbed me of my appetite. I walked over to the window and stared out into the gloomy dusk. I had gone with Pacci for drinks on an evening quite like this once. We had gone as friends, nothing more, but it had been enough to seal our friendship. It never had a hope of becoming anything more. I had learned my lesson in the Secret Service and I didn't intend to repeat that mistake.
Still, I didn't think losing him would hurt this much. Perhaps it was the different working environment of NCIS or something else entirely, but even now, days later, the pain of loosing a friend was still fresh in my mind.
And this wouldn't be the last time. More people I knew would die in the line of duty and leave me here to mourn their absence. Surely God would welcome them all with open arms and a warm, loving smile. Even now, Pacci was sage in His embrace. Knowing this gave me some small measure of comfort, but his absence still weighed heavy on my heart.
I turned away from the window to the fire place. A wooden crucifix rested on the mantle, looking out over my small living room. I touched my fingers to my silver crucifix necklace at my throat and could see Pacci smiling down at us from above. I knelt down slowly in front of the fire place and the crucifix. I clasped my hands before me, closed my eyes and lowered my head and began to pray for my friend's soul.