Author's note: (Read this long note before reading, please)
Hey guys! I promise to get back on track with my chapter stories once I sort out my crazy senior year. You know, life doesn't get smoother once you get accepted to a university. There is the dorm, meal plan, textbooks, classes sign up, honors… oh god, don't make me dizzy!
But what inspired me to make this Shugo Chara oneshot is not the fact that I have yet another Amuto idea. If it is one thing that life had done to me, I became less pairing oriented, less romantic, a heck lot less cheesiness (you would know if you read my earlier stories of vampires and supernatural abilities).
I became more open and realistic towards life. I view life with a different perspective. And now my thinking is more harsh, callous, and dark than it used to be, though those changes are subtle. My one-shot is of course, Amuto, but it is inspired through some of my rough times in real life.
Girls, you know this too. It is part of society. Body shaming.
It is EVERYWHERE. Whether your parents complain about your weight, to watching Miss. Universe beauty pageant to watching a Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, you constantly get shamed for not looking 'pretty' enough, and that is just revolting.
My mom went overboard today. She and I were discussing my clothes and what I should donate and what should be kept. She took out these ridiculous flower printed long shorts and insisted I wear them, whether house or home. I honestly hated them.
She asked for my true opinion and I said I didn't want them anymore. Then she threw a tantrum and brought my dad into the mess. My dad took my side and tried to play a referee in the tense situation, claiming that what I wear should be what I enjoy wearing. But of course, instead of letting me shop for my own clothes, she likes to pop into JCPENNEY or MACY'S or SEARS and buy a bunch of adult clothes and force me to appreciate them.
When my mom realized she wasn't going to win, she blabbed on and on about my skin condition (which is extremely sensitive), how my tummy and rear end won't lose that stubborn fat, and how she gave birth to a stone and nobody will want to marry me and no guy in his right mind would fall in love with a gorilla faced girl, like me.
Let me tell you, it kind of hurt. I know I am not gorgeous or that pretty but she didn't have to go saying all of those mean things. They even alarmed my father when she wouldn't stop spitting these venomous words out of her mouth. It isn't the first time my mom went overboard, shaming me so much to the point, that I wanted to end all of this pain. I decided since writing has been extremely therapeutic, I would write a one-shot to let all of my stress and anger out.
And that is why, Rima, Nagihiko, Tadase, Kairi and Yaya are going to be mean to Amu. I do not hate them, but I need them to act different so I can get my point across. If you were wondering, Kuukai will be kind to Amu to represent my father who didn't body shame me.
-x-
Amu looked at herself in the mirror. She had stripped down to her underwear and bra. Of course, underwear, she is 16!
Life hasn't been that great. No, that would be an understatement. It was a living hell.
The pinkette plucked some body fat between her index finger and thumb and pulled it lightly, giving the appearance that she was plumpy when in reality she was slim.
At 16 she was a five foot five, 120 pound girl. Perfectly healthy. Not what the society thought. To the outside world, she is an oversized hippo who could sure use a visit to the gym and probably lose all the fat off her body.
Beauty was defined as being stick skinny, hallow cheeks, excessive makeup and obviously, looking fake. Beauty was fake now. Beauty was now defined as skin deep.
Amu sighed again, hate filling her eyes every single time she turned sideways and scrutinized her slim body.
She felt like a hippo. She looked like one. That must mean she is one.
"Amu! Breakfast is ready!" Midori called.
Amu rolled her eyes and she slipped on her uniform and grabbed her bag, her four charas worriedly following her.
"Honestly Amu, would losing some of that belly fat hurt?" Midori tsk'ed as she slipped two pieces of toast onto Amu's plate, along with a glass of orange juice.
"Mom, I'm starving," Amu pleaded, her golden eyes burning with agony.
"Nope! No more! Honestly you need less food. You could use my colleague's daughter as an example…" Midori trailed on and on about how beautiful her co-worker's daughter was, how many scholarships she earned, and how smart she was.
"Why can't you be more like her, Amu?" Midori finished her little rant with an angry sentence.
That one sentence hit her to the core. It meant that she wasn't good enough. She goes to school to get bullied, and then she goes home to get pushed around more. Life was a hell now.
Suddenly she didn't feel hungry anymore. Pushing her untouched breakfast away from her, she just picked up her bag and went for the door.
"Where are you going? You didn't eat your breakfast!" Midori yelled after her, "I don't want teachers thinking I am starving you."
But you already are.
Amu rolled her eyes and went out the front door. She forgot to tell her mom (not like she would care) that she had a Guardians meeting today after school.
-x-
Amu didn't want to get up from her seat. She had to go to the meeting and she was already dreading it. She knew the moment she entered the Royal Garden, all the hateful stares would be sent her way.
"Amu, aren't you going to go?" Kuukai gently asked.
"Yeah, I just don't want to though," Amu neutrally replied.
"What happened, Amu?" Kuukai asked.
"Mom said her usual cruel words. You know, wishing I was someone I am not," Amu shrugged nonchalantly. She was used to the rough treatment, having to sit through her mother's lectures all day long.
"I'm sorry, Amu," Kuukai said.
"It isn't your fault," Amu sighed, "she will be her same old self."
-x-
Kuukai sat next to Amu to make sure she didn't feel lonely while the Guardians excluded her out of the discussion.
Amu looked over to Rima, who had once been her best friend. Rima clung onto her because Amu was the only one who understood her best. But when popular girls swept her away, she abandoned Amu. After all why do you want to hang out with a punk when you can be the cool kid?
Nagihiko had been her brother-like figure. Before when he was Nadeshiko, Amu felt like there was a person who she could confide all of her secrets in and for once, be a girl. But when Rima gave him the decision to choose between her and Amu, Nagihiko betrayed Amu. And so now, they're dating.
Sanjo Kairi had always been mysterious. When he turned out to be a spy, Amu knew she couldn't trust him ever. And it didn't surprise her when he turned against her and sided with the Guardians when her personal self-esteem issues started.
Yaya, the happy-go-lucky girl who likes candies and sweets and everything cute was the other member of the Guardians to turn against Amu. It made the pinkette shell-shocked that the very person who respected her, now hated her. Amu had cried all night when Yaya betrayed her.
And finally Tadase. The King of the Guardians who turned against Amu and convinced the others to do the same. And it stung because he was her first crush. He knew it and exploited the secret to his own advantage.
The only person who didn't join them was Kuukai. Maybe it was because he was dating world pop sensation and superstar Hoshina Utau, or maybe it was because Amu was the sister he always wanted to have, she would never know. But one thing's for sure, he never left her side.
"Why am I even a part of the guardians anyways?" Amu grumbled when they left.
"Well you are the only one besides Utau who can purify X-eggs," Kuukai shrugged, "I know that isn't the answer you would like, but I think that's the only plausible one."
"No it makes sense," Amu sighed, looking at the cars whizzing by, "I just wish I didn't get the responsibility of being the Joker."
"Why would you wish that?" Kuukai asked, astonished.
"Then I wouldn't be used," Amu said, looking down, "It is bad enough at home as it is at school. I go to school to get bullied about looking like a punk. I come home to get body shamed by my parents and sister and I go to sleep crying. There is no escape, Kuukai. I can't run away from any of this. I feel trapped."
Kuukai didn't know what else to say but say the same thing every time they hung out together after the Guardian meeting. He took her hand and whispered, "He'll come, Amu. Some day he will come for you. I know he didn't forget you."
"But when?" Amu's response was always a strangled whisper.
"Someday."
"How do you know?"
"Utau told me."
-x-
Amu came home and it was the same old same old; the usual scolding for being home late and then the usual dose of body-shaming. Typically, in the evenings her parents placed Ami on a pedestal for Amu to learn from. The conceited girl's head was bigger than it should be and Amu didn't want to give her the pleasure of making it bigger.
"How disrespectful! All I was saying was it doesn't hurt to lose a few pounds to look like Ami! I mean, come on! She will totally become a Victoria's Secret model!" Midori huffed.
"Oh you have fun with that, selling off your younger daughter to walk the catwalk looking like a skeleton. Stay out of my business!" Amu rolled her eyes and slammed the door.
Ami started to throw a tantrum and her parents agreed to take her shopping because she didn't have enough jewelry to look like a model.
The pinkette scoffed. Her scrawny sister is getting the royal treatment only because she is stick thin. If she gained a single pound, then her parents would abandon her just like they abandoned the older daughter.
There was a light tapping at the glass, startling Amu. Her heart began to race and she knew only one person would have the skill to climb to her balcony…
"Amu-koi, are you going to let me in or are you going to let me die in this cold?" Ikuto teased.
Amu broke out of her stupor and without an argument or a stupid comeback, obediently unlatched the door for the cat to come in.
Ikuto was surprised. Well, surprised was an understatement. Shocked was the right word. Normally Amu would resist doing what he said. Why was she obeying what he said?
"Amu? Are you okay?" Ikuto asked, placing his violin down next to her bed.
"I'm fine," Amu said from the bathroom, in the middle of brushing her teeth.
Ikuto waited for Amu to do all the girly stuff that is necessary for feminine hygiene. When she came out, he decided to ask her the question.
"Amu, what happened?" Ikuto pressed, motioning for Amu to come on the bed next to him, but not in a pervy like he would usually reference.
"Nothing, Ikuto, don't worry about it!" Amu sighed, "It… is all so confusing."
"Amu please tell me," Ikuto whispered, crawling over to Amu and taking her in his arms.
"Life," Amu simply stated.
"What?"
"Life happened, Ikuto. I go to school just to get bullied by the Guardians and the school. Only Kuukai doesn't bully me. I come home to hear a bunch of mom's complaints on how fat and ugly and dumb I am and she always compares me to Ami or some daughter of her numerous colleagues. And I can't believe dad just dumbly agrees with her," Amu snapped, tears bitterly making their way down her cheeks, "I know I am not as pretty as a model but they didn't have to say all of those mean things to my face!"
Dread filled Ikuto's face as he hugged the pinkette to his chest. The last thing he wanted while he searched for his father was that she was living in pain and misery.
"Oh Amu, I'm not going anywhere. I promise I won't leave you alone. I have my own apartment so I can try to get you out of this hell hole," Ikuto promised.
"H-How?" Amu hiccupped.
"I will ask your hand in marriage," Ikuto said.
"B-But just to get me out of this house?" Amu asked, hurt.
"Amu, I have always wanted to propose to you, but I thought that you should achieve your dreams first. But when you told me about all the bullying, I can't leave you like this now that I am back! I will propose to you and when you finish your education, which I will cover, we can get married," Ikuto said, cupping Amu's face with his hands.
"When are you going to ask them?" Amu asked.
"Tomorrow."
-x-
"So let me get this straight," Midori chuckled, "You want to marry this girl?"
"Yes I do, Hinamori-san," Ikuto said, with a straight face.
"That tramp with pink hair? Tsukiyomi-san, you could do so much better. No one would love this girl," Midori laughed.
Amu suddenly lost her bravado. Her self-confidence was sinking, fast. Ikuto squeezed her hand, a silent signal to never give up.
"I think you are wrong here, Hinamori-san. I love her," Ikuto said.
"How so?" Midori huffed, crossing her arms.
"You say she is ugly, a tramp, that no one could ever be capable of loving her. But when I look into her eyes, I see the most beautiful thing I lay my eyes on. Now it perplexes me, why are our perceptions so different?" Ikuto asked rhetorically.
Midori tried to comment but had nothing smart to say. So, she snapped her mouth closed.
"That is because how pure one's heart is. Beauty has become re-defined by society, being based on physical appearance only. Girls who are thin as Popsicle sticks, cake on make-up, and wear revealing clothes aren't beautiful. They represent how desperate they are for others to accept them, even to the point of altering themselves to please others. Amu made me fall in love with how beautiful she is on the inside. She puts on a tough persona just so you don't have to worry about her, but she reveals how much of a child she truly is. She has a caring personality, a nurturing attitude that has been taken advantage of too many times. This is why I am in love with her and this is why I want to marry her," Ikuto said.
Midori didn't have to say anything to that. She knew that the truth displayed her to be superficial, and she accepted it. The twisted society had taught her that to survive, you must be superficial. Not many people believed in deep love. Most people would hook up with whoever looked nice enough.
But, she knew that Ikuto looked nice and she wouldn't give up.
"Ami! Come down here!" Midori yelled.
Confusion clouded over Ikuto's face, before realization washed over it. Midori was trying to play matchmaker. In short, she wasn't going to accept his proposal.
"Why don't you marry Ami?" Midori gestured towards Amu's scrawny and fake-looking sister, "She is way prettier and could make a living out of being a model! Amu is ugly enough; you don't want to marry an elephant!"
Ami batted her eyelashes at Ikuto while Amu lowered her face, letting tears rain down her face at her mother's words.
I can't impress you.
No matter how much I try.
So why does it hurt so much?
Ikuto displayed disgust, much to Amu's surprise. The pinkette was shocked; even though the younger Hinamori looked thin and fake, she did look pretty. Prettier than her.
"That is disgusting. I only came here with the intent of marrying Amu! And as parents, were you aware of the bullying she had gone through at school? Or the fact she gets constant hate from the Guardians? And here you three just slather on how much you wish your daughter looked like someone else!" Ikuto lost his temper and yelled.
Ami's eyes started to well up in crocodile tears and she ran up to her room, 'heartbroken' by someone she fell in 'love' at first sight with.
"Well if you want her, go ahead. You can take her too. But just saying anytime you would like to trade her and take the better bargain, you know where to call!" Tsumugu winked, while Midori beamed.
"You both are revolting. And I can't believe you treat your daughter like a piece of meat. I think I never want to come back here, and yes, I am taking your daughter with me!" Ikuto yelled.
Midori beamed and was about to call Ami down again when Ikuto cut her off.
"I meant Amu!"
Both Midori and Tsumugu sulked. They might never see someone as handsome has him again. At least they will jump at the chance and pair Ami up with a semi-decent young man.
-x-
Two years later, when Amu graduated high school, she bounded to her fiancé of two years, with a diploma in hand.
"So you going to go to the university?" Ikuto smiled.
"Yes! I want to work hard for my career!" Amu smiled, her four charas swirling around her happily.
Yes, she always dreamed to be taken out to a candle-lit dinner with glowing embers lining up the path and Ikuto would give her a giant bouquet of red roses and they would have a three course dinner with a pianist playing softly in the background and while eating dessert, Ikuto would get down on one knee and propose. She would say yes and scream and hug him and he would put on a gigantic diamond ring on her ring finger. Okay, maybe the ring part was extremely exaggerated.
Amu smiled, looking down at the simple thick gold band on her left ring finger. Her engagement ring. Even though she didn't know exactly when she would get married, she was glad she had him.
-x-
End note: This one shot is based on my life a bit.
-I have been bullied my whole life ever since fourth grade and you would be surprised but there are some stuck-ups in my grade level who could never let a stupid grudge go.
-My parents (more of my mom) have body shamed me in multiple ways: 1) By comparing me to beauty pageants, 2) making me watch a fashion show with scrawny models in them, 3) always comparing me to other people whether they be celebrities or just one of their colleague's daughter/sons and 4) just plain old body shaming me, by saying "You're fat" or "Hit the gym". I am not fat but that's what my mom likes to think.
-I have lost friends who had been my friend my whole life. One friend had been my bestie since we were toddlers and it pained me to find out she was a two timing gold-digger. Another one who was my friend since elementary school turned against me in high school, calling me a traitor for not attending HER high school and then talked about joining a terrorist group. I don't even want to know if she was really serious about that.
Well that's it. I do not have an awesome boyfriend who could just love me genuinely. I can only hope someone is as genuine as I hope. And it will be hard but he will shine like a diamond. But then again, one can only hope.
Love you all and please, if I bashed on any of your favorite characters, I am truly sorry. I felt frustrated and alone and writing is my only outlet. I made them act a certain way to symbolize people in my life. Even Ikuto symbolizes someone who I hope to fall in love with!
Infinite Snow