"No matter what happens. I love you. Always."
Kaidan jerked awake. His panicked gaze turned to the emptiness beside him and his heart began to fill with agony. The familiar pain began to overwhelm his conscience. He looked up across the windows of the observation deck and tried to find peace among the stars. "Shouldn't you be in the medical bay?"
Kaidan glanced back and found Liara leaning against the doorway. He ignored her when she sat next to him. "She will be fine, Kaidan. I had Glyph give me updates from the hospital. She will make it." He didn't say a word but Liara put a hand on his clenched fist. "She is strong, Kaidan. With you and with all of us. She wouldn't want you to be like this."
Kaidan shook his head. "I can't do this again, Liara. I can't lose her again."
"I know," Liara whispered. Her eyes was welling up with tears. She leaned against the sofa and looked to the stars. "I don't know if she had told you this. Two years ago, I was the one who gave her body to Cerberus. The Shadow Broker tried to trade her to the Collectors and I couldn't let him do that. When I heard that they can bring her back, I gave her up to the Illusive Man."
His eyes gleamed with rage and then it began to fill with regret. "Back when we destroy the Cerberus' base, we found out that they are the one who is behind Akuze."
"What did you mean?" Liara frowned.
"There was these audio logs. We found out that they were the ones who set the tresher maw on her team. Damn it, Liara. Cerberus have been a bane on her life and I was too blind to see it. I was so angry at her for being with Cerberus and I didn't believe in her. I wasn't there when she needed me to attack the Collector's base. I love her and I did that to her."
Liara grabbed his arm. "You weren't mad about that. You are mad about leaving her in London."
Kaidan shook away from her light grip and he walk to the window. He saw his anguished facade reflected against the glass.
"We were injured and it was what she wanted. For you to be safe. And she did what she have to. She saved the galaxy. She is a survivor and she has beaten death before."
"Is that supposed to be comforting?" Kaidan hissed.
Liara shook her head and slunk back into the sofa. Her shoulder was slunk in defeat. "There was a time when I hated you, Kaidan. You were with her long before I knew her and I resent the relationship you had with her. I was so young and so stupid. I thought I could handle it alone when I found out that they had Shepard's body."
Kaidan blinked. "You loved her?"
Liara blushed. "I still do but as a friend. Then again, I have to be thankful for her too. I met Feron trying to find her. Then two years later, she came and saved Feron for me. That kind of person wouldn't simply die on a hospital bed. You shouldn't grieve when you know that she is still alive. At least, not just yet."
"Why do you come here, Liara?" Kaidan sighed. Liara stood next to him and smiled. "Remember that time when I first met with all of you. Shepard and I joined our minds so I could see the message from the Prothean beacon. When we joined, we didn't merely share our thoughts. We became unified and I think I fell in love with her then. I could see through her soul and I identify with her. I tried to approach her and failed miserably. But when I did it again with her to find Ilos, I didn't tell her that I see more than just the beacon. I felt her thoughts when she was on Virmire."
Kaidan frowned. "You mean, when she had to choose between me and Ash?"
"It troubled her that she choose you. She didn't know that she loves you until that moment when she had to choose."
"Did she?"
"What I know is this. Even if it happen all over again, she will always choose you," Liara smiled sadly.
"She blame herself for Ashley's death."
"It was never her fault. None of it was her fault."
"She believe it was. When you were hospitalized, she told me that her nightmares returned. I'm sure you notice that. It came back to her because you nearly died. She was so worried and she hardly sleep and ate. She busy herself and I think forget that she is human with feelings. She missed you then and even while she was on that suicide mission of hers."
Kaidan frowned. "She said that?"
"She didn't need to. She even had a picture of you which she probably hid when she turn herself in with the Normandy. Kaidan, it might have been two years for us but it was really just moments after her death. It wasn't easy for her to give up on you and she knows it too." "Why are you tell me this?"
"Have you look at yourself in the mirror lately? You haven't been taking your medication and you've been injured as badly as you did on Mars. Dr Chakwas went by to my room and she thinks I could talk to you. Me, of all people," Liara snorted. Kaidan laughed. "I'm alright, Liara."
"No, you aren't. None of us are. All of us in the ship care for her but to her, it was you who kept her going. She will survive her current ordeal and will be back on her feet."
"I've read the report, Liara."
"They said it was impossible to bring her back and yet she did. Miranda is with her now. Don't worry, Kaidan. It will be alright."
Kaidan watched Liara as she walk away and he looked to the stars again.
"I hope so."
Kaidan jerked awake. His panicked gaze turned to the emptiness beside him and his heart began to fill with agony. The familiar pain began to overwhelm his conscience. He looked up across the windows of the observation deck and tried to find peace among the stars. "Shouldn't you be in the medical bay?"
Kaidan glanced back and found Liara leaning against the doorway. He ignored her when she sat next to him. "She will be fine, Kaidan. I had Glyph give me updates from the hospital. She will make it." He didn't say a word but Liara put a hand on his clenched fist. "She is strong, Kaidan. With you and with all of us. She wouldn't want you to be like this."
Kaidan shook his head. "I can't do this again, Liara. I can't lose her again."
"I know," Liara whispered. Her eyes was welling up with tears. She leaned against the sofa and looked to the stars. "I don't know if she had told you this. Two years ago, I was the one who gave her body to Cerberus. The Shadow Broker tried to trade her to the Collectors and I couldn't let him do that. When I heard that they can bring her back, I gave her up to the Illusive Man."
His eyes gleamed with rage and then it began to fill with regret. "Back when we destroy the Cerberus' base, we found out that they are the one who is behind Akuze."
"What did you mean?" Liara frowned.
"There was these audio logs. We found out that they were the ones who set the tresher maw on her team. Damn it, Liara. Cerberus have been a bane on her life and I was too blind to see it. I was so angry at her for being with Cerberus and I didn't believe in her. I wasn't there when she needed me to attack the Collector's base. I love her and I did that to her."
Liara grabbed his arm. "You weren't mad about that. You are mad about leaving her in London."
Kaidan shook away from her light grip and he walk to the window. He saw his anguished facade reflected against the glass.
"We were injured and it was what she wanted. For you to be safe. And she did what she have to. She saved the galaxy. She is a survivor and she has beaten death before."
"Is that supposed to be comforting?" Kaidan hissed.
Liara shook her head and slunk back into the sofa. Her shoulder was slunk in defeat. "There was a time when I hated you, Kaidan. You were with her long before I knew her and I resent the relationship you had with her. I was so young and so stupid. I thought I could handle it alone when I found out that they had Shepard's body."
Kaidan blinked. "You loved her?"
Liara blushed. "I still do but as a friend. Then again, I have to be thankful for her too. I met Feron trying to find her. Then two years later, she came and saved Feron for me. That kind of person wouldn't simply die on a hospital bed. You shouldn't grieve when you know that she is still alive. At least, not just yet."
"Why do you come here, Liara?" Kaidan sighed. Liara stood next to him and smiled. "Remember that time when I first met with all of you. Shepard and I joined our minds so I could see the message from the Prothean beacon. When we joined, we didn't merely share our thoughts. We became unified and I think I fell in love with her then. I could see through her soul and I identify with her. I tried to approach her and failed miserably. But when I did it again with her to find Ilos, I didn't tell her that I see more than just the beacon. I felt her thoughts when she was on Virmire."
Kaidan frowned. "You mean, when she had to choose between me and Ash?"
"It troubled her that she choose you. She didn't know that she loves you until that moment when she had to choose."
"Did she?"
"What I know is this. Even if it happen all over again, she will always choose you," Liara smiled sadly.
"She blame herself for Ashley's death."
"It was never her fault. None of it was her fault."
"She believe it was. When you were hospitalized, she told me that her nightmares returned. I'm sure you notice that. It came back to her because you nearly died. She was so worried and she hardly sleep and ate. She busy herself and I think forget that she is human with feelings. She missed you then and even while she was on that suicide mission of hers."
Kaidan frowned. "She said that?"
"She didn't need to. She even had a picture of you which she probably hid when she turn herself in with the Normandy. Kaidan, it might have been two years for us but it was really just moments after her death. It wasn't easy for her to give up on you and she knows it too." "Why are you tell me this?"
"Have you look at yourself in the mirror lately? You haven't been taking your medication and you've been injured as badly as you did on Mars. Dr Chakwas went by to my room and she thinks I could talk to you. Me, of all people," Liara snorted. Kaidan laughed. "I'm alright, Liara."
"No, you aren't. None of us are. All of us in the ship care for her but to her, it was you who kept her going. She will survive her current ordeal and will be back on her feet."
"I've read the report, Liara."
"They said it was impossible to bring her back and yet she did. Miranda is with her now. Don't worry, Kaidan. It will be alright."
Kaidan watched Liara as she walk away and he looked to the stars again.
"I hope so."