Chapter 1: America Misses Her Family

Disclaimer & Warnings- I don't own Hetalia or Ouran High School Host Club. I am borrowing without intention of making money the characters. The plot is mine. As for warnings, I will be using a female America in this (necessary for the big plot point)… future warnings may appear as they appear but that is the one I can think of for now.

Dedication… This story is dedicated to a very good friend I have made on . Sisca, this is for you. I really hope you like it. You have been very supporting in my endeavors and very good at prodding me to continue to write. Thanks, it means a lot.

~~~~~~~~~~~ON~WITH~THE~SHOW~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She couldn't remember what the name of her favorite fancy Japanese ice cream was.

America gave a huge sigh and just let her head fall against her table. Her "I-may-be-all-alone-but-I'm-totally-fine-with-that-thank-you-very-much" table. With one of her most cherished Eric Flint novels (that was not stupid, England just couldn't appreciate the subtly and delicacy that was science fiction) there to read and (soon as she could remember the damn name) her favorite ice cream, America would be happy as a clam and she would most certainly NOT be lonely! In fact, she was happy that her family had ditched her or whatever to go do their stupid European bonding fun somewhere else (although Mattie wasn't really European geographically, he was close enough culturally, apparently, to count). Now she could eat what she wanted and read what she wanted in peace and totally be cool all by herself. Just like she liked. Independence!

Oh fuck, who was she kidding?

She missed her brothers… crabby Arthur, shy and sarcastic Mattie, and flirty Francis. But apparently she was no longer good enough for their "special brother bonding time."

America sat back and sent an upward huff of air to make her bangs fly and catch the sunlight. Then she did it again. Repeated the action a third time. What she needed was a plan to reconnect to her brothers. Despite the other Nations' belief, America could be deep and subtle and read the atmosphere if she really wanted to… she just didn't want to most days. But today was not most days. Today, America the Free and Beautiful and whatever other epitaph her (wonderful, inventive, creative, smart, kind, hard-working, god how can other Nations not love 'em?) citizens decided to bestow upon her needed to be smart. She was tired of her brothers getting pissed at her and then ignoring her for weeks on end. She wanted them to be a fucking family for more than fourteen weeks out of the year. Which meant she needed to do something, but what?

America shut her eyes tight, crossed her arms, and entered her "thinking zone." Lord knows if her thinking zone had helped her to figure out how to fly and create the atomic bomb, surely the zone could help her figure out a way to get her family back to together?

So… she thought. And thought… and thought… and thought…

A high-pitched giggle interrupted her deep thinking—that had somehow evolved to hamsters that had then evolved to a plan to use genetically modified giant, gingerbread hamsters to save her brothers and be the heroine for them… but then there was that problem of PETA picketing her again and the ethics of turning living creatures into living gingerbread creatures that she defeated with milk—and America tuned into the conversation. Maybe it would give her inspiration that wouldn't land her in hot water with PETA?

"Honestly those boys would do ANYTHING to help a girl in need if you know what I mean…"

"Oh yes! They really go above and beyond the call of duty to help." Cue more giggling.

America's eyes widened… boys that would do anything to help someone? They must be, like, super heroes or something! And as superheroes, they could help her! Because heroes helped other heroes all the time! Like the Justice League or the Avengers or X-Men… all were groups of awesome superheroes helping other awesome superheroes! Perfect! America could ask them for help in getting her brothers to stop being complete assholes. Fool-proof and brilliant, just like America!

Now she just needed to find these other heroes. Hmm… she could go up to the group of girls and ask them politely to tell her about the group of boys, go find said boys and then ask them politely to assist her OR she could follow (read: stalk) the girls back to the place where the boys were, break in, and either threaten/bribe/pout adorably until they agreed to help her.

Decisions, decisions: WWHD? (What would Hollywood do?)

…Alright! Borderline illegal activities and abuse of her diplomatic immunity and Nation status it is!

Man she was good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AFTER~MUCH~STALKING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

America had done it. She was in the club room used by the boys! And all it took was the abuse of her power as a Nation to use military satellites to help her stalk the underage girls, multiple counts of hacking into private citizens' personal information, and one very strongly worded cease and desist order given by a very stern security officer for her stalking of said underage girls (she ignored that one though, it's not like she doesn't have multiple others from like Stan Lee and Leonard Nimoy). All in a day's work for the industrious American.

Now she just needed to wait. Luckily she had the newest iPhone with her. Now if only those stupid pigs would DIE already! DIE PIGS DIE!

~~~~~~~~~~~THREE~HOURS~AND~MANY~MANY~DEAD~PIGS~LATER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

America's head shot up. There standing in the open door was a group of teen boys and one cross-dressing girl. Finally! She was beginning to worry that all the illegal activity was for naught!

The one with glasses coughed into his hand and approached her. "Ah, miss… how did you get in here?" His voice was really sophisticated and cultured, he kind of reminded her of Austria in a way.

She gave him a big smile and replied, "Hi! My name is Alfreda F. Jones and I came here for help! I need to get my brothers to stop acting like totally D-bags and I heard that you help girls here." There! Polite and everything, suck it England, she could SO do manners.

The seven teens blinked at her. The tall blond stepped forward and took her hand. He gave it a kiss which immediately put America on edge. Francis did the same thing when he was trying to soften bad news. The blond straightened and said, "My dear, you are truly a beautiful and lively young lady… but I think you are a little confused. Are you sure you're in the right place." He ended this was a gentle shine in his blue eyes and somehow roses seemed to bloom behind him and bubbles drifted delicately by. He was so like Francis… maybe he was an illegitimate child?

America frowned, "This is the Ouran High School Host Club right?"

The seven looked at each other with worried eyes, and the blond gave a slow, "Yes…"

America nodded, "Then I'm in the right place. Honestly your name is pretty funky but I think I figured it out: the name means that you deal with a HOST of problems, right?" America was pretty proud of figuring that out actually. When she had first heard the name she had been concerned and thought about giving up before a random ball hit her on the head and made her realize the genius behind the name.

The Austria-like one stepped forward and said, "No. We are a host club. As in, young women come here and we entertain and flirt with them. That kind of host."

America blinked and said, "But one of you is a girl? Is she here for girls who like girls?"

This caused all the males to become very stiff and quickly close the doors as well as rush America over to one of the many couches in the room. The Francis guy quickly said, "Ah… how did you know Haruhi is a girl?" He seemed to be extremely nervous when he said this, and America decided to read the atmosphere. After reading it, she struggled to keep her features big and innocent and not turn devious. She said, "What do you mean? Isn't it obvious? I mean, all your customers know she's a girl, right?" She had them!

One of the two twins came up—or at least she guessed they were twins 'cause they looked alike… but maybe they were clones! Oh, that would be so cool! Wait… did that mean Kiku was holding out on her with cloning tech? No, no… that was something they promised to do together.—and said, "No, and YOU are not going to tell anyone, got it!"

America gave a delicate shrug and said, "Sure… after you help me with my brothers.

Austria sighed and said, "Look, you seem like a nice-enough girl so I am going to be frank: (A) we are not here to help you with your family issues, and (B) don't try to blackmail us because we have more than enough pull and capital to make sure that Haruhi's little secret remains inside the club. Now if you could please just leave…"

America had no choice. Austria guy wasn't budging and she had already used up her diplomatic immunity for the month, anymore and she would get grounded. It was time for her biggest weapon.

America's eyes filled with tears and she grabbed onto the Francis guy in front of her (if he was like Francis then he was the weakest link, she would go to him for the kill). She began to cry as she let the hopelessness of her situation overwhelm her and she sobbed, "I-I just w-want my family t-to be together a-again. I c-can't stand them h-hating m-me anymore! P-please help! A-All the girls talked a-about how y-you guys h-helped them with everything a-and I'm a g-girl so you h-have to help me." She ended her teary tirade with a soul-searching look into his eyes.

His eyes were soft and sad as he looked at her. She felt somewhat bad for manipulating him, but she really did need help! She was tired of being lonely and trying to pretend she wasn't! Tired of eating alone and wishing her brothers were there. Tired of not being good enough. She would do anything if it meant she could have her family back again.

The blond hugged her back and said in a solemn vow, "We'll help you."

As the rest of the club (except for the girl) began to protest, the blond stood up and said with passion, "Stop! We are the Ouran Host Club. We made a promise to help any girl that crossed through our doors and make them into a princess! Well, right now we have a maiden in pain here and we are NOT going to sit back and do nothing! We ARE going to help her!"

America was taken aback by his kindness and felt even worse for using him. This guy was really a good person and she was using that to help herself. She was not being very heroic right now. She bit her lip and stood her ground though (figuratively speaking of course, she was actually sitting her ground she supposed). She would make this up to them and somehow be doubly heroic to make up for this moment of weakness, she promised! And America always fulfilled her promises.

The blond turned back to her and gave a sweeping bow. He said with a grand voice, "I am Suoh Tamaki, president of the Host club, to my right is Ootori Kyoya the vice-president," he gestured to Austria guy, "the twins are Hitachiin Hikaru and Kaoru," gestured to the not-clones, "this is Haninozuka Mitsukuni aka Honey-senpai" he pointed to the small boy, "that is Morinozuka Takashi aka Mori-senpai" he pointed to the quiet tall boy standing behind Honey-senpai, "and that is Fujioka Haruhi." He pointed to the cross-dresser. Franc—er, Tamaki then gave a wide-sweeping motion and said, "We are the Ouran High School Host Club and we are here to help you!"

America blinked and smiled. Soon she would have her brothers back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~END~OF~FIRST~CHAPTER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope this is okay. I also hope you like my female America. I want to make her different from her counterpart but not too different. And I know that there may be some of you out there groaning that I am starting yet another story, but I really wanted my friend to have this because of how great and awesome she is. Fingers crossed that she likes it!

Thank you for reading and I would love you long time if you leave a review!

Much Love,

91REDROSES