Title: Alien! Kreee!

Author: MTS

Challenge fic! Omfg!

Fandom: Stargate/Alien Crossover
Characters: Daniel and Lambert
Line: "THEYRE GONNA GET US!!!! AHHHH!!!!"

These alien love children are owned by 20th Century Fox & MGM.

Ps. As an Alien/Stargate crossover completely doesn't work this is a total AU with Lambert surviving the alien attack and being alive in 2003. Cuz I don't have time/energy to do some wacko time travel & Stargate AU thing. So. Here's some Lambert Smackdown.

-A-

Teal'c straightened as he heard voices coming towards him. He was dutifully guarding the Stargate of P42-6LV and deep in thought about the philosophy of numbers, but a human distraction was always welcome.

In his usual fashion, Daniel walked in the room in a full blown rant about some new alien culture and the importance of such a discovery. What was unusual about it was that a tall woman followed him, nervously looking around, and adding a "yes" or "no" to his rapidly asked questions. What was even more unusual, as the woman was not unpleasing to look at, it seemed as if Daniel was trying to get away from her.

Daniel quickly moved toward Teal'c while saying, "Teal'c! I'd like you to meet Lambert, she's a cargo ship operator"

The tall Jaffa lifted his eyebrow and nodded to the woman who had a vague resemblance to Major Carter – if only for the short blonde hair and masculine attire. The definite difference in the two women was the nervousness in the woman's eye. Teal'c felt that if he only stared at her long enough, she might disintegrate.

However, it was she that was staring most intensely at him. Or more accurately, at the golden symbol of Apophis on his forehead.

After seven years of this nonsense, Teal'c had grown tired of unaccustomed-to-Jaffa people staring at his forehead. He fought the urge to make an obscene face at her, but instead, kept his expression coolly passive as ever.

Daniel gestured at the woman to walk closer to Teal'c. She didn't budge from the spot. Daniel shrugged. "Lambert says she's encountered an alien race that we've yet to come across and I was wondering if the Goa'uld ever came across the...," he hesitated and turned to her, "What did you call them?"

Lambert trembled slightly and shook her head. "We had no name from them."

Daniel looked at her, flabbergasted for not trying to communicate with such a fascinating (yet dangerous) alien race, and then turned back to Teal'c and continued.

"They're very similar to the Goa'uld...expect for the fact that it incubates very quickly in the host's body and kill it immediately when it is mature enough to leave it."

Teal'c looked away, thinking of the extensive databases he used as First Prime. He could not remember any reference to a parasitic alien entity with that modus operandi.

Lambert's voice pierced his thoughts. "Humans are only incubators for them."

Teal'c looked at her and raised the obligatory eyebrow. "I too incubate an alien entity in my body and I too will die when it has grown to maturity."

He lifted his shirt and watched Lambert's eyes grow wide. She clutched Daniel's arm, whimpering. Daniel looked most displeased with the turn of events.

"YOU'RE AN ALIEN!" she cried out shrilly.

"That is incorrect. I am a Jaffa. I am human with a symbiote, an infant Goa'uld, inside."

Teal'c assessed the situation. Daniel obviously wanted to get rid of her and she appeared to be no threat whatsoever. So he decided to have a little fun.

"Would you like to see it?," he asked mildly.

Daniel's eyes widened and Teal'c could see the hidden smirk. "Yeah, Teal'c. Show her Junior."

Teal'c reached inside and pulled out the mewling little creature. The infant goa'uld took one look at the now shrieking Lambert, hissed most maliciously in her direction, and snaked back into the warm incubation of Teal'c (fekkin'shol'vah!).

Lambert was less than happy at her now second alien encounter.

Her fear planting her into place, she began to shriek over and over again. "They're gonna get us! They're gonna get us!" Her voice was so piercing that Teal'c imagined that O'Neill and Major Carter would soon appear to discover what the Netu was going on.

Daniel, it seemed, was also losing his cool. He had her by the shoulders now and was shaking her a bit more violently than he usually shook a shrieking woman. Teal'c wondered what else this woman must have done to gain such a low opinion of Daniel. This was Dr. Daniel Jackson, eternal humanitarian.

But the woman continued to scream, starring wild-eyed at Teal'c and clutching her chest.

Daniel had had it, apparently. He screamed something at her and with a loud smacking noise, he back-handed her. She stopped screaming, took one look at him, one look at Teal'c, and fainted straight into Daniel's arms.

"For crying out loud!!"

Daniel and Teal'c looked in the entry way to see a shocked Major Carter and an impressed O'Neill. The colonel wagged his finger, "you're always after the natives, aren't ya."

Major Carter smiled. "At least they don't die immediately after they fall for you, Danny."

Jack looked at her cryptically. "Yeah, you're the deadly one."

She made a face back at him and Teal'c had to look away, pleased as ever to see the mating rituals of his team members continue.

"Well," Daniel said helplessly, the unconscious woman still in his arms, "what do I do?"

"Put her down, let's get out of here. Carter, dial us home."

"Yes, sir."