Once again it is I, Future-Gamefreak with a new fic that is not related to Mega Man!
This is my first Kirby fic (not counting Rockman's Dreamland) and it's based around Kirby's Dreamland 3.
You know that one game nobody seems to remember with the bleeding eyeball and Earthbound-y music. Hopefully, you younger readers won't be too lost reading this.
Disclaimer: If I had actually owned Kirby, there would've been a Parodius crossover game by now but sadly, all I own is a copy of "Kirby Superstar Ultra." *sigh*
Well enough of my angst, let's start this thing!
Never Go to Chu-Chu's Tea Parties
By Future-Gamefreak
If a passer by-er were to take a glance at the scene before them, they wouldn't believe their eyes.
Kirby, the hero of Dreamland, was wearing a white bonnet on his head, smiling as if nothing was wrong.
King Dedede, the reluctant king of Dreamland, was covered head to toe in pink clothing, with a look on his face that said "Get me OUT OF HERE!"
In fact, all of the guests looked similarly goofy.
Gooey was wearing a top hat, Rick was in a pink sundress and bonnet, Pitch was sniggering at Rick's getup while in his mom's apron, Coo, in a white shawl and pink sun-hat, trying his hardest not to have a mental breakdown, and Nago, subconsciously scratching at the itchy woolen hat that clung to his fur.
Usually, parties were joyful occasions where friends could talk and have fun. But THIS party was different. Except for Kirby, the whole table seemed to reek of tension. No one would say a word or attempt to lighten the mood but sat cowering, waiting for their doom.
The beginning of Chu-Chu's tea party.
"Do you think she's still coming?" Pitch asked Coo, a bit of hope in his voice.
Coo simply stared at him in disbelief, causing Pitch to shrink back and sigh.
"The day that girl misses a tea party, is the day I sell my mallet," King Dedede remarked.
"I don't know what you guys are so worried about," Kirby said as he lounged in his chair.
"Chu-Chu's tea parties aren't that bad."
"'Aren't that bad?' AREN'T THAT BAD? Easy for YOU to say! You're the only one here who isn't chained by ankle cuffs!"
Rick said, fur standing out like spikes as he lifted his sundress to point at his cuffed ankles (if he even has them?) to prove his point.
"We're going to dieeeee..." Gooey moaned hopelessly as his tongue seemed to droop.
"If only my claws were sharper, then I could cut the chains and we would be free..." Nago muttered.
Except for Kirby, the table sighed wistfully.
Minutes seemed to pass as the group grew more hopeful, thinking that Chu-Chu wasn't going to show and they could all somehow go home.
"I wonder how much a mallet would sell for on EBay..." King Dedede thought aloud.
"Well, I guess we can go home now," Coo announced calmly. "Unless of course, dramatic irony decides to screw us over and-"
"Good afternoon, my lovely guests! Your lovely hostesses have arrived!"
The whole table could recognize that voice from anywhere.
Chu-Chu. As egotistical as she could be.
Pitch could not stop crying, Rick felt nauseous, Coo's body solidified, Kirby dodged the attack, Nago got fleas, Gooey fell asleep, and Dedede took Mortal Damage. The battle was lost.
Before them she stood, her trademark bow looking straight and glitzy, her pink body seemed to sparkle like that of a certain teenage vampire in sunlight and her face looked like it was covered in makeup. She really strived to make an impression.
Slowly, eyes started to drift to Chu-Chu's oddly obsessive friend, Nyuu-Pun. She looked as she always did, yellow body, shy face, but her white and blue sailor's cap was replaced with a pink beret. She was holding a mug filled with tea and trying not to stare at her amazing looking friend.
"Sorry we're so late," Chu-Chu apologized halfheartedly as Nyuu-Pun started pouring out cups of tea.
"Just had to put the finishing touches on my rather modest appearance."
The group just sighed in exasperation. Sometimes, it seemed like her huge ego was trying to flatten them. Once, when Dedede tried to challenge it, he had burn marks down his throat for a month after having an entire mug of scalding hot tea poured down it.
"You guys should really lighten up. You look like you've seen Dark Matter or something." Nyuu-Pun commented.
Honestly, even Nightmare suddenly appearing out of nowhere to conquer Dreamland would be better than this, almost all of them thought.
After sharing the tea, Chu-Chu and Nyuu-Pun sat.
An awkward silence seemed to consume the table, only Kirby was at ease.
A few minutes later, Chu-Chu lost her patience.
"Geeze, you guys! You're acting like such killjoys," Chu-Chu yelled, slamming her fist (or tentacle) on the table.
"If you want to get out of my tea party so badly, the least you can do is enjoy the crumpets-"
The basket was now empty and every cup of tea (except for Nyuu-Pun and Kirby's) was now empty.
"Done! Can we go now?" Gooey whined.
"Hmmm, let me think about it... ah yes, NO!"
Nearly the entire table collapsed onto the table in frustration.
"I invited you all for a nice little gathering," Chu-Chu began, trying her hardest to hold back fake tears.
"Just to catch up on old times. And now... and now... YOU'RE ALL TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM ME!"
Soon, Chu-Chu started to break down into exaggerated sobs.
"Oh Chu-Chu, PLEASE calm down," Nyuu-Pun muttered soothingly while trying to comfort her.
Soon, Kirby was trying to help.
"C'mon Chu-Chu, you gotta stop crying. We'll stay for as long as you want as long as you calm down."
"Really?" Chu-Chu's eyes lit up. He nodded.
"Oh thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!" Chu-Chu exclaimed happily, hugging the crap out of Kirby.
Radiating with jealousy, Nyuu-Pun made a mental note to throw Kirby into a lake after the tea party.
Four hours.
It had been four hours since the tea party began and the group couldn't stand another second of it.
Pitch and Gooey had fallen asleep in their chairs, Nago was still clawing at his chains, Dedede was staring at his mallet and Rick and Coo were slumped over in their chairs, forced to listen to Chu-Chu and Nyuu-Pun's INSUFFERABLE girl talk.
"And the stupid Waddle Dee just walked in our way, so I ran it over with my trusty broom." The two girls then started to laugh.
Kirby sat in front of them, seemingly listening intently but, it was all a ruse for his plan.
"Psst. Gooey, Pitch, Nago! Get into position!" Kirby whispered.
"Right!" They all replied.
"Hey Kine, KINE!" The blue sunfish appeared out of the bushes with a demented looking TAC mask on his face.
"You ready?" Kine nodded. "Good.'Operation Rain-check Rescue: Electric Boogaloo' begins!"
-
Rustle.
"Did you hear something?" Nago asked. The table turned to look at him,
Grrrrowl.
"I think it's coming from the bushes. I'll go check." Nyuu-Pun volunteered.
A pause.
"ARRRARRRAHHHHHHHHGH!"
Suddenly, Nyuu-Pun burst out of the bushes screaming, with a demonic looking "TAC fish" chasing her.
"GE-IT AWAY FROM ME, GET IT AWAY FROM MEEE!" She wailed.
Taking Dedede's mallet, Chu-Chu began viciously bashing the "monstrosity".
"HEY!" Dedede exclaimed.
"That thing is...or could be one of my men. Stop this INSTANT!"
"Cram it, fish breath! I'm trying to save my friend here!"
Dedede grabbed Chu-Chu by the mallet and tried to shake her off of it.
"Leave her alone you big bully!" Nyuu-Pun cried as she tried to uselessly defend Chu-Chu by hitting Dedede.
Meanwhile, Kirby, Gooey, Pitch and Nago were now making use of the distraction.
"Great! Going exactly as planned," Kirby announced to the group.
"Now Pitch, you go with Gooey and Nago you come with me. We both have cutter powers so be ready to cut the chains."
Soon, the group was split up, Pitch and Gooey cut Rick and Coo's chains and ushered them out of the demented tea party.
Meanwhile, Chu-Chu and Nyuu-Pun were still trying to pummel the TAC fish when they noticed the mask come off.
"KINE?" They both shouted in unison. The fish smiled sheepishly and started to back away.
"Now you're really in for it," Nyuu-Pun muttered as Chu-Chu, whose temper rose dramatically, was ready to beat the living crap out of Kine, when she noticed the mallet was gone.
"Dedede," Chu-Chu started as politely as she could when she was pissed off.
"I would really like the damn hammer back so I can teach this little punk a lesson-"
She then noticed her guests had vanished along with Kine.
They were all running into the forest.
"COME BACK HERE YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BASTARDS!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.
"I SWEAR, WHEN I'M DONE WITH THE LOT OF YOU, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO FEEL YOUR SHOES!"
"Let them be Chu-Chu," Nyuu-Pun said. "They obviously can't live up to the sophistication of a tea party."
"You're right," Chu-Chu said, calming down.
"At least your still here Nyuu-Pun. You really are a true friend"
Nyuu-Pun blushed. "Well, now we can enjoy our tea party in peace" she agreed.
"I… can't … believe you guys… had… a plan this whole time!" Rick said between breaths.
"Why… didn't you tell … the rest of us?"
"It would've ruined everything," Pitch said happily.
"Besides, it wouldn't have been as much fun," Gooey adds.
"If it wasn't for us, you guys would have died of boredom by now," Kirby said, with a hint of smugness in his voice.
"Well I know one thing I'm not doing ever again." Dedede said.
They all look at him, knowing what he is going to say.
"I'm never going to one of Chu-Chu's tea parties ever again."