It wasn't that she had wished Death on them because she'd never wished that on any Reaper. Wish or not, Death had visited them and now here she was in hallowed marble and stained glass, weeping over their untimely departure.
It wasn't that she had meant to betray them, but dear Sebastian had so very cleverly enticed her to lend him a hand. A night out on the town, carving open bodies and tugging at bloodied records, with the man of her fantasies by her side.
It wasn't that she had anything against them, for they were good colleagues. Eric with his rolling Scottish brogue and the ability to switch to purring Italian and make knees weak. Eric with his handsome, rugged looks that betrayed just how soft and gentle he could be to those whom he cared for. Eric who was the perfect Field partner and the only man she would want by her side in melees.
And then there was Alan, dear Alan, who was soft and gentle outwardly but had a fiery temper Grell found ever so darling. He was prim and proper but passionate too; good with reports and smoothing over the intricacies of Division code.
Dear Alan with his inky black Thorns clawing their way to his heart, being eaten alive because he had dared to hesitate and feel empathy for his victim. To save him, Eric betrayed all his principles and broke Division code, killing innocent people to reap their pure souls.
A cruel twist of fate had seen the older of the pair cut down his own lover and too broken to continue he submitted himself to the Devil in order to join his beloved in Death.
Grell's lip trembled and she bit back another sob, dabbing at her eyes with her kerchief and trying not to make a fool of herself during their service.
It wasn't that she was jealous of their love, knowing she'd never have anything so selfless, so passionate, so true...but with a sinking feeling in her heart she realized it was just that after all.