(Disclaimer!- I do not own Disney, nor any of the characters mentioned
here.)
Not all is as it seems in the realm of Disney. Those cartoons you watch every morning and night, depicting happy-go-lucky characters in lands of mirth and joy? All lies. Every one of them. The movies you buy telling tales of grandeur, love, and an eventual happy ending? Those are lies too.
Tragic and often bizzare are the untold tales of the world of Disney; But, it is my duty to tell you them, in full, excruciatingly vivid detail. If you wish to retain your joyous childhood memories of happy endings and humorous tales, turn back now.
Are you still here? You are indeed brave.
The first story I shall tell you is that of the most hallowed icon of all things Disney; Mickey Mouse. After years of being the top 'toon, Mickey had it all. Fame, fortune, and a steady, loving girlfriend. But like all megaicons, soon the fame was too much. But unlike the others, he did not turn to alcohol, nor drugs - Instead, he built up delusions within the sanctity of his own mind, as a sort of comfort. Over time, he started to convince himself that people indeed worshipped him as a god.
He thought he WAS God. He demanded of those who loved him to become his disciples, and to make sacrifices in his name. Thus began the Cult Of The Mouse. His beloved Minnie, horrified by her boyfriend's actions, tried with all she had to stop him - But she could not. In one final act of insanity, he ordered his following to stone Minnie to death. But once the last stone struck his former love, and she fell forever, something in his mind righted itself - He fell to his knees and he wept. Immediately following this tragic event, he turned himself in. This event was never spoken of again.
Hurt the most by this happening was Mickey and Minnie's dog - Pluto. Little was known about this loyal, if sometimes clumsy, dog. The dog had a dark past - As a pup, he was beaten and neglected heavily by his previous owner - A man who remains nameless to this day. One day, it was all the poor little dog could take, and, seizing a very rare opportunity (his owner had left), he ran away from his home. He ran as far as he could, until darkness overtook him, and he collapsed.
He awoke to soft voices and a caring hand on his back. Minnie and Mickey stood over him, staring down at him with concern. From that day on, he was eternally loyal to the two mice - But then, after years of bliss with his owners, Mickey went insane, and had Minnie killed. Blindly loyal to the end, Pluto never left his Master's side, waiting outside of the prison for days, which turned into weeks, for Mickey to come back out. But he never did come out. And poor Pluto died, in ironically similar way to the way his life had been lived in his early days - Beaten (By the elements, though) and neglected.
Moving along. Only two were oblivious to the death of Minnie and the imprisonment of Mickey; Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Behind the scenes, the two were vicious, resentful enemies, and fought with all the hatred of a thousand bitter rivals. Oh, it all started out innocently - A harmless prank here and there, a sign saying 'Rabbit Season' instead of the appropriate 'Duck Season', perhaps some name-calling here and there.
No one knew quite how it got so bad. Eventually the pranks grew harsher and more well thought out, and the name-calling became hateful, and even racist ("You dirty ducks are all the same! You have no minds! You should all be shot!" Bugs was once reported screaming at Daffy), and the little rivalry erupted into violent hatred. For years it raged on, each act more violent then the last - Until one day, in a fit of blood-lust, Daffy drove a knife into the throat of his rival. Unashamed of his action, Daffy brought the body of the fallen rabbit and disposed of it in a landfill.
Bugs' remains were never found.
Less heartbreaking of the untold tales is that of Sylvester and Tom - Two cats brought together by their seemingly inquenchable hatred of two certain little creatures who always seemed to be unattainable. They had heard of one another before - They both sympathized with the others' torment. It had been Tom who set the date to meet with Sylvester for the first time; It was a cold and snowy night, the streetlights illuminating the softly falling crystalline snow. Tom waited for nearly an hour in the cold for the other cat - It turns out that vile little bird Tweety had been holding him up.
But when Sylvester finally showed up - It was love at first sight. So taken with one another that they forgot all about the hate for the little mammals that had bothered them so, and promised to never again chase after mice or birds. They would put those days behind them, like a recovering drug addict puts behind him his urge to shoot up. They are still together to this day, and are planning a late spring wedding.
But behind them they left Jerry and Tweety - Without the cats to chase them, they had no purpose in life. Whether they liked it or not, they lived for those cats, who had left them both so swiftly. Tweety fell into a deep depression, and took to the bottle. So dependent on his alcohol he became, that soon he was unable to go more then a few hours without it. One day, in a drunken stupor, Tweety flew out of his cage and out an open window. Unable to maintain balance, he plunged down and hit the cement below, breaking both of his wings. He is now a recovering alcoholic, telling his tale across the globe. He runs a successful recovery program named, "Opening The Wings And Breaking The Habit (a program for recovering alcoholics)".
Jerry simply left the comfort of his home and was never to be seen again.. Though there have been reports of a malnourished, trenchcoat-clad mouse walking aimlessly through the streets late at night, his wide-brimmed hat shading eyes filled with sorrow and pain.
These are only a few of the tales of the TV stars of old; Now I shall tell you of the movie stars who dazzled you with stories of freedom, love and happy endings.
The first and possibly most horrific story is that of Belle and the Prince. For three years they were rapturously happy, and married. But after so long, Belle soon longed for a child, as did the Prince. So like most couples, they decided to have one, and not too long after, Belle was ripe with child. Throughout the castle, there was much celebration.
But on that fateful night when the child was to be born, all the joy left the castle; For they were soon to find that the Enchantress that had turned the Prince into a beast was not good - But vengeful and evil. And in her wrath, she had placed another spell on the Prince, one she never told him of. When he were to find his true love, their child would take on the same form as had once been it's fathers - The child was born a mangy beast. But unlike his father, the spell was not reversable.
Upon seeing it, the acting midwife and nurse, Mrs. Potts, went into a dead faint, dropping the beast-child. Belle, still dizzy and somewhat delirious with the pain of childbirth, saw the child, and an agonized scream wrenched itself from her throat as she saw the thing that had come from inside of her. Unable to bear the sight of it, she smothered the beast-child to death.
The Prince walked in to check on his dear wife and to see his newborn child - His jaw dropped in horror at the sight before his eyes. His wife standing above his now dead child, eyes glittering with madness. With an inhuman roar, he lept on Belle, and tore her apart, in a futile attempt to avenge his child. And as she fell, he began to transform back into the form that he had wished for so many years before to be rid of forever - For he had killed his true love, and was therefore unfit to be human, according to the spell. He would never return to his human form..
The next story is that of Peter Pan and Wendy.. One day, the two were soaring high above Never Never Land, hands clasped together tightly. Wendy had smiled to herself, and looked at Peter, wishing to say all the words she had never had a chance to before. And then, with the courage given to her by the gift of flight (the power to soar above the clouds had always inspired her, in a way), she said it.
"Peter, I love you! I've loved you for.. Longer then I can remember!" She exclaimed.
And all in one instant, they both fell into the ocean and drown - For in Never Never Land, the concept of 'Love' was not allowed, and upon speaking the heartfelt words, Wendy had single-handedly robbed them both of their powers and forced them to their deaths. Love -was- a grown-up idea, after all.
Next, we've Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Now, Snow White was not as innocent and wholesome as she portrayed herself; Not even NEAR it. Amung the wishes for a handsome Prince to come and whisk her away were other, more unmentionable needs. Snow White was very repressed, you see.
So when she awoke in the cabin of the seven Dwarves, she saw it as an opportunity to play out all of her little fantasies - Within a week, she had all seven dwarves entranced with her. For you see, Snow White had become a raging nymphomaniac, and what better place to act out on her most primal urges then alone in the woods in a cabin with seven men? It makes perfect sense, if you were to think about this sort of thing.
And though her Prince DID come for her, in time, when she was given the poisoned apple by the witch, she found out one thing about the Prince that upset her a great deal - He was a prude. He insisted they wait until marriage to do all the things Snow White longed to do. So when it became too much for her to bear, she simply slipped out of the castle some weekends to revisit her old friends, the Dwarves.
These, dear readers, are all the tales I have to tell you now. Who am I? That will remain a mystery.
Not all is as it seems in the realm of Disney. Those cartoons you watch every morning and night, depicting happy-go-lucky characters in lands of mirth and joy? All lies. Every one of them. The movies you buy telling tales of grandeur, love, and an eventual happy ending? Those are lies too.
Tragic and often bizzare are the untold tales of the world of Disney; But, it is my duty to tell you them, in full, excruciatingly vivid detail. If you wish to retain your joyous childhood memories of happy endings and humorous tales, turn back now.
Are you still here? You are indeed brave.
The first story I shall tell you is that of the most hallowed icon of all things Disney; Mickey Mouse. After years of being the top 'toon, Mickey had it all. Fame, fortune, and a steady, loving girlfriend. But like all megaicons, soon the fame was too much. But unlike the others, he did not turn to alcohol, nor drugs - Instead, he built up delusions within the sanctity of his own mind, as a sort of comfort. Over time, he started to convince himself that people indeed worshipped him as a god.
He thought he WAS God. He demanded of those who loved him to become his disciples, and to make sacrifices in his name. Thus began the Cult Of The Mouse. His beloved Minnie, horrified by her boyfriend's actions, tried with all she had to stop him - But she could not. In one final act of insanity, he ordered his following to stone Minnie to death. But once the last stone struck his former love, and she fell forever, something in his mind righted itself - He fell to his knees and he wept. Immediately following this tragic event, he turned himself in. This event was never spoken of again.
Hurt the most by this happening was Mickey and Minnie's dog - Pluto. Little was known about this loyal, if sometimes clumsy, dog. The dog had a dark past - As a pup, he was beaten and neglected heavily by his previous owner - A man who remains nameless to this day. One day, it was all the poor little dog could take, and, seizing a very rare opportunity (his owner had left), he ran away from his home. He ran as far as he could, until darkness overtook him, and he collapsed.
He awoke to soft voices and a caring hand on his back. Minnie and Mickey stood over him, staring down at him with concern. From that day on, he was eternally loyal to the two mice - But then, after years of bliss with his owners, Mickey went insane, and had Minnie killed. Blindly loyal to the end, Pluto never left his Master's side, waiting outside of the prison for days, which turned into weeks, for Mickey to come back out. But he never did come out. And poor Pluto died, in ironically similar way to the way his life had been lived in his early days - Beaten (By the elements, though) and neglected.
Moving along. Only two were oblivious to the death of Minnie and the imprisonment of Mickey; Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Behind the scenes, the two were vicious, resentful enemies, and fought with all the hatred of a thousand bitter rivals. Oh, it all started out innocently - A harmless prank here and there, a sign saying 'Rabbit Season' instead of the appropriate 'Duck Season', perhaps some name-calling here and there.
No one knew quite how it got so bad. Eventually the pranks grew harsher and more well thought out, and the name-calling became hateful, and even racist ("You dirty ducks are all the same! You have no minds! You should all be shot!" Bugs was once reported screaming at Daffy), and the little rivalry erupted into violent hatred. For years it raged on, each act more violent then the last - Until one day, in a fit of blood-lust, Daffy drove a knife into the throat of his rival. Unashamed of his action, Daffy brought the body of the fallen rabbit and disposed of it in a landfill.
Bugs' remains were never found.
Less heartbreaking of the untold tales is that of Sylvester and Tom - Two cats brought together by their seemingly inquenchable hatred of two certain little creatures who always seemed to be unattainable. They had heard of one another before - They both sympathized with the others' torment. It had been Tom who set the date to meet with Sylvester for the first time; It was a cold and snowy night, the streetlights illuminating the softly falling crystalline snow. Tom waited for nearly an hour in the cold for the other cat - It turns out that vile little bird Tweety had been holding him up.
But when Sylvester finally showed up - It was love at first sight. So taken with one another that they forgot all about the hate for the little mammals that had bothered them so, and promised to never again chase after mice or birds. They would put those days behind them, like a recovering drug addict puts behind him his urge to shoot up. They are still together to this day, and are planning a late spring wedding.
But behind them they left Jerry and Tweety - Without the cats to chase them, they had no purpose in life. Whether they liked it or not, they lived for those cats, who had left them both so swiftly. Tweety fell into a deep depression, and took to the bottle. So dependent on his alcohol he became, that soon he was unable to go more then a few hours without it. One day, in a drunken stupor, Tweety flew out of his cage and out an open window. Unable to maintain balance, he plunged down and hit the cement below, breaking both of his wings. He is now a recovering alcoholic, telling his tale across the globe. He runs a successful recovery program named, "Opening The Wings And Breaking The Habit (a program for recovering alcoholics)".
Jerry simply left the comfort of his home and was never to be seen again.. Though there have been reports of a malnourished, trenchcoat-clad mouse walking aimlessly through the streets late at night, his wide-brimmed hat shading eyes filled with sorrow and pain.
These are only a few of the tales of the TV stars of old; Now I shall tell you of the movie stars who dazzled you with stories of freedom, love and happy endings.
The first and possibly most horrific story is that of Belle and the Prince. For three years they were rapturously happy, and married. But after so long, Belle soon longed for a child, as did the Prince. So like most couples, they decided to have one, and not too long after, Belle was ripe with child. Throughout the castle, there was much celebration.
But on that fateful night when the child was to be born, all the joy left the castle; For they were soon to find that the Enchantress that had turned the Prince into a beast was not good - But vengeful and evil. And in her wrath, she had placed another spell on the Prince, one she never told him of. When he were to find his true love, their child would take on the same form as had once been it's fathers - The child was born a mangy beast. But unlike his father, the spell was not reversable.
Upon seeing it, the acting midwife and nurse, Mrs. Potts, went into a dead faint, dropping the beast-child. Belle, still dizzy and somewhat delirious with the pain of childbirth, saw the child, and an agonized scream wrenched itself from her throat as she saw the thing that had come from inside of her. Unable to bear the sight of it, she smothered the beast-child to death.
The Prince walked in to check on his dear wife and to see his newborn child - His jaw dropped in horror at the sight before his eyes. His wife standing above his now dead child, eyes glittering with madness. With an inhuman roar, he lept on Belle, and tore her apart, in a futile attempt to avenge his child. And as she fell, he began to transform back into the form that he had wished for so many years before to be rid of forever - For he had killed his true love, and was therefore unfit to be human, according to the spell. He would never return to his human form..
The next story is that of Peter Pan and Wendy.. One day, the two were soaring high above Never Never Land, hands clasped together tightly. Wendy had smiled to herself, and looked at Peter, wishing to say all the words she had never had a chance to before. And then, with the courage given to her by the gift of flight (the power to soar above the clouds had always inspired her, in a way), she said it.
"Peter, I love you! I've loved you for.. Longer then I can remember!" She exclaimed.
And all in one instant, they both fell into the ocean and drown - For in Never Never Land, the concept of 'Love' was not allowed, and upon speaking the heartfelt words, Wendy had single-handedly robbed them both of their powers and forced them to their deaths. Love -was- a grown-up idea, after all.
Next, we've Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Now, Snow White was not as innocent and wholesome as she portrayed herself; Not even NEAR it. Amung the wishes for a handsome Prince to come and whisk her away were other, more unmentionable needs. Snow White was very repressed, you see.
So when she awoke in the cabin of the seven Dwarves, she saw it as an opportunity to play out all of her little fantasies - Within a week, she had all seven dwarves entranced with her. For you see, Snow White had become a raging nymphomaniac, and what better place to act out on her most primal urges then alone in the woods in a cabin with seven men? It makes perfect sense, if you were to think about this sort of thing.
And though her Prince DID come for her, in time, when she was given the poisoned apple by the witch, she found out one thing about the Prince that upset her a great deal - He was a prude. He insisted they wait until marriage to do all the things Snow White longed to do. So when it became too much for her to bear, she simply slipped out of the castle some weekends to revisit her old friends, the Dwarves.
These, dear readers, are all the tales I have to tell you now. Who am I? That will remain a mystery.