A/N: corrected for spelling mistake of Neal's name (yeah I don't know what I was thinking)
Diana stood at the door to Peter's Office. Their first major case together had just come to a close. The Harvard crew were celebrating in the bullpen but Peter did not join them.
"Boss." Diana spoke at the door.
"Come in." Peter looked up.
"Is it Satchmo?" His protoge asked.
Satchmo, the puppy, was battling canine influenza and was staying overnight at the veterinarian clinic.
"No, the vet said that he should make a full recovery." Peter replied.
"You're not very happy about closing the case." Diana observed.
"No I'm relieved actually." Peter smiled half-heartedly.
But his expression showed no sense of achievement.
"Hughes is asking for your final report." Diana reminded him gently.
"I'll give it to him tomorrow." Peter replied.
Diana had never witnessed such a phenomenon before. Instead of euphoria, Peter was mourning the closing of the case. Though she wasn't sure if he was mourning the case or the man.
That night at dinner, Elizabeth made the same observation. Unlike Diana however, she was not his subordinate so she didn't care about offending him.
"What's wrong honey?" She asked him, knowing perfectly well what the real answer was.
"Just tired from work." Peter smiled.
"When are you going to let go of him?" She prodded.
"It's stupid," Peter laughed at his strange predicament.
"No it's not. He was a very talented young man." Elizabeth reminded him.
However, admiration for talent alone did not explain the draw that Caffrey held for Peter.
"He reminds me of myself." Peter admitted.
"How so?" Elizabeth almost laughed at the contrast.
"He's an overachiever." Said Peter.
"You're still an overachiever." Elizabeth smiled.
"Yeah but his version is more dangerous. And believe it or not, I have actually toned myself down since college." Said Peter.
It was the craving that drove Neal in his overachieving ways that Peter identified with. Neal apparent need to prove himself in everything that he did was something that Peter shared in his youth prior to meeting Elizabeth.
Peter saw in Neal Caffrey, the same faults that had plagued Peter himself when he was younger. He liked to call them the three 'A's: Arrogance, Ambition and Adventure. Overtime he had learned to reign in his three 'A's but seeing them manifest in Caffrey was reminding him how lucky he was to have the calming influence called Elizabeth in his life.
"Peter, is there something you're not telling me?" Hughes asked his newly promoted senior agent.
"Oh yeah. Sorry Reece, I forgot. I'll give it in tomorrow." Peter stammered.
Although Peter was not known for his love of paperwork, he was definitely not sloppy. He would never miss a deadline to hand his report in.
"Putting it off won't make it any easier." Hughes was saying.
"It's just a report, Reece. I can do it." Peter tried to brush it off.
"You're not afraid of closure. You're afraid of disclosure." Agent Hughes observed. "It's a factual report. Your feelings don't have to go into it."
Peter did not immediately reply because he had been trying to avoid thinking about this all week. This was the real reason why Peter had been avoiding his final report in the Caffrey case.
As a law enforcement officer, you're not supposed to empathise with the bad guy because not only is it a dangerous thing to do but it could easily jeopardise the entire case. Yet in the case of Caffrey, Peter had been doing just that. After the initial admiration phase, where Peter was sure that he and Neal were mutually obsessive with each other, comes understanding and in very rare cases, true compassion.
The fact that Peter had come to like Neal as a person and not just a criminal was something that Peter considered a moment of weakness. Something that he was not proud of and definitely not something that he wanted on record in his files, including his reports.
No agent no matter how junior would be stupid enough to actually say that straight out in their reports but Peter was aware of the power of perception in the language of his writing. It would come through in the adjectives he chose. It would come through in what he didn't say in the report. And if anybody read the file, they would see that the con artist had gotten to him.
As a newly promoted leader for his team, he couldn't afford for that to get out. So he put aside the paperwork that he was considering handing in with his final report and buried his original intention to make Caffrey his CI. For now, Neal was staying in prison and he was not going anywhere anytime soon.
"Good call." Said Hughes when Peter came into his office an hour later to hand in his report sans the original accompanying paperwork. "I know that you were reluctant to close this chapter but it's for the best."
"Yeah." Peter nodded. "I know."