Title: Drops of rain
Author: Majishia
Pairing: S/W slight S/B
Disclaimer: None of them are mine. I'm making no profit off them.
I looked out the window into the pouring rain. Rainy days were always his favorites.
"I love you, but not as much as I love Buffy. She and I are soul mates. We have to end this."
"End what?"
I start rocking when I feel tears stream down my face. Moving my head onto my folded legs as I remember, I close my eyes.
"Spike, please, don't go! I love you!" I yelled. I had cried then, too. "I'll change! I'll do any thing you want me to!" I had screamed in desperation after he had gone. Just like that, two years dumped down the drain.
I had broken up with Tara. He'd been there. He'd fallen in love with Buffy; she'd rejected him, more than once. I'd been there.
Buffy had seen us together. I don't know why, but she had looked devastated. She later claimed that she loved Spike. That they- (here she stuttered) they were meant to be together. I had just stood there, where he had left me. I had thought he loved me. There had been many nights' crying after that, and my face was as red as my hair from the constant tears. Not that crying would make a difference, would make him love me, or change the world just for my Earth-sent plea to Heaven.
As I look out the window, I can almost see him calling out happily "The sun's gone!" He's changed when we had been together; I had changed him just by being there. He'd become less snippy and (sometimes) friendlier. Not to Xander though.
I laugh; he'd always be mean to Xander. My Xander, bestest buddy anyone could ever have. My lips twitch in a semblance of a smile. He's with Anya at their house. (They had married at the same time Spike and I had gotten together)
I'm at Buffy's house Buffy and Spike had asked me here. They wanted to tell me something. But they're late.
I move my eyes from the rainy window, rubbing my tears away. It wouldn't do to have them see me cry. I go to the kitchen to wash my face, and to get a warm, soothing drink. Tea. Funny how before Giles, I had never had tea, but now it's a comfort drink.
Here they come.
It's hard to look at Spike when he's with her. He smiles, looking content to be with her. I used to love his smile, used to know that's what got me up in the mornings back then. Most of all though, I had thought he loved me.
"Willow!" Buffy cries, a smile coming easily to her face, "Spike has a soul!"
"That's great Buffy," I say looking at her. "Hey Spike, how long has it been since you got it?" I inquiry, fixing my dull gaze on him. Finally falling into the despair.
"A month." He says, as his eyes resting on me, smile fading.
One month since he had said we had to stop being lovers. One month since he had torn apart my heart, it in itself still tying to glue the pieces back together.
"A month," I repeat, slowly processing it.
"A month," Buffy confirms. She looks between us and sees my pain.
"That's when he..." she trails off, looking saddened.
"Yeah. But I'm happy for you Buff! You've finally met a man who deserves you."
"You're a good friend Willow, a great friend," She says as she walks out, Spike on her heels, smiling brightly.
If I'm such a good friend, why did I fall into a hell called home when I let Spike choose you or me?
And why did I die inside when he chose you?