"Stan?"
As Kenny turned his head to look at him, Stan felt his courage fail him. He wanted to run, he wanted to walk out the door. Kenny shouldn't have been there, lying on a hospital bed, wasting away into skin and bones…
Yet Stan knew he had to be strong. He knew he would never forgive himself if he failed Kenny at this moment. So, his heart throbbed as he took the handful of steps to Kenny's bedside.
"H-hey dude." Stan's voice wavered. He didn't dare try to smile.
"H-hey. Thought," Kenny suddenly coughed, making Stan grimace. "Thought you weren't going to make it."
"You're my friend, dude. O-o-of course I was going to make it…" Stan swallowed, forcing down the things that were about to explode out of it.
"Gr-gr-good. Listen…" Kenny looked like he was gathering his strength for something. The pressure inside Stan's chest was becoming unbearable.
"W-when I'm gone, c-could you watch her for me?"
The first time that he saw her was at Kenny's funeral.
She just seemed so small, and not just because she looked like she was supposed to be a first grader. She just seemed like she was trying to shrink herself even more. Then again, considering who they had just buried…
Stan spared one more look at the direction of the grave, as if the occupant would rise up and make what he was about to do unnecessary. When the grave remained unmoved, Stan simply took a deep breath before walking up to the little girl sitting on the curb. As he got closer, the sounds of sniffling became clearer.
As he stood next to Karen McCormick, tears and mucus dripping down as she tried her hardest to control herself, Stan honestly wondered why Kenny picked him. He could understand why he didn't want Cartman. But there was still Kyle, who gave a bigger damn about stuff like this and even knew what to do with little brothers, or sisters in this case.
Stan was only a s***ty friend that nearly abandoned him with a big sister that kicked the s**t out of him at nearly every opportunity that she could.
Why the hell did Kenny trust him with her?
As Karen continued crying, Stan never felt more useless. Finally, he gathered up his courage.
"Hey."
Karen looked up, a teary eye leaking water.
"Umm…uh…are you…holding up?" Inwardly, Stan smacked himself. Of course she's not holding up great, genius.
As Stan had his little self-pitying moment, Karen sniffled a bit more as she looked at him.
"Umm…Y-You're one of Kenny's friends?"
Snapping out of his moment, Stan looked at Karen before nodding. "Yeah, why?"
"W-Was," Karen began to sniffle again. "Was Kenny bad?"
"What?"
Karen only wiped her eyes.
"W-Was Kenny bad? Because…why did he get sick? D-D-D" The sniffling got worse. "Did Kenny deserve it?"
Stan shook his head as he got off the curb and kneeled in front of her. He reached out to touch her shoulder only to stop himself and leave his hand to his side.
"No no no, he didn't deserve it. Believe me, Kenny…" Stan took a breath as he thought what he knew of Kenny. "I mean, yeah, Kenny wasn't exactly a saint, but believe me, he didn't deserve that. He deserved it."
"THEN WHY!" Karen screamed, leaving Stan stunned. "HE SHOULD GOTTEN BETTER! WHY!"
Karen's tears renewed, sapping her of any strength to scream. She looked down at the ground, her tears dripping onto the pavement.
"Why?"
'Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us.'
"Karen…" The little girl looked up. "Sometimes…life is unfair. Bad things happen to good people, and it can be just sh-cr-just the worst…"
Stan fell silent, unsure of what else to say."
"I-I already miss him." Karen whispered.
Stan nodded. "Yeah, me too."
Looking down at the ground, Stan stood up and was about to leave when he felt two small arms wrap themselves around his body. Feeling a wet spot starting to form on his clothes, Stan hesitated as he tried to think of what to do. Finally, he just laid his hand on top of her head and gently patted it.
"Karen, Karen!" Both kids looked up to see Carol gesturing to Karen. As Karen let go of Stan and started to walk back, she took one last look at Stan.
"I-If you need me, come find me." Stan said, sliding his hands into his pockets. Karen only stared before walking back to her mother and grabbing her hand. With Karen in tow, the remaining McCormicks walked out of the cemetery.
Stan watched as the family moved farther and farther away. Taking a deep breath, he looked up to the sky, expecting to see a speck of orange in the blue sky.
"I don't know if you can hear me, dude. But I promise, I'll do my best."
Stan was aimlessly wandering through the playground the next day, when he saw her again. Cartman still remembered the asskicking that he had gotten from Kyle, and Kyle still felt off from Kenny's absence. So, Stan simply walked through the playground, listening to the laughter of the other kids and wishing that he could feel the same bit of joy.
Then he spotted Karen, backed up against the wall with a bigger second grader looking over her. Walking over, he could see Karen trying desperately not to cry, and the bully's sneering. His feet picked up speed as he started to develop tunnel vision.
"Aww, you're gonna cry? You're gonna cry now?" The bully taunted.
"N-n-no…" Karen whimpered.
Just as the bully started to say something, Stan tapped him on the shoulder. The bully turned around, something on his tongue, before realizing that Stan had at least a half a foot on him.
"Get out of here, unless you really want to start something."
The bully was gone as soon as Stan finished. Once again, Stan found himself alone with Karen, and he had no idea what to do with her. Maybe he should talk with Kyle about younger siblings.
"Why are you here?"
Stan blinked.
"Huh? What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, why do you care? I don't think we ever met. You're supposed to be Kenny's friend, not mine."
Stan was silent, before nodding.
"Yeah, and that's why too."
Karen tilted her head.
"When Kenny was at the hospital, he asked to see me. He asked me to…make sure you're okay."
Karen's mouth opened before it closed, her eyes unsure of what to say.
"I mean, I guess he just wanted his own way to know you're going to be safe. You really must have meant a lot to him."
Karen sniffled, before looking down.
"So…"
Stan nodded, even if she didn't see it.
"Yeah, if you need something, just go ahead and…tell me."
Karen was silent for a bit, and Stan calmly waited, the noise of the playground just lingering in the background.
"He sometimes gets me before and after school. C-Can you be with me?"
Part of him recognized that this was going to be a bit more work than what he was willing to do. The other part told that part to shut the h*** up.
"Sure."
That was the first time that Stan escorted Karen home from school, and it wasn't the last.
Stan whistled as he walked up the path that was starting to become familiar. Knocking on the door, he was surprised when Kenny's mom answered the door.
"Hey, is Karen ready yet?"
Kenny's mom shook her head.
"Naw, her alarm clock went down and she overslept a bit. Don't worry, she'll be out soon."
She paused for a moment before talking.
"Stanley, can I tell you something?"
Stan, deep in thought about something that he might have forgotten about during class, looked up.
"Yeah?"
"Well, thank you for caring. I think it's a great thing you're doing, looking after Karen like this."
The corners of Stan's lip twitched. After all, he wasn't really doing this for Karen's sake.
However, Kenny's mom didn't seem to notice.
"I mean, ever since Kenny got sick, she could barely sleep."
At that, Stan paid more attention.
"And when he died…she kept the whole house awake with her crying…"
Stan now fully stowed any thoughts about the impeding class time away.
"But when you walked her home, making sure that she's okay at school…I don't think I've ever seen her sleep more peacefully in a while."
"So, thank you Stanley. It really means a lot."
"…Sure, no problem."
At that moment, Karen popped out of the door.
"Bye mom!"
Kenny's mom waved.
"Have a good day at school, sweetheart."
With that, the two started the walk to the bus stop.
"Sorry I made you wait…" Karen said, her eyes averted and fearful. She looked like she was expecting him to be cross.
Did he come across like that?
"Nah, it's no problem, Karen."
The cold air nipped at Stan's cheeks as he exited the teen center, the last taunts of Tad entering one ear and out the other. Taking a deep breath of the cold mountain air, he could imagine just how bad the race between him and Tad was going to be if they were going to race on the hardest course here with him only having like 2 hours' worth of skiing under his belt. Deep in thought, he missed Kyle, Cartman, and Butters coming up behind him.
"Dude, why the hell did you do that?! You barely know how to ski!" Kyle said, his hands on his head in disbelief.
"Dude, I have to. I just got too, I can't let Tad get away with bulldozing the youth center and heather too…"
Kyle blinked.
"DUDE, YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO HEATHER WAS UNTIL TODAY!"
Kyle could only groan.
"God, this can't get any worse."
The creepy guy with knowledge of the course's history said otherwise.
"Stan, are you really going through with this? This is insane…" Kyle said as the group walked back to their apartment, Butters and Cartman far ahead.
"Yeah dude, I mean…I can't explain it, but I feel like if I don't race Tad tomorrow, I'll regret it for the rest of my life." Stan, the certainty in his voice surprising even him.
Kyle stared at him, even sighing.
"Dude…you really shouldn't do this. You really shouldn't. I mean, if you…die during this, I'll be left with those two douches," Kyle pointed to Butters and Cartman. "I mean, it's only now that I realize I miss Kenny, and I don't want to miss you too."
With that, Kyle walked forward, leaving Stan alone with his thoughts.
If he did go through with this, and he did end up biting it, who would miss him? Kyle would, Mom and Dad would…
Karen would…
For a moment, Stan imagined Karen crying again.
"God d**n it." Stan muttered to himself.
In the end, Stan decided not to race. Tad celebrated for about 2 minutes before accidently skiing off a cliff and breaking his spine, leaving him a quadriplegic. Then as he was getting loaded into the ambulance, a nearby news report said that his father had just been arrested for insider trading.
Still barely made up for the fact that Skiing sucked and they would have to return because of their new timeshare.
Feeling his smooth skin again and feeling thankful that his 'pussyitis' cleared up pretty well, he was surprised as something impacted against his chest and wrap itself around. Looking down, he saw Karen hugging him tight.
"Hey, Karen."
She looked up only to reach up and grab Stan by the cheeks. She began to inspect him, looking him around before patting him on the cheeks. Stan couldn't help but smile.
"So Dr. Karen, did I pass inspection?"
Karen nodded her head, before going around and patting Stan on the butt really hard. Stan froze as he watched Karen come back, a frown on her face.
"Is there something wrong?"
"I'm trying to decide if you've been bad…" Karen said, her frown now turning contemplative.
"Was this about the whole 44 hour thing?" Stan asked, looking around the playground if someone had seen Karen try to spank him.
"Mommy said that you were caught trying to steal something, and that stealing's bad."
Stan nodded, completely unrepentant. "Yeah, that's true."
Karen looked at him confused. "Are you happy that you stole?"
"Well…" Stan thought for a moment about what he was supposed to do. After all, he wasn't to be Karen's parent. Then again…
Stan sighed before mentally shrugging.
"Karen…do you know what Veal is?"
"No."
"…Honestly, I should have expected that. Well, Veal is baby cow."
"Baby cow?!" Karen gasped, looking horrified, before blinked. "Is Veal bad?"
"Veal is meat that you eat."
Karen's hands flew up to her mouth.
"What, but they're just babies. Why would they do that?"
"People like the taste, I guess."
Noticing the buildup of tears that was quickly forming, Stan changed the subject.
"Point is, that was what I was stealing. I was getting the baby cows out so they couldn't get turned into veal. And I know your parents already told you that I was stealing and all that. Would you mind if I told you something?"
Karen simply nodded, recognizing that Stan was going to tell her something important.
"Sometimes…you're not going to agree with someone. Maybe it's something that they do, or something about them. And sometimes…everyone's going to tell that you shouldn't change it, that you should just be okay with it. Well, I guess it's okay to be not okay with it…"
Stan paused as he saw Karen pursing her lips, her eyes starting to glaze over.
"Yeah, don't worry about it too much. I'm sure you're not going to have anything like that any time soon."
Kenny was going to kill him.
That was the only thing that described what he was seeing. Kenny was going to resurrect himself, stab with all the sharp rusty things that he found in his backyard, then drag himself into hell itself. If there ever was a time that Kenny was looking down (or up) from wherever he was, then Stan prayed to every single available person he knew that he wasn't right now.
"Stan, don't you like my boobs?" Karen innocently asked, unaware of what just happened in his classroom this morning.
Stan was barely aware of anything else in the hallway, as everyone seemed to stop and stare at the spectacle before them. He was starting to become more aware of the red that was starting to stain Karen's cheeks.
"Uh…, how about you go into the bathroom and…we'll talk. We'll definitely talk." Stan said as he ushered Karen out of sight. As he moved out of sight, he could hear Cartman about to comment before the sound of hand slapping cheek echoed.
'Thank you, Kyle.' Stan silently thanked as he pushed Karen into the girl's bathroom and rubbed his face.
"Karen, can you get out of those things first?"
"…You didn't like them?"
Stan sighed as he cursed himself for the past couple of weeks.
"Yes, but please, let me explain somewhere out of school, alright?"
There was silence at the other side of the door, before Karen came out, her shirt flat and her hands holding two crumpled paper balls with tape.
Stan thanked God that Karen didn't try to do what Wendy tried.
The two were quiet as they walked out the door and onto the path that would bring them to Karen's house. Only as they passed a nearby playground did they instead turn there. Seeing no one else there, the two sat on the swings, Stan staring forward as he formulated what he should say.
Then he sighed, knowing that there was only one thing that he could say.
"Karen…I'm sorry."
Karen said nothing. Still it wasn't a no.
"I know I had been ignoring you for the last two-three days, I think. It's been pretty hazy for me, but I know it doesn't make everything."
Karen was still silent. Now Stan was starting to get worried.
"So…let me make it up to you…" Stan quickly ran a mental inventory of what he had. "Listen, I just got my allowance, so we could go get you some-"
"Can you swing me?"
Stan paused. "What?"
"Can you swing me? I want to go higher." Stan turned his head to see that Karen was trying to swing higher.
"…"
Karen, noticing that Stan wasn't saying anything, slowed herself until she was still, then looked at Stan.
"You already said sorry, and Mommy said that sorry is one of the important things you could say."
"But don't you want anything from me, you know, to make up for what I did?"
Karen only fidgeted as she looked down.
"I already got you back."
"Oh." Stan said quietly.
The two sat there in silence, before Stan spoke up again.
"Do you still want me to push you?"
Karen smiled at me.
"Yes!"
The sky was dark and depressing, more snow falling from the sky. Stan was pretty sure that it should have been rain, considering the dumb*** move that his mom and dad were making.
Seriously, why the hell did Tweak have to get himself nearly abducted by that bearded weirdo?
Looking around, he could see all the other kids having last talks with their crying parents, already sending them out into the world. Seriously, South Park was in the middle of nowhere, with all the major cities hours away, and that was supposed to be with a car. How long was it going to take with them walking?
And even when they reached civilization, what were they supposed to do? They were kids, they didn't even know where to start living alone!
Stan wished he went with his gut and smacked his parents on the face for being so stupid.
However, his thought process soon grinded to a halt as he started to wonder. If all the parents in South Park were so worried about child abduction that they were going to force the kids to get out of town, did that include…
Stan's legs acted faster than his brain, and it wasn't long before he found himself walking down a familiar path. As he reached the house, his heart dropped at what he found.
Karen was outside, feebly knocking on the door, hoping for it to open again. Her backpack laid on the ground, one strap being held. As a few seconds passed and the people inside the house seemed not to respond, Karen choked down a sob before knocking again.
As she did, Stan noticed the curtain of one of the window move slightly, revealing part of Kenny's mom's face as she stared out of it. She stared worriedly at Karen, before noticing Stan. Their gazes locked for a bit, before Stan finally responded.
Stan flipped her the bird, and Kenny's mom stared for a bit, before looking down and leaving the window. His frustrations and indignation sated for the moment, Stan calmly walked up the pathway.
Whether Karen heard him or not, she stopped knocking on the door once he reached her side. She looked up at him, tears running out of her eyes and mucus running out of her nose. Stan quietly took Karen's backpack and opened it up, hoping that Karen's parents had packed her something.
Taking a few squares of the toilet paper packed, he offered it to her, only for her to continue sniffling and staring at him, the question still being asked.
"Karen," Stan said, trying his best to figure out what to say to her. "Right now, our parents are being really, really stupid right now."
"B-B-But they want us, right?"
Stan nodded. "Yeah, they're being really stupid right now."
Karen looked down, trying to comprehend this idea that her parents wanted her when they were acting like they didn't. Stan offered the tissues one more time, and Karen looked at them, before taking them. Blowing her nose, she looked up at Stan.
"So…where's we supposed to go?"
Stan blew out of his nose as he thought how best to answer.
"I don't know…But we'll come up with something, I promise."
Thinking what else to say, he came up short. However, something in him told him that his words weren't enough. It just didn't feel like it was enough.
Looking at Karen one more time, he slowly held out his hands. Karen, recognizing the gesture, slowly walked forward, letting Stan wrap his arms around her. Stan stared off into the distance, patting Karen on the back of her head, wondering what they going to do.
In retrospect, thank god that Mongolians were apparently attracted to Chinese-built walls.
All things considered, it felt like Kenny's room didn't change much from the last time that he had been there, other than the fact that the family were starting to use it as a storage.
All this Stan observed as he and Karen sat against the wall, Karen's bucket of candy between them, the two of them licking giant lollipops. Only Karen was doing more staring, her lollipop sitting in her hands completely unlicked.
It had all started when Stan remembered that he and the other guys had bought a ticket for a candy shopping spree. When they checked, the three of them were ecstatic when they won out they had won. There hadn't been that much fuss when Stan brought Karen along as another bucket.
(Well, Cartman was about to. But no one really gave a crap about what Cartman objected to.)
However, that joy was crushed as soon as the owner informed them they needed the ticket stub, and the boys realized none of them had it on them. It took Karen's presence for them to realize who did. But as they asked Karen where Kenny would leave something important, something in Karen seemed to click, and she started to sniffle.
And now Stan and Karen were sitting in Kenny's room. Karen was silent, but Stan at least knew enough about her that she would talk when she was comfortable.
"Stan…"
Stan stopped licking his lollipop and gave Karen his full attention.
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
"…Did you forget Kenny too?"
Stan blinked.
"What do you mean by that? Of course I haven't."
Karen started to tear up.
"Does that mean I'm a bad sister?"
Stan shook his head, unsure what Karen was trying to say.
"No, no, no. You're not a bad sister."
"But I forgot Kenny. When we're at the Candy Shop, and you asked where Kenny put his things, that was when I thought of Kenny. I've always thought of Kenny before, but I know I hadn't thought of Kenny in a while. Does that mean I'm a bad sister?"
Stan looked at Karen, who was looking at him pleadingly. There was something else that she was asking, something that she wasn't telling him. Eventually, he decided that could wait.
"Well, no. I don't think that makes you a bad sister. I mean…"
Stan paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts and organizing them, until he got what he wanted.
"I don't think Kenny would want you unhappy forever, or always remembering that he's dead. Maybe the Kenny I know and the Kenny you know might be different, but I think that both of them…really cared about others who cared back. And I think he cared enough about you that he would want you to be happy."
Stan swallowed his spit.
"So I guess what I'm saying is, you don't have to remember him all the time. Just enough that he loved you, and would want you to smile even if he wasn't around to see it."
Karen didn't look wholly convinced, and Stan rubbed the back of his head.
"Yeah, sorry that I couldn't be better at this."
Karen looked at him, before scooting the bucket to the other side of her. She then scooted over before leaning on Stan, just staring forward. Stan frowned, before looking at his lollipop.
Suddenly, he wasn't as hungry for candy anymore.
Stan knew it was a bad sign when Karen didn't talk to him.
Ever since that time that Stan talked to her, Karen had been quiet to him. And for reasons that he didn't know (or the other possibility that part of him feared), it hurt.
As the two entered the school, Karen quietly let go of his hand before disappearing into the crowd. Stan frowned before entering his own class. As he quietly took his seat, Kyle nudged him.
"Hey, you okay, dude?"
Stan looked at Kyle, unsure of what to say.
"I…I don't know."
As the day moved on, the only thing that Stan could think about was how he could have made that speech of his better. He turned it over in his head, looked over every detail, trying to find that perfect spot where the one right word would have perked Karen right back up. But he came up with nothing.
As much as he hated to admit it, he was an eight year old trying to teach a five year old, it wasn't like he knew anymore s**t too.
Finally, the day ended, and Stan said his 'see you laters' to the guys. Waiting outside the school, his eyes kept track of anyone with brown hair. Finally, Karen came up, looking around the crowd, before seeing Stan.
To Stan's surprise, Karen lit up as she came closer, grabbing his hand and pulling him away from the crowd. Unsure of what was happening, Stan let Karen drag him to wherever she wanted to be.
As the two entered the park again, Karen got out her backpack and fished around it. Taking out a piece of crumpled paper, Karen tried her best to straighten it out. Looking it again, she nodded to herself, before handing it to Stan.
As Stan took the paper, he couldn't help but notice that Karen was smiling again, as if eager to see his reaction. Turning it over, it took him a moment to comprehend it.
The drawing was normal for a first grader, with stick figures and smiley suns and stuff like that. What drew Stan's attention was the stick figures in the center holding hands. One was clearly Karen, being the shortest and with brown crayon hair. The other was clearly Kenny, in his traditional orange parka, but with angel wings on the back.
Stan pursed his lips at that.
And that should have been it, what should have been. But instead, on the other side of the Karen figure was another one, and there was no identifying marks on him. Except for one.
A blue knit cap with a red brim and pom pom.
Stan stared for a bit, before looking back up at Karen. Karen only responded by coming up to him, and hugging him. Just as he was about to responded, she looked up at him.
"I love you, Stan."
Stan said nothing at first, even as he wrapped his own arms around her. All the while wondering when was it that caring for Karen no longer meant just honoring Kenny.
"I love you too, Karen."
Author's note:
I admit, not the greatest work. Pretty rough, and maybe parts of it is unclear. But hey, go ahead and tell me in the reviews what you thought. Took about two weeks due to all the new games and stuff that I had to do. As for people wondering what's happened to 'Get Bent'…
I'm currently having some block issues with it.
