To Let Go
By Cherished Dreams
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
This story is especially dedicated to:
Someone who I've realized means so much to me.
I'm happy you've found a person whose good enough to make you smile.
And… I knew I let you go long before I admitted it.
It just hurts now that I've said it out loud. But then again.. I know I've never had you.
I'm not going to cry anymore. I know you'd hate to know I've cried.
Because you've always said that I was a strong cookie.
I smile and say I'm happy for you.
But deep inside I'm not.
I'm broken, but can't let anyone see.
I wanna tell someone I'm hurt,
But you made me promise.
And you know I keep my promises.
I just hope the person you've chosen,
Is as good as you say they are.
My mother always said I was the best actor. I suppose she was right. No one's seeing the pain. And the many questions and fears I must face each and every day.
Am I really smart?
Am I really pretty?
Am I really alright?
Its so easy for those words to come out of your mouth. You've never wanted to hurt me.
Heh. That's funny seeing its you that's hurt me this much, so much that I can feel that I've become bitter.
But then again, you said its nothing, that you don't wanna hear it again.
I want to hate you. I want to hate that.. person you've chosen. I want to curse that girl to oblivion for taking you away from me. Literally.
But I can't because she makes you so happy, and I don't even have the heart to do that.
Hermione hugged her books tightly to her chest and walked straight to the library, without having dinner. Word, images, and smiles ran though her mind. Pain hit her hard and she dropped the books she was holding and fell to the floor holding her head in agony. She banged her fist on the stone floor, to shake the thoughts away. When they did leave her alone, she found herself panting heavily and looked around. It was a good thing that no one was around to see her like this.
Hermione was taking double classes again to keep her mind off her pain. But at the end of the day, the pain would return and make her act, her mask break. She gathered the books quickly and walked silently to the library again, concentrating on the echoing of her shoes bounce off the walls. She smiled sweetly at Madame Pince, who returned the smile. Then she turned and rushed to her favorite part of the library. The place where Madame Pince couldn't see her munch the snacks Dobby brought her, on his occasional visit-the-library-visit-Hermione visits.
The place where she could be herself.
Her world.
She didn't want to think about him.
And yet he wasn't about to leave her mind.
The very person who had caused the pain searing her insides. The very person who made her promise something, she wished she hadn't. The very person she loved was also the person she detested the most. Cunning, smart, and sly.
Yes, Draco Malfoy.
It started with the tongue-lashings out in the hallways. Then the secret competitions of grades. Then, yes, talking civilly as friends.
She fell for him. He fell for others. She was there to help him out whenever things didn't go quite alright. He was there for her when Harry or Ron couldn't.
It was their secret friendship.
It was their 7th year in Hogwarts and they would be leaving in a few weeks. A few weeks. That was exactly three and one seventh weeks. Accurately twenty-two days. Precisely five-hundred, thirty-five hours.
Hermione breathed in the crisp summer breeze, that was playing with her brown tresses. She closed her eyes, and held back tears that were threatening to fall. She blinked them away and smiled softly, just thinking about how happy he would be in the future. He had received his father's blessings on the pureblood that he had fallen for.
And that was really something to be happy about. Because Lucius Malfoy only gave his blessings to the best. And that best was to a fellow death-eater, Abott.
He walked differently now. He acted differently too. He was civil to the students and the teachers. He smiled, instead of smirking. And everyone could tell that he was happy. He was being nice to Harry and civil to Ron. However, like before he looked at her as if they weren't friends in secret. And that was no surprise.
He was happy, therefore she was happy. She had to be, what reason was there not to be. Was it perhaps the fact that they would probably never see each other again? Was it perhaps the fact that he said he would always be there for her, but was going to break that promise? Or maybe it was because he was breaking her. No she couldn't and wouldn't blame him.
She thought about the memories they had created together quietly, as she watched the stars pop up on the dark blue sky.
He was her first. Her first puppy love. She was his first real friend. And that was all she could be to him.
His friend.
She pulled out a small note he had given her. It was something that she frequently looked to; when she felt that, she was going insane. That the world that was seeing her famous act was in havoc. She pointed her wand at it, whispered "Always?" and on the parchment words flowed in his script.
'I will always be here for you.'
Hermione ripped the parchment into as many pieces as she could make it, and held it out the window. She opened her fist and the pieces of parchment danced away with the wind. Words flowed from her lips, "No, not always." And joined the piece of parchment, which along with her sorrow, was blown away with the breeze.
Hermione stepped back from the window gathered her books and bag, and walked out the library. She wasn't going to cry anymore. He wouldn't want to know that she had cried. She forced a smile on her face as she left and grinned as she sped towards the Great Hall for dinner.
'Finally..' she thought, '..I've let you go." And with that, a single teardrop fell unnoticed by all, but two twinkling eyes as she entered the Great Hall, where her friends were waiting.
'Goodbye.. Draco.'