he New Beginning (Revised)

Chapter One:

A/N: Yes, I am aware of how long it's been. Well close...to two years? Three since I first posted? Life got in the way, lost my vibe for the story...but I got it back. And if yer interested, yer welcome to read. This story has a sort of new plot and has been entirely re-written. I like to think it's better but well, you be the judge.

Sango leaned against the Goshinboku, feeling older than she had a right to be. Didn't feel empty. On the contrary, she felt like there were so many emotions bubbling inside her if she even began to try and examine them all that she'd explode.

She felt...like she had just killed her best friend. Which was ridiculous, seeing how she had already been dead when they'd discovered her body but...the smile on her face...that young...pretty face. So...carefree. Like she was finally free of everything. Every time Sango closed her eyes, she saw that smile staring back at her, taunting her. Telling her just how much she failed as a friend.

Kagome had been so innocent. Just so happy...always seeing the best in everything and everyone. So why...why hadn't she noticed when the smiles stopped? When the innocence became tainted...and the laughter died out...why had she ignored such cries for help? Why hadn't Kagome said something. Just...something! ANYTHING! Rather than leaving her...

Standing by a tree, trembling so hard it was amazing she hadn't fallen over yet.

Feeling so incredibly guilty...

Sango should have noticed. Should have known. Hated this. Hated the fact that the last image of Kagome, instead of it being one of happiness or joy, was instead bloodied and cold...with that smile.

Hated that smile.

Hated herself.

So...so much. Made her feel sick to her stomach. The slashes that were on the body...she'd seen them enough to know who'd done it.

Kagura. Probably Naraku's doing, no doubt.

Why hadn't Kagome fought? Screamed for help or something? Why did she...smile?

So...

Happy. She'd been so happy to die.

"Sango...you're bleeding."

She jumped slightly, blinking as she realized that Miroku was standing besides her. When? When had he...? Bleeding? What? Looked down at her arms and finally registered the stinging. She'd been clawing at herself...

Didn't try to wipe the blood away. It...felt good. The blood over her skin. Like a memoir to Kagome. Which was so...horribly wrong. A memoir for her should have been something bright and full of life.

Not blood...

But there had been so...much...blood...

So much...

Slumped down to the ground, flinching when Miroku knelt down next to her and started wiping away the red liquid. "No...leave it..." It was a memoir. He couldn't touch it. Couldn't possibly understand...

As if sensing her thoughts, Miroku frowned at her, batting her hands away to wipe at it more forcefully. "I'd like to think that Kagome deserved better than...this."

He was right. Kagome deserved something...beautiful. And full of light. Something that was strong...full of energy...not...this. Kagome may have died but that wasn't all that she'd been.

Allowed him to wipe away the blood, leaning her head to rest against the trunk of the tree.

"Is...it...does it make me..." Am I a bad person for hating her? Hating her for dying? With that smile..?

Of course she was. Kagome was dead. You weren't...supposed to hate the dead...

Miroku touched her cheek and she looked at him, surprised at the softness of it. There was no pervertedness. Just...concern. And maybe something more...but she was hurting too much to return such feelings right now. Maybe...later...when her heart had healed some...and it didn't hurt to breathe...

"I...am angry with Kagome also," Miroku stated, voice barely above a whisper. Sounded so disturbed by that fact, and she could relate. It was hard, hating Kagome. There was something about her...that made it impossible to hate. Even Inuyasha had felt it. Had been effected by it

But it seemed that death could ruin even that.

She shouldn't feel guilty. Kagome had asked for her to kill her. Had begged for it even. Had needed to die, in order to heal. Thanked her, even. Thanked her. So why...did Kagura feel so depressed? Why was it...that instead of going out and finding her sister, she was standing in the middle of a clearing, staring at a waterfall? It was just...so...beautiful.

Like Kagome had been.

Had being the word there.

Kagura had killed hundreds of people while under Naraku's thumb. Some she regretted to this very day, others she hardly gave a second thought. But none of them had every thanked her for it. Except Kagome. She was special that way. Giving her heart back, then asking for death...accepting it with a smile...asking her not to go back to Naraku. To remain free.

Even in death she'd been thinking of someone else.

Kagome had been the one with the pure heart. Not her.

Watched with flat eyes as the waterfall churned the water, running her fingers through the cool liquid. "I...I'm sorry," She softly told the waterfall, imaging it was a certain miko she was speaking to. Never before had she actually apologized for something. Supposedly it made one feel better. But it didn't cheer her up at all. Didn't lessen the guilt... "I...didn't want to kill you..."

Hadn't wanted Kagome to die. Not by her hand. Kagura had been free...and the first act had been murder. "I...wanted to help you. I really...did..." Death hadn't been the answer to the lovely girl's problems. At least, not the only one. There had been another one. She could have said no. Should have told Kagome that she was worth more...deserved more.

But Kagome had needed...love. Something that she just...didn't know how to give. "I'm sorry."

Wasn't good enough to love yet. Didn't understand it. Couldn't give away what she didn't understand... Anger swelled up in her and she harshly slashed out at the waterfall with her fan, feeling foolish when the water kept flowing, ignoring her attack. That didn't stop her though, as she lashed out again and again. "Why did you have to THANK me?!"

Kagura's shoulders slumped as she scowled weakly at the water's surface. Hated that it kept bubbling along merrily, unaware of her inner turmoil. "Why...couldn't you just hate me like all the others?"

Why did Kagome have to be so different?

Inuyasha scowled up at the moon, tugging his necklace subconsciously. Kikyou had said that since Kagome had died, he could take it off. It had been two days since they'd found Kagome...

But he just couldn't do it. Couldn't take it off.

It was silly, but a part of the hanyou honestly believed that any second she would come running out of the hut and 'osuwari' him for something or other that he'd done. Eating her ramen...not letting her go home...pestering her about Kouga...but as the hours went by and...she stayed in the hut...so...lifeless...with Shippou sobbing over her form...

The belief started to go away and he found himself lost on what to do. Kagome...had left him.

Which was...just...not right. Kagome would never leave him. She'd said so herself. He turned over onto his side, picking at a few strands of straw that made up the roof.

He'd failed to protect her. Kikyou had just...come back and he'd been so happy to see her...felt so complete that he had just shoved Kagome out of the picture altogether. Inuyasha wasn't in love with Kagome. He chose Kikyou. But that didn't mean her death hadn't affected him. He wasn't in love with her, but he did love her. So much...

They all did. Even Kikyou felt guilty over what had happened. A feeling he was probably increasing by not talking to her but...Inuyasha just wanted to be alone right now. Because when he was with Kikyou...he felt at peace. Like somehow everything was going to be okay...

And he didn't want to feel like that.

He wanted to mourn for Kagome's death, like she deserved. More than that...he wanted to go back in time and stop her death and protect her like he had promised! Wanted to pull her cold body into his arms and just...

Apologize for so many things...

Except it wouldn't matter. Kagome was gone. He'd failed...and now...

She was gone.

"I'm...sorry," Inuyasha muttered up at the moon, refusing to let his lip tremble or his eyes burn. Wouldn't cry. He wouldn't. "Sorry I wasn't...strong enough." A few leaves brushed by him and he managed a small smile, feeling as if she was listening. Talking to him. Comforting him. Like only she could..

"You don't have to worry about Shippou...I'll look after him. I won't even hit him." Felt the wind swirl around him, as if in thanks. Kagome shouldn't thank him. Didn't have to thank him. All that she'd done...

She deserved so much more...

Kagome deserved to live.

"I would have come you know..." His lip trembled and he bit harshly at it until blood spilled, refusing to cry. "..if you had screamed for help, I would have come. I would have s-saved you." Without a moments hesitation. How could Inuyasha had forgotten that? "Remember that...time you started singing and...I said you sounded like Kirara did when someone stepped on her tail?...Well you did, but I should have lied." Kagome had gotten this look on her face and he had ducked, pressing himself close to the ground, already prepared for her to osuwari him into next year...

Only she'd started laughing...so hard...

Inuyasha curled in on himself, feeling like a little child. Like he had when his mother had died... "I miss you...I miss the way you used to osuwari me." She hadn't said the word in so long...never thought he'd grow to miss such a thing... "Miss the stories you used to tell Shippou to help him sleep...and how you always managed to get the ramen just right...and..."

He fell asleep on the roof, talking to the moon.

Review! Please and Tanku!