Guess who's back from the dead!
So basically, I was rummaging through my old stories, and I happened to stumble across this horribly angsty little piece that I had originally written when I was 15, and my oh my could you tell that it was written by a 15 year old. So I read through it, and figured hey! I'm an adult now, why not attempt to revamp this into something less harrowing, and give it some backbone with reasonable grammar? So here we are!
WARNING: This little one-shot deals with the ideas of rape and assault, so if you are easily effected by such topics, please click out now. I don't use harsh descriptions, but it's evident of what is happening within the scenes. You have been warned.
And like the horrible author I am, I didn't go back through and re-read it, because little miss eager-mcbeaver over here just really wanted to get this up.
I listened to a few songs while writing this, so if you want the full angst effect, I suggest turning one of them on.
Farewell Life - Arn Andersson
The Last Butterfly - Wodkah
Welcome aboard the angst train, folks. Enjoy the ride.
The rope dug relentlessly into her burning wrists, and the voice that whispered into her ear was menacing and hoarse, sending chills down Astrid's spine as she gasped desperately for more air that she couldn't seem to get. "Yer mine now, lass." The words came as a whisper to her ears, the man's hot breath enveloping the side of her face. She fought desperately against the restraints that held her to the wall, hoping she could just manage to twist a hand out so she could find a way to get the hell out of there. Desperate, frustrated tears stung at the corners of her eyes, and a fiendish laugh came from her left.
She was always the alert one, and she valued that fact of herself. Always on her toes, and looking over her shoulder had just become second nature. And all the while, she had managed to get herself captured, by one of Vigo's men of all. Hiccup always referred to her as the bravest person he knew; staring fear in the eye as if it were nothing, as if it didn't faze her in the slightest. Yet, she had never fathomed the idea of being caught in this kind of predicament, and she would be lying to herself if she said that she wasn't scared. Because now it was actually happening, and she was helpless in the hands of her captor. And now that she was staring straight into the eyes of her newly surfacing fears?
She wasn't brave.
She was terrified.
And her heart raced with that fear, adrenalin fueled with no knowledge of what was to come coursed through her veins. She couldn't breathe. This feeling was so alien to her and she hated it. "Now, we co' do this the easy way, or the 'ard way. Easy way, you tell me w'er tha' boy of yours is. The 'ard way, I give you ta my men," He shot her a knowing, crooked smile, and she wanted to vomit. "An' well, you know wa' 'appens from there." She felt a large, calloused hand run up her side, tightly squeezing at her ribs through her tattered shirt. She bit her lip to choke back the scream that threatened to rip from her lungs.
She couldn't do this.
She hadn't realized she was crying until she felt a wetness on her flushed cheeks, and the ever so present taste of bile in the back of her throat.
"Aw, poor lass. Is lover boy no' comin' to rescue yeh?" His mock sad voice came again. "Probably a good thin' too. Because when were done with yeh," his rough hand came up, firmly gripping under her chin to bring her face as close to his as possible to his. "there won' be much left for 'im." She could hear the sinful smirk in his voice as she felt dry lips ghost over her damp cheek.
She should be fighting back, why wasn't she fighting back?
Rough lips pressed eagerly to her flushed cheeks, and it took everything in her to not break down into hysterics. A second later and a stinging white pain took place of the lips as the man's hand came down across her face. "Filthy scum..." He spat, the words ringing in her disoriented head. "She's all yers, boys," he said. She heard one last low laugh escape him before a rustling of his feat against the rock floor, signaling he was leaving. And for a brief second, she let out a shaky sigh of relief, only for it to be clouded over by fear once more as the inimical murmurs and shuffling feet of the men fast approached her. She bit back another sob as she pressed herself up against the rock wall of the cavern behind her, wishing she could just sink into it and disappear. Because this had to just be a bad dream. She wished so earnestly for it to be a dream.
Merciful god's above, she couldn't do this.
And when the first pair of abhorrent hands grasped for her helpless form, she knew this wasn't a nightmare she could wake up from.
ҨҩҨ
The cavern was darker than a nightfury's scales, giving her no knowledge of what was day and night anymore. She could only guess it had been weeks, possibly months. With only a rusted lantern hanging beside her to illuminate her surroundings she had miserably become accustomed to, she used what little light that came from it to address the damage done each time a new man ventured into the cavern to have his way with her.
She can't remember when she stopped begging, pleading them to stop because damn it, it didn't matter anymore. She was damaged beyond repair. A once clean soul now tainted by the sinful acts of greed and vengefulness. Nothing more than a toy to be thrown around at the will of whoever walked down into the cavern. She lost count of how many men had now used her, but did it matter anymore? She would never see him again. Feel his loving touch, or the way she felt safe when he would wrap her up in his arms, kiss her forehead and tell her how much he loved her.
God's, she just wanted to feel safe again.
A tear managed to find its way down her cheek., and she let it fall. She only had the will to cry for him anymore, his distant memory in her mind was seemingly the only thing keeping her from completely giving up, because what was the point anymore? She wouldn't last much longer down here. They barely fed her, and as a result she was now just a fragment of her prior self, skin clinging desperately to bone as a last lifeline, with nothing but an old, tattered shirt to cover her wilting form. Her pride, strength and willful sprit had been all but stripped away from her, reducing her to an emotionless corpse.
Even if her did find her, he wouldn't want her anymore. Not when she had been reduced to this.
So what was the point?
Her muffled hearing began to pick up on chatter echoing through the caverns narrow walls, and a small whimper managed to escape her lips. Eyes shut tightly and brows knitting together, she hoped to the gods that it was just her delusional mind playing tricks on her again, and she willed herself to shut the sound out, because maybe if she shut the sound out, it would shut out what she knew followed.
It never did.
The familiar scraping of heavy footsteps grew louder, and this time, she didn't fight back the dry sob that shook through her.
"Ah, look ah 'er! Cowerin' like a wee pup! Should be an easy lay tonigh'". One of the men bellowed, a cackling laugh following.
"Eh, she lost 'er fight months ago. No' much fun anymore if yeh ask me." Another said, his voice deeper than that of his accomplice.
"Don't you worry men," Another voice came, and Astrid quaked. Viggo. "Soon enough Mr. Haddock will figure her whereabouts, and no sooner will he realize what is waiting for him. Believe me, my friends. Thing are about to get a lot more interesting." She could hear the smirk in his voice as more cackling came from the two men at Viggo's side, catching the meaning behind his words.
No.
It was bad enough to put her through this, but to give him the same fate? She would rather die in his place than live to see that happen.
"Carry on, then." Viggo's voice came once more, before a shuffling of feet could be heard going back up through the tunneling entrance.
"Welp," the man cracked his knuckles, the sound bouncing off the cavern walls causing Astrid to jump slightly. Damn the lack of light in this stupid hell-hole she was bound to. She hated having to rely on almost sound alone. "be'er get started then. Don' wan'to be late fer dinna." She heard the unmistakable sound of shifting clothing, knowing all too well what was coming.
She could just let go. Stop fighting, hanging onto that last sliver of hope that somehow still gleamed somewhere in the emptiness of everything that was her. No one would miss her too much, right? Sure, they would mourn her with the memory of who she used to be burned into their minds, not this Astrid. He parents would be fine after a while, she was sure. Her friends would miss her for a time, but again. Time heals wounds. Stormfly would miss her desperately. She would probably refuse to eat for some time before Hiccup would have to…
Hiccup…
It would tear him apart and she knew it. He would blame himself for everything. For not being there enough for her, for not spending more time with her, for diving too far into this stupid game with Viggo. For not getting there in time.
She couldn't do that to him.
But was there really another choice? She couldn't bare the idea of him leaving her for something out of her control. He wouldn't, and she knew that, but there was still that sliver of a chance that he could. Go off and marry someone more equip to be his right hand in everything. Someone from a neighboring tribe that could open up tremendous trade deals to benefit Berk immensely. Someone who could bare him a suitable heir. Someone who hadn't already been used.
Someone who wasn't tainted.
He would be better off without her.
There were the tears again.
"Ah, now now, don' cry." One of the men cooed, bringing a calloused finger up to roughly scrape away a stray tear. "You know 'ow this goes, it'll be over with before yeh know it." His hand fell from her face, venturing down towards her chest. She bit her lip and turned her head to the side, because if she made a noise it would just encourage them.
The deafening crack of an explosion broke through the opaque atmosphere, and both men shot up to attention.
"You think it's tha' Haddock boy?" One said. She could hear the haste rustling of clothes, and she released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, letting her tense body slump against the cold wall behind her once more.
"Well if it is, then we be'er follow the boss's order." The other said, another eruption from beyond the cavern shaking the ground, causing both men to lose their footing slightly.
"Yea, and wha', wha' was tha' again?" There was a pause before the other man spoke.
"Kill 'er."
She should feel something other than relief at the mere idea of that, right?
"Wha, so tha Haddock boy gives up? If anythin' it'll only piss 'im off more."
"Viggo seems ta think it'll break tha boy further."
"Bu' why wouldn' Viggo jus'- "
The man let out an exasperated sigh. "Who knows why Viggo does wha 'e does anymore."
"Well, we be'er go an' see wha'-"
"Dragon Riders!"
Both men paused as the warning echoed through the cavern.
"Well." The bulkier man started, hand falling to rest on the hilt of the dagger attached to his side. "Guess we 'ave our answer then."
Shouldn't she be feeling relieved? That she was on the brink of being rescued, of going home, being with him. She should be feeling something, anything but this encompassing numbness.
She didn't flinch away when the man made his way over to her, the gleam of the blade catching the candlelight ever so slightly. It should faze her, she realized. She shouldn't feel like this when she was on the brink of being dead, very well knowing that she was about to die.
She was worthless; a waste of space.
Hiccup would be better off without her.
"Sorry abou' this." The man said, his voice void of sympathy.
And as the blade came down to greet her, she was encompassed by a bright blast of white and purple flooding the cavern, and a sharp, searing pain somewhere she couldn't quite decipher.
Blurred spots danced around in her disoriented vision, every sound around her muffled as she seemed to fall in and out of consciousness. She tried to blink them away, tried to focus on the distant familiarity of the giant black blob dancing around out of the corner of her eye. She tried to shift back up against the wall because maybe if she could see it she could remember what was so familiar about it, only to be greeted by another sharp pain flooding her body. Astrid painfully took in a gulp of air, willing the pain to dissipate. There was shouting all around her, that she knew, only it sounded so far away.
Black began to cloud at the edge of her vision, as her heart began to beat a little slower with each strenuous pump it made in a last effort to keep her grounded to the cruel world that surrounded her. The last thing she heard was a painfully familiar voice shouting her name as she fell short of breath, falling blindly into oblivion.
ҨҩҨ
The sudden urge to throw up flooded her body, and her eyes slowly blinked opened, revealing nothing but blurred shapes and an intense light. She flinched at the foreign sight, squeezing her eyes shut again.
That's when the panic set in.
Where the hell was she?
Her breaths became labored as she tried to open her eyes again, searching desperately for any sign as to where she might be. She tried to move, her body aching with every miniscule move she made but she had to get away. She heard a sudden shifting beside her and she sucked in a painful breath, willing her fragile body to move. The familiar sting of tears behind her eyes begged to make itself known, her dried throat clenching in hopes she wouldn't make a sound.
The stranger beside her sucked in a breath, releasing it shakily. "Oh god's." An almost too gentle hand landed on her wrist, and she desperately shook her head, silent tears finding their way down her flushed cheeks. She needed to move, why couldn't she move.
"Hey, no, no no no no, it's ok." The voice cooed to her, an idle thumb stroking across the top of her hand in a calming manner. His voice sounded so painfully familiar and she hated that she didn't know why. She tried to pull her hand away with what little energy she still had, a dry sob finding its way out of her, but the stranger held fast to her.
"Astrid, hey, calm down. It's-it's me. It's me, I'm right here." His voice was hoarse but soft. Gentle even, as if he had been crying too. His touch was almost too familiar as he slowly moved his hand up from her wrist to her elbow. But at this point, what mans' touch wasn't foreign to her?
She tried to wet her throat, getting nothing down but a dry gulp of air. "P-please don't." She forced her eyes open ever so slightly again, catching a clouded sight of auburn brown hair out of the corner of her eye, and her stupidly bleared memory couldn't place why she found absolute tranquility in that sight.
And then it clicked.
The familiar long, nimble fingers that held fast to her. That nasally tone. The mess of auburn.
The horribly worried green eyes that met hers as she slowly turned her head towards him, the world around her slowly coming into focus.
It didn't seem possible. He wasn't real.
She had to be dead.
But he felt so real. So incredibly real and she wanted him to be real.
She had had dreams like this before. She knew better.
She bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut again only to let go another tear. "You're not him." She could barely hear her own voice when the broken words fell from her lips. "You're not real."
An almost inaudible sob came from where he was, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him; because it would just confirm the fact that it wasn't actually him. That it was just her mind playing more asinine tricks on her, as if she hadn't already been through enough emotional turmoil to last a lifetime.
He took a deep, unsteady breath in before he spoke again. "Astrid, look at me." She felt his hand move from her forearm up to her cheek, and it took every fiber of her to not flinch away. Her lip began to quiver as he continued to press on. "Astrid, please." His voice was so quiet and broken, she couldn't help but blame herself. Even if she was still so sure that he wasn't real, she was still causing him this steadfast pain.
His thumb gently wiped away another tear that found its way down her crimson cheeks, his other hand coming up to softly settle on the other side of her face, and she found herself unnoticeably leaning into the gentle touch. "I'm right here."
He couldn't be real, could he?
Another shuddering breath escaped her as she slowly brought up her hand, cautiously touching the tips of her fingers to the top of the hand she found herself leaning towards. Ever so easily, she let her hand glide across his until her palm rested flat atop his hand.
And reality struck her.
She tightened her hold on his hand, head falling forward as a feeling washed over her that she had only dreamed she'd feel again. She was safe.
Because he was here, and he was real.
And she was safe.
When she brought her eyes up again, she was met by those forest eyes once again, glistening with unshed tears. Her eyes drifted over his features, from the rounded tip of his nose, to the splattering of freckles strewn across his face that she had mapped with her eyes on countless evenings alone with him. His auburn hair that encircled his featured, the same hair that had run between her fingers whenever she could get her hands on him. Her eyes slowly flicked back to his, finding a sole tear slowly tracing down his florid cheek, and her hand held tighter to his on its own accord. His mouth opened once and closed a second later, as if trying to find the right words. His eyes never left hers as another quivering exhale left him before he spoke.
"I'm so sorry." He said simply. His thumb stroked away another tear, his worry creased eyes never once faltering from hers. Despite everything, they were filled with love, and irrefutable adoration that she had only dreamed she would see again.
And she let her walls crumble.
She fell into him, head landing on his chest, moving the hand that had gripped his to grab at the front of his tunic. Both of his arms came to encircle her, holding her like he would never let go again. Because he was here now, and he wasn't going to let anything happen to her ever again.
And as they both sat there in each-others arms, crying for everything that had already happened, they were no longer tears brewed from their encompassing desolation, but tears of consolation and contentment for what was to come. Because Hiccup was here, and they were together again, and she was safe again. It would take time, she knew that much. Relearning how to fully trust again, how to fully love again. But in this moment, as the man who had taught her all of those things in the first place held her as if she would slip from his grasp at any point, surrounding her with a tenderness she had long since missed, Astrid let herself relax, and she relished once more in the sensation she had long since missed.
He was here.
And she was safe.
Well, I hoped you liked it. Let me know if anyone wants a part 2, because Iv'e got some dialogue between these two that I kinda wanna mess around with. Anyways! That's that. I love reviews, so feel free to drop one of those off, and if you have a prompt you want dabbled around with, Ill see what I can do with it if you wanna run it by me.
I also have a Tumblr that I'm on more often than I should be, so ya'll can follow me on there if you would like as well Avelister.
Till next time, my friends.