Author's Note: I published this originally as the first part of a oneshot collection on AO3 and the Aveyond Kingdom forum, but since there seems to be more of a sizable database of Aveyond fics here, I'll publish all of my oneshots separately. Anyway, this is my take on the love potion cutscene in the first game, which made me lowkey ship these two.

"We should use this love potion on one of the men," declared Elini.

"Good idea, uplander," replied Te'ijal. "Galahad, come here my duckling. I have something for you."

"Stay away from me creature of the night!"

Elini scoffed at the entitled vampress. "Who says you get to use the potion?"

"Don't push it, human. Now give me the potion and I will not bite you."

"Come now ladies, let's be reasonable..." Pirate John backed away from the two women. Despite years of experience as a swashbuckling pirate, this was one fight he didn't want to get involved in.

"You already have his soul, what do you need a love potion for?" Elini shoved Te'ijal away as she reached for the potion.

"YOU already have three husbands." Te'ijal snatched the potion back.

"You have many years ahead of you to find husbands. If I don't snatch this one up now, he may escape forever."

"Hey!" Pirate John snapped. "It's obvious you two ladies aren't rational enough to handle this yourselves. Why don't you give the potion to me for safekeeping?"

"Of course," grinned Elini.

"See? Women aren't so unreasonable. All they need is a man to-"

Elini uncorked the bottle, intending to pour the potion over John's head, when suddenly a very indignant vampress grabbed it out of her hand.

"Don't think I'm naive enough to fall for your tricks. I see what you're about to do!"

The two women fought fiercely over the potion, trying to wrestle it out of the other's hand. Until suddenly, the bottle cracked, causing the concoction inside to explode onto both of them. Awkwardly, they stepped away from each other and the pieces of broken bottle on the ground.

"At least I don't have to worry about THAT anymore" Pirate John breathed a sigh of relief. "This is why I avoid women. They're all crazy, the lot of them!"

Meanwhile, Elini nonchalantly picked shards of glass out of her hair. "You know, John, I've been thinking. A husband with that attitude is more trouble than he's worth. I want to search for a new prospect, something a little more high-class."

In the background, Lars bristled, ready to defend his bachelorhood.

"And what might that be, uplander?" Te'ijal inquired.

"I already have three husbands. Maybe it's time to add a wife to the mix."

Mad Marge's jaw dropped.

Pirate John blinked.

Te'ijal burst into a fit of cackles.

"A union of two women? That is almost unheard of in humankind." She grinned with amusement, baring her fangs. "Lucky for you, I have no interest in conforming to silly human customs."

Elini returned her new love interest's grin. "Good! We shall be wed as soon as this quest is finished. I'm sure my husbands will welcome you, as you are just as strong as they are. Perhaps even stronger."

Te'ijal sidled up to her fiancée, ruby eyes sparkling with amusement and...affection? "Why wait? I hear there's a lovely wedding chapel in Thais..." She sweetly nibbled at Elini's ear, making sure to watch the fangs. Wouldn't want to upset her wife-to-be on the eve of their wedding night. That could wait 'til later, she decided.

Elini nodded and turned to face Rhen. "We'll only be gone a day, swordsinger. Maybe two. I'm sure you won't miss us." With another glance back at the party, she chuckled and whispered something into Te'ijal's ear, to which the other woman laughed at and nodded. The two of them then strolled off to be married, arms lovingly locked around each other's waists.

A few moments too late, Galahad reached the belated conclusion that he was left without his soul. "Wait! Come back! What about my soul?" He attempted to run after them, but they were long gone. "Curse you, demon spawn!"

After giving Galahad a half-hearted consolation pat on the back, Pirate John decided to voice what everyone else was probably thinking. "They're strangely perfect for one another, in a twisted, nonsensical sort of way."

"But two women? I thought multiple husbands was strange enough, and now this?" Lars rolled his eyes.

"I don't know, Lars. Are you sure you're not just jealous? You did seem pretty offended when Elini said she didn't want to marry you." Rhen added.

"Hey, she may not think I'm good enough for her, but I don't want to be her husband anyway! Hmph!"

"Whatever, Lars."

A certain surly barmaid who had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the unfolding of events then cleared her throat. "Now that that Veldtian minx is gone, you can forget about her and focus on me, right John?" Mad Marge planted her hands on her hips and glared expectantly. In retrospect, Pirate John was starting to think that he should've taken Elini up on her offer when he had the chance.

"...I think I need a drink."