Show me love
By
Belle. A. Lestrange.
~*~
This was an accident
Not the kind where sirens sound
Never even noticed
We're suddenly crumbling
Bill's hands shook as he feverishly picked up his mobile with quaking fingers. His breathing was ragged and his body was glistening with a burning sheen of sweat. His entire body was aflame with regret and sadness. He sobbed loudly not caring if anyone else heard, tears running like scorched torrents down his blanched cheeks. How could this have happened? It was meant to be perfect … it HAD been perfect. What went wrong? He called voicemail and listened. "YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES" announced the dismal, automated voice. A deadpan fist smacked into his gut like a wrought iron anchor. Fresh tears pelted down his cheeks and soaked into his jet-black hair. He pulled a hand up and pressed it to his face, wanting to press the angry pulsation in his temples away, to no avail.
Tell me how you've never felt
Delicate or innocent
Do you still have doubts that
Us having faith makes any sense
Tom Kaulitz loved his booze. And sex. However he was only indulging within the former tonight. Several girls had tried to flirt with him but he had ignored them until they'd left him alone. The blearing neon lights flashed against the sides of his beer glass. A strangled sob found its way out of his lips. He felt so vulnerable. He suddenly felt as though everyone and everything was against him. He pulled out his mobile and checked his voicemail. "YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES" announced the automated voice over the din of music. He shuddered, downed his pint and then decided to leave the bar. He needed to come to terms with what had gone wrong. He had been at fault just as much as Bill. They both needed to set the record straight, which was ironic considering their predicament.
Tell me nothing ever counts
Lashing out or breaking down
Still somebody loses 'cause
There's no way to turn around
The hotel was in sight now. Just a few more hundred yards and he would be safe within the brightly lit lobby. The last couple hundred yards flashed by in a blur of black and orange of night life as Tom pushed through the doors and inhaled the musky scents of numberless people past, present and future. He ducked into the lifts and zoomed up four floors and ran down the corridors until he reached room 483. This was there room. He froze as his hand extended out towards the doorknob. A bead of frosty sweat rode down his cheek. This was where they stayed, this is where it happened … this is where he deserted him. Taking a deep breath he reached for the doorknob …
Staring at your photograph
Everything now in the past
Never felt so lonely I
Wish that you could show me love
Bill had dug around in the void blackness underneath his bed. He had pulled out a small shoebox that represent a sort of time capsule of his most precious memories. Shifting past the top layers of the whole band together, he dug out the cramped little pile at the bottom of the box of him and Tom when they were young. There was a small sentence on the back in childish hand-writing. It read; "Tomi and Billa waking up". He flipped it over to examine the faded photograph. The image brought tears to his eyes. It was picture of himself and Tom when they were twelve, on holiday. They had shared the same bed one night during a thunderstorm and Simone, their mother, had snapped this shot just after waking them up. Tom's beginner dreadlocks were messed up all over the place, and Bill's black hair was standing up in all directions; Bill was snuggled up half-underneath the pillows, his face poking out slightly grinning madly at the camera, eyes half-closed and sleepy, with Tom cuddled up on top of him, his face nuzzled into Bill's neck, his arms wrapped tightly around his younger brother. It was perfection, their own little heaven, never ever to break apart. Bill sobbed loudly. That was over now, they were broken. Never again.
Show me love, show me love, show me love,
Show me love, show me love
'Til you open the door
Tom took a deep breath and opened the door to the hotel suite. The living area was empty, dark, void. A chill ran through his blood. He strained his ears against the black silence. Nothing. Swallowing past the lump in his throat he shrugged his jacket off, slung it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs, and stuffed his hands into his pockets before facing the door to the bedroom. The only room. He reached out to open the door and then froze half-way. Could he do it? Could he go back through and act like nothing happened? Yes, he affirmed, he had to. He was the oldest he had to protect his baby brother. He grasped the cool brass knob and twisted it. Locked. Sighing he pinched the bridge of his nose and knocked lightly on the door. When he got no anwer he knocked harder and murmured, "Bill?"
Show me love, show me love, show me
love,
Show me love, show me love,
'Til I'm up off the floor
Bill started mentally started when he heard a whisper mutter his name, though his body remained slack on the carpet, dry eyes staring blankly up at the cieling. He eventually let out the shuddery breath he hadn't realised he had been holding. "Tom" his breathy whisper hitched and fresh tears dribbled down the side of his face. He sniffled a little too loudly.
"Billa? Are you awake?"
Bill sighed. No use denying it now. "Mm" was all he could manage before more tears appearred. He cursed the insuffersable things. The door was still locked though. Bill sighed and pulled himself up to a sitting position before dragging his dead-pan body over to the door on his knees. He reached out for the doorknob and then stopped, pulling his hand away and falling roughly against the woodwork, back-to-wood, knees forced up to his chest. He sniffed again, raking a hand through his fluffy black hair.
"Billa?"
"What?!" Bill whined loudly, his throat scratching as he forced his voice out.
"Will you open the door? We need to talk"
Show me love, show me love show me love,
Show me love, show me love,
'Til it's inside my pores
Bill began to shake feverishly. He wanted to let Tom in, wanted it to all be the same again, but he couldn't. Not yet anyway. He began to shake and sweat, tears rolling down his cheeks. He sniffed and breathed to himself, "why would you ever want to talk to me now, after what I've done?"
On the other side of the door Tom had began to sweat a little too. He knocked quickly on the door, his breathing hastening rapidly. "BILLA?! PLEASE! We need to talk"
Show me love, show me love, show me love,
Show me love, show me love,
'Til I'm screaming for more
"BILLA!" Tom screamed pounding his fists on the door, unaware of the headache it inflicted on the teen leaning against it on the other side. "BILLA PLEASE! OPEN THE DOOR!"
Bill's body shook as Tom continued pounding his fists into the door. It was slowly driving him mad. "TOMI PLEASE STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Bill wept shrilly, clasping his hands tightly over his ears.
The banging ceased. A shuffling sound ensued and the next second when Tom spoke, Bill jumped, for it sounded like his twin was breathing directly into his ear. "Please ... let me in, Billa" The sincerity in his voice tore open Bill's broken heart. Soon, he thought, soon.
Random acts of mindlessness
Commonplace occurrences
Chances and surprises
Another state of consciousness
Bill opened his eyes and glanced down at the key-chain Tom had given him. On it was a small, old, boy-scouts compact knife set. There was a little knife tucked within the plastic cover. Sliding the knife out of it's casing he turned the slim blade between his forefinger and thumb, blinking as it caught the strip of light worming it's way from beneath his bedroom door. He sniffled, ignoring Tom's voice as he poked the tip of the knife against his wrist. He hissed lightly, squeezed his eyes shut and ripped the point across his lithe arm. He let out a sharp cry. It hurt! It hurt so much! He watched with bewildered eyes as the cut bathed his arm in sticky, red cobwebs.
The cry startled Tom through to his core. He rapped his knuckles on the door once again. "Billa?" there was a pause of silence. No reply just more sniffling. Growing angry Tom kicked the door "THAT'S IT BILL! STAND BACK! I'M COMING IN!" Before Bill could finish his strangled scream Tom was already poumding all of his weight into the door to force it open.
"TOMI! NOOOO! STOP IT, TOMI, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!"
BANG!
Tom panted heavily as he glanced around the room, drinking in the small pool of blood by the door and the huddled figure of his twin, slumped against the bedpost. "Bill ..." he questioned out loud his voice shivering with non-verbal accusations, "what did you do?"
Tell me nothing ever counts
Lashing out or breaking down
Still somebody loses 'cause
There's no way to turn around
Bill stared up with shimmering brown eyes, knees curled into his chest, not knowing what to say for fear of Tom's emotional outbursts at saying the wrong thing. He sniffed and wiped his wet eyes with a marred hand. It rattled his heartstrings to see his brother hurting like this, and it tore him up even more inside to know that currently he was the cause for it. "T-Tomi ..."
"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Tom roared making the entire room shake, the echo jerking Bill's bones to the core. Bill opened and closed his mouth soundlessly not knowing what to say. His eyes watered madly. Tom stormed across the room and grabbed Bill's bleeding wrists and yanked him onto his feet. He grabbed the collar of Bill's shirt and pulled him close so that they were nose-to-nose. Bill let out an uncontrollable sob and bowed his head in shame.
"I-I'm s-s-sorry T-Tomi-"
"Sorry?" Tom spat "Sorry!!!" he shook his head, before dragging Bill after him into the bathroom, muttering under his breath the whole way. Bill only managed to catch a few words like "dick ... idiot ... so stupid ..." but they were enough to drive knives through his heart. Bill hissed as the backs of his legs hit the frozen tiles of the en-suite bathroom. He winced as he was flung into the shower cubicle and screamed shrilly when a cold burst of water smacked down against him, burning into his fresh wounds, and mingling with his tear-streaked cheeks.
"TOMI! MAKE IT STOP! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! MAKE IT !!!" Bill wailed, kicking his legs and slamming his hands against the wet cubicle floor.
Tell me how you've never felt
Delicate or innocent
Do you still have doubts that
Us having faith makes any sense
Tom sat on the toilet seat, leaning forward, hands placed together between his legs, dark brown eyes staring across at his twin thrashing weakly in the shower cubicle. He didn't want to be cruel to his little Bill, but ... he was in the middle of an internal wrestling match with his feelings; Love vs. Rest-of-the-world-and-sane-decisions. Eventaully common-sense called half time and he jumped up towards the taps and snapped them off before dropping to his knees beside his shivering brother. Bill shivered and spluttered and choked as water dribbled through his lips. He glared up at Tom, but he didn't say a word. His silence said it all. Tom reached a hand out for Bill's cheek but Bill snapped at his fingers, barely missing them. Tom scowled at the attempted attack before quickly grabbed his twin's head and embracing it to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around Bill's shoulder. Bill lashed out weakly against his brother but was too cold and weak to care. He retired defeated and slumped against his brother's chest. Despite his anger he felt comforted and safe embraced within Tom's strong, muscled arms. He sniffed and barely acknowledged the fact that he had been lifted out of the bathroom and was now being placed gently upon the master bed in the single bedroom of their suite. His eyes were emotionless as his drenched clothes were forced off of his body. By the time he realised where he was, he was naked and shivering slightly due to the cold wind wiping over his damp skin. Tom walked over to the chest-of-drawers and pulled out warm, fluffy pyjamas. When he turned back to face his twin he jumped when his gaze locked with an identical one. He swallowed, "Billa?"
"Why did you do it?" Bill rasped weakly.
Tom froze slightly "because you were hysterical and needed to calm d-"
"Not the shower" Bill spat "... earlier"
Tom bowed his head, "I thought it was the right thing to do"
Bill mustered enough strength to sit upright, turned his head slowly and glared up at Tom, "we got disowned Tom. You told our parents about us and we got disowned!"
"I THOUGHT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO!!!" Tom countered, his face flushing red.
"HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE THE RIGHT THING TO DO?!!!" Bill screamed hoarsley, before gulping and clutching at his throat.
You play games, I play tricks
Girls and girls, but you're the one
Like a game of pick-up sticks
Played by fucking lunatics
Tom forced his anger away and sat down on the bed, Bill's pyjamas in his lap. Bill was breathing heavily, his breath pounding roughly against Tom's skin. He gingerly ran his hand down Bill's cheek and was relieved that Bill did not jerk away. "Billa ... I'm so sorry, I thought they would be more accepting"
"Yeah well you thought wrong" Bill growled, however he leant into Tom's embrace, running his slim hands over Tom's thighs "it's done now" he murmured, defeated. Tom massaged Bill's scalp through his damp hair.
He pressed a kiss to Bill's head and entwined their fingers, "you'll always have me, okay? Nothing will ever change that, baby, you know why?" Bill shook his head. Tom smiled, his twin was too cute, "because I love you"
Bill smiled and sniffled "I love you too, and I'm sorry"
Tom pulled his brother onto his lap and wrapped Bill's pyjama shirt around him before nuzzling Bill's cool neck. "What *kiss* are you *kiss* sorry for?"
Bill snuggled into the warmth "I'm sorry for having a fit and making you storm out, I hate when you're angry at me, Tomi please, I love you ... d-don't be ma-a-ad" Bill whined into Tom's neck.
Tom breathed a small smile "I'm not mad, Billa, never mad. And I love you. More than anything. Nothing will seperate us and I promise you till the end of time that no one will ever come between us"
"You promise?" Bill asked in a small, childish voice that Tom found endearing.
Tom pressed his lips up into Bill's and wrapped his lean arms tightly around Bill's body, willing warmth into Bill's cool body "I promise you my arms for comfort, my lips for safety and my soul and body for love"
"And I accept and give you my heart in return" Bill purred adorably nuzzling into the kiss his twin initiated. Tom smiled and collapsed backwards onto the bed, pulling Bill with him in a long slow kiss.
Show me love, show me love
Give me all that I want
Show me love, Show me love
'Til I'm screaming for more
"OH TOMI ... TOMI ... TOMI-I-I-I-I-I-I!!!"
It was two in the morning when Tom finally collapsed on top of Bill, completely spent. He clutched Bill against him as he rolled onto his side, pressing hot kisses to Bill's sweat-kissed neck. "Oh God Bill you're so wonderful" he panted against Bill's sweaty skin. Bill smiled and reached over to turn the bedside lamp off, his scars caught in the yellow light. He bit his lip as the angry red scars flashed the one word that he would never forget for the rest of his life. "Tomi ..." he looked over his shoulder and pressed a kiss to his smiling twins' lips "my Tomi" and switched the light off.
~THE END~
A/N: My first t.A.T.u. / Tokio Hotel fanfic. I really hope you enjoyed it. Reviews are welcome.