Title: Love Me Dead
Pairing: Haymitch/Effie
Summary: Arguments and fighting, constant screaming and threats of violence – that was what their relationship had come to. It was hard to believe they were ever in love.
A/N: This is an ongoing story about the relationship between Effie and Haymitch, starting with one of their nastier times. If you're looking for smut and such, I wouldn't read this one. Some of the chapters will be nicer, I promise, but not this particular one! I just really love the idea, and I guess it can be considered slightly AU because it doesn't follow all of the events of the books. Anyway try to enjoy. A new chapter should be up soon!

Must be the sign on my head,
It says, "Oh, love me dead."

Arguments and fighting, constant screaming and threats of violence – that was what their relationship had come to. It was hard to believe they were ever in love. Every room in their house was filled with a remarkable tension and familiar hatred. She often went to sleep crying at his words, and he found himself barely sleeping at all. But they stayed together. For a while they convinced themselves that this was all they could ever want, all they could ever deserve. The fighting didn't matter if they had a place to live, and a place to try to love each other for just a while longer. Something held them onto a thin strand of false hope that one day they would wake up, stare at each other and finally feel the butterflies that fluttered in their stomachs when they first met. But that never happened. And it never would happen, no matter how much they tried.

So eventually they stopped trying.

"I'm leaving." She told him, although he was fully aware. He had been watching her pack a bag for fifteen minutes before she decided to speak. All of her clothes, hangers and all, were hastily shoved into the bag. No tidiness necessary, she figured. Who would care about her cleanliness when she had been a mess for years?

There was no remorse, no sympathy or need to talk her out of this. They were both perfectly aware that the decision was the best for both of them. And this announcement was no different than the one she made the day before, or the week before that.

For a moment they stood in silence, staring at each other from across the room. He let his eyes wander up and down her body. She was so different from the Capitol woman he had once known. Her blonde hair fell in tangled curls, her eyes were swollen and her face sullen, all the product of little sleep and too much crying. Her body was slim to the point where he almost thought she might fall apart, and the dull dress she wore didn't help her appearance. Everything about her screamed depressed, she hadn't held on to a single part of herself from her earlier years. The wigs were retired, the bright colors switched for grays and blacks that he wasn't sure he liked. So much was different about Effie Trinket, and he hated all of it.

"Look what we've done to each other." He finally said, hand running through his messy hair. "We're ruined, you know that? Destroyed for all of humanity."

"That's not true." She tried to deny it, but she felt a sinking in her heart. The mess that they had become would take an eternity to clean up, and neither of them had that sort of time – though no one would want to fix them if they even could.

"It's not? Really? Look at us, Effie. We're fucked. And it's because we made the decision to get into this stupid relationship in the first place."

"It wasn't stupid! We had reasons at the time and it just didn't work out. That happens."

"Look me in the eye and honestly tell me that you don't think this was a huge mistake." For a while she couldn't look at him, she could only stare at the floor and think how perfectly ridiculous everything had become. They had loved each other, hadn't they? At one point she had been sure of it, positive they would last forever. He had been her little slice of Heaven. But she supposed it was too good to be true.

Finally she raised her head and whispered, "Only if you tell me that you loved me. That I wasn't just…making it all up."

He turned away from her, searching a cabinet for what she assumed would be a fresh bottle of liquor, but he came up empty and banged his forehead lightly against the wall. She could hear him muttering something before he turned back around to face her. "I still love you."

"What?" It hurt that he had wanted alcohol to say that to her.

"Come on, Effie. You think I'm going to just stop loving you? Maybe you've gotten dumber recently."

"Haymitch, stop it." But he wasn't going to. He could see her eyes watering once again, could see her resolve to leave slipping away and he knew it was for the best. Effie had to leave, or they would forever self destruct.

"No, I'm just telling the truth. Maybe you've always been dumb. Dating a drunk, falling in love with a man who would choose a bottle over you any day. Downright stupid, if you ask me."

"God dammit, Haymitch!" She raised her hands in exasperation. "I'm leaving you and you're calling me inept! I'll never understand why I loved you; I'll never even understand why I stayed with you so long. You're a cruel, sadistic bastard who deserves to rot here."

"Like this argument is any different than the one we had last night, or the night before? You always say the same thing, then you put that bag down, you sit on the couch and we drink in silence. Every day. I'm sick of it. Just leave already."

"This time I am going to leave, Haymitch. And you can drink yourself to death for all I care!"

"But you do care, that's the problem. Fucking give up on me already. I don't need your pity anymore." Maybe this time she would actually go, be happy with someone who could treat her right. But the thought of that, or even of Effie being alone for the rest of her life, killed him.

"I can't just…"

"Yes you can."

"No, Haymitch, I don't pity-"

"Fine, you want to know what I think of you, honestly? I think you're a prissy little bitch who should have stayed in the Capitol where you belong. You're materialistic and whiney, you don't care about anybody but yourself-"

"Fuck you." That was another thing he hated that had changed about her. All the love for manners and etiquette, all of the cringing at harsh words and the anger over the usage of curses – it all disappeared. Now she had gotten used to swearing at him, throwing his words back at him as though they meant nothing. His Effie Trinket was dirty, and he had caused it.

Without another word, she picked up her bag and stormed out of the bedroom. He followed her at a staggering pace, not surprised when she turned to stare at him. More silence.

"It wasn't a mistake. I don't care how much we fought, or how much we dislike each other, it was never a mistake. And I don't regret a second of it."

The man shrugged in response, watching the realization flicker in her face. He agreed with her, after all he did still love her. But he needed her to leave, to be elsewhere and try to salvage the rest of her life. But she dropped her bag to the ground and sat on the couch.

With a huff, he grabbed a bottle from the kitchen and a glass, taking the arm chair across from her. It did occur to him that he could easily kick her out of his house, but his resolve was also fading. He could barely look at her without wanting to scream, but he couldn't imagine living alone. After a moment he slid a half filled glass across the coffee table and began to drink straight from the bottle. She curled into herself, sipping from the glass like a fucking toddler.

God, he hated her. He hated how her hair looked, hated the way she spoke with that old Capitol accent and hated her deep laugh.

She looked at him with the eyes that he remembered loving. Lower down was the cleavage he had spent ages pretending not to stare at, the thighs he had loved to kiss when they slept together. He remembered the moans she let escape her whenever he would do something she liked. Arousal swept through his body and he thought about taking her on the couch, whispering into her ear that they could love each other again.

But instead he sat in silence, drinking himself into oblivion as she cried until exhaustion took her. The same as the day before, and the day before that…

God, he hated this.