Trigger warning for PTSD, child abuse, and cursing
Steve bolted up in response to the screams. After sharing a room with Tony a few months, he'd gotten used to the inventor's nightmares. Steve couldn't try to convince himself he wasn't slightly haunted by the ghosts of World War 2, but he couldn't imagine the pain his boyfriend endures remembering Afghanistan. The rooms were luckily sound-proof (for a more... fun reason) so no one else in the Avenger's tower would be woken up.
Calming Tony was an easy-albeit heart-breaking- procedure that Pepper told him about after their break up, but before Tony and Steve even considered getting together. It was strange how well the ginger could read them. Steve turned on his back and used his strength cautiously to put the brunette's head on his bare chest. He kissed his boyfriend's head before stroking his hair, whispering sweet nothings assuring his presence. It usually took a few minutes before Tony eased to consciousness, but there have been times where he'd be stuck in his trauma for over two hours. Steve had adjusted to frequent sleepless nights.
If there had been a way to relieve Tony of his pain faster, Steve would pay for it with his life.
"No don't... please don't," Tony whimpered in his sleep. Steve tightened the arm wrapped around the smaller man's waist saying "I'm here Tony, it's fine. Come back. Come back to me," over and over in the soft tone reserved for the genius. Steve had never thought so ill of people that he wanted them dead, but he wished he could bring the group of terrorists back to life so he could kill them in the slowest, most agonizing way he could think of. He'd hold no remorse, especially when they did absolutely nothing but haunt his boyfriend with nightmares.
Only this nightmare wasn't about Afghanistan.
"Don't hit me again," Tony's voice cracked with each word, "Dad, please. I'll do better, I promise. Just don't hit me." Steve was left bewildered. He'd know Tony had held contempt for his father, everyone did. He understood too, with Howard obsessing more over finding him than raising his son (Steve hates that he was the reason for Tony's broken childhood) but he never thought his old friend was capable of this. Back in the 40s, Howard acted with nothing but kindness and charm. He may have built weapons for war, but he'd never hurt anyone... but that was wrong.
Disgust and horror were the only things Steve could think about what Howard had done to the man he loved. The only thing he could do is wait for Tony to wake up, but Steve couldn't be patient, not with this dream.
"Tony," he kissed the older man's hairline, "come on baby I need you to wake up. Please Tony. Your dad's not here, everything's over. Come on, wake up. I'm here for you, and god, I can't see you like this. I love you so much, please just wake up." One last sob broke through Tony's lips as he finally woke up, looking up into Steve's blue eyes. The captain bruised the sweat-soaked hair from the older man's face, trying not to break down at the bright green and red in Tony's normally hazel eyes.
"Hey," Steve gave Tony a reassuring smile, but it didn't soothe the smaller man; Steve's smile never reached his eyes.
"I-I'm so sorry, Steve," Tony broke himself from the blonde's hold, sitting up at the edge of their bed, refusing to look at him.
"It's okay. That wasn't your fau-"
"Don't fucking pity me, Rogers. That's the last fucking thing I need right now," Steve stood up from his spot and walked around the bed to face Tony. When the inventor kept his head down, Steve just grabbed the man's face, examining each feature and emotion displayed. Even though Tony had just gotten more sleep than in the past three days, he looked more exhausted than ever before.
"Why didn't you tell me about your father?" Steve used the same tone he used when he whispered into Tony's ear.
"Because you wouldn't have believed me," a sarcastic shield came into Tony's voice, "The great Howard Stark: war hero, extraordinaire, one of your best buddies. Such a great man could never hit his son."
"Tony-"
"I'm not finished. Do you know the real reason I became Iron Man? Throughout my entire childhood, my father compared me to you, saying I wasn't good or strong enough. He said I was a poor result; I was just another one of his experiments. The only way I could be worth to him is if I was a fucking hero, but that didn't even fall through right," Steve winced remembering his first conversation with the man in front of him (if only he knew how great a man Tony was, maybe this would happen) "All this time, I didn't deserve his love, I didn't even get fucking civility from him. He didn't see me as a son, he didn't care about me; I'm just a failed experiment, a disappointment. Who would have thought he was right?" Steve pulled Tony into an embrace, not wanting the other man to see his tears.
"You're not a failure, Tony," his fingers stroked his boyfriend's hair as Tony buried his head into the crook of Steve's neck (Steve's heart still fluttered at how perfectly he fit there) "You've had an awful, disgusting childhood, and none of that was your fault, so please stop, stop, thinking it. Howard was so wrong, about every thing- you're not just some experiment, you're not a failure- you're a person. A hero, the best one I know- don't scoff like that. I love you, Tony, no matter what you were told. You are worth everything and I love you more than I could anybody else. So please, don't think that way."
"You shouldn't love me Steve," the words stabbed the captain as they were mumbled into his collarbone, "I'm a broken man. You need- you deserve- someone better, someone stable. Someone without all these stupid fucking problems and daddy issues."
"There's no one else I could love, Tony. And don't just say you're broken; look at this team. We're all a goddamn mess, love, and none of us resent you for your problems. Any of them: not the alcohol, the self destructive behaviors, no matter what, we all love you. And god, I'm an anachronism; I shouldn't even be here. But I am, and there's nothing I'm going to do but stay here and show you how much you mean to all of us." Steve held his breath at Tony's silence. Did he do something wrong? After a few moments of silence, Tony was able to bring himself away, long tears were streaming down his beautiful hazel eyes, which looked into Steve's blue ones. Tony had a small smile on his face. A small smile, but a real one, with his laugh lines subtly visible.
Steve opened his mouth to speak again but was silenced before a word by Tony's lips. The kiss was the slowest, most tender the two shared. Not even their first kiss was this soft. There were a few seconds that had passed before Steve let his hands gently cup Tony's cheeks. He had wanted to deepen the touch of their lips, to increase the passion, but when Tony's hands were so, so softly placed around Steve's waist, the super soldier realized that wasn't what Tony needed. What he needed was the kindness, love and support that he never got as a child. He'd increase the pace at his own time, and Steve had wanted nothing more than to let him do it on his own. It would be hard, and there's no doubt that Tony will resist at first, but in time he'll be better- understand his worth. Steve had a lot of damage to fix- he knew that.
But if he could only do one thing in his lifetime, it would be to fix Tony Stark.