I have decided to rewrite my first chapter and here it is! Please tell me how I did on my revision. I guess I wanted to use this idea just because no one had. So if you like it stick with me! Disclaimer Time: I DO NOT OWN SHUGO CHARA IN ANY WAY! PLEASE R&R!
My ears perked up to the sounds of people talking as I entered the classroom. "Hey everyone, good morning." I greeted my friends.
"Good morning Rima," Amu, Tadase, and Yaya's voices greeted me back.
"I can't wait for tomorrow, I need a weekend to unwind from all the stress of school," I sighed as I slouched in my seat.
"Me either, we should do something fun tomorrow." Amu suggested.
"How about a boat trip?" Nagihiko butted in our conversation when he walked through the door.
"Really?" Amu's eyes grew eager.
"Yup, my family just bought a new a boat and we wanted to test it out, so whaddya say?"
"Yes!" nods of anticipation came from all around.
"Perfect," his voice rang out in the empty class room, "Meet at four at pier twenty tomorrow." Voices of agreement replied.
"You're coming too Rima, right?" Amu was giving me her puppy dog eyes.
"No, I'm not." I answered bluntly.
"Why not?" she interrogated.
"I can't stand being in the same room as that purple-haired freak, why would I want to be on a boat with him? Being surrounded by water with no escape from that weirdo just grinds my gears." I replied.
"But… but you have to go." Amu whimpered like a starving puppy, her huge eyes continued to stare me down.
"I'm not going to give into your begging," I said as I shut my eyes and turned away from Amu.
"Please!" my eyes opened to reveal Amu's puppy dog face. I felt myself giving into her begging.
"Fine," I gritted through my teeth, the word tasting like vinegar coming out of my mouth.
"Yay!" she shouted with glee. I banged my head on my desk in shame.
"Don't worry Rima, I'll try not to ruin it for you," Nagi's devious smile interrupted my sulking. "Oh, I forgot something." He spoke up.
"What is it?" I arrogantly replied.
"We're spending the night on the boat so bring a change of clothes. Oh, and Amu," he said pointing at her, "Tell Kukai, Utau, Ikuto, and Kairi that they're invited." She nodded back.
I face palmed so hard it gave me an instant migraine. "You just ruined it," I whispered to him.
"Whoops," he gave a sly smile and shrugged.
As much as I was dreading the boat ride, I was ecstatic that I got to something over the weekend, even if the cross-dresser was going to be there. Class dragged on horrifically making everyone get antsy and impatient waiting for the day to end.
I slowly shuffled home, watching the sun set as I steadily moved down the street. My feet ambled up to my front door and gulped as my hand made its way toward the doorknob. I could already hear the shrieks and screams booming from inside as I cautiously turned the knob.
"Rima, your home." My mother abruptly said as I walked in the house.
"Your mother and I were just having a conversation," my father did his best to act nonchalantly.
"Yeah, a loud one," I retorted as I began to go up the stairs. "I'm going to bed," I grunted while noisily stomping up the stairs.
I slammed my door with a loud thud to avoid hearing any more yelling. I changed into my pj's and curled up into my usual ball on my bed and drifted off.
My eyes flung open to reveal sunlight seeping through the window and the time on my alarm clock.
I took my time with getting ready. I packed my neon orange bikini, a pair of khaki shorts and a pink tank top. I also packed my IPhone, iPod and my most recent gag manga. After all my preparations it was 2 o'clock. I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door to pier 20.
My feet began heading down the street to the pier, which was five miles away. The blazing hot sun beamed down on my golden curls and my shoulders, my skin and my head felt like they were on fire after ten minutes of walking.
After what felt like hours of walking, salty seawater drifted toward my nose and endless ocean waves greeted my eyes. My face lit up when I saw the Pier 20 sign and a large glistening boat floating atop the waves.
"Rima! You made it!" Amu came rushing up to me, "How did you get here?" she asked.
"I walked," I responded.
"You should have called, I would've given you a ride." She said with a caring look on her face.
"Is everyone here?" Nagi's voice chimed in.
"It's about time that the man of the hour arrived," Utau snorted.
"Well don't just stand here, let's board the ship," Nagi said ignoring Utau's comment. We all raced to be the first one on the ship. "Everyone, this is Damien, he is our Captain." Nagi introduced us to the scruffy sailor-like man.
"Shall I show you to your rooms," Nagi said as he led us below deck. Our eyes were out of our heads, there were two sets of bunk beds, a pull our couch, a reclining chair and a double bed that had its own room, there was also a mini kitchen and a small bathroom. "Because I am technically the owner of this ship I get the double and I get to choose who shares it with me and I choose…" Nagihiko was clearly testing everyone's patience while I was thinking of tortures I could apply to the rat if he chose me. "Rima"
I face palmed so hard that I'm pretty sure I gave myself a permanent mark, "Honestly, out of all people why choose me?" I chewed him out for picking me.
"You're small and you don't take that much bed space, that's why." He answered.
"That is a horrible choice in last words mister." I said as I lunged for him but Amu and Yaya held me back. He stuck his tongue out at me which made me even more pissed than I already was. "You'll be dead by morning," I gave him my killing glare.
"Why don't we get dressed into our swimsuits," Nagi said attempting to change the subject.
"I swear to god Nagi, if you even look like you're going to do something I will cover you in anchovies and throw you overboard." I threatened while I changed and made him stand in the very tiny closet.
When I got upstairs Damien offered me a pina colada as he did everyone else. I grabbed my gag manga out of my backpack and found the most comfortable place to sit.
After about two hours of reading and drinking, the sun started to meet the horizon giving the waves a golden look and the sky giving way to the starry blue sky.
"Wow," I said to myself as I leaned on the railing, "It's beautiful."
"It sure is," Nagihiko's voice made me jump.
"When did you get here?" I asked flatly.
"How come you always have to make a beautiful moment go bad?" he answered my question with a question.
"How come you always have to be so mysterious? I thought I was bad," I said gesturing to myself, "hiding behind my cute act, but I can't even begin to see through the wall you've got up."
"Maybe I don't want to let anyone in," his dark brown eyes glinted with gold as he stared out to the setting sun.
"I give up, I'm going to bed." I said as I huffed below deck. I changed into my pj's and flopped on the bed, letting the soothing waves of the sea rock me to sleep.
I woke up to find that I was used as Nagihiko's teddy bear. I did my best to pry him off of me without waking him up. "May as well get some fresh air," I whispered to myself as I observed that everyone was still sound asleep.
Instead of the bright blue sky and shining sun the sky was filled with gloomy gray clouds and an eerie fog hung over the water. "Hey Damien," I shouted toward the steering wheel, "Where are we?" I waited for a reply but he didn't answer. I ran up to the steering wheel to find an empty seat. My eyes grew wide with fear as I realized that our captain was M.I.A. My feet thundered as I ran below deck waking everyone up. "Nagi, Nagihiko!" I shouted as I shook him awake.
"What?" his tired words slurred.
"Damien's gone, we're all alone!" I shrieked in panic.
"What!" he bolted out of bed and onto the deck as did everyone else. "He took the lifeboat," Nagi mumbled as he interrogated the issue, "Why would he take the lifeboat?" he asked loud enough for everyone to hear.
"I think that's why," I barely heard Kairi squeak over the howling wind. My eyes followed what Kairi was pointing at, what was a gray bunch of clouds before was now a big black cloud of hell. The waves grew higher as everyone was running around in panic.
"Everyone get below deck!" Nagi shouted as everyone scurried to the back room Nagi, the last one in slammed the door behind us.
"Everyone just remain calm, we'll be alright." He made an effort in doing so. The boat shook violently as waves crashed against it. The rocking made me lose my balance and hit my head against the floor. The last thing I heard was thunder, screams and the sound of rushing water, and then everything went black.
Thank goodness that is over with. I just felt that my original first chapter didn't flow as much as I had hoped it would. Please tell me what you think of my revision, not that you have to but reviews are greatly appreciated. I should have the third chapter up by tomorrow if not Sunday. Please R&R!