Crisis of Confidence

Part 1: I'm the Mother

By Ioanhoraito

A/N: I started working on this a while ago but Wednesday's nights episode Manhattanhenge got me thinking about it (although this isn't spoiler-y). It's just a series of one-shots about parenting situations. They aren't going to be in chronological order and there isn't a plot to follow. They are just random situations that come to me that I think would be interesting to see Danny and Lindsay deal with. Hope you enjoy and if you have any situations you'd like to share or ideas for this type of one-shot let me know!

Danny Messer quietly entered his dimly lit home. His work weary body fought the instinct of his bachelor days to just crash on the couch. It wasn't just him anymore; he had turned into three and knowing his wife's soft, warm body lay in their bed propelled him passed the inviting looking cushions. Despite his exhaustion Danny felt good. He felt like he was finally getting back to life. Having spent months in a wheelchair opened his understanding of life's little blessings in ways he could never have imagined. Even getting a late night call was encouraging because it meant he was back in the routine, back to being a full-functioning CSI. So while he was dog-tired he loving life.

Danny was careful to contain his exuberance however. His baby girl would definitely be tucked tightly in her crib by now and Danny knew her early morning feeding would come soon enough. There was no way he was going to risk disturbing her dreams. So he continued his way softly through the apartment heading for the kitchen. The pack of Cheeto's he'd eaten for his dinner a few hours earlier was no longer keeping his hunger at bay.

Another perk in his life now that he was married was that Lindsay always left him a plate of dinner in the fridge and he did the same for her when she worked late. His mouth watered as his mind filled with thoughts of the food Lindsay had told him she was going to make: beef stroganoff, steamed broccoli and thick garlic parmesan toast. With medical bills piling up, even with the insurance company paying their part, they'd had to really start paying attention to a budget. They had limited themselves to the ease of take-out only once a week which meant more time planning and cooking meals but both he and Lindsay had found they enjoyed it--especially the nights they got to fix dinner together.

This night, however, Lindsay should have been in bed long ago which was why Danny was surprised to find her sitting at the kitchen table. The only light in the room was coming from the one right above the oven so it was difficult to make out her face but Danny could tell by her slouched shoulders and the hand she had clasped together resting on the table that something was wrong.

He folded his arms against his chest and leaned against the door frame before softly saying, "Hey."

Lindsay slowly raised her eyes to his then answered just as softly, "Hey."

Danny eyed his wife for a moment then asked, "What are ya still doin' up? Did Luce give ya a hard time?"

Lindsay snorted but instead of answering she stood and made her way to the fridge. Danny watched as she pulled out his dinner and set about warming it up. He knew when his wife was stalling. Danny was learning when to push and when to be patient and he felt now was a time to wait, but he wanted her to know that he was there so he pushed off the door frame and quietly walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her body.

Lindsay paused her preparations to lean back into his embrace. Danny placed a small kiss against his neck as she rested her head against his. They stood like that for only a moment but Danny knew it was long enough to remind his wife of his support.

Lindsay wiggled her body so she could turn in his arms. She gave him a quick peck against his lips and whispered assuredly, "I'm alright. Let me fix your dinner and then we can talk."

Danny smiled at her as he stepped away and asked, "Ya want any help?"

Lindsay turned back to the food and threw over her shoulder, "You can get your drink. This will be ready in just a minute."

Danny turned and swiped a soda from the refrigerator. He would love an ice cold beer but Lindsay refused to keep them in stock until he was completely done with his pain medication. He grabbed a cup from the cupboard and sat at the table. A few minutes later Lindsay placed a now warm plate of food in front of him and sat herself cattie-corner to him. Danny's stomach growled at the scintillating smells wafting up from the food and the quickly began devouring his dinner.

Lindsay smiled at her husband's enthusiasm. "Good?" she asked playfully.

Danny swallowed his mouth full of food and grinned answering simply, "Delicious."

"Well you can thank Hamburger Helper," Lindsay told him playfully.

"I prefer to thank my pretty wife," Danny teased back then leaned in and gave Lindsay a kiss.

Lindsay smirked at him and added, "Of course. What was I thinking? I slaved over dinner and made everything from scratch so I could please my handsome husband."

"That's what I'm talkin' about," Danny shot back with a wink. He scooped up another forkful of food but just before shoveling it in he asked, "So, not that I'm complainin', but what happened that kept ya up so I getta eat dinner with you?"

Danny watched as Lindsay's relaxed shoulders tensed slightly and her eyebrows raised and knit together. He put down his fork and reaching out pushed her bangs to the side, smoothing out the wrinkles in her forehead in the process. Lindsay felt her resolve melt away with his loving touch and patient eyes. She lifted her hand to his and linking her fingers in his, she brought their hands to rest on the table.

"You need to eat," Lindsay scolded him gently.

"Ya married an extremely talented man. I can both eat with one hand and listen all at the same time. Now, I eat you talk," Danny commanded.

Lindsay gazed for a moment at how her fingers meshed so well with his then finally heaved a sigh of resignation and began, "Lucy said her first sentence today."

Danny wasn't sure what he thought she was going to say but he was sure it wasn't that. His confusion played out on his face until finally a full-fledges proud papa grin appeared.

"She did? What did she say?" Danny wanted to know all the details.

Despite whatever was keeping Lindsay down she could help an equally proud grin spread across her face as she answered in her best Lucy impression, "Mama chee pwee."

Danny laughed. "Mama cheese please," he translated, "That's my girl. Her first sentence is about food. What did you do?"

Lindsay frowned, "I didn't do anything."

Danny frowned in return, "I don't understand Linds."

"I didn't do anything because I wasn't here when she said it," Lindsay explained quickly.

Warning bells went off in Danny's head but before he had a chance to say anything Lindsay continued, "Paige told me about it. I missed my baby's first sentence because I was at work. I just get to hear about it from the baby sitter."

"Linds..." Danny began but was cut off by his now worked up wife.

"No Danny, you eat I talk remember?"

Danny simply nodded, indicating for her to continue.

Lindsay tightened her grip on Danny's hand and forged ahead, "Why does my baby call her 'Mama' you may be wondering. Paige said it's a phase, that the other kids she's nannied for in the past did the same thing and that Lucy will grow out of but right now it's just easier on her to call us both Mama."

Danny fought desperately to keep his face neutral but it was difficult to no cringe at the idea of Lucy calling another man 'Dada.'

"And the worst part," Lindsay started dejectedly, "is that today when I get home...Lucy didn't want me."

Danny felt pain shoot through his body at the look of heartbreak on his wife's face.

"What are ya talkin' about?" he questioned.

"Today when I got home, I guess they were having so much fun that when Paige went to leave Lucy clung to her. I finally just pulled her off and Lucy started bawling her eyes out. She didn't want Paige to leave. She didn't want her stupid boring mother."

"Hey now," Danny jumped in, "enough of dat. Lucy doesn't think you're her stupid boring mom a'right? She loves you Lindsay. You know that."

"She loves Paige," Lindsay shot back, "Paige who spends all day with her and takes her to the park and to the library and the zoo."

"They're friends Lindsay. You know Paige is a great nanny. It's why you hired her," he reminded her, "We wanted someone who would love and care for Lucy."

Lindsay nodded sullenly and added, "I know. I just didn't think about Lucy loving and caring for Paige in return. I want to be her mom."

"You are," Danny argued.

But Lindsay shook her head, "Not like I should be; not like I want to be."

Danny pushes away his now empty plate and focused his full attention on Lindsay. "Babe, ya gotta tell me how ta help here," Danny pleaded, "Cause it's obvious you're not going to listen to me tell you how amazin' you are as a mom."

Lindsay just shrugged and admitted softly, "I just wish it weren't quite so hard, that I would know all the time what the right choice is."

"You and every other parent on the planet Linds," Danny assured her.

"I...I think that now you're back to full duty I want to back off some," Lindsay confessed, "I know we are doing stupendously financially but we are within our means enough that I can cut back some hours don't you think?"

Danny could see how upset his wife was, how hurt and confused.

"Lindsay, our little family has been through the wringer this year but we survived because we always fought for what's important. If you bein' home more is what this family needs then we'll make it work--as long as it's what you want Linds. Lucy and I will always love you. You know how wonderful we thing are right?" Danny asked sincerely.

"Yeah," Lindsay beamed, "but it's nice to hear it every now and again."

They were quiet a moment and Danny could still see the worry in Lindsay's eyes.

"Come'ere," he said as he pulled her from her chair and into his lap.

"Danny your back," Linsday warned.

"Hush," Danny chided softly, "Enough worrying Linds. Take a break for just a minute a'right? Sit here with me and only think about how we are all safe, healthy, and loved. Think about how you are gonna have me ta take care of you for the rest of ya life. Think about how lucky we are to have Lucy. Think about how blessed our family is. Just please let me see your beautiful brown eyes free of worry for just a minute."

Lindsay felt the tension leaver her body. She had plenty to worry about and knew she had reasonable cause for her worry but she heard her husband's tender request for a moment of peace and knew there was nothing more important in the world that to share that moment with him.

An excited happiness spread through her body and she buried her face in Danny's neck. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and they sat in the calm silence until Danny whispered, "Bein' married to you is my favorite thing."

Lindsay couldn't help the giggle that escaped.

Danny pulled her back so he could see her face. "Ya think that's funny Montana?" he asked feigning hurt. Lindsay grinned.

"Being married to you is my favorite thing too Danny."

"We'll figure this out Lindsay. We'll talk to Mac tamorrow about our work schedules a'right?" Danny assured her.

Lindsay wrapped her arms around Danny's neck and whispered, "Wanna have sex?"

Danny immediately lifted Lindsay from his lap and held her in his arms as he stood. Lindsay had to bite back her instinct to protest because of his back and instead chose to laugh.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'?" Lindsay remarked wryly.

Danny began carrying her towards their bedroom and answered, "You can take that as a 'hell yes.'"

Lindsay again laughed and Danny added, "I love making you laugh. Let's laugh tonight and we can worry in the morning."

Lindsay chose to agree to that plan and sealed her resolve with a kiss.

I just want to say I have nothing against working moms. I hope it doesn't come across that I do! I just know how I feel when I'm away from my kids and I spent years as a nanny so I know that side of it as well. It tends to influence how much time I spend away from my kids. I was just trying to imagine how it would be to have a job like a CSI for New York City and to deal with a home life at the same time. Oh, and I apologize because I am sure the typos abound in this. It took me forever to type this up and now it's way passed bedtime.

Next up: Danny has punish his darling girl.

Thanks for reading!!!