I'm frozen in time in my current frequency. I know I'm crying and it almost looks like the boy in front of me is, but I know my eyes are just playing tricks on me, like always. Because if they didn't play tricks then I would have noticed all those times it pained him to lie, or the times I had to look into my best friend's eyes and see pain, or the times I looked in the mirror and saw pain everywhere. I caused too much of that stuff and I'm getting mentally sick of it, which I think is making me physically tired.
"I just can't do it anymore, it's killing me," I whispered. Ok so that may be a lie, but not all the way. It wasn't killing me; it was breaking me. Me. Macy Misa, the toughest, most secretive, non-breakable girl in school, was breaking, and I was breaking fast. I could almost hear the cracking inside myself.
"W-" he looked so innocent at this moment, I almost gasped at the break in his façade, but I couldn't do that if I wanted him to think I didn't know and/or care, because in truth I don't think I do, not anymore at least.
"Stop, "I interrupted "I don't care. This is not about you or me. It's about the girl in that prom version of our gym completely oblivious to what's going on between us. Stella is my best friend Joe." His name scratched my throat and I turned away without another word. "Tell Stella I'm sorry I missed her, and not to call me for awhile. I'll talk to her when I'm ready."
I didn't turn to see if he was nodding or in some way saying yes, I owed Stella better than this. I owed Joe better than this, and to be honest…I think I owed myself better than this.
*2 Months Previous*
"Macy, guess what?" A very breathless Stella asked as she ran up to me.
"What Stella?" I laugh, reaching for her figure when it looked like she was about to fall.
"Guess who just asked me out?" Stella was bouncing so rapidly that her voice was a little shaken.
"Um, Van Dyke?" It was a lame guess, but it was a guess, and that was enough for Stella.
"No, silly. Joe!" Her eyes shine so brightly, it looked like crystals were hiding behind them.
"Joe?" Disbelief smothered my tone, and my mouth was hanging open.
"I know, right? It was a surprise to me too," Her excitement died but for a second and then she was back to bouncing. "We're going to The Swan, tonight."
"Wow, Stella, that's amazing. I'm so happy for you," I pull my best friend into a hug and pat her back a few times to get her to calm down. It didn't work; she was still smiling brightly and jumping up and down.
"Stella!" Kevin's voice called from down the hall, we turned to see him smiling just as bright as Stella and waving his hand like a maniac. "Congrats," He said once he approached us. His voice was kind of muffled though; he had pulled Stella into, what looks like, a bone-crushing hug. Stella's laugh filled the air once again.
"How'd you find out?"
"Joe, he won't shut up about it. It's getting rather annoying actually."
I laughed at this, while Stella continued her non-stopping laugh. Damn, I haven't seen her this happy since…well, since Joe kissed her cheek during the 'Three Musketeer's' play.
"Stella," I pulled Stella's shoulders so she was facing me. "Calm down, you need to breathe. It's not good when you stop breathing," I was talking as if she was my little brother.
"Oh, shush, Mace. I'm happy!" She pulled away after rolling her eyes, and threw her hands up twirling around and around.
"Yes, but no one else will be very happy when you die from loss of oxygen." She seemed to listen to me then, because she stopped and pulled her shirt down.
"I'm fine," She said in her 'calm' voice. "Really, I'm fine," She says once I give her a look that says, 'yeah right'. She lets out a girl-ish huff, pulls her head up, and turns on her heal. I couldn't help it, I laughed, very hard. Kevin felt the need to join me, so when Nick and Joe appeared at our sides- giving us the weirdest looks known to man- we only laugh harder.
"Okay guys, really what's going on?" Nick asked- it looked like he was trying not to smile- while Joe was giving us a hard/confused look. That made me stop, Joe should be happy, Kevin said he was happy.
"Nothing," I say quietly. I straighten myself up, closing my locker in the process.
"Mace?" Kevin asks putting his hand on my arm.
"Yeah?" I ask nonchalantly, avoiding all the gazes I was drawing.
"Are you okay? You look kind of sick," Kevin noted.
"I'm fine; I just remembered that in P.E. today we have to run three miles."
"Come on, that should be a piece of cake for you. You and Joe go running every other morning, like what, four miles?" Nick asks.
"We haven't ran this week, so I'm just not as warmed up as usual," I lie. Joe gives me a confused glance and looks to say something, but I quickly beg him not to with my eyes.
"Yeah, it's just been me; Macy's been sleeping in lately. You know her big tournament is coming up and she needs her rest," Joe says smoothly, he was so much better at lying than Kevin. Nick and Kevin both nod their head like they understand, but of course they would.
"So Mace, have you seen Stella?" Nick asks.
"Yeah, she just went that way not five minutes ago," I point my finger down the hall, opposite of the way they came.
"Okay, we should probably go see where she is, before lunch starts. Later Macy," Joe says to me. The other two boys say the same and follow their brother.
"Bye guys," I whisper after them. I let out a sigh, and lean against my locker. The hallway is pretty much deserted, it's time for lunch after all, and our class size is so small that everyone fits in the cafeteria at once. So, unless a teacher walks by, or a student decides to wander around, I should be alone for a good twenty-minutes. That is if he doesn't show up, now that he has a girlfriend he better not show up.
"Pst, Macy!" I heard an all too familiar voice whisper.
"Joe, go away," I speak out into the hallway, not daring to look at the owner of the voice. Once I did, I would not be able to resist, I would do pretty much anything he tells me to.
"Come on Macy, look at me," Joe tries to pull my face up to his, but I yank my head away.
"Don't touch me," I spat venomously.
"Macy, please." There's emotion in his voice I don't understand. He sounded so serene and hurt, that I had to look up. Curse his voice, and my weakness. He immediately grabbed my chin, making sure I didn't look away I suppose.
"What do you what Joe?" I ask, exasperated. I was trying very hard to cover up the fact that chills were filling my chin, the place he was touching me.
"I-I…" He seemed tongue-tied; he was only like that with Stella.
"Joe," I sigh, "Let it go." I pull my throbbing chin from his hand and turn to start walking to the cafeteria. I was half way down the hallway when I felt myself being thrown against the lockers. It didn't hurt, a different set of arms took the blow, but I was barley aware of that. The only thing I was aware of was the set of lips pushing, hard, on mine. It was rough, exactly like the others, no air, no breaks, just lip against lip, tongue against tongue.
"I don't want to let it go," He whispered in a rather husky voice, after we pulled away. "I can't let it go, not yet." I wanted so much to just give in there, but then Stella popped in my head and a wave of guilt crashed on me.
"I'm sorry Joe, but you need to let it go, for Stella." I nod my head at him, showing him I was done. "Goodbye, Joe." I press my lips to his cheek and tired to detangle myself from his arms.
"No, Macy, you don't want this to end as much as I do. And I don't want to, at all."
"Joe, you don't know what you want. That much is obvious, you can't have both me and Stella, it's not right," I eventually get his arms off of me, but he stayed just as close to me.
"It's not like I own you Mace, you can do what you please. But, please, don't cut me off. There's no way Stella will let us get anywhere near where you and I have gone."
"We haven't gone very far Joe," I felt the blush creeping up my cheeks.
"Exactly, Macy!" He leans down just a little so we're at eye level, and pouts. "Please, Macy, please."
"Ugh, fine, but as you said you don't own me. I can date and see whoever I want," I glared into his triumphant eyes.
"Deal," He stuck out his hand and-stupidly- I put my hand in his. He pulled me into him and kissed me again, and again it was just as rough. "Sealed with a kiss," I heard him whisper. His eyes were still closed, so I made a break for it, rushing to cafeteria.
"Hey, Mace, what took you so long?" Nick asked once I sat down.
"I was looking for my running shoes, I couldn't find them, so I went to check my gym locker," Lies like this were natural. Joe and I would disappear three or four times a week during lunch -either studying in the library or making up a test, or in the morning when we were 'running', or after school when I was working and Joe was off doing whatever he wanted. These were usually the times when Joe and I would go to the janitor's closet on the second floor, or the lake down the street from my house that was so polluted people never really came there, or the back room in my mother's shop. We made lies that made the most sense, lies that make people feel secure and comfortable. But they were lies none-the-less.
Once or twice we even snuck into Stella's Stellavator, but we stopped after Joe found me crying. We weren't really doing anything, just making-out when we heard Stella calling from downstairs. We scattered like ants, Joe running to his bed to lie down and I ran to the bathroom, I ended up waiting there for thirty minutes. When Stella did leave, I was already in tears, I had never felt so guilty, that was the first time it hit me, and not to mention the fact that we had done something like that in her sanctuary. It was like when Poseidon and Medusa got it on in Athena's temple, just not as bad. And we didn't get caught. Anyway, Joe came to the bathroom and I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't, the tears just kept falling. Even after I had calmed my voice, wet salty tears were flowing. I think that's when Joe started feeling guilty too, but he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he promised me we wouldn't do that again and he held me until Nick came home from his date with Amy.
"Oh, hey, did you see Joe on your way back?" Stella asked. I couldn't even look in her eyes, but my voice stayed the same; seething with deception.
"Um, yeah, he was walking towards the library last I saw him."
"That's weird; he said he was going to Mr. Donald's room. He just kind of rushed off," Stella got a thoughtful look on her face. That was one thing Joe and I avoided at all cost, doing something that would make Stella look thoughtful.
"Maybe Mr. Donald left a note saying he was in the library, you know how he likes Ms. Kramer," I covered. Ms. Kramer was a young librarian, while Mr. Donald was a young English teacher, and according to Penny, they've been secretly dating.
"Oh, yeah, duh. That makes sense," Stella brushed off the subject after that. Great, so she still believes me. Why does that make me feel so guilty? Note the sarcasm, please.
"Hey guys," Joe said casually sitting in the seat next to Stella, gently kissing her cheek.
"Hey Joe," Stella said in her 'Joe Voice', yes Stella has a 'Joe Voice'.
"So what did I miss?" He asked, after a he was finished making googly-eyes with Stella.
"Not much…" Kevin started, but he was interrupted.
"Hey, guys!" Van Dyke appeared behind me, making me jump out of my seat. "Oh, sorry, Misa, I didn't mean to scare you."
"You didn't," I snap, "You just startled me is all."
"Uh huh, anyway…"
"No, Stella can't go out with you. She's taken," I said quickly. There really was no need to get Joe all wound up.
"Right, yeah, I knew that. That's not why I'm here," He said matter-of-factly.
"Then why are you here?" Nick asks. Joe looks like he's sending death glares at Van Dyke, and I saw from my peripheral vision his arm tighten around Stella's waist.
"I'm here for Misa." Everyone looked surprised, except myself, I just let out a big sigh.
"I told you Van Dyke, there's no way you're going to beat me. Just accept that I won and you lost," I let some irritation show, but really it was all just fun and games.
"But Macy," He said in a whinny voice, "I've been practicing, and I can totally kick your butt."
"You sound a little too cocky Van Dyke," I say, looking down at my meal but keeping my head held high.
"Then bring it on Misa. Let's see if you are really better than me," He crosses his arms and the smirk on his face is not hiding at all.
"But we've already proven that, Dyke." Yes, I stole the last name thing, but hey it was getting on my nerves. I heard a few snickers from behind me, and an 'Oh, burn', courtesy of Joe.
"Lucky break, you caught me on a bad day."
"I highly doubt that," I said, calling his bluff. "Look, Van Dyke, I don't want to play against you again okay? I need to focus on track, tournament's coming soon."
Van Dyke let out a big defeated sigh, "Fine, but don't think you're off the hook yet, Misa." He pointed one of his fingers at me, and he was trying to keep a serious big guy voice. I laughed because it failed.
"I'll keep that in mind," I say turning back around. I knew he was gone once Stella started gushing about how cute that was.
"You and Van Dyke, I can't believe it!" I did a spit-take on my lunch, and looked at Stella with incredulous eyes.
"Me and Van Dyke? No way, I'd much rather face Randolph again," I always felt bad about what I did to Randolph, he was such an amazing guy, and now that I'm thinking about it I'd really like to talk to him again. "Scratch that, I'd rather date Jimmy, Penny's ex, than date Van Dyke."
Stella gave a pout; after all she was never really wrong when it came to relationships. At least that's what everyone (except me and Joe) thought.
"Sorry, Stells, not going to happen," I pick up my- now wet- tray, and stand up. I was planning on turning around and placing the tray in a trash bin, but –just like everything else today- that didn't go according to plan. I smashed right into someone and once I looked up I wanted to laugh at the irony, actually if it wasn't him I would probably be disappointed.
"I'm so sorry!" We say at the same time.
"Why are you sorry? I just dumped my lunch all over you, and again I'm really sorry," I say grabbing some napkins off the table and softly patting it along the stain starting to form on his sweater.
"I guess habit, but it's ok," He laughs. It's not an awkward laugh like I expected, but a genuine laugh that- for some reason- made butterflies suddenly appear in my stomach.
"Oh, wow, you know what," Stella said while she stood up and made her way over to us, "I can get that stain out, follow me." She grabbed his wrist and started dragging him across the cafeteria. He looked back at me and laughed at my expression.
"See you Macy, and don't worry, I'll live," He looked over at Stella and then back at me, "Maybe."
I let out a shaky laugh and turned to sit down. Three shocked faces were looking at me and eventually one said, "So Randolph huh?"
I looked up to see Nick talking, and he looks like he's trying to hold back a laugh. Kevin does too and I hear him whisper an 'again?'
"Randolph and I had something special," I inform them, "Before I had to go and ruin it," The last part came out dejected and a lot more desperate than I meant to show.
"Aw, Mace, it's ok, he still likes you." Kevin says reassuringly patting my hand.
"I'm fine, Kevin. I don't let boys like that break me, it's the liars I need to watch out for," I didn't bother looking at Joe, I knew he was smirking.
"Yeah, Macy, liars will really get you," Joe says.
"Which is exactly why I don't date them, it's exactly why I date people like Randolph," I spit back.
"Whoa guys, I don't know what's going on but calm down, you're scaring me," Kevin said.
"Sorry Kev. Bye Nick, later Joe," I tried not to emphasize 'later' but once the lust in Joe's eyes were visible I seemed to choke on it.
"Bye Macy!" Kevin and Nick called as I got up and walked to the cafeteria doors. I could feel Joe's eyes on me; he really shouldn't do that anymore, it will raise suspicions.
It wasn't until I got home did I realize that my running shoes really were missing (and running three miles in converse was a bitch), and it wasn't until I checked my closet did I realize exactly where they were; Joe's car. Yesterday, after school, instead of going to my mom's store separately Joe had given me a ride. But Joe can't tell people that because yesterday after school he was supposedly retaking a test he had bombed, not dropping me off at work. We could tell them that I left them there this morning, but…crap we already told Nick and Kevin that we haven't ran this week. Crap! I picked up my cell and quickly called Joe. After the third ring someone finally answered.
"Hello?" It was too young to be Joe, but the voice was not Nick.
"Frankie?" I ask.
"Yea, who is this?"
"It's Macy; can I speak to Joe please?"
"Oh, hey Macy! Yeah, let me go find him, he disappeared with Stella a few minutes ago." My stomach clenched at his words, but that's because of guilt…yeah, guilt.
"This is Joe," Joe said in his over-cocky/spy/agent/detective voice.
"Yeah, I know, listen I need to ask you for a favor-," He cut me off there.
"Sorry Macy I don't have the science homework with me right now, will you call me back in about ten minutes? I'll drop Stella off and then look for them," Stella must be there. Wait, they're going to get in his car? No, not good.
"Joe, no, don't let Stella in your car-,"
"Sorry Mace you're breaking up, I'll call you later. Bye bab-Mace," He let out a cough to cover his mistake, "Bye Macy." The line went dead after that. Was he about to call me babe?
I paced my room for fifteen minutes after that until my cell phone went off again.
"Joe-," I started.
"You left your shoes in my car," Joe said bluntly, no emotion was evident in his voice. He usually sounded like this after a fight with Stella. That's when he would call me and we'd meet over by the lake and…make-out. That was when it was really rough, when he was angry, he never hurt me and if he did I didn't notice. But it usually started with a phone call from him that sounded emotionless and then next thing I knew he was pinning my half naked body to the deck beneath me.
"I know Joe, I tried to tell you but-".
"I know, I wasn't listening," Emotion was slowly starting to slip into his voice.
"What did Stella say?" I take a deep breath and huff it out, letting my head rest on my forehead.
"She asked who they belonged to and I said my mom, but apparently she knows my mom's shoe size and your shoes were too small. Then something about me lying to her and I said I didn't know, maybe they were Amy's and Nick accidently threw them in my car instead of his. But she said Amy never wore tennis shoes, and then she started inspecting them and realized they were yours-,"
"Oh, crap," I choked out.
"It was actually surprising; she calmed down and said something about you leaving them in the house. Then she claimed she had put them in my car as a reminder to give them back to you." I hesitated, was Stella trying to see if he knew anything, or if he was going to lie again. "I just went along with it and said I guess, but I didn't know how they got here. She's going to give them to you tomorrow."
"Okay, wow, lucky break," I said, remembering what Van Dyke had said earlier.
"Macy, before you go I was kind of hoping tonight you would meet me at the lake," He sounded scared like I was going to say no. That made me say yes before I could think twice. "Great, meet you there in five." The line went dead again and I was left drowning in my thoughts.
It wasn't even dark yet, it's was about six o'clock and dinner was at seven, I had one hour with Joe.
"Macy!" My mom called.
"Yes," I yelled down the stairs.
"Come here please," Oh, that's just great. Mom was going away on a trip and I would be left to watch my little brother. How could I tell, her voice, it's all in her voice. I ran down the stairs tripping over all the toys that didn't belong there.
"How long?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen. My mother tried to feign surprise, but it didn't work.
She let out a sigh, "I leave tomorrow, and I'll be back on Thursday. Only four days, promise."
"Okay, is AJ doing anything this week I need to know about?" AJ, my brother, the definition of annoying.
"Karate practice every night, but Tammy said she would take him and bring him back," Mom said. Good, I really didn't want to take AJ to his practice, his teacher is really weird and whenever I go he always stares at me.
"What times will Tammy be doing that?" Tammy Jackson was my mom's best friend; she lived right down the road. Her son, Augie, is AJ's best friend, so the Jackson's were at our house pretty frequently.
"Well she will pick up AJ at five-thirty and drop him off at seven-thirty," Mom said while she started pulling ingredients out of the cupboard to cook dinner with.
"Okay, well I'm going to go on done by the lake, be back in an hour," I leaned across the counter and kissed her cheek.
"Bye baby!" She said as I walked out the door. I ran to the lake, odds were that Joe was already there and waiting (impatiently) for me. I stopped running after I crossed the tree that Joe and I had spent countless nights under, and slowed to a walk.
"Macy, where have you been?" He caught me by surprise and the fact his arms were wrapping themselves around me from behind didn't help the scare factor.
"Joe, you scared me!"
"Good, another thing Van Dyke can't do," He whispered in his sexy voice that shows he's already turned on.
"Joe, drop it, Van Dyke isn't a big part of Stella's life anymore, let it alone."
"I was talking about you, Macy. Van Dyke can't scare you, but I can," He smirked pressing his lips below my ear. I was trying to comprehend what he meant but thinking in general was becoming difficult, nearly impossible.
"Is that a good thing?" I managed to ask through rugged breath. His lips were slowly working down to my shoulder slipping off the cloth that got in his way.
"Yes," He whispered against my skin, stopping for only a moment in hesitation.
"Why?" We never really talked much during this process- it was usually after we decided that if we went any farther we would just loose it and go all the way, so we stopped- that we would actually start talking. He wasn't responding, so I assumed he was ignoring the question. "Why?" I repeated I wanted to know why it was a good thing. Joe had slowly worked his way around to where he was standing in front of me.
"Stop talking," He growled before he started sucking on my collar bone. I didn't really want to talk after that, and I had a feeling he wouldn't want to talk about it later, so I decided to drop it. It didn't matter anyway; he was with Stella…Stella. I whimpered, whether from guilt or from the fact Joe had just taken off my shirt and was kneeling down and leaving a trail of hot kisses down my stomach.
It was my cell phone that made us stop; we were going too far, I could tell Joe was nearly past the point of no return. We were both breathing hard, so I had to take a few deep breaths before answering my phone.
"Hello?"
"Macy, it's time for you to come home. You're late and AJ is starting to get impatient, he's really hungry," The voice of my mom said.
"Yeah, sorry, I'm coming." I snapped my phone shut and lay back down next to Joe.
"Sorry," He whispered.
"It's not your fault," I say. "Come on, get dressed." I threw his pants and his shirt at him before grabbing my own. After I looked somewhat presentable I started to walk away, but Joe called me back.
"No goodbye?" He asks sheepishly, while he sticks his arms out to me, a warm invitation. I step into him and wrap my arms around his waist, perfectly content with staying like this but I knew I needed to get home.
"No goodbye Joe, just a see you later," I whisper before kissing his cheek like I had done earlier except this time I did ever so gently. I was barely touching him, his skin felt like a butterfly, delicate, untraceable, hidden.
I didn't look back when I walked away and he didn't call after me.
I don't really know where this came from...sorry for the mistakes
I'm thinking of continuing this story, but i guess we'll find out by story alerts and reviews