Title: The Trip Home
Author: rooster dawn
Rating: G
Classification: Harm/Mac
Spoiler: Tangle Web Two
Disclaimer: The characters of JAG are the property of Donald Bellisario and Bellisarius Production, Inc. Used without permission. No copyright infringement intended. May be reproduce if unchanged, author given full credit, and no financial transaction is involved.
Summary: On the way home Harm and Mac think about what went wrong and how to fix it
Good feedback is good for one's soul and everyone's happiness.
Part 1 Cab Ride to the Airport
Mac's thoughts
Mac sat in the back seat of the cab. She looked over to see Harm's head down in resignation. Mac felt bad about what she had said to Harm before they had gotten into the cab.
It really was his fault. He kept on second guessing everything she had done since he rescued her. Everything had happen so fast since he had broken down the door to the shed she was in. She hadn't had the chance to thank him properly.
She had said "I knew you would come. You always seem to be there when I need you the most."
She had kissed Webb before sending him off with Gunny to get medical attention. He was babbling and she wanted to shut him up before he said something she didn't want to hear from him.
He had taken so much abuse to prevent her from being hurt. But dammit, she was a marine, she could take care of herself. Why did all the men in her life think they had to suffer pain to protect her from injury?
All they really accomplished was to cause her more pain. First she had to watch them suffer, then she had to deal with the guilt that they were suffering to protect her. She never asked any of them to do so. Dammit, she was a marine, she could take care of herself.
Of course Harm had seen her kiss Webb, but instead of understanding why she had or at least asked her why she had kissed Webb, he assumed the worse, that somehow she was now in love with Webb.
Of all the gall. Just because he had difficulty expressing himself didn't mean everyone else in the world did. It also doesn't mean that just because someone said they love her, it didn't mean that she returned their love.
Why was it Harm always assumed things instead of asking her about what he doesn't know for fact? Once again the most important man in her life was suffering because of her. He forced her to say something she didn't mean to say.
Even though it was his fault for sticking his foot in his mouth one time too many, it still left her as the one who had to deal with the guilt because he was suffering.
After all neither one of them had been dating anyone else since Mic and Renee left. If anything they had been spending a lot of time together until Harm got side tracked with Singer's pregnancy.
Why did he have to do it all on his own? Why couldn't he have talked to her and let her help him? Why couldn't they have found the time to talk about what had happen to her first before he got jealous of Webb?
She had seen Gunny get shot. She thought he was dead. Then the missionaries were killed right in front of her. She had to listen to the screams of Webb for four days and tend to him afterwards.
And finally after they destroyed the truck with the stinger missiles they had crashed in the jungle. They were lucky to be alive. All this within a week.
What she needed and wanted most was to be held in his arms and be comforted. Instead he became moody, surly, and moronic. He lashed out at her, saying things he knew would hurt her.
She wanted to kiss him and hopefully make love with him. He had said he had forgotten how beautiful she was. Everything was going along great, that is until Gunny and Webb barged into their room.
Of all the people she knew, Harm knew her the best. Didn't he remember how upset she had been when she had to kill that poacher not that many years ago?
She had been stress to the limit after their crash. All she could think of was getting help for Harm and getting the hell back to civilization.
When she heard that Harm had given up the Navy to come rescue her, she couldn't believe he would do something that foolish. She didn't think she was worth giving up one's career for.
But when she thought about it, it might have been the first time Harm put her first before anything else. That had been something she wanted from him since the day they first met.
But the thing that bother her the most about the last several days was Harm's penchant of telling her that action spoke louder than words. That he had always done things to let her know that he loved her.
But if that was true, why couldn't he see the things that she had done the last few days that showed him who she wanted to be with? If she wanted to be with Webb, she would have gone with him to the hospital and sent Gunny with Harm.
When Harm gave her the choice of spending the night with him or Webb, didn't she choose him? When it came time to talk to the secretary in the nightclub or stay with Webb, she went with Harm and left Gunny with Webb.
Didn't she send Gunny to take Webb to the airport? Wasn't it her plan to go with Harm to the airport and fly home with him, not Webb? When they got back to Washington they would go back to her place and ... who knows ... maybe.
She took another look over at Harm. He looked like he might be sleeping. His eyes were close. She sighed. How was she going to clear up the mess they were in now? He had finally shown her how much he wanted her, but now they seem to be further apart than ever before.
Harm's thoughts
Harm got into the cab and sat down in the seat next to Mac. He didn't want to look at her. He couldn't believe that she had said "There will never be an US." He closed his eyes for a moment before glancing at Mac. He saw her quickly look away.
She had been looking at him. He wondered what she was thinking about. He hope that she was regretting what she had said. He hope it was only an 'in the heat of the moment' tirade. So much had happened the last couple of days. Maybe when they got back ...
The only thing he knew for sure was he wanted her. He wanted her so bad. He knew he was going to have to apologize for some of the comments he made. Hopefully it wouldn't be too late. He had to make things right. He closed his eyes.
Never! I gave up my career for her. I risk my life to save her. I save the mission by destroying the missiles before we crashed. Then at the first opportunity she runs, again. Isn't that the reason everything has gone wrong the last ten days?
She was upset that I didn't confide in her about my suspicion of who fathered Loren's baby. When the first opportunity arose to get out of Washington she took it. She went off on one of Webb's hair brained schemes.
She should have known it would fail. All of Webb's operations that had involved JAG, always failed. History repeats itself once more between us. When things get a little difficult, she runs.
It was that way two years ago when Mic broke up with her. I asked her if she would be alright until I got back from the funeral. She said she was okay, only to run off at the first opportunity before I could do anything.
I had to chase after her to the middle of the Indian Ocean. I wanted to talk to her, to help her, to tell her I love her. This time I had to chase after her to South America, in the middle of the jungle.
I know I keep making the same stupid mistakes. I keep saying all the wrong things instead of just saying those three little words that she wants me to say. Why I can't say them to her I don't know. I do love her. I have for a long time.
I did confront her about kissing Webb. She did tell me it meant nothing. That all she was doing was comforting a friend, who was suffering badly. A man who could have died because he was trying to prevent her from being hurt.
She did tell him that she didn't love Webb. He was just a friend. That it was him that she wanted to be with. Didn't she choose to go after the stinger missiles with him rather than go with Webb to the hospital?
But was that because she wanted to be with him or was it because she was a marine and had a need to complete the mission.
She did go and get a truck to help get them back to the city. She did decide to stay with him instead of sleeping with Webb. Didn't she go with him to investigate the secretary about Sahiq and not stay with Webb?
When was he going to learn to not assume the worse with her when it came to men? When was he going to start believing that she loved him and not someone else? When was he going to stop reacting to what she said to him by trying to hurt her?
They both were attractive people who attracted a lot of attention from the opposite sex. She seemed to be able deal with the unwanted attention he got. Why couldn't he do the same?
He loved her enough to give up his career and go after her. Couldn't she see that? Didn't that count for something? Maybe it did. Maybe the problem like always was either saying the wrong thing or not saying what she needed to hear.
He was going to have to do some serious soul searching on the way home. He knew he had gone too far this time. When he thought back to the conversation they had. The things he said to her were unforgivable. No wonder she was mad at him.
He was going to have to make it up to her somehow. Maybe he could cook her a home cook meal when they got back. She always liked his cooking. She probably didn't have anything to eat at her place. She had been gone for several weeks.
Later he could take her out to somewhere nice for dinner. Maybe he could take her some place special, they could go dancing afterwards. She did love to dance. He loved dancing, especially with her. They fit so well together. It was like they were floating when they dance.
He sighed as he looked over at Mac. He could see the distress on her face. He knew it was his fault. When was he going to take his head out of his six and tell her how he really felt about her? He loved her so much.
They should be getting to the airport soon. He wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to sit with him on the flight home. She'll probably sit with Webb now since he made such an ass of himself. That would leave him with Gunny.
How could he explain to Gunny why Mac was angry with him? Especially after he gave up his career and risked his life to save her. He hoped she would give him the chance to talk when they got home.
He closed his eyes again. He reached over to where her hand was and took ahold of it. He gave it a gentle squeeze before letting her hand go. He let out a sigh.
A tear came to his eye as he thought about how he had come to Paraguay to rescue her, only to lose her to another man.
A tear came to Mac's eye as she felt Harm squeezed her hand. Her heart was breaking. How could she have said Never to the man she loved? She could kick herself for saying it now. She was going to have to tell him she was wrong to say never.
But he was going to have to change. Jealousy was not a pleasant look for Harm. It made him do and say ugly things. He was going to have to get his act together if they were going to get pass this latest disagreement.
Maybe there would be hope for them in the future.