Authors Note: Yeah Masashi Kishimoto-sama owns Naruto. I know that much and no I don't particularly care except if I did I might've re-written Kakashi's pansy-ass neglect of his sensei's son. As you can see, I really have a chip on my shoulder regarding the Cyclops. That's not to say he's not a great character—he just pissed me off. Love, love Shikamaru though. Troublesome as he is.
Now, why did I write this thing again…frankly I don't know? Indulge my brains madness. It just nagged. I never wrote yaoi before and I don't even have the courage to do it properly so I sublimated it and wrote this mess instead. i just thought that the lines of this song fit their relationship. And oh yeah, sorry to Zedd for the use of their song. It just fits them so well. Try listening to it while reading. Better yet, just listen to the song.
CLARITY
Our destiny changes with our thought; we shall become what we wish to become,
do what we wish to do, when our habitual thought corresponds with our desire.
- Orison Marden
He doesn't know when it happened but he finally noticed as soon as the mad rush to rebuild and repair the ruins that was their home village finally ebbed. After the frantic renovations and the massive scale movements to help in the recovery programs for the ravaged villages, rescue and secure the civilians, aid in the rehabilitation of those injured and restructuring of the manpower once rule of the Kages to their respective villages has been restored, a curious sort of peace settled all over the elemental nations and life once again eagerly resumed its languid pulse. Even his defection from Konoha for a number of years have gone through a simple, matter-of-the-fact trial and once his old team captain swore to act as his personal warden for the next five years; he was granted the right to resume his shinobi duties.
It was when the Godaime started assigning missions once again and the rest of the shinobi finally resumed their usual tasks that he noticed that a certain figure has yet to make any appearance since the village opened its doors to its usual clientele. In actuality he noted that unless there was some big project that required massive amounts of man power or the Godaime herself ordered it, the figure he was most eager to see wasn't to be found anywhere in the village at any time of the day or night. It was as if after all he has done during the fourth wars, he was in no hurry or felt no need to be around a lot of people.
It was as if the hero of the Fourth Shinobi wars suddenly decided a hermitic life was the kind of life he suddenly wished to pursue. Quiet inquiries revealed that he was in perfect health and suffered under no undue duress. His own old teammate reassured him that his quarry was simply taking some time for himself and that he was adjusting to the slow pace that peace had brought them.
Restless for something he couldn't name or even understand, he simply started to wander around the town in hopes of finding some semblance of calm to settle the unrest that was growing inside of him.
He didn't know why he found himself compelled to enter the newly constructed school building that particular day or why in particular he felt the nagging awareness to seek out a particular face that has been curiously absent from his gaze for far longer than he might've admitted to himself he noted. He has learned from experience to listen to his instincts. It was the only reason he was still around to enjoy the unassailable calmness brought on by peace.
It was the faint sounds of an instrument not usually heard in the village that first called out to him. It was the unmistakable sweet trills of a piano that caught his attention and before common sense leaped up at him to remind him to be cautious he had begun his quiet trek to discover the source of the haunting music.
In one of the newly constructed wing of the academy he was confronted by the sight of a pair sitting comfortably in front of a small upright piano, apparently lost in their contemplations as one of them played and the other simply listened in apparent contentment. Absorbed as they were to their silent communion with music they paid no mind to his intrusion and continued to simply enjoy the music with one another.
The figures that sat on the piano bench held an unmistakable sense and depth of affection that sent a curious stab of pain straight through his heart. A heart that many would've wagered he didn't have and never used anyways. Certainly no one that knows of his story and his reputation would've gone out of their way to belie those claims, nor would they have exerted the effort to prove to anyone who would listen that he showed plenty of heart when he returned to fight by the side of the one person who single-handedly showed the Shinobi Nations that peace could be achieved if your just believed in it hard enough.
One of the two had his hands splayed over the ivory keys, agile digits flying over the smooth white slivers with confidence and ease, the shadowed face visible enough to reveal eyes closed in quiet joy and lips curved with the faintest of smiles. His smaller, slighter companion, meanwhile sat close by his side, head tucked against one of the piano player's shoulder. The second figure was instantly recognizable with his signature hairstyle and the visible scar that marked his face even from a distance revealing his identity to be the chuunin teacher known to all the Rookie 9 and beloved to the curiously absent and obviously piano-playing blond Jinchuuriki.
He just reached the decision to turn back and leave the two to their quite interlude when Iruka's soft voice murmured words indicating departure and the haunting lilts and dips of the of the piano's suddenly came to a startling halt. The sudden silence allowed him to listen to an affectionate reminder to eat directed at the piano player so thus far only faced his companion in silence and simply nodded to confirm his assent. A kiss was pressed against a hood-covered head with obvious fondness and with a languid wave, the chuunin teacher walked out of the room with his customary unhurried stride.
The silence didn't last long however and the music once again picked up. This time however, aside from the music, a voice now accompanied the piano's haunting tunes.
High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life
Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time
Naruto wondered what made him drag Iruka to the school and beg the man to accompany him while he pounded his frustration out of the piano. He certainly didn't plan to sing out loud, content as he was to simply to coax the old piano to give out its long-denied voice a chance to soar once more and watch as Iruka listened quietly beside him. He certainly didn't intend to open his mouth and until he did he didn't know what would come out when he did. It certainly wasn't his plan to put to music or words that ache that had steadily grown inside of him.
Hold still right before we crash cause we both know how this ends
A clock ticks 'till it breaks your glass and I drown in you again
The past few months have been bittersweet ones for N. His heart was overjoyed with the knowledge that nothing and no one would ever threaten the safety and existence of everyone he loves. His soul was at peace knowing that he has finally avenged his parents' demise at the hand of a manipulative man obsessed with his foolish quest to master the world around him through cunning and lies.
He has saved his siblings—the ones that fate and circumstance brought to his side and made sure that they are now with people that loved and cared for them. He saved his village and tried as much as he could to insure that the children of his village and his friends had a home to return to. He made sure that no one got left behind and that no one would forget that while they belonged to differing nations and that they were skilled tools to be employed by their leaders they were still human and still creatures with hearts and hopes and dreams.
He accomplished his dream to be recognized and he did it even without the mantle of being Hokage. So why is he here now, allowing words he has never spoken aloud before not even to himself to escape past his lips for anyone to hear. Why did he suddenly wished for a moment of closure for all the emotions he knew and understood for as long as he has been a ninja to come to the fore and leave him vulnerable in front of the only man whose opinion he valued above all else.
He knows that he could trust Iruka even if the man had chosen to stay. Even if he couldn't trust himself or his own mind, he could trust in Iruka. Trust that he would understand and not judge. That Iruka would know why he was allowing the words that are now slipping past lips that have long learned to keep secrets at bay and more importantly for whom.
Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why
He knows that despite what all the others believed or thought or speculated—no one really understood why he fought for so long, so hard, so much for the chance to bring Uchiha Sasuke home. He knows that they believed it was because he couldn't let the snake-bastard gain the Sharingan and become whatever perfect-immortal shinobi the hebi-teme thought he would be. It certainly wasn't because of the insane promise Sakura demanded of him though he acknowledges Sai's bluntly delivered point. He knows that there was no way for him to come to terms with the ache that lives inside his heart. He has known long ago that whatever it was that he felt for Sasuke long transcended mere friendship and the desire to save a teammate. He couldn't ever speak of it but he has promised himself that he would never lie to anyone least of all himself. He knows too well too, that no matter what he accomplished he will never have the one thing he has wanted as much as he wanted to be Hokage.
After all, how can he explain that it was the pain inside Sasuke that calls out the most to him? That no matter how beautiful Sasuke was to the eyes of the world that sees the teme—it was the innocence inside him that called out to the lonely child inside him? That it was Sasuke in his entirety—snarly, damaged, dark, moody and pure that he desired the most? And who in their right mind would give a mere Jinchuuriki the most precious and last member of their revered Uchiha?
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
Sasuke tried to still the faint unfamiliar burning that suddenly bloomed in his chest with his usual ruthless efficiency but found to his chagrin that nothing seemed to ease the fire that was flowing through him, chaining him where he stood as causing his hearing to sharpen sensitively to the songs that continued to play so innocently in front of him.
The ache of awareness was eating at him and there was nothing he could do to halt its progress. He knows and understands intellectually that he has no right to feel the bitter edge of possessiveness snaking its way through his veins when he realized that the dobe sought out their old teacher in order to find some vague sense of peace.
Walk on through a red parade and refuse to make amends
It cuts deep through our ground and makes us forget all common sense
He was the one that walked away all those years ago. He was the one that spurned all offers of friendship and entreaties that his unwitting savior once laid at his feet. He was the one who chased after illusory powers in order to bring death to the one person who valued him the most. He was the one who spat in the face of the dobe's pleas, never once believing that the blonde will keep his campaign going for long, never once trusting that the dobe will never let him go.
Don't speak as I try to leave cause we both know what we'll choose
If you pulled and I push too deep then I'll fall right back to you
And yet he wished with all the blackened embers of his soul that the dobe understood his reason for fighting in that bloody war. He wished that the dobe would understand—like he always managed to do before—what motivated him to abandon his campaign and fight by his side, the way the dobe always wanted.
He couldn't undo the past—Madara's folly has shown him that. He couldn't live for vengeance neither since it will neither bring back the dead nor ease the emptiness that threatens to burn a hole right through the space that once held his heart. All he knows for sure is that he needs for the dobe to come and look at him again in the eye and tell him that he wasn't letting him go.
Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why
And for once he wished he could tell the dobe that he now knew what regret means and why his beloved brother never wanted him to learn it. But how does he beg forgiveness when he knows to the depths of his soul that he doesn't deserve it? How can he beg for clemency when he knows everyone else could give it to him but without his dobe the words would be nothing more than bitter ashes in his mouth?
If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
How does one go about telling someone you've shunned and deserted that you've spent all the time you've been apart wishing that things were different? Would it have mattered to the dobe that he spent all those years in Oto holding on to the image of his bright cerulean eyes to make him forget that he dwelled in the dark? That his senses never forgot the feel of his chakra and that he it was what he used to keep the chill of the nights at bay while he was on the run? Would it even matter to the dobe that the reason he didn't care anymore about rebuilding his clan was because he couldn't think of anyone else that would suit and satisfy him other than a loudmouthed, boisterous, clumsy foolishly hopeful dobe? That he didn't even spare the minutest interest in all the women in all the four corners of the Elemental Nation simply because they didn't have hair the shade of blonde that outshone the sun? Or eyes that called to mind the true marriage of sky and sea?
Why are you my clarity?
Why are you my remedy?
Why are you my clarity?
Why are you my remedy?
Naruto opened his eyes and noticed finally that he wasn't alone. His eyes widened in chagrin when he realized that he didn't know exactly when Sasuke arrived. He looked down at his hands and the music finally died out.