A/N Hey there! Uh, well - this is my second Quil and Claire story. I hope you'll like it. I tried to portray their feelings during the time they were apart.

If you'd like you can find a banner for this story on my profile. Also, I don't like to beg, but if you read this - review. I'm not fishing for compliments and "Oh, your story is so lovely...' if you don't really mean it. I just want you to write what you really thought of it because it helps improving my style.

And no, I'm not going to kill you if you don't like it. Tell me which part wasn't good and I'll try to change it. Thank you. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Twilight saga or any of its characters. I'm only borrowing them. So, don't you dare sue me... I mean - please... :)

Up From The Ashes

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
-john mayer, say-

-

She's been away for awhile.

That's college, right? Sacrifices and losses. But all with a greater purpose. It was all for a brighter future, for a better tomorrow.

She left her small hometown, La Push, she left all of her family and friends behind and she went into the unknown. Into the big, scary world. She laughed at first. She didn't believe in those stories. World - it was an adventure. She loved that word - "world". It sounded exciting and a bit intimidating but never scary. And she wanted it so bad. She wanted to see the world - to feel it.

She worked hard. While in school she spent all of her free time studying and she was in every organization and course. She wanted to know everything - and she hated the time. It passed too fast, she never got to do all the things she wanted, all she planned out for that day.

Sometimes, he stood under her window at night and watched at the window. The light was on for the biggest part of the night. And he always wondered how did she manage to be so cheery and happy and never look tired and exhausted after sleeping for only a few hours.

And he ran patrols. That was his job. That and always keeping an eye on her, always making sure she was safe and happy and well. Always wondering how does she feel and praying that one day she'll see him for what he is. That one day she'll love him at least the tenth as much a he loves her. Yes, he prayed most of the time.

After running patrols in the morning - because she was at school then - he would go to grab a few hours of sleep while she was at some course or studying or preparing another project of hers. But even his sleep was restless. He couldn't stop worrying. Was she doing too much? What effects will all this hard work have on her health?

He shuddered at the thought of health - at the thought of her ever feeling anything but perfectly well and healthy and safe. She should not and will not ever feel anything besides perfect.

But he didn't know. He feared, yes, but he thought it wouldn't happen. It couldn't happen. It wasn't supposed to. She shouldn't have been able to leave him.

Yet, she did. One morning, he remembers that morning so well, it was raining. The air was stale and he felt as though he was suffocating. Something was tugging at his heart. He couldn't put a finger on it but... something felt out of place.

Something was going to happen. And he would not like it.

And he was right.

That morning she came. At first he was happy and excited. Unbelievably so.

His eyes raked all over her. Her wet black hair that clung to her neck, the t shirt that was almost see through now that it was splattered with rain. He looked into her mesmerizing brown eyes and her slightly open pink, full lips.

She was beautiful. It was in moments like that when he wondered how did he have the patience to wait for her to figure things out and not snatch her up into his arms and kiss her breathless.

It was for her though. All for her.

She decided. It was the best thing that had happened in her life and she was not going to give it all up because of anyone. She knew he wouldn't be happy. Not because she got the scholarship - he'd be happy about that. But the leaving part.

Her own heart ached at the thought of leaving. She knew it would be hard - extremely hard - to leave him behind and start a new life. But she also knew she had to.

She worked hard, the real amount of the hours spent over books only she knew, and she was not going to let this pass. It was an opportunity of a lifetime. She was going to do this, no matter how much it hurt. It will pass.

That's what she said to herself. If she only knew.

She stepped forward. Something in him broke. She wasn't here to tell him anything good. She wasn't here to make his day. She was here to break him. He was right.

"I'm leaving to New York tomorrow."

It was a whisper. It was barely audible but he had heard it. Loud and clear.

The words pounded in his ears until they were so loud his head started to hurt. It felt as if someone was shouting at him and all he could do was to stand there. Nodding his head.

He congratulated her - she was going off to a college she always wanted to go to. That was good. And the rest of it? How could he ever deal with the rest of it?

He didn't plan ahead.

They hugged at the airport. It was a long, warm hug. A hug full of love. They would've been crying. But they held it back. There will be enough time to cry when they were away from each other.

She thought this was what she wanted and he'd be happy anyway - with or without her. She was wrong.

He thought this was what she wanted and she'll be just fine without him. Who was he to ruin her plans and crush her dreams? He was wrong.

That first night he was patrolling. By himself. There was a hole gaping in his chest and he tried to push it away by running and thinking of something else. He didn't succeed. Because every though, every breath, every blink of his eye was her. Her name was tattooed on his heart.

His bleeding heart.

He barely ever ate. The circles under his eyes became more evident over the time. They were baggy and deep purple. But it wasn't only his appearance that changed - it was him.

He was dead. Gone inside, like his heart had been snatched out of his chest. Like he was a shell - like he was dead. And he felt like that. A living dead.

He did his job, he ate when they made him, he walked, he talked... but he didn't feel it. It was purely... mechanical. Robotic.

Her studies were going along just well. She had friends and was popular. Teachers loved her too. The best - on the top of everything. She flirted with boys and hung out with her new best friends and went out and met new people.

She didn't miss anything.

But at night, when she was alone and trying to fall into the beautiful oblivion of sleep - she couldn't. Her heart was empty and she couldn't stop thinking about it. About him.

She saw chocolate colored wolf in her dreams and a tall, impossibly strong man - she saw herself kissing him and laughing with him and just being in his arms.

But she never wanted to give in to the feelings she had, the feelings that were building inside her. Because all her instincts told her to go back home. To go to him. Her heart skipped a beat when she thought of him or saw his picture. A hole opened in it about the same time - she couldn't breathe for a few moments when this happened.

It occurred more and more. It wasn't as often at first - just once a month or so. But lately... She felt as if she was being torn apart and her heart was gone. She felt empty.

She knew what she missed... But she didn't come back...

Two years passed. Two long and stretching years.

He was the same as always. He did what he was supposed to. But it was without emotion, without devotion. He did it so it would be done.

He avoided his brothers now. Most of them were happy with their soul mates. He couldn't look at them without wanting to cry and scream and break something and … He didn't know what was it that he wanted.

Her? He needed her... But she was away. Away and happy.

It was lunch and she was in her room again. It became a routine. She didn't eat much - lunch never - and she was always closed in that small room, always reading, studying, doing something... She was being responsible and a good student... One of a kind.

That's what they thought. What she wanted them to think.

That hole in her chest was only becoming wider and now she had those moments where she couldn't catch her breath more often. She read but she didn't know what was it that she read... So she had to repeat things to memorize them.

Once she hit a wall because she didn't see anything - she wasn't watching. She was too deep in thought.

She hit her head pretty bad. She didn't feel anything.

That's when she noticed that wasn't happening all of a sudden. She remembered she burnt her finger once - it didn't hurt. When she was holding her precious books and flipping the pages she didn't feel the material, the paper under her fingers.

And when she went on a date once - she vomited. Because the guy kissed her. She apologized and went to the bathroom. She thought she was going to throw all of her insides out that night. She didn't go on dates after that.

Not that the guys didn't ask. But they weren't good enough. She always found flaws on them. First in their physical appearance and later in everything. None of them looked good enough - too tall, too short, too bright eyes, not muscular enough...

What she didn't notice was that the image she had of a perfect guy was actually an image of him.

Two more years passed. Flew by.

He was more dead than alive.

She was walking around like a zombie.

It occurred to her to call him once. He was her best friend and they haven't heard from each other since she left. It also crushed on her that he may be happy and in love. He was older than her - that much she knew - and maybe he met that special person and well... Maybe he's a father now - playing with his kids, goofing around and making them laugh...

Her stomach twisted as she imagined a beautiful blonde holding his hand, leaning on his biceps and two cute small children - a boy and a girl, the perfect combination - running around and giggling and calling him "Daddy..."

Without really realizing how, she found herself bent over the toilet. She emptied her stomach until there was nothing left. Until she felt so completely empty.

That wasn't the last time.

He didn't think. At all.

Sometimes it seemed as if he couldn't see or hear. He never spoke to anyone.

The people who knew him knew better than to ask. The fact that she wasn't there was the perfect explanation for it all.

Other imprinted wolves could only imagine what he was going through. They knew how impossible would it be for them to live if their girls left. But it was all pity in the end. Pity from everyone.

He couldn't bring himself to care. He didn't have the strength to do that.

The only thing that made him breathe at all was her. The picture of her perfect face and the memory of how delicate and soft her touch was - how healing - and that little preserved hope that he may feel that again. That he may feel her again.

But the hope started to disappear, to slip through his fingers. He tried to catch it, make it stay but it was impossible. And so, as the days passed, the hope passed too.

Now, he was holding it by the threads, praying and begging it stayed, because if that little hope that was left went... There was no reason to live...

"What?" Her principal screamed. Her glasses weren't on her nose anymore - she pushed them up as if to see her better. As if to check it was really her that was asking this.

"I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me." She said lowly, knowing she was disappointed in her best student. But there was no coming back. "But I really need to do this." Her voice was almost quiet, a bit wavering but still firm. She wanted this and no one will talk her out of it.

"Are you sure?" The woman asked. She was still staring at her through those big red glasses.

She barely nodded.

As she left the campus she felt freedom. An immense freedom. She knew that what she just did will have its consequences in the future but all she could think about was him...

She went to her apartment and collected the already packed bags. The taxi drive to the airport was silent and peaceful.

Next thing she knew she was in the air. She was still a little breathless and her heart beat quicker than usual because she had been scared she had missed the flight but now... Now she smiled and closed her eyes.

She dreamed about wolves. A chocolate one kept looking at her as she pushed her legs forward trying to reach him.

He was just sitting in Sam's house when something changed. Nothing major or... just an new awareness. He felt his heart starting to fill a bit - the hole in his chest wasn't as enormous as it was before.

Something changed. Something big.

That he felt in his bones.

She knew no one would be at the airport to wait for her. She hasn't told anyone because she didn't have time. But also because she was nervous and scared. She was absent for four years. Things change. And people change.

She could only hope she hadn't missed too much.

She took a taxi and found some motel in Port Angeles. It was crappy but it would have to suffice. After checking in she went to the room. It was small and not at all cozy but that was no time to be picky. She was going to stay there for only a while - a short while - and then she'll...

Whatever.

The strange feeling in his whole being, the slight trembling of his flesh, the stronger beats of his heart made him curious. And eager. Eager to find out what was the cause of it all. Of him coming back to life.

Deep down he knew only her precious presence could get him out of the zombie state he was in. But he also knew - it was fucking printed on his broken chest - that was impossible. She wasn't there - she was away, far away.

And it cut even deeper as the thoughts of her not coming back, not even for him, invaded his brain again.

What the hell was he going to do with his miserable existence if he doesn't see her ever again? What was the fucking point?

There.

She was standing in front of her Aunt's house. The pale yellow walls were the same as when she left and the flowers still covered every surface around it making it feel homey.

A few deep breaths later she was knocking at the door. No one answered. This time she knocked more deliberately feeling her hearts' pace pick up as the noise was heard from inside the house.

There goes nothing, she thought to herself as someone opened the door and she smiled brightly.

"Claire?" a voice mused, sounding confused but still excited and happy.

"Yes... it's me." She smiled brightly, hugging the woman standing on the doorway - still stunned and confused and too happy to move. "Nice to see you again, Aunt Emily."

Her Aunt pulled away from her embrace but only to observe her better. To see how beautiful she had become, to look at her long thick jet black hair and her perfectly shaped deep brown eyes, and her full lips. To look at the face she missed so much. The face she thought she wasn't going to see again.

"Oh, Claire! I'm... I'm so happy you're back!" she cried and held her tight against her chest again. She was crying but it didn't matter. "It's so, so nice to see you again too... Oh, he's gonna be so happy..." her Aunt mused, mumbling the last part as if speaking to herself but Claire caught it.

He'll be happy? He'll be happy?! Could – could she mean that... that he might - ?

"Come in, come in..." Emily took her hand and lead her into the house, closing the door behind them.

"Quil! Quit that!" Jake shouted. He didn't want to listen but fighting an Alpha order wasn't a really pleasant affair. But the pain caused by that rebellion dulled the one that her absence created just the tiniest bit and he was ready to stand up to his Alpha.

"Let me go." he said through clenched teeth, his jaw tense and eyes almost shut. The pain was still as strong as ever and he was as happy as the first time he did this, when he first discovered that this could cloud that pain for a while.

"You're not going to jump! You can't kill yourself - you'll just be hurt and in pain but you can't die. What's wrong with you - why are you so masochistic?" Jacob yelled. He didn't wince.

"Why?" his laughter was bitter. "Because I don't want to live. That's why!"

And just as he turned to jump off that cliff he felt the tugging in his heart. The pull. He didn't feel that since... since she was here and now it was there. He didn't know what was going on but suddenly he felt so, so impossibly close to her, like if he reached his hand out he would touch her. He could taste her on his tongue, smell her scent, feel her all around him. She was there...

She was there!

"No, I'll just do the exams on-line as..." Claire was explaining her plan for university when suddenly the doors opened. And the world stopped.

He was there. Tall, strong and impossibly handsome and there. Close. So, so close it was a torture staying in her seat. And she didn't do it.

She jumped and closed her hands around his neck, inhaling the musky scent of him. Her love. How did she manage to stay away for all this time?

"Quil..." was all she whispered but it was enough.

He couldn't come to grips with what was happening. She - she was there and hugging him and so close and he felt as if his heart might burst out of his chest and explode.

That's how happy he was.

"Claire..." he whispered, pressing his hot lips to her neck, her sweet, sweet smelling neck. "I missed you so much."

"Me too." he heard her musical voice reply. "I - can we talk? Alone?" she asked sinking her head into the crook of his neck. He nodded, knowing she felt the movement and took her outside.

"I - IloveyouandIknowyoudon'..." she started.

He broke her rambling with a soft, softest press of his lips against hers. A kiss. All of her senses went blank and she felt her legs turn into mush. Had he just - ?

"I love you, Claire. I always have." he said softly, her ears hearing the words loud and clear, her heart already doing leaps but her brain not processing the information. Did he just tell her that -

Another soft kiss.

"I love you." she heard her mouth say even though she couldn't recall deciding to say it. She didn't regret it though. She felt it - she really felt it.

When she opened her eyes to look up at his face she smiled. He was looking at her with so much love and adoration that she couldn't help but kiss him again. She was never going to leave his side again.

That's where she belonged.

A/N2 Please, if you read this, leave a minute or two to review. Your opinion really matters. Thank you! :)