Dave reached into the pocket of his worn kakhis for his phone, dialing Azimio's number with shaking hands; his eyes were blurry with tears he fought back, even in the privacy of his own room. He closed his eyes for a moment, but all he could see was that shit-eating grin on Nick's face at Breadstix the day before. He needed to tell someone now, before word got out. And shit, Azimio has known him since little league.
The phone rang once, twice, three times and Dave could feel his heart pounding in his throat. He wondered for a moment if he should just hang up then. Or maybe Az wouldn't even pick up the phone and he would't have to do this.
"Hey Dave. I haven't heard from you in a couple weeks. Whassup?" came a familiar voice on the other end. Fuck. No turning back now.
"Hey man. Do you have a minute to talk?" He was trying to do this as calmly as he could, but Dave could hear his voice shaking. "I need to tell you s-something."
A few seconds went by and Dave held his breath before hearing Azimio's throat clearing, something he did when he was uncomfortable. "Dude, please don't tell me you got some girl pregnant."
Karofsky released a bitter laugh. God if only that were it. "Heh, no…..that's not it. That would have been so much easier." Dave paused, choosing his words extremely carefully. "I'm gunna tell you something and I need you to listen, k?"
"Uh, yeah I guess. You're kinda freaking' me out though." It was clear the Mckinley footballer was already beginning to feel uncomfortable.
"The thing is…" Dave swallowed hard, choosing his words extremely carefully. Here we go, he thought, taking a deep breath, "I think I'm gay."
There was a silence that seemed to last for ages, and all Dave could hear was his heart pounding in his ears. He was beginning to feel the bile rise in his throat. "Az? Still there?" For a moment, he hoped that they had been disconnected. "Say something." His words seemed to fall out clumsily as they sliced their way through the silence.
"What I'm 'sposed to say? You 'think' you're gay? You're kidding, right?" There was something in his voice that Dave had never heard before. Not anger; he had seen Azimio angry plenty of times. This time, it sounded like complete disbelief, like Dave had just told him the sky was green and they'd been seeing it wrong the whole time. He didn't answer, he couldn't. "Since when?"
"I-I don't know." Karofsky said plainly. "I guess always." He paused, swallowing hard. Maybe that wasn't the best thing to say.
"Are you serious? So…what, you never felt stuff with girls?"
"I…." He stopped and took a deep breath, not knowing how to word his answer. "I did. But there was always something weird about it." Dave knew that this was vague, but it wasn't something he could put words to.
"And you think having another guys dick in your mouth would feel less weird?" The words were hard and mean, but for a moment, Dave thought he heard a tone of betrayal in Azimio's voice. "Oh fuck." Az continued, sounding scared now, "have you?"
Dave wasn't expecting this. What did Azimio want to hear? "No…I haven't." He muttered.
"THEN HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW?" Azimio yelled.
Dave thought about that awful day last year when he kissed Kurt in the locker room. The look of shock and horror on Kurt's face were still fresh in his mind, but so were his own emotions; the strange sense of relief it gave him, the way it made him hate Kurt even more at that time. He'd changed so much since then, though there were still moments when he wondered how Kurt's skin would feel under his touch. Dave quickly pushed those thoughts out of his head as best he could. That was the last thing he needed to be thinking about. "Shit, Azimio. How did you know you were straight before you had sex with a girl?"
"Don't pull that shit on me Dave! It's completely different! HOW DID I KNOW I WAS STRAIGHT? Cuz I've always loved tits! That's what normal guys do! God damn it! I don't even know you anymore!" Azimio paused, and when he spoke again he was quieter, but Dave could still hear the disdain in his voice. "Listen dude, I cant do this right now. Lemme call you later." Azimio hung up before Dave could say another word, and that was it. His cell phone flashed the length of the call. Not even five minutes. Five minutes ago, he was sure Azimio would have called Dave his best friend. Now, he didn't even know if Az would even admit to knowing him.
Alone in his room, David Karofsky finally let the tears he had been fighting fall from his eyes.
