Author's note: I KNOW THAT INCEST IS GROSS, OKAY? I DON'T SUPPORT BROTHER&SISTER RELATIONSHIPS!
Disclaimer: I don't own degrassi.
When Fiona and I were younger, we would write skits and act them out ourselves in our bedroom. It became such an obsession of ours that it became a daily routine. Just us two, her little china doll, Sally, whom she loved dearly, and a video camera. With our parents so busy with making a name for themselves, our little plays became all we had for entertainment. Our daily routine would be to wake up, come home from school, write our skits, eat dinner made by our babysitter, act out our skits, and finally, lay down in our beds conversing with one another. At six years old, we were naïve and misunderstood little creatures. We had no depth to the thoughts we considered intellectual; no loneliness. Because we had each other. And that was all we needed.
In the back of my mind, I'm always constantly thinking about a particular skit we performed. In this skit, Fiona played a lonely teenager who had no one and longed for somebody to hold and tell her everything would be okay. In came me, a charming, adventurous boy who stole her heart and kissed her in the very last scene. The typical pair of twins at any age would find this repulsive, but we knew very little of the cruel world and the opinions contained in it. That was until our parents finally made a name for themselves.
At first, it was an extremely unwelcoming feeling being the front page of every newspaper tabloid, and at the peculiar time of being a preteen it made it that much more confusing. However, Fiona was always there to comfort me. She was the light shining at the end of my dark, terrifying alley. She was all I had, and I was okay with that. Unfortunately, the rest of the world wasn't.
Newspapers and magazines verbally destroyed Fiona and I. You would think that being at the tender age of eleven while being famous that they would be somewhat kind to us. However, that would be doubting the power of the merciless world we have been brought upon. Our parents were utterly ashamed of us. They constantly screamed at us for putting a damper on the Coyne family name. We were ridiculed. Embarrassed beyond recognition.
COYNE TWINS: TWO YOUNG BASKET-CASES.
COYNE TWINS: NO FRIENDS, NO SOCIAL-SKILLS, NO SANITY!
I remember one day when I walked inside of our bedroom, I interrupted a sobbing, hysterical Fiona. She was holding a newspaper with our faces on it, reading it with tear-stained eyes and holding Sally close to her chest. My heart physically felt as if it was being torn to pieces. I knew things needed to change. I would not be the cause of Fiona's emotional distress. She was too internally and physically beautiful to be sad.
It was then when I realized that Fiona and I desperately needed some distance. One day after school, instead of brainstorming ideas with Fiona for our skit, I expressed my feelings for her. I demanded that the next day at school she would make friends and that I would as well. I told her that we couldn't be so dependant on each other; it was unhealthy. Naturally, she was upset. She cried, threw things, and tried hitting me a few times.
"I thought you would always be there for me," She said. "Sally acts like better of a sibling than you, Declan. And she's not even real." She looked up at me with those youthful, agonized crystal blue eyes as if I had just killed someone.
"I will always stay by you." I said sternly, staring back into her eyes.
The next day at school in the cafeteria, I overheard a young girl's sobs and pleads for help. Terror struck my body as I recognized the screams as Fiona's. The screams were coming from the hallway. I stood up from my table and sprinted through the crowd of people swarming around our lunch lady and her freshly baked chocolate cookies. In the hallway I found Fiona, kneeling on the ground while crying hysterically next to a pile of glass. A crowd of girls our age laughed and snickered cruelly at my poor sister. I looked down next to Fiona and realized what the pile of glass was. It was Sally, Fiona's beloved china doll and best friend, only now she was a fallen angel; shattered and broken beyond repair.
I didn't have to interrogate Fiona on what had happened, for it was already clear. Fiona had followed my instructions and tried to make new friends with some of the girls, but they ridiculed her and threw Sally to the ground. I wrapped my arms around my emotionally broken sister and held her close to my chest while she soaked my uniform with tears. I rocked her back and forth and told her everything would be fine while I silently vowed to myself to never push her break out of her shell again.
One year and six completely different cities later, I began feeling a different way about Fiona. Being twelve years old, I was just entering the world of pubescense and I was starting to notice girls' bodies instead of their personalities. I would be lying if I said that I didn't occasionally check Fiona's body out, and I was immediately disgusted. What kind of sick pervert has intimate fantasies about his own twin sister? I was a deviant; a scumbag. I knew that it was completely necessary for me to be locked away so nobody would be exposed to the disgusting person who tried to sneak peaks at his sister in the shower. Yet at the same time, I couldn't help but somewhat understand my feelings. She was completely gorgeous, had a stunning sense of humor, stayed by me throughout my life, and we had everything in common. In a way, she completeled me.
As our age increased, my feelings for Fiona only intensified. By age 13 I realized that I had been in love with Fiona my entire life. I began a phase of extreme denial. If a somewhat attractive female around my age walked by, I would talk to her, and she would talk back. The talking always led to flirting, the flirting led to kissing, and the kissing led to other things. Every time. I even lost my virginity a year later to a girl with the same dark, chestnut hair and striking blue eyes as Fiona, although I forgot her name. However, whenever a guy tried to flirt with Fiona, I scared him off everytime. No matter how upset she got when I chased off a seemingly great guy, I continued to do it. She would always question me as to why I would do this, and every time I would answer, "I'm a guy. I know what they are thinking."
Within the next few years, I had surely matured. In grade 12 I was dumped by the only woman I had ever tried to make a serious commitment with, Holly J. Although it did hurt like hell when she broke it off with me, a little park inside my chest felt somewhat free. It was as if I was a blind man who's sight had just been returned to him. I could study every detail of every oppurtunity. The one oppurtunity that thrilled me the most was the thought of expressing my feelings for Fiona. I quickly pushed those thoughts to the side when I realized that she would obviously turn me down each time. However, one day my mind pondered the thought that there must be some strange, small chance that she might return those feelings. That thought alone was enough to convince me to sprint to Fiona's locker and confess my life-long feelings about her.
With every stride, my legs felt heavier. I could sense the strange looks I was recieving from my peers, but I didn't let them slow me down. Once reaching the hallway which Fiona's locker was located in, I saw her. I didn't just see her, I saw all of her. I noticed everything about her. The way she squinted her eyes while she scanned her locker for the right textbook. The way her hair slightly blew as another student walked by, creating a small breeze. The way she ran her delicate, polished fingers through her curled hair occasionally. The way she was holding back her breathtaking grin. She was obviously in an amazing mood, for her energy was shooting through the roof. I ran to her, and she shut her locker before noticing me.
"Decks," She said, excitedly. "I have something amazing to tell you."
As I opened my mouth to talk, I noticed how out of breath I was. I was panting disgustingly, but that didn't stop me. If I waited any longer, I knew I wouldn't do it. "No, no. Me first."
"Okay," She said. "Shoot."
"Fi, I love you." Her incredibly cute jaw dropped. I placed my hand over her chin, closing it again before placing a peck on her lips. I felt like I was on cloud nine; drunk with love. "So what did you have to tell me?"
Her sky blue eyes were windened to their peak. She looked confused. She looked like at a complete lost for words. "Declan," She said. "I'm dating Adam Torres."
Before I could even think of a clever response, she slowly walked away, her heels clicking against the floor. As I watched her leave, I noticed the people in the hallway. All of their eyes were focused upon me. They had looks of disgust plastered across their faces as they watched me like I was some sort of repulsive bug that needed to be squashed. At a loss of what to say, I punched a locker, indenting it, before running off. Where I was planning on running to, I didn't know. But my legs eventually ended up taking me to an alley behind The Dot. To tell you the truth, I didn't know what to do. So, I took out my phone and checked my Facebook.
News about the kiss I plastered on Fiona was all over the walls of my peers. They said we were disgusting. The worst part? They thought Fiona enjoyed it. I was completely shocked how most of the insults were directed at her instead of me.
"I thought that crazy bitch was dating that tranny. I guess now she's hot for her twin brother too?"
"I can't believe the Coyne twins kissed. It doesn't suprise me that Fiona did it though. She's always been fucked up."
Adam Torres has just went from In A Relationship with Fiona Coyne to Single.
I collapsed to the ground. Not only had I ruined my life, I ruined Fiona's too. Why was I even put on the Earth? I was a disgusting little man who screwed up everything and was in love with his own sister. Soon, the sky started forming dark grey clouds which cried rain and sobbed lightning. I continued to lay there on the ground, hoping to get struck by the lightning so I could die. I grew colder and colder. Wetter and wetter. About thirty minutes later, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I reached for it, hoping not to damage it from my wet hands and held it to my ear. Before answering, I checked the time. It was 7:00. I had been lying there for six hours. I answered the call. My mother's voice pierced my eardrum.
"Declan? Declan?" She screamed in the phone while sobbing. Poor Mom. She's probably too worried about her fucking reputation.
"What?" I said miserably.
"It's Fiona. She's tried commiting suicide."
I sat in a chair in the waiting room of the hospital across from my parents. My mother was crying hysterically, staining my father's shirt with tears as he held her carefully while glaring at me. I was on the verge of my breaking point. I had ruined everything. Fiona had tried commiting suicide because of what I had done. I had nobody; my parents hated me, Holly J had cut off all communication with me, and Fiona might have been dead. I let the tears fall from my eyes cursing under my breath.
"Are you the family of Fiona Coyne?" A doctor holding a clipboard said, emerging from the door. We all stood up.
"Yes," My father said, gulping.
"Fiona swallowed an entire bottle of Advil in less than a minute on an empty stomach. She wasn't found for four hours later, but by this time she had already suffered from severe intestinal bleeding. We did all we could, but I'm sorry. She didn't make it."
She didn't make it.
She didn't make it.
She didn't make it.
At the sound of these four words, my entire world dropped. Fiona was gone; dead, nothing. All because of silly, fucked up me. I was alone in world, my other half gone. I was like peanut butter without jelly. Salt without pepper. I was Declan without Fiona. Yet I had no one to blame but myself. She was now an angel, broken and damaged beyond repair.
Just like a familiar china doll named Sally.
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