AVAVA
( Phineas' PoV )
VAVAV
Someone screamed his name.
He turned as he heard more screams, but not the kind of fun and excitement that usually took place once something was built in the back yard. He couldn't even tell what the others were screaming. He turned slowly his gaze taking in the frantic running. All different directions... Not really. They all had one thing in common. Everyone was running away from...
He looked up at the structure that had been built that day. By no means was it anywhere near as large as some of them, though this one did reach about that of a three story home... but that wasn't what caught his attention. It was falling. The structure was coming apart... it shouldn't come apart like this. All he could do is stare at it as it came down towards him in slow motion.
Someone screamed his name again.
Then he saw her, Isabella, running towards him also in slow motion... he had to move... if she kept coming it would... No! He couldn't move, he couldn't budge an inch. He closed his eyes. In a few seconds, she'd be right in front of him, and it'd be over... they'd be... Something shoved him back. Time surged forward, he heard the metal hitting the ground... felt the vibrations run from the ground, and through his body. He opened his eyes, and knew without seeing, what had happened.
AVAVA
"Isabella!" He screamed as he sat up in bed. His entire body soaked with sweat, even his sheets were wet. He took a moment as he desperately gasped for the much needed air. Finally he was able to completely calm down when he saw the light in the hallway come on from under his door.
His door opened, and in stepped his sister. He sighed in relief as he just stared at her. Her hair a complete mess, her pajamas looked like they had been thrown on in a hurry. And the look of worry he noticed as she turned on the light. He looked away from her. As much as it was a relief to see her coming to see if he was alright... for about the twentieth time this month... he felt guilty he'd woken her.
"That dream again Phineas?" All he could do was nod, as she continued over. She sat next to him, and felt a bit better when she hugged him. "Nothing happened. Okay the thing fell... but no one got hurt, luckily."
"But what if? Y-You were right all along Candace. I-It was dangerous! We... no I should have listened." He sobbed into her her shoulder. Not like it would matter, her pajamas would be wet from his sweat anyways... he just continued to mess things up.
"But it didn't. No one blames you for what happened." Candace stroked the back of his head.
It had been a little over a month since the incident happened. Ferb had been in England, and still was. If Phineas hadn't tried to be something he wasn't... it wouldn't have fell. Ferb was the engineer... he was the designer... his mistake had been choosing the wrong screws for the base of the structure. That was the mistake, that almost cost Isabella's life... and who knows who else could have died? It could have been completely avoided if Ferb was there.
Didn't matter if he was there or not. Phineas stopped working on projects. Stopped inventing, and planning. He'd stopped everything the moment his mind realized what had happened... what could have happened. Even if he continued... who would come to see anything he made? Who would trust that the next invention, wouldn't finish the job?
"You alright now Phineas?" Candace asked, she was obviously tired. He felt horrible, but nothing could be done about how he felt. It was something inside him, something that felt guilty, about everything... Candace had done more than she needed to... to help him. And he'd loved her, just for being a sister like she was.
"Y-Yeah... I... um... I'm sorry for waking you sis. Good night Candace." He said as he got out of bed shuffling towards his dresser to get a dry outfit. Then to the closet to get dry sheets. Once he and his bed was dry... well dry enough. He crawled back into his bed praying that he wouldn't dream of anything again. He just wanted a peaceful night of no dreams...
AVAVA
He stared out his window watching the world, or at least the neighborhood, unfold beneath him. A normal day. First he woke up, ate breakfast... or ate what his stomach would hold. He'd return to his room, and wouldn't come out until lunch... if he ever ate lunch that day. Back to the room, then dinner, shower, bed, then repeat. His friends, former friends... he wasn't sure what to call them anymore. Either way, they had tried to come over several times. It seemed like he was the only one bothered with what had happened. It seemed like he was the only one that understood what could have happened.
Someone knocked on the door.
"Phineas..." It was Candace, she came in a second later. "How ya feeling?"
"I'm alright." he wanted to smile... he tried to smile... he sighed. Maybe he'd forgotten how.
"Isabella wanted to know if she could come up to talk with you." Candace asked. He could tell from the look on her face that she knew the answer even before he spoke. "Alright... I'll tell her you're busy... but you can't keep hiding forever Phineas."
That is how time passed for the thirteen year old boy. Each day brought a new excuse, until finally no one came over anymore. It was better this way... they were safer this way. He was a danger, his friends... former friends, would live long lives without him around.
AVAVA
It was the first day of school for Phineas. Actually he hadn't been to school in almost two years, not since the incident in the backyard. He couldn't face anyone, hadn't been able to. This year, however, he thought that he might be able to handle it. That, and he was growing tired of the inside of his room. It was nice to actually be out... even if it was a bit frighting.
It had actually been a good day. So far, no one had noticed him. Considering he had classes with a few of his former friends, that was really saying something. But they were always less perceptive than Isabella. He'd noticed her a couple of times throughout the day, but had always managed to stay out of her sight. Now that school had ended, he was actually waiting for her to move from the lockers so he could gather his things unseen.
"Hey! Isabella!" A voice called from behind him, causing him to turn... red hair... glasses... That was Gretchen. Then he realized he'd looked away from Isabella too long, who by now would be looking in his direction. But Gretchen obviously had realized who he was. "Phineas?"
"I... uh... I think y-you have me confused with someone else." He lied... and not a very good lie.
"Phineas?" Isabella was now behind him, and he cursed himself for coming to school. He should of continued with the online classes. That would have been best.
"I uh... I-I need to g-go!" Not knowing what else to do, he ran as if his life depended on it. No one was supposed to remember who he was... then again, he was the one that almost killed them... so maybe they'd never forget who he was.
AVAVA
( Isabella's PoV )
VAVAV
She hadn't even thought about that boy in a few months... which would have been strange once... but ever since he closed himself off, she had stopped thinking about him as often. At first she assumed it would take a couple days for him to get over the accident, then figured it might take weeks, maybe a month or two... but two years. Actually, she thought, it was a bit more than two years ago
"Was that really Phineas?" Gretchen asked as Isabella still continued to look in the direction the boy had ran. It was true... she could hardly see the person they knew in the person that just ran away. Oh he still looked like Phineas, but he didn't have any of the confidence he once had. "I guess he's not himself anymore... not since..."
"Yeah.. that's about when it all started Gretch." Her and Gretchen gathered their belongings, and went out to catch the bus that would take them home for the weekend.
AVAVA
This weekend she didn't have anything planned. Well she'd planned to head to the mall with some of the former fireside girls. Nothing really major. But seeing Phineas again... how could just seeing someone, kick your heart into full speed again. It was true that she had always loved Phineas. She didn't think she felt that way anymore... it was like it was just laying dormant until he showed up again. Now all she wanted to do was wait and try to talk with Phineas.
It had to be the school setting... it was making him nervous. So many people around... that had to be it. She just had to catch him alone, and then he'd talk, she thought to herself as she sat on the curb in front of her house. Phineas had ran home, while she had taken the bus. If she was right, then he should be coming down the street in about fifteen minutes... Unless he called Candace, she thought as she saw Candace coming down the street with Phineas in the passenger-seat. She watched them park in the driveway, and it seemed like they talked for a bit, both looking back at her every now and again.
What did I do? She wondered to herself. All I did was say 'Hi' to him... Maybe he doesn't like me anymore, or anyone... no that couldn't be true... or else he would have spent all that time closed off ashamed of what might have happened.
"Hey Isabella." Candace's voice snapped her out of her own thoughts. She looked up and saw Candace... and Phineas who was partly behind his sister. It reminded her of the first time they'd met as children, and Phineas was hidden behind Candace when introduced. That didn't make sense now... Phineas couldn't be... afraid could he?
"H-Hi Is-Isabella." Isabella didn't think Phineas could have sounded more afraid if he tried.
"Hi Candace... Hi Phineas." She moved across the street to be closer to the two. Which caused Phineas to shift from foot too foot.
"Phineas... can you go inside, and get something ready for us to drink? We'll be there in a minute." Isabella's heart almost shattered when she watched how fast he left. Candace sighed. "I'm sure you noticed, Phineas' first day back wasn't... well the most desirable. No doubt he'll go back to schooling online."
"I didn't think I'd ever see him again."
"Come on inside... that should be long enough." Long enough? Isabella wondered as she followed Candace inside.
AVAVA
Long enough so Phineas could do what he was asked, and no longer be anywhere in sight. That had to be what Candace meant. Because she saw the drinks on the coffee table, but no signs that Phineas had been there at all, other than the drinks being placed.
"I'm not trying to belittle what happened to him... But isn't this... a little much?" Isabella tried to think carefully about what to say. "I mean sure, he could have killed us... but we all knew he didn't mean it."
"At first... I knew he was upset, and felt guilty. I understood that." Isabella nodded, she too understood that. "Then I thought it might be a bit over board myself... that is until I was woken up one night by his screaming."
"Screaming?" Isabella asked out of curiosity when Candace didn't continue.
"Most of the last two years... Phineas has been having nightmares about that day... and everyone of them... one of you dies. He sees the aftermath. Hears the metal crushing bones... feels the vibrations of it hitting the ground. I know ever detail of the dreams... because I've heard them all so much... mostly they repeat... and always the worst one, is of you." Candace paused for a while, maybe to let it sink in. Or just to see what she had to say... she couldn't think of anything to say... it was just too...
What do you say about something like that? How... How could she make this better for the boy, who might be hiding upstairs as she was thinking. Who was afraid of her... and who had been tormented for two years watching his friends die over and over... in an accident that he caused... and could have happened, but didn't.
"A lot to take in huh?" Isabella just nodded. "Phineas... says he's ready to reenter the outside world... says he wants to. But after being closed off so long, he's afraid... and I can't help but feel guilty about that. I never pushed him out of his comfort-zone, and I just make it easier for him to hide."
On the way home she thought about it... or tried to. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to watch your friends die over and over again. Candace had said that the family had tried helping him. Even had him talk to a therapist... and nothing helped. Candace said that it all stemmed from the fact that Phineas couldn't save Isabella... he couldn't move. Because he was scared. She just wished there was a way she could show him that it didn't matter and she was okay.
AVAVA
( Phineas' PoV )
VAVAV
Phineas spent the next few hours berating himself. Not only did he think he was a gutless coward for not being able to help, save Isabella. But not he thought of himself as nothing more than a child. He actually hid behind his sister... what was wrong with him? None of this was normal... he just wanted to be normal. However everything scared him now. There was no way he'd be able to be normal.
His mind wandered to Candace. His sister had done everything she could to help him, he couldn't ask for a better sister nor would he. He just wished that he wasn't so much a bother for her. Or for the rest of his family. Maybe their lives would be much better if he didn't exist. Not the first time in the last three years that he's thought that.
He sighed, as he paced his room. He was going stir crazy... but he was afraid to be around all the people. Which left him only one place to go... the mountains. It was only a few miles from his home, and Candace would always drive him there when she had the time. She knew that he liked to clear his mind in the mountains. It didn't seem like the normal place he would go. However it was perfect. It was quiet. Most importantly, no one was ever there.
AVAVA
He stood at the edge of one of the many cliffs he loved to stand at. He could see the entire tri-state area from up here. His neighborhood, his school... everything. Seeing everything, only made him aware of everyone down there that he'd almost hurt. No no, he thought, not today. Nothing could hurt him here, or make him worry. Nothing was around except a few animals, insects, and plants. No one to judge him, laugh at him, or anyone that he could hurt. This was truly the place he belonged.
Sitting down, his back leaned against a boulder staring off into the distance. Why couldn't he live there, he wondered... things would be a lot better for him if he could live here by himself... All he'd need if a couple of things to build his own... No more building, he screamed in his mind. Thinking like that, almost got Isabella killed, and everyone else... In his mind, it had actually killed Isabella, and his friends. It wasn't like he could even talk to them anymore... he never saw them... and when he did he ran and hid. So... isn't it like they were dead? And if he had killed them... then he didn't deserve to live.
Actually this could work out, he thought. He never figured out how to commit suicide... he didn't really want to live now that he had no one. He had Candace, but she was at the age where she would be starting her own life soon, and didn't need him messing it up. His parents wouldn't live forever. Without them, he couldn't hope to function in a regular world. So this is my only hope, he thought as he stood at the edge of the cliff. He started to lean forward, knowing in a few seconds... everything would be better.
AVAVA
( Isabella's PoV )
VAVAV
"Ahh this is exactly what I needed," Isabella said to herself as she started hiking up a trail. "A day hiking the mountains should help get things off my mind."
Getting things off her mind, wasn't actually the main focus of this trip. It was more about what she should do about Phineas. How could she help him? She knew that Candace had meant well, but babying him had crippled him even more, and tough love wouldn't do anything but make him feel worse. She didn't really even know what she could do to help him, didn't even know what was wrong to begin with. Okay, so she knew what was wrong... but how in the heck could she help? How could she stop nightmares?
"It's no use." She thought aloud as she continued hiking up the path. Why was it that she was still so strongly interested in him? Didn't crushes like this fade over time? Obviously this hadn't faded... or it didn't feel like it had.
"Ahhh!" she screamed as she stepped off the edge of the path, and started sliding down the side. She managed to grab a large stone sticking out of the ground before sliding farther down. Below her, ten feet away was a drop off. Above her, the path that was too far for her to reach. She held onto the rock with everything she had.
"Help!" she called. Even though she knew no one was around... no one even knew she came up here today...
AVAVA
( Phineas' PoV )
VAVAV
"Ahhh!" The sound was enough to stop himself from jumping off the cliff. He looked around wildly for the source of the scream. Someone... someone needed help.
"Help!" The voice called again, and he looked in the direction that it came from, and start quickly, and carefully down that path...
"H-Hello?" He called out, hoping whoever it was would answer... hoping he was going in the right direction. Though, normally he ruined lives, and not saved them.
"Help!" He stopped... the voice sounded close... very close. He looked around and saw no one. Had he finally completely lost it? Was he hearing voices now? "Down here!"
He slowly moved to the edge of the path and looked down, just a couple feet down was Isabella... He couldn't be apart of this... he would just end up killing her. He slowly backed away... he couldn't be here.
"P-Phineas?" She must have seen him... what was he going to do now... what was he going to do? "P-Phineas..."
"I'm h-here." He got to his knees, and crawled over the edge. His legs didn't want to move, so he did the best he could.
"I-I can't hold on much longer..." The pack she was carrying looked heavy... she could unstrap it... but that would require her to let go of her handhold. So that wouldn't help. The only thing he could do would be to reach down and pull her up... but it would have to be timed right. She'd have to let go, and grab his hand as he was grabbing for hers or she'd slip.
"I-I'm coming. Just w-wait... a few seconds..." He knew he was insane... had to be insane. He stretched his arms out as close to her as he could, still leaving most of his weight on the path. If he slipped, they'd both die. Suited him just fine, he wanted to die anyways... but he wasn't willing to take Isabella with him. Not this time... this time she would live, he would die. His hands were mere inches away from the rock she was holding. "Grab my hands on the count of three."
"One... two... three!" As they both called out three, Isabella let go of the rock, and grabbed his hands... he pulled, and she used her legs to climb. One more pull and Isabella was able to crawl back onto the path.
When he opened his eyes, Isabella was kneeling on the path, with her hands on the ground panting. He couldn't blame her. No doubt it scared her, it would have scared him too if he wanted to live. He stood up silently, while Isabella was catching her breath or just being happy to be alive, he went back to where he was.
He stood at the edge of the cliff, looking down. She was safe, he thought. Now it was time to do what he'd planned on doing. She survived this time, so he...
"Phineas?" That brought him back forcing himself to lean back instead of forward and off the cliff. She was right behind him, why did she have to be right behind him?
He didn't answer, he just continued looking off the cliff. Maybe she'd leave if he didn't speak.
"Phineas!" He cringed, okay she wouldn't leave if he ignored her.
"Yes?" His voice wavered a bit... he was scared. Which was odd, he hadn't been scared the first time he almost leapt from the cliff, or the second time. Though now that he looked over the edge... He felt fear.
"Come away from the edge, okay?" Her voice wavered too. She must know what he was here for.
AVAVA
( Isabella's PoV )
VAVAV
"Come away from the edge, okay?" She had wondered what Phineas had been doing up here after he pulled her up. She had planned to ask him, but when she looked up he had already left. But seeing him at the edge of the cliff, leaning forward... there was no doubt in her mind what he had come up here for.
"I-I need..."
"No!" He flinched as she yelled, and she cursed herself silently. "No... you don't need to... you need to come away from there before you fall."
"I want to fall." he didn't sound like he was too sure about the idea... oh he might have been... but now he didn't seem too sure. "I wanted to... I did!"
He sounded panicked, not surprising when everything around you had started crumbling. Nothing was the same anymore. She assumed in his mind, he had killed her... and now ironically, the day he decided to kill himself he saves her life. The odds they would both be here, as the same time had to be astronomical . Or if she had of come a few seconds later... would he have jumped already? What were the odds?
"But now..." she reached out, like he had to her. He looked at the hand, then looked into her eyes. At that moment she would have given anything to find out what was going through his mind. Just a peek.
"I-I... I couldn't move." his eyes filled with tears. The tears overflowed, running down his cheeks. "If I had of moved... you wouldn't have tried pushing me out of the way... you wouldn't have been in danger."
"But I'm okay..."
"But you could have died... If I had of just moved..."
"If you have of moved... what if you moved, meaning I wouldn't have jumped to push you out of the way... what if you moving to run... what if I didn't make it? If I didn't make it... because I didn't have a reason to move faster anymore?" She yelled at him. It was true, she thought to herself. What would have happened if he had of moved?
"I..." obviously he hadn't thought of that... she wouldn't have thought about it, if she wasn't so mad at him for wanting to jump off a cliff.
"Now..." she shook her hand, which was still held out. "Come here!"
AVAVA
( Phineas' PoV )
VAVAV
"Now..." Isabella shook her hand, which she still held out to him. "Come here!"
He hadn't thought about that. Did he actually save her life by standing there that day? It made sense, she could have died if he'd moved in the wrong direction, she wouldn't have been able to escape. He looked back behind him, down to the bottom of the cliff, then back to her hand.
"Phineas." he reached out, and hesitantly took her hand, allowing himself to be pulled away from the cliff. She lead him down the path that lead to the base of the mountains. He kept replaying that day over in his head and came to the same conclusion time and time again. She survived, because he was there for her to push out of the way...
Smack!
He was brought out of his thoughts by a stinging slap across his face. He finally focused on her, seeing tears in her eyes. He didn't think he'd ever seen her this angry before. If she had been this angry... he was sure she'd never been this angry at him before.
"What is wrong with you!" she yelled. And he took a step back, only to have her yank his arm pulling him forward again. "No you don't! Talk to me."
"I..." he looked both ways, no one was around. But how was he supposed to voice what was wrong with him? When he just realized, the one thing that had been haunting him for two years... was probably the best decision of his life. But either way, her best chance would have been to run a different direction. She put herself in danger by running towards him. "W-Why did you... r-run to me anyways?"
"Back then? Why? Well because!" she huffed, then mumbled something else.
"What?"
"I might have had a crush on you, okay!" she used her free hand to poke him in the chest. "But that doesn't explain what was going on up there Phineas! You were going to jump... after saving me... you were going to jump! Why?"
"I..." he started crying again at the thought of losing her... at the feeling of all the times he lost her in his nightmares. "I ruin everything. Candace c-can't help me for-forever... she n-needs to start her own life. M-Mom and dad won't be around forever... And I-I couldn't... can't function right in the real world... What else is th-there for me?! Worst of all, I can't keep having these nightmares... every time, it kills apart of me when I watch y-you..."
AVAVA
( Isabella's PoV )
VAVAV
When he watches me die... Candace had told her about it. Isabella had understood what Candace had been saying, but she didn't truly understand until now. She saw it as just dreams... she had forgotten how some dreams could feel real. What would it have been like if the roles were reversed. What if she dreamt about not being able to save him, and watched him die... felt her heart shatter... Did he... love... No no, that's crazy... but maybe.
'... mostly they repeat... and always the worst one, is of you.' Candace had said. It had been worse when he had a nightmare about her.
"Phineas?" he made a noise, not quite a word, but enough of an answer to show he was listening. "Why... Why don't you call Candace, and see if she can pick us up... I don't think I want to hike anymore today."
AVAVA
They waited by sitting on a old log at the beginning of the path up the mountain. Neither said anything at first. Candace as been in the middle of doing something, and she said that she would be here as soon as she was finished... which would be at least an hour. Phineas had agreed... was much either of them could do about it except agree.
"You know... I think you'll do alright in the real would Phin." Isabella patted his leg. If he could just accept that it wasn't his fault... and accept nothing happened. Then she was sure he could function perfectly. It looked like he was going to say something, then Candace drove up.
AVAVA
( Phineas' PoV )
VAVAV
Phineas sat up in bed looking towards the door. Something had woken him up, and for once it wasn't a nightmare. It took him a moment to get his eyes to focus on the shape standing there. It was Candace.
"You okay?" She asked from the door.
"I'm alright Sis." He actually was alright. He watched her leave then laid back on his bed. It would be a waste to lose a peaceful night, he thought as he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.
AVAVA
The next night, he was pleasantly pleased to have another night of peaceful slumber. By the time a week had passed, he felt more relaxed than he had in a very long time. Candace seemed happier too. It was obvious that she didn't mind helping him out at night, even calming him down... but she seemed pleased, that he was resting well... and was just as happy as he was, that he wasn't having nightmares.
Today he felt brave. He was going to do something he hadn't done in a while. He was going to walk to the convenient store, maybe get a drink, or a snack. Mostly he just wanted to go to go. Didn't have a reason, and didn't even know why he wanted to. He just wanted to was all. Along the way he started humming a song that popped into his head.
AVAVA
( Isabella's PoV )
VAVAV
Isabella spotted him walking down the street, though this wasn't the Phineas he'd become. He wasn't slouched, nor did he seem to be looking over his shoulder all the time out of fear. No, his back was straight and he was oblivious to everything around him as he hummed a song she couldn't quite place. This was the old Phineas.
"Hey Phineas. Whatcha..." she stopped herself from finishing her statement, when he looked at her and smiled. Wait... smiled? Why did his smile turn her into a giggling mess, on the inside?
"Hey Isabella. I'm heading to the store... want to come with me?" He didn't stutter, didn't hesitate. What changed in this last week?
"Sure... so, how've you been since, you know?"
"Haven't had a nightmare in a week. I feel... I don't know... I feel great." He looked great... okay he was a bit thinner than he should be, but she figured that would be fixed soon enough. But the extra sleep seemed to work wondered for him... and he seemed lighter. "I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders you know."
"That's great Phineas! You think... we can do something together sometime?" She let him be oblivious in their youth, and lost him for two years... now he wasn't going to take any chances.
"Sure... I've wanted to do that since we were..." He was cut short as she stopped, then kissed him. Okay she didn't plan that... but boy did it feel good!