This is a bit chaotic. I would like to apologize, but I kind of like it. I'm not sure where this idea came from, but it hit me like a freight train, and wouldn't let me go until I finished. I don't think I have ever written something this long in one sitting. Hell, if you make it through this entire thing, I give you major kudos.
Oh, I will post the second part sometime this weekend... since this is a twoshot.
Warning: Kurt's attempted suicide. I guess it's a bit AU, not character-wise more plot-wise, if that can be considered a warning.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Period.
Summary: Kurt just wants to be saved. It's all about hitting rock bottom, only to be brought back up by those who love you.
The wind whipped around Kurt's designer-clad body. It made his fingers tighten their grip on the bouquet of freshly cut white daisies. The chilling winds made Kurt tighten the belt on his Marc Jacobs waistcoat. The gray clouds looked ominously filled with water, but he didn't care if he got rained on. He didn't care about much these days.
His feet knew the exact route to the plot he was heading towards. It was in row eleven, twenty-seven headstones in. Though, the specific location didn't matter because he had walked the exact route for eight years. The grass was a bit sodden, but it didn't matter that his shoes were going to be coated in mud.
Kurt came to a halt in front of the gravestone of Elizabeth Grace Hummel. A shadow a smile overtook Kurt's face, as a light drizzle pattered down. He sat down beside the headstone, his fingers still tightly wrapped around the flower stems. He could feel the saturation from the ground seeping through his pants. But, it hardly fazed him.
"Hi mom," Kurt's voice cracked, as he laid the flowers down on the green grass, "I just wanted to tell you that I'll be seeing you soon."
...
"Is Kurt with you?" Blaine rushed out the second Finn had answered his damned phone. It wasn't like Blaine to lose his cool like he was now.
"Who is this?" Finn asked into the receiver, not wanting to be bothered from his game of Call of Duty with Puck to check the caller ID. In fact, he would have ignored the vibrating, but this was a phone call. And, those were more important than texts.
"It's Blaine," Blaine identified himself, before dashing right back into, "Do you know where Kurt is?"
"Nope. He should be home. I don't think he left," Finn said, knowing that he hadn't left his room since breakfast, when Puck asked him to play COD.
"Can you go check?" Blaine asked, his patience dwindling down.
"NO!" Finn screamed, as Puck delivered the kill shot to his character.
"Finn!" Blaine shouted, trying to grab the boy on the other end of the line from his shouts of rage, "This is important. I need to know where Kurt is. Don't tell me no."
"Why don't you call him?" Finn asked, as he admitted defeat to Puck, before diving right back into another game. His phone call with Blaine ruined his winning streak against Puck.
"I would call him, but his phone's off," Blaine said, gritting his teeth. Since when did Finn get so hard headed?
"Kurt! Kurt, are you home?" Finn called out, not taking the phone away from his face, or his eyes off of the screen. He waited for a moment, no answer, "I don't think he's home."
"Finn, if you hear from Kurt, can you just call me?" Blaine asked, giving up on talking to him, as he ran out to his car, his feet splashing in the puddles from the rainstorm the night before.
"Oh, yeah, sure thing dude," Finn said, happy that Blaine was finally done talking, so now he could focus on kicking Puck's ass.
"Thank you," Blaine said, shoving his key in the ignition, as his car rumbled to life.
"Bye Blaine," Finn said, as Blaine hung up. He tore it out of the Dalton parking lot, as more rain graced the windshield of his car.
...
"Do re me fa so la ti do," Rachel sang through her scale, during her daily vocal exercises. She usually put her phone on silent, as to not disturb her during this time of her day. But, she slipped up.
"I'm defying gravity," Elphaba's voice rang through the otherwise silent room.
"Hi Mercedes, this really isn't a good time to talk," Rachel said, knowing that she couldn't go more than twenty-four hours without working her voice. It was nearing the point that if she didn't get her exercises done, her vocal chords would freeze up.
"I don't think you understand," Mercedes said, trying to catch Rachel's attention, "It's about Kurt."
"I'm sure we can talk about Kurt later," Rachel said, as her eyes flicked towards her clock, "Meet me in an hour at the Lima Bean."
"Rachel –" Mercedes tried again, but Rachel had already hung up and silenced her phone.
...
"San, I don't know what this means," Brittany spoke into her phone, after receiving a text message from Kurtsie. It took her quite some time to figure out that she couldn't talk into her phone to reply to the message.
"Well, what does it say?" Santana asked, in the nice tone that was reserved for Brittany.
"It's my time to go," Brittany read from her phone screen, "Time to go where?"
Santana was momentarily put on edge. She wished she could have been with Brittany right now to read the entire message, instead of hearing a snippet of it.
"Who's it from, sweetie?" Santana asked, hoping that an extra dose of pet names would give Brittany instant compliance.
"Kurtsie," Brittany happily said, wondering how he had managed to get the words from his phone to hers.
"Britt, I'll call you back later, okay?" Santana said, her mind in overdrive about those five foolish words that Brittany had told her.
"Okay," Brittany said, before her mind settled a bit from the upheaval that Kurt's text left her with, "Don't forget to meet me at the Lima Bean in a half an hour."
"I won't, boo," Santana said, wondering if Puckerman knew anything about this, "See you then."
...
"Yo," Puck said, mindlessly answering his phone, cradling it between his shoulder and ear.
"Puck, it's San," Santana said, fully knowing that he was probably wrapped up in some COD mission, "Have you heard from Kurt?"
"Dammit Finn," Puck mumbled, as his fingers flew over the buttons on the controller. His character on the screen struggled to keep up with Pucks' rapid button pressing.
"Puck!" Santana growled, which instantly caught Puck's attention.
"What?" Puck asked, as he lowered his character into a crevice far away from Finn's. He was sure he could get at least three minutes before he would need to run someplace else, or fight back.
"Have you heard from Kurt?" Santana tried again, as Puck kept his one hand steady on the controller, both eyes glued to the screen.
"Nope, why?" Puck asked, wondering why Santana was worried about Kurt, "What's wrong?"
"Brittany got a text from Kurt about being time to go," Santana said, as Puck struggled to keep up.
"Did they have plans?" Puck asked, not understanding why it was necessary for him to be involved in Brittany and Kurt's plans.
"Meet me and Britt Britt at the Lima Bean in twenty minutes," Santana commanded, before remembering that Puck mumbled something about Finn, "Get Finn to come, too."
"You owe me, Lopez," Puck said, as his hands flew to the buttons, trying to save his character from death.
"Only if you're there with Finn," Santana purred, knowing that a bit of sexual stimulation would get Puck to come.
"I'll see you there in twenty minutes," Puck promised, as he hung up, devoting his attention back to trying to defeat Finn.
...
"What are you guys doing here?" Rachel asked, walking into the Lima Bean. She noticed Puck, Finn, Quinn, Sam, Artie, Tina, and Mike huddled in the one booth.
They went around the table giving their tangled explanations for all being at the Lima Bean at the same time. Sam and Quinn were already on a coffee date. Tina and Mike came to get coffee with Mike's mom, who they ditched when Artie came into the store looking for some New Directions members. He was worried about the message that Kurt had sent Brittany. They all teamed up to piece together what they had so far. Puck and Finn joined next, just knowing that Blaine was looking for Kurt and Brittany had the holy message.
"I think I might have the same message," Mercedes offered, as she walked in behind Rachel.
"What does it say?" Rachel asked, wishing she had decided to skip her vocal exercises for the day. Kurt was more important than a perfect voice. Besides, it wouldn't kill her if she missed one day. If only she knew earlier.
...
The pavement was slicked with rain water, but it didn't stop Blaine from speeding the entire way down to Lima. The drive was normally near two hours, but he managed to slice it down to just a little over an hour and fifteen minutes. He knew the dangers of speeding, but he was pretty sure that Kurt just left him with a suicide text.
His phone started dangerously vibrating in its home in his cup holder. He knew it was illegal to talk on the phone, not to mention hazardous, especially because his car was flying twenty miles per hours over the speed limit. He wasn't trying to get himself a ticket, or killed, but Kurt was obviously in trouble. All normal rationale flew out the metaphorical window.
"Hello?" Blaine asked, pressing his phone to his ear.
"Blaine, it's Finn," Finn said, as Blaine smiled, it was about time he came around, "Where are you?"
"Racing towards Lima," Blaine said, his mind drifting back to when he really kicked up his speed about a half an hour ago; he compared it to driving the Daytona 500, "Why? Is Kurt with you?"
"Kurt's not with me, but I have the rest of New Directions," Finn awkwardly said, as Blaine waited for more, "We think we know what you know."
"Which would be what, Finn?" Blaine sort of snapped. He was running on pure adrenaline right now. He felt like those mothers who were able to lift a car to free their trapped kids. He felt like if push came to shove, he could do that.
"That Kurt's gonna... you know," Finn couldn't say it anymore than Blaine could.
"It's okay. I'm on my way. Where are you guys?" Blaine asked, getting off of the exit for Lima.
"We're at the Lima Bean. I'll stick around. We're all splitting up to find him," Finn said, as Blaine was grateful that Kurt had friends here, regardless of how many times he denied the fact that he had more than three close friends.
"I'll be there in five minutes," Blaine promised, hanging up, deciding to obey the speed limit signs because he was driving through a town that was almost always laced with cops. Besides, the twists of the road would prove difficult to handle in the rain.
...
"Where could he be?" Rachel was currently panicking in Mercedes passenger seat.
They had split up in respective couples: Sam and Quinn, Mike and Tina, Brittany and Santana, Puck and Artie, Mercedes and Rachel, Finn and Blaine. They were to stay with their buddy, be available for updates at all times, and to look every place they could think of.
"Watch, he's probably home," Mercedes scoffed, propelling her car towards the Hudmel home.
...
"Let's go to his dad's shop," Quinn said, giving Sam directions on how to get there.
"Do you think we should be the ones telling his dad?" Sam asked, assuming that Mr. Hummel knew nothing; otherwise they wouldn't have formed a ragtag team of teenagers to find Kurt.
"Well, then you're scheduling an oil change," Quinn said, grateful that she could think on her feet.
Her phone vibrated with a mass text from Santana.
...
"He told me he goes to see his mom a lot," Brittany said, wondering how he could see his mom, when she's under all that grass. She couldn't be bothered to think of how he talks to her because she's dead and can't talk back.
They arrived at the only cemetery in Lima. Santana paused, wondering how they would find Kurt's mom in the mass of headstones. They were quick to put their Cheerio cardio endurance to cover the cemetery grounds, before finding Elizabeth Grace Hummel's grave with fresh cut white daisies resting on it.
"You're brilliant, Britt," Santana said, enveloping Brittany in a short, tight hug in the pouring rain.
"But, Kurtsie's not here," Brittany gloomily said, ignoring the rain that soaked right through her clothes. Santana soothed Brittany by rubbing a hand up and down her back, before using her fingers flying over her keyboard on her phone.
"He was with his mom earlier today. There's fresh daisies."
...
"You're driving," Blaine said, as he walked into the coffee shop, not quite sure his trembling body would be able to handle another second behind the wheel of a vehicle. Finn nodded with understanding.
"He was at the cemetery earlier," Finn updated Blaine, as they walked to his car. Blaine got in the passenger seat, near a mental breakdown.
"Do you think we'll find him?" Blaine asked, his voice cracking because he could feel the rush of tears that threatened to spill over.
"Yeah, I think we will," Finn confidently said, though he wasn't sure that they would be able to find Kurt.
...
"Has anyone checked the park?" Brittany piped up from the passenger seat, as Santana drove through the winding suburbs of Lima.
"Why the park?" Santana asked, kind of just wanting to do her searching for Kurt from her car. She had been in the rain long enough to drench her to the bone, and she was just starting to dry out.
"We used to go to the park all the time. He loved looking over the railing at the waterfall below. I was always scared that he would fall over," Brittany slowly got her story out, as Santana stopped her car as swiftly as possible without hydroplaning on the slippery roads.
...
"Finn, get your ass to the park," Santana barked into Finn's phone that Blaine had answered.
"Why?" Finn asked, as Blaine fumbled with the speaker option.
"Brittany said that he loved the park, especially the bridge," Santana said, as Finn's foot stomped down on the accelerator faster than Blaine's had on his way to Lima.
"I'm like three minutes away," Finn said, as he could feel his car sliding a bit on the water slicked roads.
"Just get there in time," Brittany said, knowing that Kurt was worried about somebody not meeting him in time, "And, be sure to take him to the swings."
...
"Isn't that Santana?" Artie asked, as Puck drove down some random back road. He slowed down next to the vehicle, which Santana and Brittany were in.
"Is your car okay?" Puck asked through Artie's rolled down window, ignoring the rain that splashed into his car. Santana nodded as she rolled down her own window, revealing her soaked self.
"I'm just waiting to hear back from Finn," Santana said, hoping that her voice could be heard over the patter of the downpour, "We gave him a lead about the bridge at the park."
"It was my idea!" Brittany piped up, clearly enjoying that she was helpful for once.
"We'll wait with you guys," Puck yelled back, putting his car into park; the roads were empty at this time of night, and it wasn't hurting anyone.
...
"Do you think he could be getting coffee?" Tina asked, as Mike drove through the town part of Lima.
"We haven't been there in a while, and it couldn't hurt to check it out," Mike said, turning his car, so they could get to the Lima Bean.
"Hold on text from Rachel," Tina said, as Mike continued to drive, "There's a meeting on Howards Street."
"To Howards Street!" Mike said, performing a hasty K-turn to set them en route to Howards Street.
...
"I see him!" Blaine cried out, as he walked along the path with Finn. The bridge was on the opposite end of the park from where they parked. It would be a straight dive into a shallow, rocky river with a small waterfall.
"Don't startle him or anything," Finn stated the obvious, seeing that Kurt was standing on the slippery concrete ledge, supporting himself by a lamppost to keep his balance.
Blaine didn't say anything because he felt like his heart could burst upon impact. They found Kurt. And, he was alive. He was alive! His salty tears of momentary happiness mixed with the fat drops falling from the clouds.
...
Kurt had been building up the courage to do this for at least a week now. It wasn't a hasty decision. It was a massive build up of stress from the rigorous Dalton academics, feeling completely despondent when he was home, and the lack of New Directions in his life. But, the boiling point had been a few run ins with Karofsky in town. They always left him with a fresh bruise or gash on his side. He waited for someone to notice. Nobody did.
...
"Finn and Blaine found him at the park," Quinn read from her phone screen, even though she knew everyone else had received the same message from Finn. The group of teenagers was split between Puck's and Santana's cars, communicating through a single set of open windows.
"Should we join them?" Rachel asked the question that was everyone's minds.
"No, I think if anyone can get through to him, it's those two," Mercedes sullenly said, which was the answer that everyone else was thinking.
...
Kurt sent the message two hours ago to give everyone a last chance to make him see that he was cared for. Well, it was evident that they all let him down. He got off of the swings, talking to his mom the entire time, before hopping up on the ledge of the bridge.
The rain pelted down, but he didn't care. He couldn't even feel it anymore because he felt like he had been dragged through the ocean's rough currents, leaving him beaten and tattered. He gripped the lamppost in a similar fashion to the way he clenched onto the white daisies for his mom. His eyes were fixed on the raging river below him. He knew that it had a rocky bottom because in the summer the shallow river showed each of the dangerously sharp rocks below the bridge.
In the light of the lamppost, Kurt pulled out a razor, which he confiscated from his dad's shop; he had used them before to open boxes. But, recently he had been contemplating using it to tear open his porcelain skin. He hastily stabbed it in his arm, hissing as he twisted it, before tugging it along his wrist. He dropped the bloodied metal into the river.
All he needed was enough blood to leave his system, so he could woozily propel himself into the river. It was a foolproof plan.
...
"Kurt," Blaine softly said, joining him on the railing, ignoring the gel that was melting out of his hair from being so exposed to water.
"You're bleeding," Finn noted as the blood splashed on the ledge mixing with the rain.
"Why are you here?" Kurt rebutted, obviously not comprehending that people care about him, before whipping to Finn with a deadly glare, "You never noticed it before."
"Just let us get you to a hospital or something," Finn said, as Blaine set a hand against the small of Kurt's back.
"Don't touch me," Kurt hissed at the gentle touch, which felt like daggers due to the bruise from where Karofsky had stomped on him the previous night.
"Just kill yourself, fag."
"Kurt, we really need to get you help," Blaine said, ignoring the way that Kurt winced at his touch.
"I don't need help. I need to be with my mom who didn't care that I was a fag," Kurt said, the last word sounding like venom as it rolled off of his tongue.
...
"I'm worried. We haven't heard from them in a while," Tina said, voicing everyone's thoughts.
"That's it," Puck said, turning his key in the ignition, "We're going to the park."
"Buckle your seatbelts!" Rachel shouted out the window, as Puck's car drove off into the distance.
"We need to get to the park in time, San," Brittany urged, resting her hand on the Latina's. One touch was all it took for Santana to get her car going towards the park.
...
"Kurt, just get off the ledge," Finn said, trying to reason with his step-brother, who was scoffing at the idea of going to get help.
"I'll just jump off," Kurt nonchalantly said, as Blaine slipped his hand in Kurt's, trying his best to not make a show of the tears that were running from his eyes.
"If you jump off, you're taking me with you," Blaine said with a serious face, as Kurt's sticky blood ran in between their palms. Blaine watched as Kurt's facial expression softened for a beat.
Without a warning, Kurt swooned, his world going black. The way he teetered was left to chance, just the way he wanted it.
...
"Dude, he's bleeding," Puck said, running up next to Finn, who was cradling an unconscious Kurt in his arms.
"I know!" Finn shouted, hoping that Blaine had gotten to the car by now.
"Where's Blaine?" Mercedes said, as Tina and Mike got Artie in his wheelchair to join the debacle.
"He went to call 911, since I left my phone in the car," Finn said, as Tina knelt next the ex-New Directions member. She pressed her index finger to the carotid artery.
"He has a weak pulse," Tina almost melancholically said, as Finn let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. Kurt was still alive.
...
"911, please state the nature of your emergency," A soothing female voice filled Blaine's ear, as he tried to gather his thoughts about Kurt.
"My friend tried to commit suicide," Blaine said, his voice shaking; he mentally kicked himself for losing his composure when he needed it the most.
"Where are you?" The female voice asked, calming Blaine a bit.
"By the bridge at Foley Park in Lima," Blaine said, grateful that there was a light illuminating the entrance sign to the park, otherwise he would have been helpless.
"We're sending an ambulance," The serene female voice was swirling in Blaine's ear yet again, "Please stay on the line with me."
...
"Did you call 911?" Rachel asked, as she arrived at the small huddle on the ground by the lamppost on the bridge.
"I'm on the line with them right now," Blaine said, his free hand tangled with Kurt's.
"How did we not notice this beforehand?" Rachel rhetorically asked, as the rain continued to soak the group.
Quinn started mumbling prayers under her breath. It didn't matter than Kurt didn't believe in God, but she did, and she knew this would at least help herself. Mercedes quickly joined in with Quinn's prayer, taking her hands in her own.
They were all snapped out of their internal Kurt-centric thoughts as ambulance sirens were heard off in the distance.
...
"We'd like to keep him overnight," Dr. Barnes said to Burt and Carole, who had been called by Finn during the ambulance ride over, "And, we'd like to check him into a psychiatric hospital for the next two weeks."
"I think that's best," Carole said, only after noticing that Burt wasn't able to talk.
"Let me just get you the paperwork," Dr. Barnes said, as Burt let himself cry for the third time in his life. The first time was his parents' divorce, then his wife's death, and Kurt almost successfully taking his life.
"It's okay to be scared," Carole said, wrapping her arms around her husband, "He's going to get help. He's going to be okay."
If you made it through that entire thing, the least you could do it leave a little review. It's like my oxygen supply until Tuesday.