Cruel Desires
Chapter 1: Stained Fingers
The icy chillness is pungent in the cold breeze. Its arctic wind presses firmly against my skin while assaulting me with a barrage of frozen rain. Tinges of bitter frost slit my throat with every breath, and frozen scars burn into my lungs. This place feels forbidden, as though my presence is unwanted. Why am I here? Every graze against my skin is another strike to banish me from these lands. But I cannot pull away.
Standing in the arctic, I feel empty and weak, yet an overwhelming surge of power rushes through my body. The moonlight glow radiates heavily upon the ground and I can feel the solid earth quiver at my touch. I step forward with my hair wavering briskly in the winds. I need to be here. I crave the very essence of this land. The echoes of moaning stone resonate in the distance as an attempt to shove me away.
I step closer as a torrent of ice ravages my skin. But it taunts me. I crave for this purpose. I yearn for it. What am I searching for? Pushing further, every step becomes more difficult. My feet sink into the grounds; they latch onto my legs, desperately trying to hold me in place. The cold barrier grows more forceful, thrusting me backwards.
There. My treasure lay only a few feet away. I can sense my hunger rising. My undeniable thirst yearns to be quenched. My lustful desire razes my soul. I need it now I can feel my body lunging forward, and I sprint quickly with unholy speed. The icy winds slash across my face, marking trails of a bloody warning. The winds rush past me, murmuring crude remarks regarding my forbidden passion. These are haunting ideals, yet I seem to embrace them. I want them. I revel in the terror they possess.
Suddenly, the world is still, and I stop. My rapid dash comes to an abrupt halt before a large fissure torn into the earth. My craving deepens, and I can feel the corner of my lips curl into a snake-like grin. But a sharp realization quickly clashes into my mind. That vile smirk is not mine.The understanding of why I am here suddenly dawns on me. No, it can't be. My hidden intent is that of a killer. A murderer. A monster. That isn't who I am. I feel myself screaming, yet my lips do not move.
I run my fingers through my hair whose silken texture is unlike my glossy spikes. My hand reaches across my waist and unsheathes a grandiose sword. Its silver lining gleams in the darkness. Its blade is unmatched in length. Masamune.I try to pull away, to leave this vile place. But my body is not at my command. It's his.I feel myself trembling violently at the thought of what is soon to come. The memories are painful. The burden is too great. I can't move. I try to run. I try to get away. But my body pushes forward and willingly falls into the dark hole.
I'm falling. The darkness engulfs my body like a marauder's abyss. I feel myself being swallowed, conquered, destroyed I try to kick out and escape this lurid nightmare. But the harder I try, the more meaningless are my futile attempts. Save her. Save us. My body is still moving with a soft ease. In an elegant motion, my sword is brought up above my head. I will strike soon.
Her image grows closer as I see her kneeling form praying virtuously to the heavens. Run, Aerith. Please. Her holy stance is magical as a glowing aura surrounds her body and portrays a fantastic mirage of brilliant light. My body draws closer and I can feel its sacred warmth embracing me. Breathtaking.
My sword is stiff and rigid. I can't pull away and save her from myself. He's playing with me, manipulating my body and toying with my soul. Bastard! My arms won't tremble at my heaving pulls. They remain certain, unmoving, and gleefully awaiting its strike. I can't close my eyes. I can't turn away. This morbid scene will be flashed right before me. My eyes don't blink. His eyes won't blink. I'm weak.
I can feel my sword penetrating her skin. I feel the blade tearing into her flesh, ripping and mutilating her delicate features. The push is not smooth, and so my arms wrench it further until it protrudes from the other side of her stomach. Her body writhes in pain, shaking violently in agony. An overflow of blood pours from her body and covers my fingertips. My eyes widen and my lips curl into an ecstatic grin. I exult in the crimson liquid laced across my fingers, slowly draping into my palm. He loves this glory. He delights in her torture, in my torture.
Her lifeless carcass falls heavily, and her limp neck pounds forward against her chest. In a slow pull, I slide my sword out of her body, relishing the feel of her dead flesh clinging to my blade. With a quick tug and forceful thrust, I release my sword and her corpse collapses onto the floor.
I need to get out. Let me go! What do you want? Let me go! I'm screaming. My body's thrashing. I'm pounding into my mattress, tearing at my sheets. I'm uncontrollable, and I can feel myself suddenly weeping. The tears trickle across my face and fall onto my pillow. Damn it. I'm breathing heavily now and I begin to calm down. I rub my eyes, drop my head onto my pillow, and wrap myself in the shards of my torn blanket. I'm exhausted and I feel myself growing faint, but I can't just lay here. I need to move. I need to know that I am me. I open my eyes and stare blankly into the darkness.
4:00 am. I struggle and groan quietly as I force myself into a sitting position. Grogginess fogs my head, and I can feel myself wavering like a drunkard with little control. I rub my eyes gently and run my fingers through my hair. My shoulders are hunched and my back is slouching. I reach for the phone and dial her number. After several rings, I hear a gentle, "Hello?" and her serene voice quickly relaxes my body.
"I need you." I hear a subtle reluctance and a tired moan. "Please."
With a gentle reply of acceptance, the phone clicks and I lay back down to rest. I wish I didn't need her like this. I'm supposed to be stronger. I'm supposed to be the one protecting her. I need to… it's harder to breathe. It's harder to see. I need to…
I'm sorry, Tifa. I'm sorry to be your burden.
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Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and all its characters belong to Square-Enix (not an online user named .mangoseed, obviously).