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Illusions

Chapter One-Realisations

We were snuggled on her small single bed in her bedroom, which still had finger paintings and certificates for 'most improved arithmetic' or 'little star of the week' she had earned from when she was a child. Sometimes it was hard to believe that I was still the age I am now when she was still in Kindergarten playing with tea sets and watching short people dressed in ridiculous foam costumes. She was so adult! And here we were...on her pathetically small bedspread covered with flowers and butterflies, I knew it used to embarrass her when we were together in her room, perhaps she thought I found it childish...actually I found it quite cute, I would have to buy her a large, luxurious one. She wasn't going to need one much longer. She wouldn't need to sleep much longer. She wouldn't be human much longer.

"How was your day with my Brothers?" I asked her. It was the first time her only company at my house had been Emmett and Jasper; Myself, Alice, Rosalie and Carlisle had gone hunting while Esme was out in Atlanta doing some shopping for Alice's Halloween party she had insisted on throwing, to which she had invited the entire student body of the High School.

"Hmmm...," she paused, dramatically, to add effect, very Bella, "different."

Bella obviously wasn't used to brotherly company. It had been just her and her Mother.

"Jasper made me play chess with him...he crammed defeat down my throat. We had a nice chat though. I think I'm closer to him than I ever have been. He says my 'gradually increasing presence' in his life has helped him get a better grip on his control. I like that I'm helping him in some way. I thought I just made him uncomfortable." She explained. I was glad she was getting on better with my newest brother.

"Jasper likes being around you. You have a very appealing personality, especially to people more in tune with the inner workings of other people's hearts and minds." I tapped my temple to communicate that that had been what had drawn me to her in the beginning, after the scent phiasco.

"Then Emmett barged in and demanded that we play guitar hero." She stopped and a slow, sly smile crept across her face...sexy as hell, "that time victory was my turn." She punctuated her sentence with a small giggle.

"What I would have done to see that!" The mental image I conjured up amused me. Emmett stood in front of the 50" T.V in the lounge with his limited addition guitar hero guitar, with his limited addition guitar hero guitar stand, playing along with his limited addition song-Bat out of hell, Meatloaf. Stood next to a petite human girl having his ass kicked. The man was obsessed and proud to be unbeaten, I had tried many times to defeat him...but Bella served him humble pie with all the trimmings! Ha! I'll be sure to rub that in later.

A few amused minutes passed before Bella sighed, a sad, lonely sound.

"Bella, love, what's wrong?" I didn't like it when she was sad. I would happily hunt down the miserable excuse for life that even dared make her the tiniest bit upset and rip it to shreds...if she'd ever let me.

"Oh. Nothing...just homesick I suppose. I know we only went to see my Mom a few weeks ago but I think that's why I miss her. I'd gotten used to her not being around and knowing I'll never have a chance to really say goodbye only makes it harder."

Homesick. I knew I was 'living' in false hope but I couldn't help but wish that the homesickness she felt would be enough to keep her from wanting to become a vampire. The only thing I could do was to try and help her get her proper goodbye. I knew the wedding wouldn't be enough for her and there was two whole months before the wedding. Charlie and Renee knew we were getting married but they didn't know that after the wedding they would never see their daughter again.

I glanced at the clock on her night stand it read '2:17am'.

"Bella you should go to sleep or you'll be grouchy in the morning."

"I'm always grouchy in the morning." She interjected.

"I know. But as much as I love you I could do without an extra grumpy adolescent girl following me around tomorrow." She glared at me even though I knew she couldn't see my face in the, what was to her, darkness. "I'm going to go and track down a mountain Lion. Rosalie snagged the beast before I could and I'm feeling deprived. I'll be back before you wake in the morning, I promise." I said brushing my lips along her throat and coming up to give her a quick peck on the lips to seal my promise. As my lips connect so gently with hers though, she brought her hand up to rest on the small of my back. The warmth she placed there spread through my frozen body like pouring sunshine over a snow-capped mountain.

As always she took my upper lip between hers as I took her lower one. She tasted divine. Always did. When she timidly, as if foreseeing my reaction, ran her hot tongue across my lip-begging me to take this a little further-I did a very out of character thing and granted her wish.

I bit down lightly on her lip, just enough for her to feel it without hurting her-too much, she gasped in surprise and as she did I slid my tongue over hers. Her mouth was so hot and wet I was so sure I could stay here forever. Her tongue teased mine in a slow samba of pure pleasure as she shifted to straddle my hips. God! I could feel her. I moaned out in response, in response to my response she moaned my name. Oh God! She'd be my un-doing.

"Bella." I murmured against her throat.

"I know," my Angel sighed, "sorry." With that she shifted off me and scooted herself under the covers.

"I love you, Bella Swan." I said as I kissed her forehead. "I'll be back for you tomorrow my Love."

I reluctantly left. I had to. Bella would have gotten the wrong impression if I had stayed.

It's not that I didn't want to be passionate with Bella. I did, I wanted to touch her, caress every part of her, kiss every inch of her warm velvet skin, make her moan my name over and over and over again...for hours. I was just not controlled enough to be with her like that. It wasn't her blood, I was over that. But when I brought her physical pleasure, and she reciprocated-my instincts had a tendency to take over.

I needed to hunt, just so I could let the evil creature that resided inside my mind run free.

~O~

On the border of Canada, in the thickest part of this one particular forest, I stood with my eyes closed, breathing deeply, sensing every part of the environment around me. I caught a scent that was out of place here. I knew it instantly but how did she know I'd be here?

I followed the scent until I found its source...Tanya. Her natural strawberry blonde curls had been straightened; as I searched her mined I found out it was a part of her latest scheme to win my heart. I chuckled inwardly; no being on this earth was a match for Bella.

"Hi Edward." She all but sang.

"Hi Tanya, how have you been?" I asked. She heard the false pleasantry in my voice.

"Alice sent me. She said you were having girl trouble. Apparently I underestimated yours and Bella's relationship." She said kindly as she gracefully lowered herself onto a nearby outcropping of rock.

"Hmm. I just don't know how to be close to her-physically. Every time I try, I feel so close to the edge of my control...and I have to stop." I explained, depressed.

That's how it's supposed to make you feel. She thought to me. It's supposed to feel dangerous, exciting, and animalistic. Especially when it's new, Edward.

"But Bella's safety...I-"

Bella's right about that too, Edward. You won't hurt her. You won't lose control. You can withstand the call of her blood. You can hold back any aggressive instincts.

"I suppose it could be psychological..."

Finally! You know Carlisle and Esme have been racking their brains trying to find away to help you cope with the physical aspects of your relationship with Bella.

"That's...weird." I laughed. "Hey, how about you bring your sisters, Elezar and Carmen down for a couple of weeks. I'd love for you all to meet Bella."

"That's very kind of you, Edward. I'll check that it's okay with Carlisle and Esme, if it is we'll be there first thing in the morning. Now get back to your girl." Her thoughts turned sad for a moment, she sighed internally and gave me a small smile.

I'll always be in love with you...you know that, Edward.

"I know, I'm sorry." I gave her hug and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you in the morning." I knew it'd be okay with my parents-they loved the Denali's like family.

And I left to get back to Bella. Forgetting the hunt. Tanya was right. They all had been right. I was blocking myself from Bella.

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