i woke up crying. It had been a year. A whole year. I just couldnt believe it. One year since i had lost Max. He had always been my angel, and i definately hadnt told him enough how much i loved him. Maybe it was because i didnt know how much i loved him at the time. Maybe it is true, you only appreciate the things you have once you lose them. I dont really know. I just know i woke up crying feeling alone. Feeling like there was no one in the world that could make me feel better. Me, Isabelle lightwood, feeling weak.
I didnt know how i had got there. How did i get into a situation where showing feelings is wrong? that only made me cry louder. The thought of realizing i had to wake up the next morning and do like if everything was okay killed me. my life was falling appart. My thoughts were killing me. My family didnt actually know me, max was gone, and now i had lost simon, too.
Simon was gone. well, not actually gone, but everything we had gone through wasnt there any more. We had no memories, no history. We were a white page. And it hurted so badly, because i had to start all over again with pretending i was this strong, impossibleto-hurt girl. And i just would not be able to handle it. Because, who knew? Maybe simon would not find the truth about me this time. And then, i would be totally alone.
I realized i wasnt breathing properly, as my head was strongly buried in the could this happen? how could i be so broken. i turned around and moved to the other side of the bed. i cried louder, nobody could listen to me, anyway. Alec was with Jace in their room, far away from mine, and my mother was in Idris.
My life was empty, i had nothing left. Thre were no bright thoughts going through my mind, just an idea of complete emptiness. Nothing mattered anymore. Everything i once had was gone. I had been happy, Max had made me happy, and once he was gone, Simon had healed the wound and had made me happy again. But now i had no-one. Maybe i just wasnt meant to be happy, maybe there are people who are, and maybe im just not one of them. Maybe my destiny was losing the things i love... maybe, maybe i had done something wrong. Maybe happiness isnt for everyone