ShakespeareIsMyMuse
DISCLAIMER: I, ShakespeareIsMyMuse, do so solemnly swear that I do not own Victorious (2010) or any of its affiliates, which includes: any familiar story plots, creation of original characters belonging to the show, cast and crew. Rights, property and ownership belong rightfully and wholly to Nickelodeon Studios and original creator: Dan Schneider.
I, ShakespeareIsMyMuse, do however claim ownership of any unrecognizable characters and the formation of plot that follows (unless otherwise noted*). Any invention or similarity of any character or plot line that is seen here after represented really or fictitiously, alive or dead, is purely coincidental and unintentional.
*Exhales* I hope that about covers everything. *Cracks Neck* Now, on with the story.
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SUMMARY: Jade West's latest "Things I Hate" segment turns cathartic as she not only apologizes, but asks for forgiveness …in her own way of course.
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Mirror, Mirror on the Wall; Show Them the Real Me Underneath It All
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Jade West parked her car in the Hollywood Arts Academy parking lot. She wasn't early to school, but she wasn't late either. Slinging the strap to André's keyboard over her shoulder, she made her way over to the Grub Truck.
Festus was sitting inside reading this morning's newspaper, but lowered it when he saw her green hair streaks pop into view. Automatically, he reached for a disposable coffee cup and prepped it; once finished, he carefully slid a large beige lidded cup across the window counter.
"Your usual, black, two sugars."
"Thanks," Jade replied handing over three one dollar bills. Her voice was its normal morning sour, sprinkled by just a dash more touchiness as she watched Festus eye her up and down.
Then again, Festus was weird; she shrugged it off and walked away—André's keyboard lightly bouncing against her hip as she did so.
Each person or group of people she passed, Jade could feel their eyes on her and hear the hushed whispers hidden behind hands and low voices that chased her through doorways and down the halls as she walked.
She tried to ignore it, but when she walked into the main hall of Hollywood Arts there was no denying it any longer—especially as all eyes turned on her— they had all seen it.
Great.
What had she done to herself?
She knew why she had recorded it. She was trying to find some way of making herself feel better. This whole break-up thing with Beck; even though it had been nearly three months, it was still a deep wound that was fresh and painful and not in the good way. Then there was this whole thing with Tori— she didn't hate her as much as she used to and she hated that!
In fact, Jade probably would have had to cut her own tongue out had she ever admitted aloud to another soul that she just might consider Tori a friend after all.
But what Jade couldn't figure out was why she had recorded it live, on the Slap of all places; which streamed its most viewed videos to SplashFace, automatically. But she had; and to make matters worse, she had left it up overnight.
Apparently it had attracted every set of eyeballs at Hollywood Arts Academy, so there was really no point in deleting it now … or, trying to.
***HAA***
Jade sighed heavily as she focused the camera on herself. She was normally more chipperly snarky and sardonic, but today she just sighed.
"This is another segment of 'Things I Hate', where I tell you all about the things I hate. Here, I've even made this pretty sign."
Jade held up a white 8 by 10 piece of paper to the camera lens that had "Things I Hate" written sloppily in black magic marker. Her voice was seriously lacking its normal sourness. She sounded more monotone mixed with sadness.
"You know what I hate? What I really hate?" Jade asked the camera, "I, Jade West," Jade flipped the paper over and revealed a picture of herself, along with Beck, André, Tori, Cat, Robbie and Rex that Trina had taken of them—that day at the beach— when they got stuck in Beck's RV, "hate me." Suddenly Jade tore the picture in—way less than— half so she was holding herself alone in her right hand. She put the large half of the picture down on the table next to her and stared at her own image; she looked…pissed off, which annoyed her.
"I hate when people talk about me behind my back. I hate when people say that I don't have a soul. I hate that they say I am black as night; that I am the purest form of evil….I hate when people call me Jade the Wicked Witch of the West. But I deserve it all, don't I?"
Jade leaned forward—elbows on her knees— and held her chin in left hand; her right still clutching the photograph. She appeared to be lost in thought.
"I hate that I know. I hate that I care," she continued with far less venom; the weight of her words seeming to crush her right in her very spot.
"I hate that I'm a…I wonder if I can even say this on the Slap," Jade's voice trailed off, but then it came back full force and she started to sound more like Jade than she had a few minutes ago. "Oh, well, you know what? I'm going to say it anyway. I hate that I'm a bitch…let me rephrase that. I hate that I'm a bitch to the only few people in this world that actually give a damn about me. I mean if you deserve for me to be a bitch to you and I am, then that's fine, but when you don't even need more than a hand and a half to count all the people that care about you; it's a reasonable thing to hate about yourself when you're a bitch to them."
Jade began tearing the picture of herself into an assortment of confetti pieces. "I hate that they don't deserve it and I hate the fact that I do it anyway."
She threw the confetti at the camera and snatched up the picture she had laid on the table. "I hate that they put up with it. I hate that I cause them pain. I mean it's perfectly fine for me to cause others pain, but not them, they don't deserve it. I hate myself for not trusting them enough with me. It's not like they all haven't surpassed that test with flying colors."
"I hate that they love me, even though I'm a bitch. I hate that they still come around no matter how many times I've threatened their lives. I hate that they still want to be my friend, no matter how many insults I've thrown at them. I hate that, even though I don't deserve it, they still do right by me or the right thing on my behalf. I hate that they care enough to still want to be my friend."
Jade put the picture back on the table and slumped back into her chair. "I hate myself for not being a better person…at least to the people who don't hate me. Which is exactly eight; there are eight people in this entire world, who do not hate me."
Jade reached up and quickly wiped away a tear that threatened to fall, "And you know what?", then she had to stop and take a very deep breath because her voice nearly cracked as she spoke. "I really hate the number eight. Do you know why? Because when you turn eight and lay it on its side, eight becomes infinity and infinity is infinite! It's forever. I know that these eight people do not hate me. And if they haven't decided to hate me by now, then they never will."
Jade pulled a keyboard into her lap and began pressing the keys.
"I hate this thing," she mumbled. "I stole this keyboard, but I know that the person that I stole it from is going to forgive me for it," Jade sniffed, cracked her neck and said halfheartedly, "and I hate that."
She moved her fingers over the keyboard a few more times until her fingers seemed to remember how to find all the cords in the correct order. She lifted her hands and repositioned her fingers once more; she began to play a hauntingly delicate melody. Then she looked directly into the camera and began to sing:
"Mirror, Mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see
Mirror, Mirror lie to me"
"Why don't I like the girl I see?
The one who's standing right in front of me
Why don't I think before I speak?
I should have listened to that voice inside me
I must be stupid, must be crazy, must be out of my mine
To say the kind of things I said last night"
"Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back; bring my baby back to me"
"Mirror, Mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna to see
Mirror, Mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna see"
"Why did I let you walk away?
When all I had to do was say 'I'm sorry'?
I let my pride get in the way
And in the heat of the moment I was to blame
I must be stupid, must be crazy; must be out of my mind
Now in the cold light of the day I realize"
"Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest the fool of all
Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back; bring my baby back to me"
"If only wishes could be dreams
And all my dreams could come true
There would be two of us standing here in front of you
If you could show me that someone that I used to be
Bring back my baby, my baby to me"
"Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back; bring my baby back to me"
"Mirror, Mirror hanging on the wall
You don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all
Mirror, Mirror I wish you could lie to me
And bring my baby back; bring my baby back to me"
"Mirror, Mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna to see
Mirror, Mirror lie to me (…to me)
Mirror, Mirror lie to me
Show me what I wanna to see
Mirror, Mirror lie to me"
When the last note had faded away, Jade sat still staring at the camera for about half a minute. An unexpected look of realization seemed to dawn over the raven haired girl's expression. The sadness of the last seven and a half minutes had vanished from her features without a trace; replaced by the normal Jade-like look of anger, mood and attitude.
"More importantly, I hate this song, because it's the truth…. And guess what else I hate, the truth! It's why I'm attending a school for mastery in the performing arts! I am a cleverly astute actress people… and an extremely gifted singer….You know what else I hate? Gullible idiots; if you thought that for one second anything in this video was real, then I probably hate you for being so gullible. No, correction, I do hate you. I hate that you have nothing else better to do than to sit here and watch my updates. One more thing, I'm really starting to hate this video. I'd wish you a good night, but seeing as I hate a "good" anything, I'm not going to do that. I'm tired. Losers! I HATE YOU!" Cradling André's keyboard in her lap, Jade quickly reached out and slammed down the lid of her PearBook.
Was it a coincidence that the video stopped recording at exactly eight minutes?
***HAA***
Ignoring the looks from everyone around her, Jade erected her shoulders, lifted her chin, stared straight ahead, gave her hair a little shake, took a sip of her coffee and plastered an extremely bored look over her features as she made her way through the silence of the main hall to her scissor adorned locker.
Before today, Jade could have sworn that the walk from the main double doors to her locker wasn't quite this long. She briefly wondered if the green mile was shorter than this. Undoubtedly one of the worst comparisons she could make, but at least that had an end. She was going to have to make this same walk five days a week until the day she graduated from Hollywood Arts Academy; either that or change schools. And the latter just wasn't an option.
Robbie was sitting—legs crossed at the ankles— on the floor in front of his locker; his nose stuck somewhere in the middle of Ordinary People. Jade stepped next to him and began twirling the dial to her locker door.
Suddenly, Jade felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and the weight of a body press gently into her back; a light weight leaning on her left shoulder.
She turned her head—a bored look boarding on slightly annoyed still plastered on her face— to see Robbie not staring, but just, looking at her.
In all the years that she had known him, Jade had never seen Robbie act this brave around her. Usually, he ran screaming in the opposite direction the second her eyes would begin to narrow. But this time, Robbie just kept right on looking at her until she finally let her features soften into something placid. It was then Robbie offered her a warm half smile and allowed his lips to press against her cheek.
Jade felt the warmth Robbie's lips had left on her cheek and a(n involuntary?) smile curl her own. She gave his hands a gentle squeeze at her waist and in the next second they were gone. The chill she expected to feel in their absence—surprisingly— never came.
Necessary books (and Robbie) in tow Jade crossed the hallway and nearly collided with André who was just pocketing his Pearphone.
When André looked up his eyes were warm and bright as Jade stared into them. She broke their eye contact quickly; her hands grasping for the keyboard slung on her shoulder. She blew a loose strand of her hair from the ivories and held the large bulky rectangle out to the musician. She felt the relief of weight from her hands and the warmth of André's lips as they brushed her forehead.
Jade stiffened as Tori approached her. The two young women stared at one another for a few seconds, before Tori fisted her hand and lightly—playfully— punched Jade on her arm.
Jade rolled her eyes and shook her head, annoyed. However, the line that curled her lips let Tori know that all the pseudo-annoyance was just that, pseudo-annoyance.
"Hey, hey everybody," Cat bounced her way over to the quartet; her normal morning perkiness seeming to be in overdrive. "Jade, Jade, Jade, did you know that everyone is staring at you?"
As if on cue, every head in the hallway snapped back to minding their own business.
Had this been any other day, Tori would have sworn that she could already hear the words on Jade's lips, 'Thank you Captain Obvious', but today Jade just cocked her head and said, "Really? I hadn't noticed."
André and Tori did their best to cover their smirks while Robbie asked, "Cat did you have candy for breakfast again?"
"No!" Cat's voice was way too over-energized. "I had pancakes."
"With chocolate chips?" André raised an eyebrow.
"No!"…There went the volume again…. "M & M's," Cat's voice lowered, and then raised once more, "Gummy Bear?" Cat pulled out a handful of chewy colorful bears from her bra.
"Oh boy. This is going to be a long day," Jade sighed.
The myriad jingles of the bell sounded throughout the hallway, signaling the start of the start of class.
"I got it," Robbie told the group as he held out his hands. Cat bounced wildly on the balls of her feet as she deposited the gummy bears into Robbie's waiting palms. Rex stayed surprisingly quiet in the large pocket of Robbie's pack; even as he dumped the handfuls of Gummy Bears in with him.
"I've got some choco-berries in here too!" Cat squealed excitedly.
"After lunch," Robbie told her as he wrapped an arm firmly around Cat's waist –to try and control the human pogo stick –and walked her off in the direction of their first class.
"Ladies," André held out a bent arm to the two women standing next to him.
Slipping a hand through, Tori laughed as she heard, "What a gentleman." Jade's voice was regaining some of its familiar snark, but her soft smile was still present as she, too, slipped her hand through.
"It's like nobody's got any love for André," he pouted.
"Oh, stop, we love you just fine," Tori gently slapped his arm.
"Fine? Fine? Only fine? Oh that's just cold, Tori. Just so cold."
"And I thought your tone deaf sister was a drama queen," Jade's back to normal tone reached Tori's ears and she laughed as André continued to pretend to be offended.
***HAA***
"Sikowitz! Hi!" Cat's sugar enhanced vocal cords rang throughout the class room.
The balding middle aged acting teacher had just stepped in through the window; his right hand heavily bandaged in thick white gauze.
"Oh my God, Sikowitz," Tori's eyes bugged out at the orangey ooze beginning to seep through, "what happened to your hand?"
"Yeah, it's all bloody and gross." Robbie's face soured at the sight.
Meanwhile Jade's eyes lit up, "Cool," her voice was awed.
"Hmm?" Sikowitz looked at them strangely.
"Your hand?" André pointed, "What happened to it?"
"Oh!" the nutty acting teacher exclaimed before breaking out into a belly laugh; and as quickly as he started he stopped. "Well, there was this raccoon that wandered into my living room last night and was rummaging through a box of my Norwegian coconuts."
"Norway has coconuts?" Cat yelled out in question and Robbie sat her down.
Sikowitz opened him mouth as if to speak, but for a second or two no sound came out, then suddenly, "I have no idea… but I attempted to stop him."
"And how did that work out for you?" Jade sounded amused as she asked.
"I would rather not talk about it. Instead let's talk about today's lesson. Communicating without actually saying what it is you mean."
"Like sign language or Morse code?" Tori piped.
Sikowitz smiled, chuckled and patted Tori on the head, "Excellent guess, but no, here's a piece of candy though."
"Oh! Candy! I want some!" Cat raised her hand excited and wiggled and bounced in her seat.
"NO!" Everyone else yelled while Sikowitz jumped back a step.
Turning to André the older man asked, "Did she eat a bag of sugar for breakfast again?"
"No, pancakes, with M & M's; which I'm pretty sure were more M & M and less pancake."
"Gotcha," he nodded and spun around back towards the rest of the class, "You would probably understand it better as 'reading between the lines'. Cat, why don't you come up here with Robbie and you can go first. Here are your cue cards. Study them for a minute, and then I want you two to create a dialogue around them; tell us what is on the cards…."
"Mine says ex-boyfriend, anger and heartbreak!" Call yelled excitedly.
Sikowitz sighed heavily, handed Cat a new index card and continued without missing a beat, "without actually telling us what is on the cards. If you do it right, the rest of the class should be able to tell you, more or less, what you have written on your cards. Understand?"
"Sure do," Robbie said while backing out of reach of Cat's wildly waving arms.
"Kay-Kay!" Cat continued to dance around in a circle.
"I'll be watching and grading you from the back of the room," turning, the eccentric man made his way to an empty seat in the back. He paused as the classroom door opened, revealing a familiar face. "Beck, you're late."
"I know, sorry, I…" Beck began before noticing the partly mummified look his teacher was sporting "…what happened to your hand?"
"A raccoon attempted to thieve my Norwegian coconuts."
Beck went to nod and then furrowed his brow in confusion, "They have coconuts in Norway?"
"No idea," Sikowitz shook his head.
This time he did nod as Skiowitz went to grab a spare chair from the corner, "Alright," then he pulled out the foot long rectangular box from underneath his arm and held it out to Jade.
It was Jade's turn to be confused. She looked up into the eyes of her ex-boyfriend. There was no anger or resentment residing in the chocolate brown orbs that stared back at her. They might have housed hints of pain mixed with maybe a little bit realization and understanding; but other than that, they were soft and warm as usual.
She hesitated for half a minute before she reached for the box; it rattled a bit in transition. Opening the lid brought a smile to her lips as she fingered the contents: Thirteen boxes of crunchy sweet, sugary candy. Her favorite candy; correction, her favorite candy in the entire world that almost always fixed whatever mood she was in or made a good mood even better: two boxes each of Nerds, Runts, Spree, Sweet Tarts, Gobstoppers and three boxes of sour Skittles.
For some strange reason the sweet, sour, tangy, crunchy sensations igniting every last niche of the taste buds on her tongue took the sting out of everything else when necessary at times and added to her pleasure at others.
Hey what could she say; she's a masochist.
With smile still firmly in place, Jade once again lifted her eyes to meet Beck's. He had taken the empty chair next to André and was nodding along to whatever it was he was talking about and laughing sympathetically, she guessed, at Robbie's unfortunate predicament and Cat's ongoing hyperactive behavior. But almost like magnets, his eyes found hers once more; his warm brown eyes lost the spark of sympathetic laughter and became gentle. He gave her a delicate bow of his head and a warm smile played at his own lips. It was a moment that seemed to hold the two of them for an eternity and then it was gone.
Suddenly Cat's exuberant energy sent Robbie stumbling backwards, off the side of the stage and into the arms of André and Beck who, luckily for him, had amazingly fast reflexes. The two feet of space their arms and torsos offered as protection had just saved Robbie's head from going through the—now—closed window.
"Cat can we try and not send Robbie back to the hospital. I'm fairly certain that Tori does not feel like being used as a pin cushion again should the boy need blood," Skiowitz waved Cat down into submission.
"Yeah, Cat, I don't want to be a pin cushion," Tori whined.
"Aww, Tori, you mean you'd actually be willing to donate blood for me again?" Robbie asked as Beck and André straightened him up on his feet.
"Well, I mean if it's absolutely necessary, then yeah, sure. Just as long as someone keeps Jade far away from the hospital," Tori finished by shooting Jade a faux dirty look. To which Jade responded by making a face of her own and spitting out her tongue.
"Yay for Tori!" Cat yelled while throwing her hands into the air; causing Robbie to hide behind Beck and André to pin her wrists to her sides.
"Be cool little red. Be cool," he told her.
Sikowitz had plopped down in the spare chair he had parked next to the princess of darkness.
"Jade," he said quietly to catch her attention only. He held up his grade book and pointed to a square next to her name; it contained a letter "A". Hers—so far— was the only one in the row that was filled for 'The Reading Between the Lines' exercise. "Excellent work," he said. "I know that must have been very difficult for you. And you know the numbers eight and infinity aren't so bad. Some people search their entire life for something—anything— they can hold onto for that long. So why not let it be in the form of friendship and love? Hmm?"
Jade didn't say anything and Skiowitz hadn't expected her to. He had heard—and understood—her message loud and clear. And he hoped she had done the same.
Apparently she had, because a very un-Jade-like smile formed on her lips. Feeling genuinely happy for the first time, in a very long time; Jade ran her fingers through her hair and sipped her coffee as she leaned back against her chair, waiting for class to continue. That is, if Cat could ever get herself under control.
For Jade West to admit her feelings was almost next to impossible. In fact, years from now scientists might actually make the claim that an individual as emotionally cloaked and complex as Jade West doing so, could essentially be considered the eighth wonder of the world.
Coupled with the fact that she had done so, so publically…there was really no need for a verbal apology. Each and every one of them lived and breathed the world of media arts; and in this world you are only as good as your ability to deliver a message without actually saying what you mean.
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Muse's Notes:
I've had this particular story sitting on my computer for a little over a year and since I found it, thought now would be a good a time as any to publish it.
For those of you, who follow my work, know that my profile says I write stories in many different categories and genres but I usually tend to only publish stories for Hawaii Five-0. I don't know why it's only Five-0; for some reason I get inspired a lot to write about that show. Actually, I was inspired by a re-run episode of Victorious that resulted in a story about Five-0. Go figure.
Also I usually inform you –in this section down here— where the inspiration for the story came from. However, with this story, I'm actually not sure why I wrote it in the first place. I must have been inspired by something; though it escapes me now. Perhaps it was the particular song I used? Actually I think it was; the song reminded me of Jade and that's why I wrote this.
*DISCLAIMER EXTENSION:
This story featured the song: "Mirror, Mirror" by M2M (1999-2002); which for the purposes of this story is implied to have been written by Jade West (portrayed on screen by Elizabeth Gillies).
## For those of you who do not remember/know, or—as probably the case with most "Victorious" fans— are too young to know, M2M was a Norwegian duet band that consisted of best friends Marion Raven and Marit Larson who mainly relied on their own vocals, a guitar and a piano. The duo disbanded in 2002.
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-It is with a light and open heart, along with a great deal of anticipation that you, my reader, enjoy my work, just as with all my writing, it really means a great deal to me.
-Reviews and/or constructive criticism are not required here, but are always welcome.
-Flames are not required nor are they welcome; and while I cannot stop you from posting them, I will warn you, I usually don't take them to heart.
Love, Hugs, and Kisses,
Muse : )