SILENT NIGHT
When Henry is rushed to the hospital just two days before Christmas, Teddy swaps their grand first-Christmas-together plans for a quiet, contemplative night in her second home.
"You're going to be fine. It's just a normal growth; they'll go in and get it out and everything will be fine."
She's reassuring herself, not him, and even after all these months, it's still adorably heartbreaking. Adorable because the way she worries is just sweet, and heartbreaking because she has to worry – about him.
"I know," He nods with a smile. "Don't forget – I did all this just to get out of Christmas – didn't know what to get you for Christmas."
She smiles and he does, too, because hers is only half-hearted, not forced, so he knows she'll be fine; she's strong – soft, but strong enough to stand through all of these surgeries and hours of waiting and not knowing. She'll be fine.
"I know," She hums, leaning in closer to grasp his hand. "All I want for Christmas is you, getting better. Next time we can just skip the whole hospital scene and you can tell me you just don't wanna do anything." She teases, because after months she's finally grown accustomed to his sense of humor and likes to play along.
"I'll think-" A cough, and then another one, "-about it." But the time for light teasing has ended. She sits down next to him, eyes wide and concerned.
"I'm serious, Henry," She stresses. "I just want you to get better, okay? Nothing else. Just get better."
He smiles and grips her hand. "I know, hun. I will."
She sighs and sees that this is all she can do. So they rest, and just stay with each other, and talk until it's midnight, and Christmas Eve.
A short while later , Richard Webber finally gets in and she watches them wheel her husband away, unsure if anything will ever be the same again after this moment.
And then she settles herself in for a long, silent night of not knowing.
Getting married to Henry was never the plan. Hell, getting married was never the plan. She'd learned long ago that she wasn't an average person, who did average things and lived an average life. She'd hated it at first because it set her apart from the rest, loved it for a long while because it meant she was better than most and then hated it, so, so much, because it meant that all of those average, American-dream things – a family, children, a dog, a proper house – had been taken from her.
But throughout all of those phases, she had never seriously considered getting married. Teddy Altman just wasn't wife-material, ever. Even as a child, she'd only wanted to have a wedding, not get married. As a teenager she'd considered the benefits of long, committed relationships, without all the fuss of marriage. And then she'd grown up and this whole marriage thing was quickly dismissed with a laugh.
Yet here she is, married to this incredible man, a walking miracle. And another miracle: she loves him, more than anything in the world – more than anyone, even herself. She loves him so much – to the point of madness. It's almost dangerous, but how can something this wonderful be a threat?
And somehow, he loves her, too; loves her even more than she does him, and it's almost too big a concept to wrap her head around. But she accepts it, because it is more than she ever dreamed of, and everything else. It's perfection marred by storms, but still - perfection.
For the first time in all her years, she has a life – not an existence, but a life. She has a job she loves, people she considers family, close friends and Henry. She has Henry and that's more than enough, but now she also has the promise of a future, with a husband and kids and a dog, and it's more than a dream, it's a possibility.
So she can't lose him – she just can't. She goes crazy every time she thinks about it, because there are so many ways to lose her Henry. In the end, though, it always comes down to this: her, in a dark room, in her home away from home, sitting in silence all night long.
On this special day, though – on Christmas Eve -, she draws comfort from the carols being sung outside and closes her eyes, and convinces herself that they are all praying for him, and that so many prayers won't go unheard.
It's a beautifully silent night.
"How is he?"
Christina Yang is 'her person' in all of Henry's surgeries – she's the one who goes in, does amazing things and then remembers to actually walk out and update her, because they are more than just co-workers – they're actually, really, truly friends.
"He's doing fine, Teddy. It's just, you know how these things work. We go in, we find more than expected, it takes a little longer- "
"You what?" Christina is still talking but all she can hear is find more than expected. Henry just loves doing this to her, it seems.
"Yeah," Christina shrugs, unaffected. "Turns out it was two growths, but we couldn't see the other one before because it was still too small. We're taking it out now, though. It'll take a little longer and all, but he'll be fine. I gotta go now."
She absorbs all of this in two seconds before nodding. "Okay, go!" Christina turns and starts walking. "Thank you!" Teddy calls out after a moment's thought and she can see her protégé nod in acknowledgement before she dissapears.
Henry is going to be fine.
She, on the other hand, needs more coffee.
It isn't just the fact that she could never resist a lost cause.
Okay, so maybe he started out as one. But then he became her husband, her friend, her soulmate and though their whole relationship was, admittedly, unorthodox, she really doesn't mind. And she stopped thinking of him as a lost cause a long time ago, because she needs to have faith is she's going to keep her sanity.
He drives her crazy most of the time, and not just with his tumors and check-ups and the way he just takes it all so calmly, like a child's game. He drives her crazy with the way he always tries to cheer her up after a long day, the way he jokingly disagrees on the most trivial things because she once said that he can't possibly agree with her on everything, the way they could make a big joke out of planning Christmas.
It started with a dinner party – she's horrible at them but throws them anyway because she loves seeing her little family unit all together in her home, living life as more than lifesavers. But it appears that watching her play Martha Stewart is too painful for Henry, so they try to come up with something else.
That something else quickly morphs into some crazy plan to check out a parade, which she shoots down immediately because the weather is just crazy.
Next up is a proper Christmas dinner with her parents – they invite her over every year and most years, she turns them down because that's a last resort. This turns into an hour's worth of backstories and telling Henry why she doesn't get along with her elite, superior parents who think they are God's gift to menkind.
In the midst of all this, they manage to agree on a proper tree and actually decorate it nicely, despite the fact that they should have gone for an angel instead of a star – well, that's what she thinks. Henry insisted on the star to match her choice of decorations, though, so she supposes it's alright.
But she thinks that a Christmas in the hospital might not be that bad, as long as she's with him.
She finally gets to see him in the evening, because she'd miscalculated and stepped out to buy some food, and had left him waiting.
When she gets back and sees him in his hospital bed, she sighs, relieved and defeated.
"So much for setting up a surprise, huh?" He grins, and suddenly the fact that she's just spent an hour trying to orchestrate the perfect Christmas in a hospital only for it all to be wasted doesn't matter anymore.
"Dang it," She smiles weakly, setting done her spoils. She leans in to study him and make sure he's alright; he reaches up to bring her closer and kisses her lightly.
"I'm fine, honey – healthy as Santa." He jokes and nods in the direction of what seems to be their dinner. "So, what did you get?"
Her gaze lingers for a few more seconds, making sure that he's really okay. But he's here, and joking, and smiling, and all Henry, and it's Christmas Eve.
And so their first Christmas is spent in the hospital, with him all stitched up and her in scrubs, over the very last turkey in Seattle and some other stuff that doesn't taste all that good. But they both look good – healthy and happy – and they're lucky enough to be together – while so many others aren't – and have a meal, even if it is a store-bought meal in a hospital.
She wouldn't change a single thing.
~ MERRY CHRISTMAS! ~
Hey, guys! I am so, so sorry – this was supposed to be up on the 23rd but somehow it's taken two days for me to actually remember that I didn't put it up, and so here we are. I did sneak away on Christmas to post this so… forgive me?
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! If you'd like to give me a present of any sort, reviews would be perfect. So what do you say? Review? Please?
E Salvatore,
December 2011.